In The Cards

Over time I’ve managed to become fairly adept at knowing when people are trying to lie to me. Most of the time this is a highly useful trait. However, once or twice it has occurred to me that there are certain things I would have preferred not knowing about…

Excerpt from ‘Interview With An Assassin’

Imoen’s eyes slowly fluttered open. As soon as they did she almost fainted again. But at least I’m already lying down, so that’s all right. On a bed. On his bed. Ooooh…

Adahn was standing next to the bed, and he was giving her a rather disapproving look, not that Imoen noticed. Aw, he’s got dressed again. What a shame. But he’s hunky anyway. Perhaps if I pretend to be magically asleep he’ll try to kiss me awake? Let’s try some heavy pouting. Pout, pout, pout, pout…

“Would you please stop that?” the older rogue coolly said. “Since I didn’t exactly invite you in, I would appreciate it if you could at least refrain from grimacing at me. I may not have been expecting company, but I hardly think I’m that disgusting a sight.”

Pout, pout, po…what? “I wasn’t!” Imoen exclaimed, sitting bolt upright in the bed. “And you aren’t! In fact I think…”

“Never mind,” Adahn said. “Please explain to me exactly what you’re doing here. The very reason I moved out from the Elfsong and into this ratty place was so that I wouldn’t be exposed to this kind of disturbance.”

“Oh! Right. Well, I was working on this dangerous caper, see.” Imoen thought about how she best could dress up the truth so as to impress the mysterious rogue in front of her.

“Indeed. And what kind of ‘caper’ would this be?”

“Er…it was…er...“ Come on, Imoen, think! Make it sound good. “I…I…I was sneaking into the Iron Throne compound to steal Sarevok’s secret plans, and leave a note with an insulting verse on behind! Yep. That’s exactly what I was doing.”

A very skilled observer might have been able to see the black-clad man’s mouth twitch slightly with hidden amusement. “Is that so?” he asked. “How ambitious of you. Wish I’d thought of it myself. And just what went wrong?”

“Well, I’d just managed to put my hands on Sarevok’s secret evil diary, containing all his secret evil plans,” Imoen said, warming to her story. “But then he suddenly walked into the room, and I had to flee! I jumped onto the chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and swung across the room, knocking him out! Then I yelled ‘Sod off, Metalhead!’ and scampered.”

“That does sound like a prudent course of action. Impressive. Most impressive. Perhaps you would care to show me this ‘secret evil diary’?”

Imoen hoped she wasn’t sweating visibly. She was getting the highly uncomfortable feeling that her companion was seeing straight through her. “Um…see…as I was running across the courtyard an evil demon swooped down and swiped it right out of my hands! Can you believe that?”

Adahn raised an eyebrow. “Possibly,” he said in a very dry voice. “If I practiced diligently for a decade or so. Still, it was a very…entertaining…story.” Then he cocked his head to one side, listening intently to something. “Now stay put,” he murmured. “More company is heading this way.”

Imoen could have sworn she’d been looking straight at her fellow rogue the whole time. He shouldn’t have been able to disappear. And yet, somehow…he wasn’t there anymore. There were just the shadows. Imoen nervously bit her lip and readied her sword. And then the door suddenly splintered before the force of a savage kick, as a patrol of five Flaming Fist burst into the room.

No matter how large a group of armed people you are a member of, there’s a limit on how many can fit through a door at a time. That is why it’s never a good idea to be the first one through. You never know what might be waiting on the other side. In this particular case, the first soldier screamed with agonizing pain as he was sprayed in the face with a generous burst of strong acid from the trap that had been set just inside the door. Flesh ran and melted, and the screams turned bubbling and crazy before a hard blow to the man’s head finished him off for good.

The first soldier’s four companions were naturally more than a little unnerved by this, but they were too dutiful to turn and run, which would undoubtedly have been the wiser course. Number two went sprawling on his back as he was kicked hard in the chest, and number three sagged dying to the ground in a widening pool of blood after a sharp blade found its way into his left armpit and in between the chinks in his armor.

Imoen held her sword firmly, circling around to get closer to the remaining enemies, all the while keeping an admiring eye on her companion. Wow. He moves like…like a ghost. Or a black panther. Or a…

“Move your feet, girl!” Adahn snapped without turning his head, and Imoen hastily complied, dodging a sword that nearly took one of her ears off. Adahn was facing off against the fourth soldier now, and the man was obviously very frustrated that he couldn’t seem to hit his more lightly armored companion. The rogue simply kept dodging out of the way with a small smirk on his face, goading the Flaming Fist into making ever more reckless moves. Finally he dipped low to the ground, and the Flaming Fist’s sword went wide over his head. Instead it struck off the head of the last soldier, the one who had been temporarily knocked down and who had just groggily got to his feet again. Imoen didn’t doubt that her companion had planned this little’ accident’.

Hey! the pink-haired girl thought. I’ve gotta help, it’s almost over and I haven’t had the time to do a thing! She eagerly snatched up one of the rickety chairs off the floor, and then proceeded to make it splinter on the last Flaming Fist’s helmet. While it wasn’t enough to kill him, it did knock him out. Adahn then calmly pulled the man’s helmet off. “You may not want to watch this,” he warned Imoen. “It won’t be pretty.”

No. No, I can handle this. I can. I’m not some weak little girl anymore – if I ever was. This has to be done. “Go ahead,” Imoen croaked. “I can take it.”

Adahn raised an eyebrow at her strained voice, but he made no comment. The last soldier died quickly and silently.

“Wow…” Imoen whispered. “You killed them all…”

The older rogue simply shrugged. “It was necessary,” he said. “They may have followed you home, but I didn’t think it would be prudent to let you keep them.”

“Aren’t you worried the Fist will come after you though?”

“What for? These men’s superiors don’t know about this. Still, I suppose I shall have to move – again.” Adahn sighed briefly. “And I had just got used to this place. But it cannot be helped. Not that I mind a bad reputation as such, but right now it would be too awkward.” Then he paused, and he looked as if he had suddenly thought of something. “On the other hand, maybe this meeting will do us both some good. Hold on a moment. I have something for you.”

A present! For me! Oh, I wonder what it is? Flowers? Candy? Jewels? Or maybe a… “A book?” Imoen said, sounding a little doubtful.

“Not just any book. Go on, open it.”

Imoen did, and then she stared at the title page in disbelief. “The…the diary of Sarevok?” she whispered.

Adahn smirked. “Yes. As of now, the ‘Evil Demon’ is putting it back in your hands. Aren’t you a lucky girl?”

“But…but…how?”

“Never mind how. I happened to find it, which is all you need to know. Your friend Zaerini would be interested in its contents I think, and I have finished with it anyway.” The rogue took a look out the window, making certain that the street was empty. “I think we should leave now. And then perhaps you can tell me how you really ended up in here.”

A short while later the two rogues were stealthily making their way through the dark streets. “And then I fell through the roof,” Imoen finished her story, feeling very embarrassed. Her companion didn’t laugh at her though.

“Such things can happen,” he simply said. “You need to be prepared for it, then you’ll be more likely to be able to avoid the actual fall. But you did what you set out to do, and that is what really matters. No doubt your contact within the Guild will be pleased. You should seek him out first thing tomorrow.”

“Why not tonight?”

“Because it’s late. Your friends are certain to be worried about you.”

“Oh. Yeah. I suppose you’re right.”

“Naturally. I tend to be. I’ll walk you back to your inn, so you won’t get into any more trouble.” It was difficult to tell in all the surrounding shadows, but Imoen thought her companion looked amused. “I don’t intend for you to break the roof of my next dwelling, thank you very much.”

He cares about my safety! He really does! Ooohh…

Imoen spent most of the walk back towards the Elfsong in a sort of pink daze, absorbed in her study of her companion’s every feature.I could just look at him for hours and hours…and listen to him talk of course. Hm, he’s not saying very much right now though. He’s probably tired or something. Oh, are we here already?

Indeed they were standing outside the Elfsong. “This is it,” Adahn said. “I trust you can find the front door on your own. Good night.”

Oh no you don’t. Not without kissing me good night first. “Wait!” Imoen almost screamed, almost throwing herself into the older rogue’s arms, incidentally backing him up against a wall. “Don’t go yet!” Yum. Close enough to touch now. I’m not drooling, am I?

“Now what?” Adahn said, sounding rather annoyed. “Did you forget something?”

“Um…not really. I…I think I’ve got something in my eye. Can you check?”

“Do I look like a healer to you?” He snorted quietly so himself as if at some private joke. “Rather the opposite, I should think,” he murmured in an almost inaudible voice. “You’d be better off asking that druid of yours.”

No I wouldn’t! Come on, you must know what I’m talking about. But maybe…maybe you want me to be more bold and forthright. Yeah, that’s probably it. You don’t want fluttery maidens do you, you want somebody beautiful and dangerous. Sort of like ‘Passionata the Pirate Princess’, when she simply tears off the clothes of the noble Captain Bloodbath and turns up the heat… No. Can’t do that in the middle of the street. And then there was Shallandra the Sorceress, she simply used enchantment spells. Wonder if I could get Rini or Edwin to help me out? No, better not. I’m not sure they’d understand.

“Look,” Adahn said with an impatient sigh. “It may come as a surprise to you, but I actually have other functions to fill apart from being an escort service. So if there was nothing else…”

“Wait! There…there is.” Here goes nothing, Imoen. It’s now or never. Winner takes it all. “I…I really have to show you something. Once you see it, you’ll understand.” Her heart beating rapidly, her hands trembling with excitement, Imoen hauled out That Picture and thrust it into Adahn’s hands.

And then, at exactly that moment, the pink-haired thief was horrified to see her best friend come walking out of the Elfsong tavern, Edwin close behind her. “Immy!” the redheaded bard exclaimed, her voice sounding very loud to Imoen’s ears. “Where have you been? We were afraid something had happened to you.”

Darn. Something would have happened if only I could have had a couple more minutes. “No, I’m fine,” she said, trying to sound as cheerful as usual. “Adahn walked me home. He was just leaving, actually.”

“Oh, was he?” Edwin said. He sounded extremely disapproving. “It doesn’t look like it. (I can’t believe it. We’ve been here, what, ten hours or so? And she’s already all over him!)”

Adahn drew himself up to his full height, and gave the Red Wizard an icy look that made him shrink and wither like a flower under a winter storm. Imoen could almost feel the wind racing across the frosty tundra, howling like a pack of wolves. “How interesting,” Adahn said. “I can’t recall when I became accountable to you. It must have slipped my mind. Unfortunate, such would have been a very memorable occasion.” He frowned. “And not that it is any of your business, but I was leaving. As soon as I take a look at this and find out what all the fuss is about.” He waved That Picture, currently rolled up, about a little, a bit too nonchalantly for Imoen’s taste.

A look of abject terror came into Zaerini’s golden eyes. “Um…Adahn?” she said. “You may want to rethink that…”

Edwin nodded violently. “Yes,” he fervently said. “Please trust me, that is a very, very bad idea. (I still bear the mental scars.)”

“Perhaps we can go have dinner or something?” Imoen desperately tried. “Just you and me? And you can look at it in private?”

A very ominous look crept into Adahn’s black eyes, and when next he spoke it was in a voice that reminded Imoen of the mild hiss of a dagger being unsheathed. “No,” he said. “Actually I think I’d rather have a look at it right now. I don’t know what the three of you are trying to hide, but I will see it uncovered before I…” And then he broke off in mid sentence. He had been unrolling That Picture as he spoke, and now he was staring at it in all its detailed and lovingly rendered ‘uncovered’ glory, with a very peculiar look on his face. Actually it wasn’t so much a look, as an absence of a look, almost as if he had been instantly transformed into a stone likeness of himself. Imoen didn’t think he was even blinking.

“Oh dear,” Zaerini whispered. “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…” Somewhere in the background Edwin was moaning quietly.

“So…” Imoen tried. “Do you like it?”

“What…” Adahn said, and then he had to clear his throat since his voice sounded unnaturally hoarse. “What…what in the name of all the Nine Hells were you thinking of!” Then he checked himself and suddenly looked very pale. “No, forget that. I don’t want to know what you were thinking of.” He pointed That Picture at Imoen’s nose. “You and I. Need to talk. Seriously. Tomorrow night. Don’t come looking for me. I will find you.”

“Can’t we do it tonight?”

“No.”

“But I…”

“NO!” Adahn shook his head emphatically before he slipped into the shadows and disappeared from sight. Imoen could hear his disembodied voice drifting back towards her. “Definitely not tonight. For some reason, I suddenly have a very severe headache…”