In The Cards

Adventurers attract chaos. Weirdness and mystery is drawn to them like flies to a horse's droppings. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, since weirdness and mystery frequently means fame and money, assuming you survive. Sometimes it can be annoying though. Like when you can't even walk down the street on your way home without ten complete strangers dropping quests into your lap, or attacking you for no apparent reason. And unfortunately, me and my siblings have always seemed to attract more chaos than most…

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

The walk through the woods eventually cleared up Zaerini's bad mood and almost made her forget the unfortunate encounter with Noober. It was a beautiful day, calm and sunny. The soft moss made her feel as if she were floating along on a cloud, her feet making hardly any sound at all. Birds chirped cheerfully in the trees. Yes, it was a fine day, a beautiful day. It even seemed as if her group of mismatched companions were starting to get along. There hadn't even been any need to mention what to do. She and Jaheira had exchanged a single look, and then taken it upon themselves to keep Minsc and Edwin separated as much as possible. That had managed to gain them a sort of uneasy truce.

Jaheira and Minsc had taken the lead, the large ranger showing the way towards the Gnoll fortress. For all his great size and ferociousness, he was also surprisingly gentle, and took great joy in observing and befriending any small woodland creatures they came across. Currently there were three rabbits, five squirrels, a badger and an uncountable number of mice trailing him.

Actually, there are exactly forty-seven mice, Softpaws said as she emerged from the undergrowth. No. Make that forty-six. She licked her nose and mouth in a very satisfied manner.

Better not let Minsc see that, Rini warned.

No problem. I don't think he can count that high anyway.

Zaerini sighed. Well, at least her familiar seemed to have decided to leave Boo alone for now. That was something.

After Minsc and Jaheira came Imoen and Khalid. The human girl was chatting animatedly, apparently interrogating the half-elven warrior on the Big Wide World.

"I-I am s-s-sorry", Khalid said. "I r-really don't know that m-many thieves. You'll have to a-ask somebody else." He sounded sincerely apologetic, as if the ability to produce a thief out of his pocket was a grave fault on his part.

"Awww…", Imoen sighed. "What a shame. I really need some training, you know. I mean, sure I've learned plenty on my own, but suppose I'm making lots of stupid mistakes and don't even know about it? I could be doing things the wrong way without even knowing."

"S-surely as long as it w-works…", Khalid said, giving the girl a reassuring pat on the arm.

"But that's not the point! I wanna look really cool and stylish too! A really good thief should be able to hang upside down and disarm a deadly spike trap with one hand while juggling the spare lockpicks with the other! And pull off a snappy one-liner afterwards! And besides, it doesn't always work…"

Zaerini grinned to herself. Immy sure was going in for this. Well, that was probably a good thing. They should both take every opportunity to improve themselves if they were ever to be able to deal with Gorion's murderer, not to mention get Jaheira to take them seriously. And in fact, she had a perfect opportunity right now. She was making up the rear of the group together with Edwin. His obvious faults aside, the wizard at least seemed to know a thing or two about magic. But she had a feeling that appealing to his better nature and simply asking him to help her out would be a doomed effort. She gave him a long and considering look, her golden eyes narrowing.

"What?" Edwin said. "Why are you staring at me, girl? (Obviously my prowess has dazzled her beyond words.)"

"Oh, I was just wondering…" Zaerini said in an innocent voice. Girl?! Really! He's hardly older than I am.

"Wondering what?"

"Just how good you are at magic anyway. I know a few spells myself. I bet I know more than you do."

"Ha! I am a Red Wizard of Thay, a master of magic, a wiz of a wizard, and a king of conjurers. (And also an excellent cook.) You are an inexperienced little girl who's hardly out of her cradle. I accept your bet. What are the stakes?"

Rini flashed her teeth at the wizard. This was almost too easy, like stealing candy from a baby. Not that she'd steal candy from a baby, of course. On the other hand, surely a baby shouldn't be eating candy in the first place? "If I win I'll give you a nice present." She twirled the Ring Of Wizardry between her fingers, letting it flash in the sunshine and then used some sleight of hand to pretend to make it disappear. Then she faked plucking it from behind the wizard's ear. Much to her satisfaction she saw Edwin's eyes light up with sudden greed at the sight of this treasure. It was the perfect bait. He wouldn't be paying attention to her words now. "But if you win you get the privilege of sharing your knowledge with me, helping me approve my spellcasting. Deal?" She spoke fast but casual, careful not to sound too excited. She wanted him to hear what he expected to hear, and not what she actually said. It worked beautifully.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Edwin said, still transfixed by the sight of the ring. "It's a deal! (At last! An artifact to make me rival the most powerful of mages!)

"Excellent", Rini said, tossing her red hair back. "Now, you show me yours and I'll show you mine."

"What?!" Edwin gasped, suddenly sounding more than a little alarmed.

"Your spellbook of course. Why? What did you think I meant?"

"Nothing", Edwin said, clearing his throat. He had gone rather red in the face and was steadfastly avoiding to look the bard in the eyes. "Nothing at all. Just prepare to be humiliated."

Once the comparison was done, it was obvious that Edwin was indeed the more accomplished of the pair when it came to number of spells known. "There!" he said triumphantly. "As I told you! Now hand me that ring."

"I don't think so", Zaerini said, and gifted him with a delighted grin. "You should have been paying closer attention before."

"What is this nonsense? I won!"

"So you did. And I said that if you won you would get to help me with my magic, and that I would give you the ring if I won. Well, it seems you won, Eddie. Congratulations. You are now my official instructor in the Arcane Arts."

"But…I…you…"

Rini's grin widened even more. He actually looked rather cute when confused. "You've just been conned. Smile and be graceful about it. And close your mouth, unless you're fond of eating flies." She tucked the ring back inside her pocket. "Do a good job and I may still let you have this", she said.

Edwin said a few words in Thayvian, words that Zaerini couldn't understand but had a feeling he never would have been encouraged to utter in his mother's presence. Still, she thought he'd keep his word. Maybe this day would turn out for the best after all.

At this moment Imoen called out ahead. "Rini! Come quickly, you'd better take a look at this."

'This' turned out to be a small boy, maybe six or seven years old, with a round and solemn face, and hair almost as bright a red as Zaerini's own. He was sitting on a stump, huge tears trickling down his cheeks.

"Hello, ma'am!" he said in a piping voice as Zaerini approached. "Have you seen my Rufie?"

"Your…Rufie?" the half-elf asked, wondering what in the world a small child was doing on his own in the middle of nowhere. "Who's he? And who are you?"

"I'm Albert", the child said, wiping his face. "Rufie's my wittle doggie, and he's the sweetest doggie in all the worlds. But now he's lost and I can't find him. I've looked everywhere. Poor Rufie is all alone, and he's probably ever so scared right now. He's not used to being on his own."

"Does not that go for you too?" Jaheira asked. "Where are your parents? It is very dangerous for you to be out here by yourself."

"Parents?" Albert said. His intonation was odd, almost as if he was unfamiliar with the taste of the word. "Yes, I'm here with some rewatives, but they away for a moment and I'm lost. We are thinking of moving here someday, but I don't know my way awound yet. I can get home ok, but I just gotta get Rufie back. Please, could you help?"

"Minsc will help you, little one!" the berserker proclaimed. "Boo's keen hamster nose will sniff out your doggie for you, and Minsc and his friends will bring him back in the way of all true heroes."

True heroes? Rescuing lost puppies? Zaerini chuckled silently to herself. Oh well. I don't have the heart to turn the kid down either. "Sure Albert", she said. "If we happen across your Rufie we'll bring him back here. But if not you'll just have go home without him. Promise?"

"Promise!" the child said with a happy smile. "Oh thank you so vewy much! I just know he'll be alright now! Poor Rufie isn't used to strange places an' people. You're sure to know him when you see him, cuz he's just the cutest little thing. Here, take this as well. His favorite chew-toy it is. He'll know you're a friend if you have it in your hands. Thank you so much again!"

Zaerini looked at the item that the child had handed her. It was an old bone, and it had been chewed more than once. By now it was quite impossible to tell for certain from what creature it had come. Still, a nagging thought in the back of her head told her that there was something familiar about that shape. Softpaws? What do you think of this?

Doesn't matter, the cat said. She sounded a little huffy. You're just going to rescue that dog anyway. See if I care. Dogs are dangerous.

Oh, come on. The poor little kid was crying!

The black cat simply sniffed and walked off, her tail straight up, presenting Rini with a very clear view of her rear end. As a declaration of protest it was simple but wonderfully eloquent.

"Come!" Minsc insisted. "We must hurry to find the poor little doggie!" He hurried off without waiting for a response, and the rest of the group almost had to run to keep up with him, pushing all thoughts of the bone out of Zaerini's mind for the moment.

They had walked for perhaps half an hour, heading into rockier terrain, when there was a low and terrible growl from the bushes. It didn't sound like a proper animal at all, but rather like some man-eating and sewer-dwelling monster, and one in an extremely bad mood at that. Then the branches shook and cracked, and a pair of glowing red eyes became visible.

"Watch out!" Rini hissed. Then she felt her lower jaw drop as the growl came to a sudden halt and its originator trotted out to meet her. It was a small dog, about level with her own knees, spotted black and white. One of its ears was a little lopsided, giving it a cute and mischievous look. Its fur was short but looked soft, and a long pink tongue lolled out of its mouth in a doggy smile. Zaerini couldn't see how she had ever thought its eyes were red either. They were the normal brown of any small dog, bright and intelligent. The dog sat on its haunches and begged. "Er…" the half-elf said. "You would be Rufie, I presume?" The dog yipped. "Oh. Good. Here, I believe this is yours." The dog eagerly watched the old bone. "Fine. Let's go then. Albert is waiting for you." Rufie yipped again and cheerfully started following her.

"Well, that was easy", Zaerini said, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Yes", Jaheira said, frowning. "A little too easy. There is something very odd about that dog. It looks and sounds right, but I can feel something strange about it. I do not know what…" She was interrupted by the sound of a loud and arrogant female voice.

"Travelers from the north, halt! You trespass quite deep into Amnish territory. Perhaps you have come to spy upon our supposed troop build up. It's quite funny, the stupid notions you northern barabarians can get stuck in your heads." This statement came from a haughty looking female warrior. She was wearing a beautiful leather armor that almost glowed in the sunlight, and the scabbard of her sword was decorated in a way that screamed of money and lack of taste. Her two male companions seemed to be twins, they glared at Zaerini and her companions with identical cold blue eyes, and they both had their bows drawn and ready.

"Who are you, and what do you want?" Zaerini asked, making her own voice equally disdainful. She had no intention of letting this woman walk all over her. "Oh, and by the way… It's called 'barbarians'. Just thought I'd let you know, you stupid bimbo. Feel free to ask me if there are any other long words you have difficulties with."

The woman looked as if she had bit a lemon. "I am Sendai, of the noble merchant house of Argrims, foremost family in Amn. Delgod, Alexander and I have come out here to hunt game. Though perhaps you would make for better sport. I assume you would have no problem with this?"

Zaerini felt that familiar heat rising in her blood, bringing it close to boiling. As if it wasn't enough with all those assassins who want to kill me for some unknown reason! Now I have to deal with random psychos as well? Noober had been one thing. But this woman was something else entirely.

"And perhaps some even better 'sport' would be for me to gut you like the pig you are and wear your entrails for a necklace?" she said in a low and deadly voice. She was baring her teeth in what bore only the faintest resemblance to a smile. "Please feel free to discuss this option with your two tame idiots. I can wait." Behind her she could hear Edwin whisper something that sounded a bit like 'Not a bad one at all.'

"Why, it seems that we have stumbled upon some berserkers!" Sendai cried out. "I had suspected as much when I caught your scent a few moments ago, but your behavior clinches it. Delgod! Alexander! Let us make short work of these peasants." She drew her sword and charged towards Zaerini, while the twins set to work with their bows.

Rini wasted no time in her turn. She chanted a spell as quickly as she could, sending an intensely glowing magical missile at the other woman. Sendai managed to raise her arms just in time to shield her face, but she still cried out with pain and paused for a moment. However, at that same moment Zaerini felt a sharp pain in her right thigh, and stumbled to her knees. An arrow was protruding from her leg. She hurriedly yanked it out and then swore as she started bleeding profusely. She desperately pressed both her hands to her thigh to try to stop the flow. A wound like that could kill in minutes, she knew that much. Behind her she could vaguely hear Edwin cast a spell of his own, and then Minsc, Jaheira and Khalid were rushing past her, weapons drawn. Funny. They all seemed to move like lightning. Imoen was raining down arrows on Sendai, reaching for a new one almost before the previous one had left her bow. Sendai screamed as she was slain. And then, before the adventurers had the time to turn to the twin archers, there was a small black-and-white blur and a hideous roar. When it had passed the two men were both lying on the ground, dead. Their throats had been torn out and Rufie was standing on top of Delgod's chest, wagging his tail.

It was then that something happened to Zaerini, almost as if the sight of the violent deaths were a catalyst to trigger a reaction within her soul. She pressed her hands even tighter to her bleeding wound, and willed the blood to stop flowing. Something passed through her, a brief and burning sensation that was painful and pleasant at the same time.

"Move aside, fools!" she heard Jaheira order the others. "Let me get to the girl before she bleeds to death!" Then the druid was at her side, quickly muttering a spell of a healing. There was another wave of warmth, this one soothing like a hot bath and entirely without that strange aftermath of anguish. Zaerini took her hands away. The arrow was lying on the ground at her side and the pain in her leg was gone. Her pants were more or less drenched with blood, but her skin was once again unbroken. And she knew, somehow she knew, that this healing hadn't been performed by Jaheira alone. She met the green eyes of the druid and saw that the other woman had recognized this as well. There was some kind of realization in those eyes, as well as…fear? No. Surely that couldn't be.

What is happening to me? The unspoken question received no answer, as Jaheira's mouth simply firmed a little more before she stood. "There", the druid said. "Perhaps next time you will remember to leave the arrow in until I have the time to attend to it, and refrain from tearing up any major blood vessels."

Zaerini didn't answer. Whatever it was that Jaheira knew, whatever secret she was keeping, she herself did not intend to let it be kept from her indefinetely.

"I think we should get back to Albert", she said. "I'm sure he'll be very happy to have Rufie back. Though I fail to see why he was worried about that dog's safety."

Albert was indeed very happy when the weary adventurers returned to him, Rufie running eagerly behind them. "RUFIE!!" he cried out. "Who's a fuzzy Rufie? Whoooooo's a fuzzy little guy?" He hugged the small dog. Then he smiled. "Thank you just ever so much! I better take this lost little puppy home right away. Here, take this. It's another of his chew things, but we can get more where we're going. Thanks again."

Albert tossed Rini another bone. She just had time to recognize the shape of it and drop it with a small sound of revulsion as she knew it for what it truly was, a human rib. Then the boy changed. He swelled and expanded, the innocent mask falling away to reveal something else entirely. Within seconds a creature twice as tall as Minsc faced Zaerini and her friends. It had horns. It had fangs. It had three eyes, a forked black tongue and bright red skin. As for Rufie, the small dog had turned into something resembling a wolf, if there ever was a wolf the size of a large horse, and with eyes glowing like a burning furnace. He gave Zaerini another doggy grin, this time displaying fangs as long as her arms, and then followed his young master into a magical portal that had suddenly turned up out of nowhere. It winked out behind them, leaving the surprised adventurers behind.

See? Softpaws sounded very smug. Didn't I tell you dogs are dangerous?

For a few moments there was only a stunned silence. Then Edwin found his voice again. "Well", he said. "That was certainly interesting. Tell me, Zaerini, does this sort of thing happen to you often? Or have I just joined you on a particularly lucky day?"