In The Cards

Genuine innocence and light sweetness in others can be very appealing, even if you don't possess much in the way of innocence yourself. Perhaps particularly then.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

"Uh…guys? I think you should take a look at this." Imoen looked uncharacteristically serious as she pointed at the thing that was standing some distance into the trees. At first Zaerini thought it was just a large boulder, like so many of the others in this part of the forest. Then she squinted her eyes a little and saw that it was a bear. Or rather, that it had been a bear. It stood motionless, one paw raised as if to swipe at an invisible enemy. The jaws were half-open, prepared to bite, but they never would. The bear had been turned to stone, and it had been stone for a good while. Its features were uneven, eroded by rain and wind, and there was moss growing on it.

Jaheira raised her head, looking about. For a moment she almost seemed to be sniffing the air like a hunting wolf. "Something is close by," she said. "Something…unnatural."

"Korax not unnatural," the shuffling ghoul protested. "Him part of Nature, him cleanssss foressst by eating dead thingssss."

"No, no," Jaheira hastily said. "I did not mean you, Korax. There is something else in the air."

"Though how you are able to tell is quite beyond me," Edwin muttered. "Not that I mind the undead as such, but can't the ghoul at least stay downwind of the rest of us?"

"Look," Zaerini said in a quite voice, forestalling the impending argument. "There are more of them." And so there were. The party had now entered into a clearing, a clearing filled with statues. They were everywhere. Humans, dwarves, and elves. Warriors wielding swords or axes or bows. Robed wizards, their hands raised to cast spells they never had a chance to utter. Creatures of many races and ways of living, but with one thing in common. All of their faces were frozen into fear and dread, captured forever in that instant when they realized they were doomed. Some of the statues seemed new. Others were older, with limbs broken off, with faces worn away or with lichen growing on them.

"Strange," Edwin said in an almost casual voice. "For some reason I find myself hoping that this clearing is haunted by a fanatical sculptor, rather than…"

"Sssstrangerssss? Here?" A small shape waddled out between a statue of an armored knight and one of a man on his knees, begging for mercy. It was a gnome, a rotund little fellow wearing blue mage robes decorated with silver stars. He had a bald head and a short brown beard, and at first his face seemed friendly. But if you took a closer look at him you could see that the cheerful glint in his eyes was hollow, like light reflected from a cracked mirror. Behind him three large basilisks came shuffling out of the underbrush. "Nasssty ssstrangersss…I don't like them."

"…a madman with a fondness for dangerous pets," the Red Wizard continued. "So much for luck. (Isn't it possibly to go for five minutes without tripping over a lunatic in this part of the world?)"

"Oh d-d-dear," Khalid moaned. "N-not again…"

"Greetingssss.....," the gnome hissed. "I am Mutamin. I hope you enjoy the artwork my pretty lizards have sculpted. They sculpt with their eyessss. They sculpt when nasty travelers come by, yesssss. I don't like nassssty travelers. They should keep to the roads."

Zaerini sighed. This really wasn't shaping up to be a great day. Oh well, she thought. Might as well get it over with. "Well, these 'nassssty travelers' don't like you much either, wacko," she said. "Listen, Mr. psycho gnome, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but we're really not interested in your rock garden."

Excellent kitten, Softpaws said with a sarcastic sound to her mental voice. If that doesn't appease him I don't know what will.

Ah, he's spoiling for a fight anyway. There's no way to get around it.

Korax rubbed his flaking scalp and gave the gnome a puzzled look. "Korax talkssss like thisss becaussse of shape of lipssss," he said. "What's your excusssse?"

"He's a complete and utter loony, that's what," Zaerini explained, raising her bow. "Some of them think it makes them sound impressive, particularly the ones who fancy themselves Scary Evil Wizards. What they never seem to realize is that they just sound like they have a bad speech impediment. Also, it makes them spit a lot, which is disgusting but not really very scary."

"Yeah!" Imoen agreed, tossing her head.

"P-perhaps we should l-leave now?" Khalid asked. "B-before he…"

"Impudence!" Mutamin screamed.

"W-works that out…"

"You will go nowhere!" the mad gnome hollered. "You will join the beautiful work of art that standssss before you. You will become a piece of the art......forever." He raised his hands to cast a spell, then yelped with sudden pain as one of Rini's poison arrows struck him in the shoulder and was followed up by a few flaming ones, courtesy of Imoen. He was still screaming when Jaheira's scimitar neatly cut through his neck.

The basilisks charged towards the party, green eyes blazing. But Korax was in they way, and the ghoul was not affected by their petrifying gaze. Bravely the undead creature met their attacks with his own claws, and was able to hold the basilisks off long enough for the adventurers to finish them off. That task was made much easier since the basilisks vainly tried using their gaze attacks on the ghoul, thus leaving themselves vulnerable.

"Here, Korax, you have this," Rini said once it was all over. She poured the healing potions she'd found on Mutamin's body down the wounded ghoul's throat, hoping they'd work on the undead. Fortunately they did.

"Korax feelssss much better," the ghoul declared. "Nice Mistressss sooo good to poor Korax. You sure you won't change your mind about that ring?"

"Yes, Korax," Zaerini sighed and pushed her red hair out of her eyes. "Quite sure." Satisfied that the ghoul was feeling better she examined the scroll she'd found on the dead wizard's body. "Here Eddie, you can have this," she said. "Stinking Cloud sounds rather similar to that Web spell I already got. Better if we split them up."

Edwin nodded and took the scroll. He was busy examining the statues of Mutamin's poor victims, moving from one to the other. Eventually he seemed to find what he was looking for. "Aha!" he said. "This has to be the one." The statue he had settled on was one of a halfling girl. Unlike all the other ones, it didn't look scared to death. Instead it had an open and friendly smile on its round face. "I believe I've located the missing halfling," Edwin said with a triumphant smile. "Looks like she didn't get very far from home. Do we have any more of those Stone to Flesh scrolls?"

"One," Jaheira said and handed it to him. "The cleric at the temple was almost out of them. Let us hope we will not need any more."

Edwin read the scroll without answering. Once he was done Zaerini was fascinated to see what happened. A small purple dot showed up in the uniform gray surface of the statue. The color spread quickly, cold stone melting away to reveal living flesh instead. So that's what it looked like when I was uncursed, she thought. How very interesting.

The halfling was dressed in bright purple leathers, exactly matching the broad purple streaks that had been dyed into her short brown hair. She had a very wide smile on her face, and her brown eyes sparkled merrily as she saw her rescuers. "You saved me!" she squealed in a piping voice, throwing herself at Edwin and hugging his legs tightly. "Leaping lizards, you SAVED me! Oh, you're so NICE!"

"Yes, yes," the Red Wizard said as he vainly tried to pry the chirruping halfling off his legs. "You're welcome. Now get off me. (This is so undignified.)"

"I'm so HAPPY! Happy, happy, joy, joy! Happy, happy, joy, joy!"

"Will you stop it?! (Somebody please turn her back right now. She's so sweet she could get eaten by a dragon and wind up giving it a toothache. Where's a basilisk when you need one?)"

"Would you be Alora by any chance?" Zaerini asked the halfling who promptly let go of Edwin and bounced over to greet the others. "Your Mother was worried about you, she asked us to go look for you."

"Oh yes," Alora said. "I'm Alora, and I'm going to be a Great Adventurer. My Auntie is one, though Mother doesn't like that. She says Auntie's keeping bad company, but I think she's really nice. Not that I hardly ever get to see her, but she writes me all these exciting letters… Mother's worried? Gee, I'd better go back to see her then before I go on to Baldur's Gate. Are you going to Baldur's Gate? Can I go with you? I'm a thief, and I'm really good. You don't mind thieves do you?"

"Er…" Zaerini said, feeling more than a little stunned. "No, we don't mind. But we're not going to Baldur's Gate, at least not right now."

Alora's face fell a little. "Oh," she said. "That's too bad. Hey, maybe we'll meet up later though! Wouldn't that be great? I love making new friends! Auntie does too, you should see some of hers…"

Zaerini, hoping to keep the halfling from launching into some endless story, now briefly introduced herself and her friends, and suggested they head back towards Gullykin as it was already starting to get dark. Alora cheerfully went along with this. She seemed to have taken a particular liking to Edwin. The wizard steadfastly refused to hold her hand as she wanted him to, but she kept close by his side, watching him with adoring eyes and chattering ceaselessly.

"So you're a mage?" she said. "I knew a mage once but he was pretty stuffy. You're not like that."

Edwin sighed. "What makes you say that? (What is it about her anyway? She's extremely annoying but at the same time also somehow…comforting. Her company is refreshing but I am surprised I find it so.)"

Alora giggled. "If you were stuffy you wouldn't be talking to me in the first place," she said. "Stuffy people think halflings don't know anything, but I know lots of things. Auntie's been sending me these letters since I was little, telling me how to open locks and sneak about and stuff, and she's come to visit a couple of times as well to see how I was doing. She says I'm very clever, and Auntie's very clever herself, so she should know, don't you think? I think so."

"Well…," Edwin said, his eyes a little glazed over.

"Anyway," Alora continued and nudged him in the side, "Everyone is basically decent, once you get them to unwrinkle their faces. And I think you're really nice. Nice, nice, nice. Nice as pies. Mmmm, pies…"

"I'm not nice," Edwin protested, but the corner of his mouth quirked slightly upwards. Alora missed nothing.

"You should smile more often, Edwin," she said. "It looks good on you. Don't the rest of you think so too?"

Jaheira snorted. "If you say so. Though I think he looks more terrified than happy." Khalid chuckled wordlessly.

"Korax agreesssss."

"Well, I sure think he looks good," Imoen said with a wide and mischievous grin. "How about you, Rini? What do you think?"

"Ah…" the bard said. "I…Oh look. Isn't that another basilisk over there?"

"No it's not," Alora said. "It's just a fallen log." She turned to Edwin again. "So," she said, "I have a great idea. You can be my new Best Friend! Everybody needs one, especially the people who think they don't. Auntie always says that."

"But I…" Edwin feebly protested.

"Auntie says she had to follow her Best Friend around for days singing happy songs before he'd agree to be her friend. Would you like me to sing to you?"

"NO!" the wizard hastily said. "Don't. Just don't. I'll be your friend. (Anything to shut her up. Come to think of it, that's probably what that other unfortunate fellow said as well.)"

"Oh goody!" The halfling gave Edwin another fierce hug and then started running around him in circles. "I've got a Best Friend, I've got a Best Friend! Wait till Auntie Poppy hears this!"

Zaerini thought Edwin looked about ready to faint. He'd gone as white as a sheet and his mouth was working soundlessly as if he was trying to say something but couldn't quite manage to form the words. She was just about to ask him what was wrong when a strange voice rang out, proud and challenging.

"Hold, travelers," it said. "I challenge your best warrior to a duel." A tall woman dressed in heavy platemail and wielding a large sword stepped out of the forest with a nasty smile on her face.

Great, Zaerini thought. Yet another nutcase. And this one looks like she might be a bit difficult to crack.