In The Cards

If something seems too good to be true, it usually is. Suppose for instance that you find the Sword Of Instant Dragonslaying innocently lying around on a shelf in a tiny shop in the middle of nowhere. Guess what? The shopkeeper is probably a demon using the sword to trap you. Or it's cursed and it's going to turn you into a toad, or maybe transport you into the middle of a pitched battle with fireballs raining out of the sky and onto your head. Anyway, seemingly easy pickings tend to mean that your life is soon going to suck. Big time.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

"I r-really think we should get out of here now", Khalid said and gave Zaerini an anxious look. "There c-could be more gnolls about."

"In a minute", the bard assured him. "I just want to take a closer look at this cave. There could be something valuable inside." After having pulled Edwin and Dynaheir out of the gnolls' storage pit the party had started making their way down the mountain. They had been almost to the bridge when Zaerini remembered the other path, the one that led downwards from the bridge. She felt that she would die from curiosity if she didn't get to find out where it lead, and eventually she had persuaded her companions. So far they had found nothing especially interesting. Just one or two gnolls, nothing they couldn't easily handle. And then they had come across the cave.

It was just another hole in the mountainside, but in Rini's mind it became a portal to another dimension, filled with riches beyond her wildest dreams. She had to look inside. She simply had to. "Won't take long", she promised. Inside the cave turned out to be more of a dark tunnel, leading deeply inside the mountain. With a snap of her fingers the half-elf conjured up some magelight, a pale yellow glow to light her way. Edwin and Dynaheir followed suit, glaring viciously at each other all the while. She really would have to do something about that once they got back to Nashkel, Rini decided. Those two obviously wouldn't be able to work together.

The tunnel sloped gently downwards until the party passed through a large door and emerged into a large cavern with several other tunnels leading off in different directions. Actually, it wasn't just a cavern. It looked more like a…house? There were torches on the walls and carpets on the floor. A vast number of bookshelves lined the walls, holding an uncountable number of scrolls and tomes. There was a large table and an equally large chair, obviously not meant for anybody of human size.

"I think we have just made a very large mistake", Jaheira said as she picked up a beautiful jewel-studded scimitar from a stand near the table and gave it an appraising look. "Whoever lives here probably does not care for visitors."

"Oh, come on", Imoen said. "The door was open."

"Yes. After you picked the lock."

"Still", Zaerini said as she greedily eyed the bookcases, "the person who lives here may be a friendly sort." Jaheira just pointed mutely at the neat pyramid of human skulls in the corner. "Or then again", Zaerini said, "maybe not."

"Oh d-d-dear", Khalid moaned. "I r-r-really don't like this. C-can we leave?"

"Don't be such a miserable coward", Edwin said. The wizard was eagerly tearing magical scrolls out of the bookcase, muttering to himself as he examined them. Dynaheir had tried to stay aloof at first and made a comment about 'common burglars' but by now she was starting to look envious.

Zaerini didn't answer. She had spotted something very interesting. A pedestal of sorts, that glowed with an inviting silver light all of its own. And on the top of the pedestal lay an open book, an ancient tome that seemed to call out to her, to speak to her in a warm and charming voice dripping honey. "Ooooh…", the half-elf said as she edged closer to the marvelous volume. "Now what have we got here?" She eagerly reached for it.

"Do not touch that", Jaheira admonished her. "It is not yours."

"Give me a break", Rini said without turning around. "I'm an adventurer aren't I? And everybody knows that it is the way of adventurers to pick up anything valuable that isn't actually nailed to the floor." She picked up the heavy tome and then was startled to hear the loud clanging sound of a bell.

"Also", Jaheira said, "next time you may want to think about disarming the burglary alarm before you give in to your larcenous urges."

"Minsc knows not this word", the large Rashemani said, "but he knows the sound of gnolls."

Indeed, there now came loud growls and barks from the tunnel they had entered through, rapidly approaching and effectively blocking their way back.

"Oh n-no!" Khalid said. "We cannot get out!"

"They are coming!" Imoen cried, pale and wide-eyed.

My fault, Zaerini thought, frantically trying to think of an escape. We're trapped like rats!

Move it kitten, Softpaws urged inside her mind. The black cat had leapt on top of the table. Her eyes glowed with green fire and her fur was standing on end, making her look twice her normal size. Sharpen your claws. You're going to need them in a moment. But don't let them catch you here, pick the place to fight.

"This way!" Rini cried and ran down one of the other tunnels, still carrying the heavy book under her arm. After the trouble she had gone through to get it she wasn't about to let go of it if she could help it. After all of her companions had gone through she slammed the door shut, but not before she could see a swirling brown mass of gnolls come pouring into the chamber, their snarls and howls making her sensitive ears hurt. Then all of her attention went into leaning on the door, trying to keep it shut against the assault of the gnolls.

"Minsc will help!" the large warrior exclaimed. "His strength will bar the way of evil, and then make it sit up and beg!"

"Just be quiet and push!" Jaheira panted as she and Khalid put all their efforts into keeping the door shut. From the other side came the sound of large claws scratching the wood, as well as several loud and bloodcurdling howls. The door shook as the beasts hurled themselves against it. From behind her Zaerini could hear Edwin start chanting a spell, and Dynaheir immediately followed suit.

"There!" the mage said, his face looking strained. "I have put the strongest locking spell I know on that door."

"And I have done the same", Dynaheir said, wiping her brow. "Unless these beasts are aquatinted with the Art we should be reasonably safe."

It was at that precise moment that the adventurers heard a deep and booming laugh coming from the other side, a totally inhuman sound. The gnolls fell silent, except for a few frightened whimpers. Rini wasn't sure she wanted to know what could have frightened them so.

"That wasn't a gnoll", Edwin said. Then his eyes widened with apprehension as laughter turned into the language of magic and arcane energies began to gather. "There is power inside that room", the Red Wizard hissed. "I can feel it! The door will not hold for long against it!"

"Your advice, oh omnipresent authority figure?" Jaheira asked Zaerini, in a voice that the bard really thought was unnecessarily sarcastic.

The bard gave the door a wild look. It was starting to edge slowly open, and red light was pouring through the crack as the hinges creaked and groaned. "RUN!" she screamed, and then immediately followed her own advice. They had just turned the corner when they head the oaken door burst into splinters with a loud bang, followed by the sound of falling rocks. With any luck whatever had been in that hidden library besides the gnolls was now buried along with them. And then the sound of cold laughter drifted through the air and Zaerini knew that luck clearly wasn't an option today. As she and her companions rushed madly along the twisting tunnel towards an unknown destination a single, crazed thought kept drifting through her head. There really should be some dramatic music to go along with this. I can almost hear the melody…

Never had the simple sight of daylight been more welcome than when Rini first spotted the rapidly growing pinprick of light in the distance. She just hoped that the tunnel didn't end in empty air, this was a steep mountain after all. Luckily enough they came out on solid ground, with the swaying rope bridge leaving the Gnoll Fortress right in front of them. "All of you! Get across!" Zaerini ordered. "Hurry!" She drew her sword, preparing to cut the ropes holding the bridge up once everybody was safely across. From the tunnel she could hear the scraping of large feet and once again that hideous, rumbling laughter. Jaheira crossed first, she and Khalid staying on either side of Imoen. Then Minsc, who gently assisted Dynaheir across. Zaerini looked for Edwin, worried that he might have fallen behind and was relieved to see him come staggering up to her, looking even more dusty and worse for wear than when she had dragged him out of the gnoll pit.

"Stupid, useless robes", the wizard grumbled. "They made me trip. Now can we please get out of here before that thing catches up with us?"

"Be my guest", Rini said. She caught him by the arm and started dragging him towards the bridge. "Now, less running of the mouth and more of the feet!" And then she felt the blood run cold in her veins, freezing her into immobility as the most hideous creature she had seen so far emerged from the dark tunnel. It looked a little bit like an ogre, but its coloring was different, with light blue skin and a topknot the color of glowing emerald. A pair of curved horns protruded from its skull, the exact same ivory white as its long and sharp tusks. The monster laughed again, that same deep and chilling laughter, and displayed a forked black tongue. Its eyes were black as well, but the pupils were the icy white of eternal winter. It carried a large whip, easily as long as a man, and snapped it threateningly in the direction of the adventurers.

"Aaah!" Zaerini could hear Imoen scream. The sound was almost unreal, as if it came from a very great distance.

"An Ogre Mage", Edwin whispered. He didn't sound so much frightened as fascinated. "I have read of them, but I have never seen one. Can you see the green hair? Only the oldest, most powerful kind have that. Intriguing."

"Look, I appreciate the thought", Rini said. "But could you do the lecture a little later, perhaps? Right now I'm having problems concentrating for some reason."

"Thieves!" the Ogre Mage bellowed. "Tiny fleshlings! Thieves! Give me my treasure back, and I kill you quickly."

Zaerini looked down at the book she was still clutching firmly to her chest. "Uh…treasure?" she asked. "Oh, you mean this! Now, how did that ever get here? Here, I'll just throw it to you, will that do?" Then she felt fingers firmly gripping her arm and turned her face to meet the eager dark eyes of the Red Wizard.

"Do not give in", Edwin said. "He will not let us go in any case. Besides, I have a better idea." He turned to the Ogre Mage. "You cannot pass", he said. "Well, nothing but wind anyway, you overgrown toadstool. Tell me, is that mold growing out of your head, or did some unfortunate animal fall asleep on top of it and die when it got caught in your stinking breath? And what do you need a book for anyway? Books are meant to be used by people who are able to actually read, and don't make the effort of trying to convince me that you know how to do that. The strain would likely melt your walnut-sized brain and leave you a gibbering lunatic. Not that it would make a great difference. Tell me, do you know how to speak in proper sentences, or would that be too complicated for your miniscule mind?"

"This is your better idea?!" Rini hissed. They had backed halfway across the bridge by now and the Ogre Mage had changed color from light blue to deep purple. He was foaming at the mouth as his jaws worked soundlessly without words emerging.

"Of course", Edwin whispered back. "Ogre Mages are powerful, but if I can goad him into a senseless rage he will be easily dealt with."

"Easily?!"

"Well, more easily. Now don't interfere." He addressed the Ogre Mage once more. "Had the time to digest all that, mini-brain?" he asked. "I am not going too fast for you? Please don't let me keep you if you need to consult a reference book before you can remember how to talk. Kindly roll that tongue in though. You're spitting."

The Ogre Mage certainly did seem to have forgotten how to talk. With a wordless roar of rage he charged towards the bridge, his memorized spells entirely forgotten. In a flash of sudden insight Rini realized that this must have been what Edwin had intended all along. But there was no time for compliments as the Ogre Mage was now on the bridge, causing it to sway violently as he brandished his large whip. A cluster of small red globes of energy zipped past her ear as Edwin cast a spell, and they struck the Ogre Mage without failure, causing him to scream with pain as well as with fury. Arrows were dropping uselessly into the chasm below, and the half-elf understood that Imoen and the others must be out of range. They wouldn't be able to charge the beast either, the bridge was so narrow that she and the Red Wizard were blocking it completely. "Ha!" Edwin exclaimed. "Feel the fury of Thay, stupid beast!" His second spell was a long beam of roaring fire that hit the monster in the chest. It screamed again and batted impotently at its blazing garments as it staggered towards the edge of the bridge. Then, with a final roar of agony, it toppled and fell over the edge.

Zaerini was just about to sigh with relief. But then, just as the Ogre Mage fell, the black whip lashed out once more. Edwin gasped with pain as it caught his ankle and jerked him off his feet. For a moment he clung desperately to the uneven planks of the bridge. Then he was dragged over the side.

It took Rini several moments before she could react. It felt as if her heart had stopped beating and she couldn't remember how to breathe. "No…" she was finally able to whisper. "No…This can't be happening."

And then the half-elf suddenly felt color returning to the world and the terrible burning pain behind her eyes subsided as Edwin's voice drifted up out of the chasm.

"I can't fly, you fools!" the wizard cried. "Will you all stop daydreaming and get me out of here before my robes turn an entirely different color!"

Her heart pounding wildly the bard crawled to the side of the bridge and looked over the edge. Edwin was clinging to the ropes that anchored the bridge to the mountainside. The whip was still attached to his leg, and the Ogre Mage was still hanging from the whip. Edwin was getting quite red in the face from the strain, and he didn't look as if he was going to be able to hold on much longer. She wouldn't be able to pull him up by herself though, and she couldn't afford to wait for Minsc to get here. The bridge was long, too long for him to make it in time. She cursed it silently, this bridge of Certain Doom that seemed to have conspired against them from the start.

"I'm coming!" Zaerini screamed. "Just…just hang on!"

"Oh, wonderful suggestion", Edwin said. "I never would have thought of that myself."

Rini didn't take the time to answer. Wanting nothing more than to close her eyes she kicked off her boots and edged herself over the side of the bridge, using her toes as much as her fingers to keep from falling. There were several ropes running underneath the bridge, some of them looking more rotting than others, but all of them old. The half-elf clung to the ones that seemed the most stable and hoped that they wouldn't break just yet. The Ogre Mage was snarling by now, an animal sound of fear and pain. She could see that Edwin had closed his eyes and that his lips were moving soundlessly, though she couldn't make out the words. And then she was close enough, and she was hanging by her knees and one arm alone, while her other arm held her sword. Her palm was slick with sweat, almost causing her to drop it. Mustn't drop it, mustn't drop it… She couldn't panic. Not now. The sword came down and struck its target. She could feel the warm spray of blood hitting her face. So hot… So…alive… Something twisted and turned inside of her, reveling in the sensation. And now strong arms reached for her, pulling her to safety. She was safe in Minsc's grasp and out of the corner of her eye she could see Khalid and Jaheira pulling Edwin up as well. The whip still was tangled around the wizard's leg, and a single, blue-skinned hand still clasped it in a deathgrip, blood dripping from the severed wrist.

"Well, that was entertaining", Edwin said, his voice just a little shaky. "We must do it again sometime."