In The Cards

I love disguises and acting, always have done. There's something very satisfying about getting into a part and being able to fool everybody around you into believing you're somebody different. And I'm always eager to pick up new tricks of the trade. It's the sort of skill that comes in very handy for a rogue, and it's always fun to exchange tips with other professionals.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

Imoen was so excited that she could hardly stand still. The reentry into her life of the rogue she had fixed her attention on made her feel all giddy, like her blood was fizzing and bubbling. She was currently staring at him with a rapt expression on her face as he explained something to the rest of the group, thinking that he looked even better than she recalled. And it wasn't as if she hadn't done a lot of recalling before she went to bed at night, along with a lot of fantasizing that featured the two of them in all sorts of interesting situations of an adult nature.

"As I said before," Adahn was saying, oblivious to the plans made by the pink-haired girl, "my position among the bandits requires me to do some recruiting as well as training. Getting you into the camp shouldn't be too difficult - except for one thing."

"What's that?" Zaerini asked.

"Your…how shall I put this…fame. It may be that I'm not the only one able to recognize you as the Heroes of Nashkel. I think we need to change your appearance just a little bit in order to insure your safety."

"A disguise?" the bard said, with an excited gleam in her golden eyes. "I like the sound of that. What did you have in mind?" Imoen wasn't surprised at her enthusiasm. Rini had always loved disguises, dressing-up and acting. A large number of their childhood games had centered around pretending to be such different things as wild dragons, or wizards, or pirates. Imoen was quite fond of it herself, but her friend's talent for getting into a part surpassed her own.

"Nothing too fancy," Adahn said, looking rather pleased with the half-elf's eagerness. "For you, I think we need to mask that red hair of yours more than anything else. It is attractive, but it is also highly recognizable." He produced a small bottle out of a hidden pocket and handed it to the bard. "This should take care of that. A very useful potion. Three drops on your scalp and you'll be a blonde for the next twelve hours."

"It will wear off, won't it?" Edwin asked, sounding worried. "I mean…not that it matters to me of course…but…"

"Of course it will," the bandit snapped. "I just said so, didn't I? Besides, I made it myself, so I ought to know. It will wear off, and it will cause no harm."

"Right," Zaerini said, still with that entranced gleam in her eyes. "Let's see how it works." She carefully poured three drops onto the top of her head. After a few seconds the strands of hair closest to the spot where she had applied the potion started lightening. The blonde color spread rapidly like frost covering a tree in winter. In a minute the bard's hair had turned a bright silver blonde that made an interesting contrast with her golden eyes. "Wow," she said, openly admiring. "That's a great potion. Now let's see…I should make up a part to go along with this." Her face settled into a sort of sulky pout, and when she next spoke her voice held an odd combination of naive seductiveness and bloodlust. "Hi everybody," she said, thrusting her chest out as she spoke. "My name is Bimby, and I love bloodshed, embroidery, reading romance novels and bloodshed. Oh, and bloodshed. If I win the 'Miss Faerun' competition I'm gonna use the title to promote world peace." She stared at her sword as if she couldn't quite remember what it was for. "And I'll do it with this little pointy guy," she giggled. "Dead people are so peaceful, aren't they?" She grinned widely and her voice returned to normal. "Think I'll pass?"

Adahn smiled a crooked smile. "I should think so," he said approvingly. "Yes, that sounds like the sort of woman that would appeal to many of these bandits." He shook his head. "Pathetic, really."

"Should I go blonde too?" Imoen asked. "I will, if you want me to." For some reason the bandit looked a little taken aback at this.

"Ah…that wouldn't be a good idea," he said. "Your hair is dyed already, isn't it? There could be unfortunate side-effects. No, I think you had better just keep your hood up." He scrutinized the rest of the adventurers carefully, his hands on his back and his head cocked slightly to one side as he paced back and forth in front of them. "Most of the rest of you should be able to pass without notice as well. With one notable exception. I am, of course, referring to the wizard."

"What?" Edwin said, looking a bit startled. "Me?"

"Yes. You. There are other Red Wizards travelling the Realms, certainly, but not so many in this area that you won't stand out. Fortunately, I have provided a way of getting around that." Adahn threw Edwin a folded piece of cloth. It turned out to be a mage robe, a black one, plainly cut.

"You expect me to wear this?" Edwin protested, looking outraged. "I'm a Red Wizard, I don't want to pretend to be some…some hedge wizard."

Adahn fixed him with a dark glare that made the wizard take an involuntary step back, looking rather pale. "I expect you to do what you're told without sabotaging my efforts. I also expect you to do what you have to do in order to stay alive without whining about it like a spoilt child. Now go and get changed!"

The commanding words made Edwin jerk a little. He still looked a bit mutinous, but he disappeared into the trees without further protest, taking the black robe with him. "Wow…" Zaerini said thoughtfully. "Wish I could do that…"

Once Edwin had returned the party set out towards the bandit camp. The walk wasn't a particularly long one, which was fortunate since it was starting to get really dark. On a couple of occasions Imoen noticed that Adahn stopped to signal some unseen watcher before moving on. No doubt sentries were posted here and there. And then she could see light ahead and they passed into the camp proper.

The camp was large, a maze of tents and cooking-fires. Bandits were everywhere. Walking past, hanging about, sitting down to eat, taking care of their equipment. And not just human bandits either. Imoen stared as she saw a pair of large hobgoblins hurry past, growling at the adventurers to get out of the way. And then she totally forgot about them as she saw the creature who was approaching.

It was an ogre. The largest ogre Imoen had seen so far, and dressed in heavy armor and a horned helmet. Cruel eyes glared out from beneath its rim, and heavy yellow tusks distorted the ogre's speech. "More new recruits?" the beast snarled. "I don't like the looks of them." He bared his teeth in a hideous grimace. "Tell me why I shouldn't bash all your skulls in and eat your brains."

"That would be most unreasonable of you, Tazok," Adahn said in a cool voice, his face betraying nothing. "I have proved my worth to you before. You may trust me to do what is best."

So that's Tazok, Imoen thought. Boy, he sure is ugly. Those warts are the biggest I've ever seen…And he's almost as rude as Abduh…

Cunning glittered in the ogre's beady eyes. "Maybe," he said. "Best for you. But is that best for me? I'm trusted by him, I'll be his right-hand man once I bash in the skull of that mage of his…"

"Yes, you seem very fond of that sort of thing," Adahn said. "I'm sure 'he' appreciates your unique…talents. But while you wait for your moment of glory, why don't you question my recruits? I'm sure you'll find them satisfactory."

Oooh! Imoen thought. He sure looks handsome when he's being sarcastic like that. Come to think of it he looks handsome all the time in a sort of dangerous way. Makes my knees go all wobbly when he looks at me… And he looks so good in leather. She sighed dreamily. Tight leather. Especially tight leather pants. He's got the hips for it. And the…

Imoen was startled by a sharp elbow to her side. "Snap out of it," Zaerini whispered. "You're almost drooling, you know. I don't think you want either of them to notice that." Actually both bandits were staring at the pink-haired girl by now. Tazok looked puzzled and annoyed. Adahn looked a little worried. Probably he was afraid she'd let their developing relationship get in the way of business. But I won't, the girl thought. I'll show him I can be terrifying just like him.

"Uh…right!" Imoen piped up. "We're villains all right. Yup. That's us. Hardened villains, bloodthirsty and evil." She scrunched up her face in what she hoped was a menacing sneer resembling that of her devoted love. "And you'd better not bother us or…or we'll be very cross with you."

Tazok scratched his head. "She's a very strange bandit," he said. "Grinning like a flesh-eating chipmunk…"

"But she's very dangerous," Adahn hastily added. "Extremely so. Ah…impossible to escape." Imoen gave him a bright smile and he paled a little. That is so romantic! He's practically swooning with love! Just like in 'Black Knight's Secret' where Kanin the Fallen Paladin encounters his lost love Rosaminda after ten years of exile…He even has piercing and mysterious eyes, just like Kanin. And a lithe and muscular body. Yummy…

"Let's move on," Adahn said, steadfastly not looking at Imoen's frenetic and rather unsuccessful attempts to create the impression of a 'heaving bosom'. "She's dangerous. Trust me on this." Tazok seemed to accept this. He inspected Khalid, Jaheira, Viconia and Edwin in turn, finding them acceptable. Apparently he thought Jaheira had just the right killer instinct and vicious attitude. The druid didn't seem to know exactly how to react to this. Tazok approved of Viconia especially, saying that a little Drow attitude might be just what the bandits needed.

"What they really need is a bath," Viconia said. "These rivvin stink even more than usual. But I suppose I could use them to run errands and such. That they should be able to manage, if given some proper training." She grinned and swung her mace a little from side to side. "I'm sure I could prod them into action."

"Me too," Zaerini agreed, still speaking in that giggly voice of her 'Bimby' persona. "Oh, it's going to be so nice with all these naughty boys around. Naughty boys make such nice toys…" She smiled sweetly and tossed her blonde hair back, admiring her own reflection in the shiny surface of her sword. "Except they'd better not be naughty to me, or they might just get broken… Sometimes I play a little rough…" She giggled again. "Are we gonna go kill something soon? I'm getting bored, I wanna see some pretty blood. Pretty, pretty blood. It brings out my eyes, don't you guys agree?" She smiled sweetly at her companions. "Anyway, who should I kill first? I'm really good at it, my Daddy always says so."

"Hrrrgh," Tazok said. "Good. Yes. Tazok wants you." He turned to Adahn. "Make sure she doesn't break anything she's not supposed to. I take a patrol and leave for mine tonight! Keep pressure on trade routes and there be extra gold for all when we are done! I leave soon." He paused. "You take the time to check out the other new recruits as well."

"Other new recruits?" Adahn said, not sounding very pleased.

"Yes. Teven brought them in an hour ago." The ogre snorted. "The halfling will do, I suppose. But the mage is crazy." He looked at Zaerini again. "Though maybe not as bad as some. And then there's the zombie."

"Zombie?!" Imoen squeaked. "What zombie?"

"Big ugly thing," Tazok said, oblivious to the irony of his statement as he dug around with a meaty finger inside his enourmous left nostril and ate the result of this excavation. "Stupid brute, but strong and mean, that Abduh. Yes, very strong and mean." He turned and walked off, leaving a group of unpleasantly surprised adventurers behind.