In The Cards

It is always a good idea to adapt your behavior according to the people accompanying you. Not to change your own personality, but to always remember that they may think and act in a different manner than you would. In other words, don't invite a paladin to a burglary and don't expect a pirate not to betray you at the first sight of gold.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

"So, anybody heard of this Davaeorn fellow?" Zaerini asked her friends. The party had encountered a large group of ogres the previous day and had been much the worse for wear. Fortunately they had run into a mysterious healer who called himself 'the Surgeon' and who claimed to be trying to compensate for the acts of evil committed by his brother Davaeorn. Apparently the Surgeon blamed himself for not killing his brother when he had the chance.

"He is unknown to me," Jaheira said, "but then there is no shortage of ruthless wizards with plans for world domination." She gave Edwin a pointed look.

"There doesn't exactly seem to be a draught of self-important tree-huggers fond of random preaching either," the Red Wizard said. "More's the pity. (And I don't plan to rule the entire world. Much too cumbersome. Thay will do nicely.)"

"Oh, look," Imoen said. "There's somebody waving to us." The person in question turned out to be an attractive young woman, with flowing brown hair and a seductive smile. Her dark purple leathers had clearly been selected to create maximum visual impact on any hapless male who wandered by.

"Why, hello," the woman said in a soft and breathy voice. "My, I never expected to find so…handsome strangers in these parts." She looked from Khalid to Edwin beneath her hooded lids, and a small smile played around the corners of her mouth. "I have a problem that only you could help me solve."

"Maybe if you told us your name and problem we could help you," Zaerini said, trying to catch the woman's eye. "It would depend on what you want."

"Well, good sirs, you may call me Safana," the woman said, her attention still focused on the men. "You'll have to excuse me if I sound startled, but in the south where I come from they don't grow their men as big as any of you. Anyhow, if you want, I have a way to make you all fabulously wealthy. In my possession I have a map that gives the location of an old pirate treasure trove. According to the writings on the map, it's where the legendary Black Alaric dumped his treasure before being captured by the Amnish fleets! You interested in hearing more?"

"We're always interested in hearing about money," Edwin said, looking interested. "Any possibility of any magical scrolls involved in that treasure? Tomes of power maybe?"

Safana smiled again, a smile that set Rini's teeth on edge. "The reason I need so many heroic men, is that the caverns where I wish to go are guarded by some sort of creature; which kind I couldn't tell you. If you help me, I'll let you share in the treasure. I may be grateful in other ways, as well."

That does it, Rini thought. "The decision rests with me," she said. She placed herself in front of Safana and looked the woman directly in the eyes, blasting her with the full force of her hottest glare. "The pirate treasure sounds interesting, and we will help you find it. As for your 'gratitude', you may want to keep that to yourself to avoid finding out about my 'ingratitude'. Do we have a deal?"

After a few moments Safana looked away. "Yes," she said, and her voice was harsher than before. "Yes, I understand."

"Good. See that you don't…forget yourself. I don't take kindly to that sort of forgetfulness."

Safana kept her flirting to a bare minimum after that, becoming very businesslike and much more likable. As she guided the party towards the hidden cave she explained that she was originally from Calimport, the daughter of a wealthy noble. She had craved adventure from an early age and had eventually run away with the first mate of the pirate ship 'Exzeus'. Having sailed with the pirates for several years she had now decided to strike out on her own.

"Right," Rini said with a cynical smile. "Was it because you were found in bed with the wrong sailor or simply because you wanted to get away with the treasure map?"

"What a suspicious mind," Safana said. Then she smiled. "Actually, it was because the 'wrong sailor' woke up as I was about to make off with the map." She fingered one of her throwing daggers and winked. "Dead men may not talk, but corpses left in your wake at least whisper. I thought it might be a good idea to make a run for it." Then she paused. "Of course, some dead pirates do talk. You should have seen this zombie pirate I met once. Strong man, very powerful, but that wriggling old moldy beard of his was just so…undesirable."

Safana's pirate stories were actually quite entertaining, and Zaerini filed them away for further reference. Not that she believed half of them, but that wasn't really what was important. A good story could always do with some improving anyway. She was already amusing herself with spinning a tale. It was all about Elminster getting together with a pirate witch who turned out to actually be an enchanted three-headed monkey, and she was almost done when she heard the voice.

"This is not your place. This is the home of Sil's tribe! Dirty land folk, you shall suffer for your trespass." More sirens! Three of them, looking suspicious and angry.

"Hold!" the bard cried before the sea-women started casting their spells. "I have spoken to your sisters to the north of here." She sang a few notes of the song she had been taught by Shoal.

"Yes," Sil said, her silver eyes calm now. "Sil has heard of you, singer. You may pass through our land, as long as you harm it not."

"I promise," Zaerini said and bowed to the siren. "Tell me, do you know of a cave around these parts? That is what I and my companions seek, and once we have found what lies within we shall leave again."

Sil looked thoughtful. "Sil knows the place," she said and pointed due north. "It is not far. But it is a dark place, dangerous. Nasty pink flesh-things live there."

"Pink flesh-things? What do you mean?"

"Big things, like land folk but even uglier. Big fists, crush Sil's children. You kill them, maybe?"

"Maybe," Rini said. "We'll see." Then she turned to her friends. "Anybody got any ideas about how to fight 'pink flesh-things'?" she asked.

In the end it was decided that Imoen would scout ahead and see what she could find out. After a little while she came back, panting and red-cheeked as if she'd been running. "It's flesh golems," she said. "Like Thalantyr had. Don't know how many, but more than one for sure. One of them spotted me, so I couldn't get very far inside the cave. I was lucky they didn't follow me out."

"Flesh golems…" Edwin said, looking as if he was thinking hard about something. "Seems there's something I should remember about flesh golems…"

"Well, golems mean magic," Rini said. "And magic means wizards." She gave Safana a hard look. "This pirate who hid the treasure, did he employ a wizard by any chance?"

"I think so," the pirate woman said with a shrug. "Yes, now that you mention it he did."

"Thank you so much for sharing these little things with us, Safana. Who knows how many magical traps and monsters may be inside that cave?"

Safana said nothing, but there was something very shifty about the look in her eyes. She hadn't said all she knew, Zaerini was certain of it. They would all have to watch their steps once they got closer to the treasure.

"Flesh golems!" Edwin suddenly exclaimed. His eyes went a little unfocused and he put his hands on his back as he started reciting. "Not as dangerous as for example the Clay Golem, and they may be harmed by any magical weapon. Completely impervious to magic. Of special interest is the fact that they are highly susceptible to poison, due to the substance from which they are created." For a second he almost looked as if he expected a pat on the head, and then he seemed to come back to the present. "Or so I have been told," he said. "Knowing about different creatures is very helpful, wouldn't you say? (Not that I expect most of these people to know about anything but their fellow simians.)"

"Thanks, Eddie," Zaerini said with a grin. "Looks like we have the beginnings of a plan."

The cave was dark and dank. The sound of waves was all around, as if the adventurers were walking partly under water, and here and there it dripped from the walls as well. The party hadn't gone far before they heard a terrible roar and a huge creature came lumbering towards them out of one of the dark tunnels. It was man-shaped, but both taller and heavier than any normal man. It had no skin at all, just red-pink flesh, with bare muscles and sinews showing as it moved. It did have eyes, staring mindless eyes, and those eyes were currently turned towards the people who had dared intrude where the golem had been ordered to guard. "Rarrrrgh!" it roared again and stomped towards them. Then it froze. Zaerini had hit it with an arrow, one of her remaining poison ones, and now the golem stood stock still, paralyzed as the poison spread through its system, unable to do anything but whimper. One more arrow struck it in the throat and it crashed to the ground with a booming sound.

"Neat!" Imoen said.

"Yes," Edwin agreed. "Poison can be very useful. Quite an amazing thing to see it actually work as specified."

"What?" Rini hissed. "Are you telling me you weren't sure it would?"

"Of course I was sure. Mostly sure. I'd never seen it for myself though."

"Great."

Safana pulled her hand through her brown hair and smiled. "Ah, all this death and excitement," she said. "It makes me feel so…sensual."

"Oh, just shut up."

Two more flesh golems were encountered and similarly disposed of. The tunnels led deeper into the mountain, and more than once Imoen warned her friends off as she stopped to disarm a trap. Eventually they reached another cave, one with a central pool of water.

"This is it!" Safana said excitedly. "The sea lets water into this cave, flooding it daily. But when the water subsides there will be a small island in that pool, and that is where the treasure is hidden. By my father's bones and all the rum Black Alaric ever drank, we'll be rich! Rich!"

"Perhaps," Zaerini said in a neutral voice. She knew a thing or two about pirates. Something told her that Safana wouldn't be all that willing to share once the treasure was actually found.

Nervous, kitten? Softpaws asked.

No, not really. I never trusted her in the first place. When she makes her move I'll be ready and waiting.

It was a few hours before the water in the pool receded enough. A small island slowly became visible, mostly just a smooth rock. And there, chained to the rock with many heavy chains, was a large chest.

"That's it!" Safana cried out. "Black Alaric's treasure! Hurry, go get it! I'll stay behind to…to guard your backs."

Khalid was just about to go into the water when Rini caught him by the arm. "Not so fast," she said. "Safana, since this is your plan I think you should go into the water first. We wouldn't want you to suspect us of robbing you."

The pirate paled a little. "But I…"

"No," Zaerini said with a shark-like smile. "I feel I must insist. It's only polite. And you are, after all, the one who holds the map and knows more about this place than anyone."

Safana looked as if she were about to try to say something, but then she clearly decided it would be useless. With a look of extreme trepidation on her face she waded into the water. Rini watched carefully. The surface was calm, dotted with seaweed here and there, thick green clumps of it. Hold on a second, she thought. There wasn't any seaweed there before, was there? The bard felt an uneasy prickle at the back of her neck. Something was wrong. And then she saw the eyes. Large, pale eyes. And it wasn't seaweed at all, it was…tentacles!

"Octopus!" the half-elf cried out, hurriedly casting a Magic Missile into the writhing green mass of tentacles. Safana jerked her head around in fear and surprise, and then she screamed. The octopus was right behind her, its green body as large as a horse, the snake-like tentacles lashing out to seize her. The large beak was open, prominently displaying a bright orange tongue. Safana hurriedly scrambled to reach the island, but the water was slowing her down. A large tentacle grabbed her around the waist and started dragging her towards the waiting mouth. The pirate screamed again, a half-choked sound as if she was having trouble breathing.

Zaerini narrowly dodged the strike of a tentacle and let fly another Magic Missile. It only glanced the leathery hide of the octopus, but Edwin was luckier, scoring a direct hit in one of the bulging eyes. The eye burst like a rotten melon and the octopus screeched with pain and flailed wildly, throwing Safana aside. The pirate struck the wall of the cave with a nasty crash and slid to the ground, unconscious. Khalid and Jaheira were hacking furiously at one of the tentacles, eventually managing to sever it, but not before getting sprayed with a cloud of black ink that left them sputtering and almost blind. The octopus had had enough, however. With a final keening wail it slid into the water and disappeared from sight.

"Well," Jaheira said as she wiped the ink from her face, "that was fortunate."

"Fortunate?" Imoen asked. "We almost got eaten by a giant squid. What's so fortunate about that?"

"It was a rather small specimen," Jaheira explained. "Just a baby, I think. I suggest we all get out of here before it returns with its mother."

"I second that," Edwin said with a shudder.

"M-m-me too," Khalid agreed.

"Just a minute," Rini said. "We still want to get the treasure, don't we? And then there's Safana. She intended us all to get eaten by the octopus and take the treasure for herself."

"What are you going to do with her?" Edwin asked with an intrigued look on his face.

"Oh, I have a suitably piratey idea about that. Help me get that chest and I'll show you…"

When Safana awoke it was dark. Dark, damp, smelly and above all very cramped. She was lying doubled up in a foetal position, almost unable to move at all. Outside her wooden prison she could hear water, the splash and hiss of rising waves. "Help!" she screamed. "Get me out of here." There was a brief moment of silence, and then she heard a voice.

"Awake, are you?" It was the voice of that damnable red-headed half-elf. Safana bitterly regretted trying to trick that one. She should have waited to find a party of all men, they would have been far easier to handle.

"Look, get me out of here," Safana tried. "I'm sure we can work something out."

"I'm sure you could," Zaerini said. "But I like you just fine where you are. You do realize where you are, don't you? Though I suppose it must be rather dark in there, despite the fact that I made a few air-holes. Not much sun around here, you know."

Safana shuddered. Inside the treasure chest. She was inside the treasure chest, there could be no doubt about it. The waves seemed to be closer now, she could feel water splashing against the side of the chest, some of it leaking into it.. "Let me out!" she screamed again. "The tide is coming in!"

"Why, I do believe you're right." That musical voice was laced with a hint of mockery now. "What a clever little back-stabber you are."

"But…but the water will fill the entire cave! It will leak in through the holes! I'll drown!"

"Possibly. Unless you're very, very good at lock-picking. Then again, the lock is on the outside of the chest, so I suggest you start practicing right about now."

"I'll pay you! You can have the treasure, all of it!"

"But I already have all of it," Zaerini said. "And a very nice treasure it was too. I think I could get into this pirate stuff. What was it you said? 'Dead men don't talk'? Sounds about right to me. You shouldn't have tried to kill me, you know."

Zaerini stepped away from the chest, suppressing a giggle at the furious swear-words emanating from within. "You're a wet little worm fit only for fish-bait!" Safana screamed.

"Yeah?" Rini retorted. "Looks like I baited you right onto my plate!" She splashed some more water on the chest for good measure and then she walked down the beach to where her friends were waiting. It was night by now, dark enough that no tattling sun would spoil Safana's surprise. "Let's go," she said. "We'll leave her to amuse herself in there."

Edwin gave her an approving glance. "How long do you think it will be before she figures out she's out here in the open rather than inside the cave, and that she won't actually drown at all?"

"Probably quite a few hours," the bard said with an amused grin. "Should give her plenty of time to reflect on the folly of trying to trick me."

"Yes," Edwin said. "Very clever. Very clever. A most satisfying vengeance."

"She won't starve to death, will she?" Imoen said.

"Oh no," Rini assured her and pushed her red hair out of her eyes. "Sil and her sisters will let her out tomorrow and run her off their land. I told them not to bother being gentle about it, but I'm not heartless enough to wish her a slow death like that. She did tell me some good pirate stories after all." Then the half-elf laughed. "In fact, I think I'll start practicing. Arrrrrh, me mateys! The loot is ours, the foe is buried, and it's time we sail! There be more treasure awaitin'!" She paused. "How's that?"

"Actually," Edwin said, "I think the 'arrrh' is somewhat redundant. It makes you sound like you have a sore throat."

"Nothin' a little pirate rum won't cure, me fine laddie!"

Edwin sighed. "Fine," he said. "But don't expect me to be the Captain's pet monkey, that's all I say. (Though an eyepatch might give me a roguish and interesting look. And possibly a parrot as well.)"

"Right," Zaerini said. Then she thought of something. "But don't get too carried away. You don't really need a pegleg, and I think you'd look dreadful with tattoos."

"How about a small nosering?"

"NO! Definitely not! Honestly, haven't you got any taste at all, Eddie?"

In a dark chamber far away a mage raised his eyes from his scrying ball. "Interesting," he said in a low voice. "She burns brightly, that one. A promising prospect. We must watch her closely to further evaluate her."

"Yes," his dark companion agreed. "But remember, my brother, we need two of them."

"I remember. And it will be arranged. Yes, all will be arranged. In time."