In The Cards

I've probably mentioned it before, but it deserves saying again. Without my friends and family I would probably be long dead. And it wouldn't matter, because without them I really wouldn't have cared whether I lived or died.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

Zaerini dreamt, and as she dreamt she walked through the bandit camp once more. Such an imposing challenge that camp, hidden from all hostile eyes, guarded by desperate and dangerous men who were able to foil the Flaming Fist and all others who had sought to stop them. But cunning had won the day.

She walked through the camp, passed close by bandits and brigands, and they paid her no heed though she was close enough to touch them. She was invisible, a shadow, one with the darkness around her. She had to bite her lip in order not to laugh out loud and reveal herself. It felt good, so good. She was right there in their midst and they had no idea of it.

Softpaws walked next to her, a smaller shadow by her side. You have learned much, kitten, the cat spoke. Walk the shadows, they are friends to our kind. And while sharp claws are good, they are worth little without a sharp head.

Zaerini was just about to answer, but at that moment she felt a powerful gust of wind, tousling her bright red curls, lifting her high above the camp and woods both. She soared in the high morning sun, feeling as free as a bird, swooping and diving. She laughed, for a moment as carefree as the child she had been not that long ago. It was so wonderful to be free. Free of care, free of worries. Free of obligations.

And then, pain. Poisonous pain, searing her side. An arrow protruding from her side, and far below on the ground she spied the hobgoblin, his bow raised. She was falling, falling, and gasping with hideous pain as the poison raced through her body.

You must stop it, kitten. The black cat was clinging to her shoulder, her voice as calm as if she hadn't noticed the fact that they were tumbling towards the hard ground at a very great speed.

I can't!

Yes, you can. You know you can. You know yourself, mind and body. You know the way it ought to be. All you have to do is make it so. All cats know exactly what they are.

And she found that she did. She knew herself, body and soul. The exact color of her golden eyes, the shape of her nose, the way she moved, the sound of her laughter, the taste of her skin as it was kissed by sunlight, the way she would melt inside if anybody ever thought to touch her…just so. For an instant she knew it all and more, even the things she hadn't really experienced yet. And she knew all about her hopes and fears, her joys and sorrows, and more. Much, much more. It was all part of her, but the poison was not. Hardly thinking about it she got rid of it, cleansing herself of its taint.

See, kitten? I told you so. Now watch out. We're going down.

Rini's eyes opened wide and the knowledge of herself receded once more, hidden from her conscious mind again. The poison was gone, but she was still falling, and the ground was very close. She screamed as she hit it, fully expecting to die.

If you die in a dream, do you ever wake up again? Or will you be found dead in your bed the next morning? Or an empty husk, devoid of your soul?

And then she passed through the ground, not dying. Black it was, and she passed through earth and rock as easily as if they had been empty air. Eventually the rock around her illuminated and a cavern slowly took shape, a cavern that she somehow knew lay at the very core of the world. She was standing on solid ground once more, though she could see no more than a few steps ahead or behind in the dim light.

Have to go on. No other way. Zaerini stumbled forward, lightly touching the wall so as not to get lost. And then she found herself face to face with…herself.

The statue in front of her resembled her to the smallest detail. Rini stared at it, utterly fascinated. She had seen herself in mirrors, of course, but somehow this image seemed almost alive. There was the untidy hair, looking as if a wind was playing within the curls. Her eyes, open and curious, with a hint of mischief. Her face, with its unique blend of human and elven features. She reached out to touch the statue and its cheek was smooth beneath her questing fingers, smooth and warm.

Then the voice spoke, at the same time inside her head and echoing all around her.

SUCH PRIDE UNDESERVED, GREAT PREDATOR, WHEN YOUR WHOLE BEING IS BORROWED. CREDIT WHERE IT IS DUE, AND DUES WHERE PAYMENT IS DEMANDED.

A dagger of bone flew from the blackness and struck the statue, square. It cracked slightly, but the pain the bard felt was as though she were rent asunder.

YOU THINK YOU KNOW YOURSELF, DAUGHTER? Her sire's voice was mocking, laughing at her. YOU WERE MADE AS YOU ARE, AS MY TOOL. AND LIKE ALL TOOLS, YOU CAN ALSO BE BROKEN.

The darkness rushed up to surround her as she felt the pain tear at her insides, and when she woke she did it with a scream on her lips.

"Rini? Rini, please wake up!" Imoen's voice was frantic with worry. It seemed to come from far away, from so very far away… Zaerini sat up in bed, staring wildly at her surroundings, golden eyes still wide with the fear and pain of the dream. She was drenched with sweat, she could feel it, and yet she was shivering with cold. Her hand trembling, she pushed her once again flame-red hair out of her eyes. The blonde color had worn off at last, thank the gods for small mercies. Imoen was sitting on the bed next to her, her arm around her shoulders.

"Immy?" the half-elf said, her voice small and vulnerable as she would never have let it be had she been able to better control herself. "I…I had a dream."

Imoen's face was pale beneath her shock of pink hair. "I know," she said, hugging her best friend closer. "I…I woke up and I heard you screaming. And…and then I saw you trashing about, a-and moaning like you were about to die. For a second I thought you were going to die. You sort of gasped, and…and I think you stopped breathing for a moment. It was one of those dreams, wasn't it?"

"Yes." The bard shivered violently again, and put her arm around her friend, taking comfort from her presence. Warmth. And light, and…and openness and unconditional kindness. Oh, Immy. I wish…sometimes I wish I could be more like you. "Yes, it…it was one of those dreams. My sire - he still wants me to serve him, I think. He…he called me a tool. And…and I'm afraid. Immy, I'm so afraid that he might make a tool out of me without me even knowing it. How do I know I'm not doing exactly what he wants me to do?"

Imoen's face was unusually stern and she gripped her friend's hand tightly. "No, you're not," she protested. "Don't you think I'd know? You're my best friend, practically my sister, and I love you! You're no tool." Her small hands tightened into fists. "That…that nasty old spook ought to just lie down and rot! Nobody wants him around anyway." She glared indignantly at the ceiling. "Hear that, old spook? Nobody hurts my sister and gets away with it. If you try I'll…I'll…I'll do something really wicked and roguish and horrible to you, probably involving live ants."

Zaerini felt her mouth quirk upwards involuntary at the mental image of the pink-haired thief coating Bhaal's ghostly form with honey and tying him up next to an anthill. "Oh, Immy," she said, laughing despite herself. "I love you too. Very, very much. Don't you ever change."

"'Course not. What could possibly make me?"

The two girls embraced again for a minute or so, and then Imoen settled into the bed next to her friend.

"Move over," she said.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm staying right here, that's what I'm doing. You need the company so you don't have another nightmare, you know that." Imoen nestled close to her best friend, yawning loudly. "Rini? Want to tell me a story?"

"Um…I don't know if I can think of a story right now. I'm pretty tired. Tell you what though, I could sing us a song."

"Oh, good! Please do!"

Zaerini thought for a moment and cleared her throat before she started singing softly.

Wolfweres and wyverns and wicked old wizards,
They can't harm us, not at all
Lamias, leeches and man-eating lizards,
May hunt us and hound us, but we'll never fall

I'm here for you, you're here for me
Always together, always free
Two as one
And anything might be done

Beholders and basilisks, bearded old bugbears
Want to eat us, but they'll choke
Dragons and demons with really long nose-hairs
We'll send them all running and then tell a joke

I'm here for you, you're here for me
Always together, always free
Two as one
And anything might be done

Fear and frustration may frighten a stranger
But a friend will see you home
Boiling hot rage may well put you in danger
With me right beside you, you won't be alone

I'm here for you, you're here for me
Always together, always free
Two as one
And anything might be done

The half-elf's voice trailed off as she finished the final stanza. She well remembered when she had first learnt that song.

"That was really nice," Imoen said, smiling sleepily. "I liked it a lot. Did you make it up yourself?"

"No," Rini said, settling down in the bed close by her friend. "No…Gorion taught it to me." I'm so sorry, Father. You were always there for me when I needed you, and when you needed me I could do nothing to help you.

"Oh. Good night then. Wake me if you need me."

"Good night, Immy. Sleep well. Immy?"

"Mmmm?"

"I'll always be there for you, you know, same as you've always been for me. I just wanted you to know that…what with Sarevok and everything. I'm not letting anybody hurt you if I can help it. You do know that, don't you?"

Imoen yawned again, half asleep by now. "Silly…" she sighed. "Of course I do…"

And Zaerini finally drifted off into sleep, the calm presence of her friend giving her the comfort she needed. On the floor, Softpaws watched and waited for the dawn to come, thinking on many things. The familiar was concerned. Her kitten was changing, she could feel it. Some of these dreams made the change come quicker. Part of the change would be good, she thought, but not all. The cat eventually jumped onto the bed, settling down in the crook of her kitten's arm. She could do nothing more at this moment. She might as well get some sleep. Purring softly the black cat closed her eyes, determined to make sure to enter the next unpleasant dream as well. Nothing would be allowed to harm her kitten. Nothing at all.