In The Cards

Forgiveness isn’t really all that complicated. If you care about somebody you can forgive them a lot of things, as long as they show themselves to be genuinely sorry. Doing that takes both strength and courage though.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

Jaheira sat in the common room of the Jovial Juggler in Beregost, trying to outstare a bowl of porridge. So far, the porridge was winning, probably because it's so very difficult to make a bowl of porridge flinch. The druid sighed and poked the food unenthusiastically with her spoon. It wasn't that it tasted all that bad. She simply…didn't have much of an appetite this morning.

She'd been to see Officer Vai the previous evening, before retiring. Zaerini had told her, in no uncertain terms, that since she had been the one to insist on scalping people, she ought to be the one to collect the payment. The Flaming Fist officer had been pleased at the news of the bandit camp's destruction, and had thanked the druid warmly, stating that if Jaheira and her friends were to travel to Baldur's Gate she would always be happy to help them in return.

Jaheira had done her duty. The bandits were gone; her charge was safe for the moment. It was a beautiful day outside, with warm sunlight streaming in through the windows of the inn, making dust dance in the rays like pixies. The Cloakwood Forest waited. A real wilderness, much more so than the Wood of Sharp Teeth. It would be grand, she thought. And yet her heart was heavy this morning.

Gorion, she thought. My old friend. You wanted me and Khalid to watch over the children, and I have tried. Why then does it all seem to go wrong for me? I thought I had got through to your daughter, and now…I have lost the balance.

The druid sighed again. She had probably blundered, she could see that now. By her own actions she had managed to alienate Zaerini more than before. Silvanus knew whose advice the child would choose to take now. Why did I have to be so rash and provoke her like that? If she takes off with the Drow it will all be my fault.

There was a feather-light kiss at the nape of her neck, a warm hand at her shoulder. Jaheira turned to meet her husband's laughing dark eyes, managing a minute smile of her own.

"G-good morning," Khalid said.

Jaheira arched an eyebrow. "I do believe you said good morning once already. When you woke me up, in fact."

"B-but I like greeting you, J-jaheira." Khalid's smile widened. "And p-particularly in the way I d-did this morning."

The druid snorted and playfully punched her husband in the arm, whereupon he pretended to cower in fear. Her face immediately turned somber again though.

"Oh no," Khalid said. "N-now what is wrong, my d-dearest?"

"I fear I may have made a grievous error in my dealings with Zaerini. I would not be surprised if she hates me by now."

Khalid sat down next to his wife, and now his face was as serious as hers. "She d-doesn't hate you," he said, taking Jaheira's hand. "But she w-was very upset with you. I think she feels you d-don't trust her, and that you were trying to m-manipulate her."

"It…it may be that I did," Jaheira admitted, painful as it was to do so. "I meant it for the best, but I did not consider how it would come across. I do not know how I can make it right again."

Khalid shook his head. "Heart of my h-heart, you are usually m-more wise than this. Tell her what you have t-told me. Explain yourself, treat her as an a-adult. Then a-apologize."

"Apologize?"

"Yes, J-Jaheira. Apologize. You know h-how. You've done it before." He smiled again. "At least o-once or twice that I c-can recall off the top of my h-head."

The druid's face set with familiar resolve. "Yes," she said. "You are right. I must go to Zaerini and speak with her."

"And a-apologize."

"Oh, very well. And apologize."

Jaheira took the steps two at a time, eager to get this unpleasant duty over with. She forcefully knocked on the door of the room that Zaerini shared with Imoen and then stepped inside. There was no sign of the bard however. Imoen was sitting on her bed, writing something in her diary.

"Where is Zaerini?" Jaheira asked.

"Oh, she just went to get a bath," Imoen explained, chewing on her pen. "Say, can you help me out? Do you happen to know a good rhyme for 'black'?"

"How about 'slack'?"

Imoen frowned deeply and twirled her pink hair around her finger. "No…no that doesn't fit at all." Her smile turned dreamy. "Not at all…"

"What are you doing anyway?" Jaheira asked and came over to look over Imoen's shoulder. Once she read what the girl was writing she felt her cheeks burn as hot as furnaces. "What…what is that supposed to be?"

"It's a love poem!" Imoen beamed. "Do you like it?"

"It…is certainly very ardent."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"I…I suppose so." I never would have thought it of her. I wonder just what her previous reading material has been. Something tells me Gorion would never have approved.

"Oh, good," Imoen said. "I talked with Viconia earlier and she gave me a few tips. She knows ever so much about these things."

Now why does that not surprise me? "Child," Jaheira warned, "you may not want to take everything Viconia says literally. Our customs are not those of the Underdark after all. If you try to bully men into submission they will only resent you."

"I wouldn't do that!" Imoen hugged the diary close to her chest and her eyes turned slightly unfocused. Jaheira wasn't sure she wanted to know exactly what scene the girl was picturing. "I just want to hold him, and kiss him, and love him and make him adore me and love me forever and ever! Like in the stories!"

Child, you cannot make anybody love you like that. Jaheira didn't say it out loud though. If they were lucky this senseless infatuation would ebb away soon. Besides, she had hurt one of the girls already. She would rather not hurt the other one if she could help it.

It was at that moment that Zaerini entered the room, her bright red hair still damp from her bath, her familiar riding on her shoulder. The bard’s yellow eyes were rather cool as she saw Jaheira, and the cat looked equally sceptical.

"Jaheira," Zaerini said. "Good. We need to talk."

"Yes," the druid agreed.

"Er, I’ll just go somewhere else, shall I?" Imoen asked. She closed her diary and stuck it beneath her arm, then headed for the door. "I’ll leave you guys alone to talk." She grinned. "Besides, I need to talk some more with Viconia before she leaves." She closed the door behind her, humming softly to herself. Jaheira recognized the tune as a rather popular and extremely soppy ballad.

"The Drow is leaving?" Jaheira asked as soon as Imoen had left.

The other half-elf nodded briefly. "Yes," she said in a pointed voice. "Viconia is leaving. She wants some safe place to stay and a chance to be left in peace. Can’t say that I blame her. She did offer to come with us though."

"You declined?"

"How could I deny her a chance to get what she wants?" Zaerini’s eyes flashed dangerously. "Anyway, if she stayed you’d probably keep nagging us both about it."

Nagging?! Jaheira made an effort to stay calm. "I do not nag," she stated. She did sound a bit more defensive than she had intended though.

"Oh no?" There was a dangerous note to the bard’s voice by now, low and silky. It was almost a purr. "Which word would you prefer then? Bully? Prod? Manipulate?" The golden eyes narrowed, and Jaheira had to make a deliberate effort in order to keep her face neutral. She shouldn’t let a mere girl affect her like that. Except she is not a mere girl, now is she?

"I thought we were friends, Jaheria," Zaerini said, and now she sounded hurt rather than angry. "I really did. Sure, we haven’t always got along perfectly, but I didn’t think you’d do a thing like that. It was really, really, really shitty. "

"I…"

"What did you expect me to do? Either I collect bandit scalps, and then I’m a ruthless, violent child of Bhaal. Or else I don’t, and then I’m an oath-breaker, a lying, treacherous child of Bhaal. I can’t win either way with you, can I? You’ve been against me from the start."

"No!" Jaheira exclaimed, feeling horrified. "No…please, you must not believe that." She paused. The child looked so hurt, so angry, so lost. The druid wanted nothing more than to embrace her, but she did not dare, at the moment. The risk of rejection was still too great. "I…I worry about you," she said, making her voice as soft as she could. "I know what dangers you face, and the danger of your heritage is chief amongst them all. If you succumb to that taint, you will be as lost as Sarevok is. I…wanted you to consider your actions more carefully, to think before you act. That is why I acted as I did. To make you know your own heart better. If it felt as if I was betraying you – then I am truly sorry. I never meant that. I may have been harsher than I first intended. Working with a drow, and with that bandit…I was afraid you might come under a dark influence. I meant it for the best, but I should not have interfered the way I did."

Zaerini just stared at her, her mouth slightly open. The child looked utterly flabbergasted. "Jaheira?" she said. "Are you…are you apologizing? You aren’t sick or something, are you?"

"Of course not!" the druid snapped, her contrition slipping for a second. "I do apologize from time to time you know. Just as soon as I know I have made a mistake."

A lightning-quick grin flashed across the bard’s face, and her eyes sparkled with mischief. "Oh, is that so?" she asked. "Just as soon as you know you’ve made a mistake? And this would be how often? Once a decade or so?"

"Oh, hush child," Jaheira snorted. Then she smiled. "At least every other year. Now, do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive me so that we may go on with our journey?"

"I suppose so. Yes, I forgive you. But don’t you try that on me again, you understand me? If you do, I won’t forgive it again."

"Yes, I understand perfectly." Jaheira paused. The heavy weight had fallen from her heart and she was able to breathe much easier. "There…is one other thing that worries me," she said. "Imoen, and this…this ludicrous infatuation of hers."

"I don’t know that I’d call it aludicrous exactly," Zaerini said. "He is handsome, and I rather like him. But you’re right in a way, I don’t think he’s even noticed that she’s fallen for him and I don’t think he ever will respond the way she hopes. I wouldn’t worry too much about it if I were you. I’m sure he’ll let her down gently if it ever comes to that, and we don’t even know if we’ll ever see him again. She may forget all about it soon."

There was a tentative knock on the door at that moment, and then Imoen poked her head inside. "Guys?" she asked. "Can I come in now?" Her smile was, if possible, even more blissful than before. "Vicky had this interesting book with lovely pictures in it, and she gave me a few useful hints as well… Does either of you happen to know of a good rhyme for ‘thighs’?"

Zaerini was obviously fighting hard to look serious. "Um…how about ‘lies’?" she asked. "Or ‘dies’?"

"Oh yes, that would work I think! Great! Ooooh, this will sweep him right off his feet! Rini, do you think you might be able to think up a melody for it once I’m done?"

The bard and the druid exchanged a very long look. "Want to bet on that forgetfulness?" Jaheira asked in a dry voice. Zaerini simply shook her head in response.