In The Cards

Occasionally your familiar may get mad at you. If it does, then be very careful. They can be extremely creative when it comes to revenge, and it’s not as if you can do anything against them without risking hurt to yourself. For example, I heard about this one imp who stole all his master’s clothes and flung them up a tree while they were camping in the middle the territory of a tribe of ferocious barbarians. It is very difficult to cast spells under such circumstances. Generally, it is best to try to keep your familiar happy.

Excerpt from ‘On Familiars’

“Mmmm…this is great!” Imoen sighed, carefully rinsing her hair until it took on its usual bright pink color rather than muddy brown.

“Yes,” Zaerini agreed. “We really needed this.” The bard reclined lazily in her hot tub, playing with the large and popping bubbles that mostly hid her from sight. “Say, do you wanna hear a bath song? I learnt this one in Gullykin, halflings have lots of songs like that.”

“Why not?” Jaheira said from the third tub as she carefully brushed her back. “Just do not strain your voice.”

“No problem. Here we go.” Zaerini cleared her throat. Pretty bubble, no more trouble, wash all care away! It plips and plops of hot sweet drops, time to wash and play! For the tub is your friend, from the start to the end, so wash all your worries away!

“Well, at least we can probably wash this accursed muck off our bodies,” the druid remarked and poured some more water over herself.

“It is natural substances,” Imoen mischievously commented. “What’s the problem?”

“Natural they may be, but it is still disgusting. And my only comfort is that the wizard got just as dirty as we did. Particularly the second time, once we pushed him in.”

Rini smiled and reclined a little further so that her hair floated out in the hot water like a red flower. Unconsciously she started humming to herself, a sad but sweet melody.

“What’s that?” Imoen asked. “Is that a new song?”

“Hmmm?” the half-elf said. “Oh…yes. It’s something I’m working on, it’s not quite done yet.” Her smiled widened a little and her golden eyes took on a distant, dreamy look. “It’s going to be a love song.”

“Ooooh! I like that. A really romantic one? With kisses and eternal bliss and stuff?”

“I hope so…but like I said, it’s not done yet. You’ll get to hear it when it is.” Again that dreamy smile. “All of you will.”

“Hm,” Jaheira said in a studiously neutral voice. “Our clothes should be ready soon as well, I hope. This inn has much better service than the Elfsong. Perhaps we should move here?”

“Yeah…maybe…”

“Khalid thinks so as well,” Jaheira went on. “I talked with him just before he went to have a bath of his own. The men should be done soon as well, we can talk it over then.”

Zaerini’s eyes went a little more unfocused at that remark. “Mmmm….he…I mean they are taking a bath too, aren’t they? Somewhere down the hall…”

Jaheira sighed. “Yes, they are. They needed it. So did your cat by the way. Where is she?”

“Oh, I took care of her first, though she didn’t like it much. She slunk off somewhere to sulk I think.” The red-head sleepily sent out a tendril of her mind, searching for her familiar. Softy? Where are you?

I’m not talking to you! The response sounded distinctly huffy. You gave me a bath!

Cats are supposed to be clean, aren’t they?

Not that way! I can clean myself.

Yes, I’m sure you could have, but I didn’t want you to lick up all that filth. It could make you sick. Besides, you got your revenge, didn’t you? It took Jaheira quite some time to deal with all the scratches.

Serves you right.

Yes, yes, I am sorry. What are you doing?

Nothing.

Rini frowned. That had sounded suspiciously innocent. What’s that supposed to mean? Where are you anyway?

Hiding under a bench in the boys’ bathroom. Did you know that your wizard sings in the bath too? But only briefly, Yeslick threatened to stuff his mouth full of soap.

Zaerini lost her balance and almost got her head under the water. In…in the boys’…Softy get OUT of there!

No need to shout. I thought you would be interested.

That has nothing to do with it. That is peeping, and it’s not a nice thing to do. Get out I said. I don’t want to know anything else. I am not interested.

Oh? Then you won’t mind this… Rini gulped at the image that floated up to the front of her mind. Edwin was sitting in a bathtub very similar to her own one. Mercifully or mercilessly, depending on point of view, there were plenty of bubbles covering him from waist down. Strangely enough, they weren’t the regular sorts of bubbles. Instead they glittered bright red, blue, and yellow. She could get a very good view of his chest though, which was pretty scrawny. To the half-elf it was the most enticing sight possible, and the fact that he had bubbles in his hair did nothing to detract from the effect.

Yummmm…

Ha! Softpaws sounded triumphant. Told you you’d like it, kitten. And just wait until he gets out of the water…

The bard tried to protest, but she was too preoccupied with staring. He’s so cute…he’s just perfect in every way. Mustn’t stare. Mustn’t look. But…but he’s so gorgeous! Vaguely she was aware that Yeslick and Khalid were in tubs on either side of the wizard, but she barely noticed them. By now Edwin had rinsed all the water out of his hair and was…and was apparently ready to get up. Slowly…slowly…getting ready to rise now…and…

Blackness. The vision winked out and disappeared completely, leaving the frustrated bard with nothing but a blurred pink afterimage. SOFTY! What did you do?

What? The cat sounded annoyingly innocent. I thought you said peeping wasn’t nice. I’m just doing as you said, that’s all. Yowsa, would you look at that…you’d like to see this, kitten. Pity your morals get in the way.

Feeling ready to cry with frustration Zaerini broke the contact, hitting the surface of the water with her fists so it splashed all over the floor.

“Child?” Jaheira asked. “Is something the matter? You are quite red in the face.”

“I’m fine,” Rini said, gritting her teeth. “It’s just that the water is a little hot. I think I’ll get out now.”

Once properly dressed the bard still felt more than a little hot however. Since none of her friends were ready yet she decided to head down to the common room for a while. Once there she heard a familiar oily voice raised in song. The song wasn’t a bad one, but there was something about that voice that made her fists itch. Hold on a moment. This inn…it was called ‘Three Old Kegs’ wasn’t it? And that’s where we were told that we could find…

“Eldoth Kron,” Zaerini said as she stepped up to the other bard. “So we meet again.”

“Sweet lady,” Eldoth said, letting his eyes roam over her body with a sort of indifferent and routine leer. “It has been far too long.”

Not quite long enough, Rini thought. Eldoth looked much as she remembered him from their encounter in the Cloakwood. He still had enough oil smeared into his dark hair and beard that you could have fried bacon in it, he still wore once-fine clothes that looked slept in, and he smelled strongly of some sort of strong cologne. Still, she wasn’t about to tell him off. Not just yet. “So,” she said. “My business in the Cloakwood is satisfactorily concluded, and I am available to help out with your own little project – if you still want me to.”

Eldoth’s eyes lit up with a greedy glimmer. The project in question was the ‘rescue’ of his most recent lover, the daughter of Entar Silvershield, one of the Grand Dukes of Baldur’s Gate. Not for any romantic purposes primarily. Skie, as she was called, was simply a means to an end. Once she had fled her father’s home with her romantic lover he planned to blackmail the Duke, pretending to have kidnapped her, without telling her of course.

He had told Zaerini though, on their previous meeting, and the redhead had pretended to go along with it. And I will continue to do so, she thought. For now. Then I think it will be time to instruct this guy in how not to treat women. And using them to blackmail their families is a definite no-no. I’m sure Skie will agree on that, and if she doesn’t, then she’s welcome to have him.

“Certainly I want you, my sweet,” Eldoth said, kissing her hand. Zaerini resisted a strong urge to yank it back and wipe it off. “Shall we discuss the details then?”

“Yes,” the half-elf said. Had Eldoth looked more closely he would perhaps have noticed that the sparkle in her yellow eyes was predatory rather than sultry, but he saw only what he expected to see. “Yes, Eldoth. Let’s discuss the details. And then let’s go to work.”