Cards Reshuffled

Everybody has strengths and weaknesses, and as a party leader you need to try to take advantage of the strengths of your party members, and compensate for their weaknesses. For one thing, it is probably a bad idea to ask your paladin to accompany you on a burglary, or the resident wizard to fight hand-to-hand. And never, ever, under any circumstances, do I suggest that a certain Red Wizard handle any sensitive negotiations. Not unless I feel like seeing things explode.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Edwina stared at the bound Drow before her as she tried to make sense of what was going on. She’d only met Viconia briefly, during her travels of the Sword Coast, but Viconia wasn’t somebody you forgot easily. For one thing, she was highly sensual and attractive, something that had been noticeable from the start. Though nothing compared to my Hellkitten of course. Still, I would have to be blind not to see it. The Drow’s biting sense of humor was enjoyable as well, and she had certainly been helpful during that infiltration of the bandit camp. I hadn’t expected to see her again, however. Didn’t she intend to settle down in some dull and tedious little speck of a town…Beregost, wasn’t it? So what is she doing here, about to be burnt at the stake?

At that moment the bound cleric erupted in a torrent of violent curses, her eyes burning as she glared at the crowd.

But perhaps it isn’t all that surprising. She always had a nasty temper, and she doesn’t enjoy the benefits of the legendary Odesseiron sense of diplomacy after all. No doubt she managed to insult somebody important. I suppose I should offer my services.

You, Boss?

Yes, Insufferable. I. Just watch me. I will have talked them into releasing her in less than two minutes. Then she will be very grateful, as she should be for getting rescued by the most brilliant mage in the world, and perhaps I can talk her into joining us, and get rid of that festering and pus-dripping sore on an ogre’s broad behind that is the Helmite. And I’m sure that my Hellkitten would also be impressed…

Whatever, Boss. Just try not to get killed, all right?

Impudent monkey, you will soon be eating those words as all these commoners are swayed by my powers of persuasion.

Edwina looked about her, and noticed that the crowd around the pyre was composed of two different sorts of people. There was the normal mix of beggars, passing laborers or craftsmen, bored noblemen and little children taken to see a public execution by their doting parents in order to learn good morals and respect for life. But then there were the others. Several black-robed men and women, all of them with the same symbol on their chests. A red triangle, crossed by black antlers. Edwina knew it well; there were certainly those in Thay who chose to worship the Maid of Misfortune, in the hopes of diverting her attention to somebody else. Beshabans.

“Look ye all upon this foul drow that we have bound before ye!” one of the priests cried out. “A creature of evil and darkness, my brethren! A creature of foulness and deceit, bent only on our destruction! This creature has foolishly come amongst us, my brethren, thinking that we would be lax in our senses! Tell me what should be done with it!”

A chorus of shouts, boos, hisses and curses followed. The dominant sentiment of the crowd seemed to be ‘Burn the Drow!’

Viconia struggled vainly against the ropes that bound her, her face filled with a mixture of rage and desperation. “You rivvin are mad!” she cried out. “I have done nothing to any of you! I seek only to make my way without molestation! Why have you done this?! Why?!”

“Done nothing?! You are a drow elf, are you not?!” replied a stout fellow with a red face who was holding a wide-eyed little girl by the hand. The child was sucking her thumb, goggling at the pyre and the woman on top of it. “That is as good a reason as any!”

“Ye shall be silent, evil one!” the priest cut in. “The power of the Maid of Misrule will be demonstrated here today!”

Viconia was snarling now, baring her teeth to the accompaniment of the cries for her blood. “No! Nau!! Oloth plynn d'jal!!”

“Spout your evil speech if ye must, drow, but prepare yourself for your journey into the next world! Beg for forgiveness, beg for salvation! And hope that the cleansing fire will save ye!!”

Ha! Prepare to be dazzled by the impeccable diplomacy of Edwin Odesseiron!

Boss, I could handle it for you! I’m so cute and fluffy they’ll all go gooey in the head when they see me.

Stay down, monkey, Edwina warned, nudging the tiny animal deeper into her cleavage. There is after all the slight possibility of danger before I have the time to soothe them with my powers of elocution. I would not want my familiar to get hurt.

Awww! That’s sweet!

No it isn’t! I simply don’t want to suffer the pain of finding a new one and…what are you doing?

Just giving you a friendly kiss?

Not there you don’t! Now don’t disturb my concentration. Edwina took a deep breath, and then strode up towards the priest standing by the pyre, a look of haughty disdain on her face.

From the top of the pyre, Viconia gave the strange female a puzzled look; curious despite the danger she was in. She could almost swear that she had seen this dark-haired female before somewhere, but she simply couldn’t place her. At least this one had the properly proud bearing of a true female, raised to rule, unlike most of the weakling surfacer ones Viconia had encountered so far. Not quite as refined as a Drow, but with a certain amount of raw female talent. A bit unpolished of course, but that is only to be expected from a mere child. The female did have a slightly awkward look about her, like a young girl only just starting to get used to her mature body, which was odd, since it did not match her appearance. And she had been standing motionless for several seconds now, her eyes slightly glazed. Suddenly, the odd female nodded silently to herself, squared her shoulders and walked up to the rivvil priest by the pyre, tapping the man on the shoulder with an elegantly manicured nail.

“You there, unwashed oaf! Yes, you! The wretched creature with the looks of a hagfish, and the personality to match!”

Viconia nodded to herself. She hadn’t ever seen the particular animal that the female had mentioned, but was familiar with the pale fish of the Underdark. There was definitely something piscine about the priest. Perhaps it was the glassy look in his pale blue eyes, or the way he looked with his mouth open. “What…” the priest said, his face turning an angry red. “How dare you, wench!”

The dark female tossed her head back arrogantly, and made a dismissive gesture at the fellow. “Yes, yes, yes,” she said. “Spare me the tedium of listening to your confused grunts and simply obey me. Release the Drow. Then you have my permission to leave with your hide intact and go back to scratching your flea-infested groin or whatever it is that you monkeys do for regular entertainment, as you ponder the intricacies of Thayvian diplomacy.”

Viconia frowned, intrigued despite her predicament. Yes, there was definitely something familiar about this female…something about the way she spoke…there was all the arrogance of a Matron Mother, but there was something about the phrasing that nagged at her mind.

By now the priest’s mouth was really hanging open, making him look more like a fish than ever. “I will not disobey the will of the people, or the will of my Goddess! Just who do you think you are to order me about, you little slattern?”

The female took a deep breath, and when she next spoke her voice was dripping acid. “I, you demented and dimwitted little pile of troll snot, am a Red Wizard of Thay. You contradict me at your own peril. Release the Drow, I tell you, or face the wrath of…” Here she broke off for a moment and made a disgusted face. “The wrath of Edwina Odesseiron. You have three seconds before you become a pile of cinders, and wouldn’t that be bad luck?”

ODESSEIRON? Viconia had a feeling that her mouth gaped just as widely as that of the Hagfish Priest. Now that she thought about it she could see the resemblance to the wizard she had met some months earlier, in the Baldur’s Gate area. And the phrasing was the same. A sister, perhaps? Surely it had to be…

“Seize her, my brethren!” the fanatic screamed, spittle flying from his mouth. Around him the crowd started to scatter in panic, as the other Beshabans reached for their weapons. “And may misfortune follow her always!”

The wizard smiled then, a wide and rather unpleasant smile, and slipped a blue wand out of a hoop on her belt. As she swung it through the air it crackled and sparkled, and then a blindingly white bolt of lightning, as thick as a man’s leg, shot out of it, striking the priest in the chest. It threw him several yards through the air, and as he landed heavily on his back there was smoke coming out of his armor. He twitched a few times, and then was still.

“To me, mage!” Viconia commanded. “Free me!”

The wizard…Odesseiron…gave her an annoyed look, but she nevertheless climbed on top of the pyre and started tugging at the ropes. “Hurry!” Viconia hissed. “Do you have to be so sluggish? The most simple-minded surfacer slave of my home would be swifter, even without a whip encouraging him.”

“Really?” the other female retorted, sawing away at the ropes with a knife. “Then perhaps you want me to leave so you can send for them instead? It should only take a few months for them to get here, and I’m sure those Beshabans will be happy to keep you entertained in the meantime.”

Viconia glanced at the said Beshabans. They had gathered around their fallen leader, trying to revive him. The stinking black smoke that was still welling out of every opening in his armor, as well as from his eyes, mouth and nostrils, suggested that they hadn’t been entirely successful. Right now they turned towards the two women on the pyre, pointing and shouting angrily. One of them raised his hands towards the heavens, drawing on the powers of the Goddess of Bad Luck.

Iblith…”Stop chattering and GET ME FREE!” Viconia screamed.

“I’m trying! This stupid thing has gone as dull as a butter knife! (Obviously not Thayvian work, or it would never be this inferior.)”

With a growing sense of dread Viconia noticed that one of the Beshaban priests was chanting another spell, and that two more were moving towards her and Odesseiron, brandishing nasty flails. Behind her the Red Wizard was uttering a long string of curses in her own language. Viconia didn’t know the words, but she could guess at the approximate meanings and had to more or less agree. “Hurry up, wael! We do not have much time!”

“I said I’m trying, you simple-minded nag! It would be far easier if you stood still and didn’t squirm about so much, and…ow! Now look, you made me cut myself! My finger! It’s bleeding!”

“In just a few more seconds it will be more than your finger that bleeds, rivvil! Just cut me loose!”

The Beshabans were laughing openly now, and they were close enough that Viconia could almost smell them. Shar…my delivery is in your hands. Or at least so I hope, for it would be terrible to think that it is in the hands of this fool girl.

“In a moment…I’ve almost got it now…”

There was a sudden metallic clatter. Viconia closed her eyes. “You dropped the knife, didn’t you?” she asked in a dull, emotionless voice.

“It wasn’t my fault! The blood made it slippery.”

“When we are both dead, I will make a special petition to my goddess for permission to watch you burn in whatever hell you wind up in, and then I will request an encore.”

“Burn, you say? Now that gives me another one of my exceedingly brilliant ideas…here, drink this.”

“Wizard, no…” Viconia suddenly found herself silenced as a cool glass bottle was pressed against her mouth, and she swallowed before she could help herself. It didn’t taste bad, but…there was suddenly a vast rumbling in her stomach, as if she had eaten something that didn’t agree with her. Oh no…I’ll kill her…oh no…can’t…hold it…in…

BRRRRRAAAARRRRRRRRRPPPP!

On the wake of the magnificent burp an enormous jet of flame shot out of Viconia’s open mouth, striking the foremost Beshaban full in the face. He fell, screaming and clutching at himself, and the ones behind him shied back a little. Unfortunately, his burning clothes also set fire to the pyre, which was made up of dry wood. Very soon the air was getting hot enough that it was painful to breathe, and Viconia’s eyes were tearing from the smoke. My Goddess…is this the end? Am I to end like this, burnt alive by the antics of that fool mage? And without getting even a chance to pay her back for…

“Aha!” the wizard called out triumphantly. “There we are. Yes, I’m truly excellent at this…I am certain I could have become a magnificent rogue, had I been given that sort of training.” Finally, finally, Viconia felt the ropes around her slipping away. As she quickly as she could she tore them off. The pyre wasn’t entirely ablaze yet, but it wouldn’t be long, and more and more Beshaban priests seemed to be turning up by the minute, from what she could see through the acrid smoke. Quickly she drew upon the power of Shar, and some of the foes froze in place, held immobile. Still, there were too many of them, and she was weakened by her captivity.

“Wizard, if you have any sort of actually useful magic and not simply party tricks, I suggest you use it now!”

“Ah. Well, there is the slight problem of the Cowled Wizards being so annoyingly picky and being on guard against unlicensed magic in the streets… (but wouldn’t it be enjoyable to pay them back for that…)”

“What are you…” Viconia hastily cast another spell, and the skeleton of the fallen Beshaban priest tore free of the still smoking body, ripping out of it like a newborn bird hatching from an egg. It set upon its former comrades, savaging them with mindless obedience according to the Drow cleric’s commands.

“When I say ‘jump’, we get down from here. Very, very quickly, unless you wish to become a Drow Crisp.” Before Viconia had the time to protest, she heard the wizard’s voice rise and fall in the language of magic, and then she felt the world slowing to a grind around her as her movements suddenly became lightning quick. Compared to her and Odesseiron, all others moved like slugs. The Thayvian cast another spell then, one that Viconia recognized all too well.

“No! Are you insane? You will kill us both!”

Then there was a loud whooshing sound as the fireball exploded around them, right in the middle of the pyre. “JUMP!” the wizard screamed, pulling Viconia along after her. Both women rushed down the pyre, the Haste spell carrying them along swiftly enough that the flames never more than singed their hair. Before Viconia knew it, they were already scurrying around a street corner, leaving the confused Beshabans behind. Clearly the enemy priests hadn’t been able to spot their swift escape in the middle of all the smoke. The fireball had set the pyre completely ablaze by now.

“Just what did you think you were doing?” Viconia hissed, grasping the other woman by the shoulder and shaking her. Infuriatingly enough, the wizard didn’t even seem to be paying attention to her. She simply kept looking in the direction of the pyre, an anticipatory smile on her sultry face.

“Any moment now…” she said. “Any moment…”

There was a flash in the air on top of the pyre, and then Viconia could see several human shapes appear, more or less covered by cowled robes. Her sensitive ears could pick up a commanding voice shouting out that ‘You are unlicensed! This is an unsanctioned use of magical energy! You have been warned.’ After that, it didn’t take elven ears to be able to hear the surprised screams. The Beshabans rallied, mistaking the Cowled Wizards sudden appearance for an attack on them, and the Cowled Wizards, finding that they had teleported into the middle of not only a fire, but a group of armed people, came to the same conclusion. Before long spells were flying everywhere, the sky was blocked out by a rainbow haze and deafening echoes of powerful spells bounced around between the walls of the neighboring houses. “Just as I planned,” Edwina said, rubbing her hands gleefully. Then she pouted a little. “Pity that any spell scrolls they are carrying will likely be set afire as well…” There was another loud explosion from the pyre, and then a heavy rain of toads. “Yes…it certainly seems like it. A great pity indeed.”

Eventually, silence settled once more. And then, the silence was broken by the sound of a foot impatiently tapping against the ground. Viconia turned around, and saw that the foot belonged to a very familiar red-haired half-elf, whose golden eyes were currently blazing with annoyance as she glared at Edwina. She was flanked by a few other people, the only familiar face among them that annoying druid that Viconia remembered from before. There were two large and strong-looking males, and then a gnome with an annoying chirpy smile.

“Ah, Hellkitten!” Edwina said with a pleased smile. “You’ll never guess what just happened.”

“You know…” the half-elf said in a slightly distant voice. “I got really worried when I noticed you were missing. And silly me, I was worried that it would be difficult to find you. Bad mistake…I should have known that all I’d have to do was to follow the sound of explosions and try to avoid tripping over the charred corpses. Just what have you been up to?” She suddenly blinked. “Viconia? Is that you?”

“So it is, abbil”, Viconia said with a small smirk. “And I believe the two words ‘Thayvian diplomacy’ sum it all up.”