Probably because her fingers were frozen stiff, the fool woman managed to prick herself with the needle, and bled all over the snow, something she apparently considered pretty. Very disturbing, if you ask me. I don't think blood is very pretty, and I see it on a more or less daily basis so I ought to know. Sticky, yes. Pretty, no. The queen then proceeded to show off her twisted mind by wishing for a child red as blood, white as snow and black as ebony.
She sounds like a very disturbed person.
Some god with a nasty sense of humor must have heard this, for some time later the queen gave birth to a Drow child. Black skin, white hair, red eyes, just as specified. And since neither the king nor the queen were drow, but a certain Drizzt had happened to pass through nine months earlier, the unfortunate queen died shortly afterwards in a terminal case of head loss.
LOL
She was everything a queen should be: proud, haughty, and fond of whipping servants. She had the firmest hand with her underlings of any in the land. Her lady’s maid never spilt her tea on her eiderdown of a morning. This royal lady owned a magic looking-glass. I have asked little Nalia to make one like it for me, but so far she has not been able to. Mages! You ask them to do one little thing for you, and they refuse.
She sounds like Delcia's type of queen.
However, the years passed, and by the time the girl, named Red Eyes for her most distinguishing feature was seven, she was flogging servants and executing rebellious peasants with the best of them. She had her own little miniature Cat-o'-Nine-Tails, and was very fond of using it, and she was also fond of performing necromantic experiments on small mammals.
In the underdark, she'd definately fit right it.
This made the Queen extremely jealous, since her one talent was her own inherent nastiness, and she had no intention of being anything but the best. A sympathetic ambition actually, except for the talent in question. The Queen did her worst, but year by year Red Eyes excelled, topping her efforts at every turn. Finally, the Queen had had enough and decided to rid herself of the girl.
LOL poor queen
Now, had the Queen been as clever as she was mean, she would of course have consulted a skilled professional, and Red Eyes would have been worm food within the week. But no, instead she decided that one of the royal huntsmen should try his hand at assassination, apparently unfamiliar with the differences between the two professions.
That would be her first mistake. Hiring a huntsman to do an assassin's job definately isn't a good idea...not unless you actually want the target to get away.
So, the queen gave her order, telling the huntsman to bring back Red Eyes’ lungs and liver as proof of the deed. Again, a bad mistake. Had she asked for the head, things would have gone very differently. The amateurish would-be assassin naturally botched the deed. He did bring Red Eyes into the forest, and he did get as far as drawing his knife, but clumsily and slowly enough that the girl had the time to notice. Even worse, he decided to be dramatic and said in a loud voice: “Tremble, tremble little Drow, I am gonna kill you now.”
LOL she can't even get someone assassinated, no wonder she's not the meanest in the land.
Of course, any real assassin would know better than to start reading out stupid rhymes to your target rather than swiftly getting them when they aren't looking. Obeying her Drow heritage, the girl kicked him in his privates, then ran off into the woods, shrieking curses.
LOL go Red Eyes!
The Queen ordered her cook to broil the lungs and liver and serve them in a lightly herbed dressing on a silver platter. She then ate them, and ate the cook too. Well, one can’t have one’s help burning the food, can one?
Xzar: Liver and lungs do tast wonderful fried with a litte fricassed oil, if I do say so my self.
Now, maybe I'm overly cautious, but I don't think it's a very good idea to break into somebody's house, eat their dinner, and then fall asleep in their bed. Most people tend to get upset about that sort of thing.
Definately not a good idea.
It so happened that the owners of this house were seven dwarves, who owned an illegal mine not far off. I say illegal since it was technically on the King's land, and they had set up a very nice smuggling operation, selling the precious gems off outside the borders. Of course, they weren't very keen on letting the King find out, and far less the Queen who had been a champion dwarf tosser in her youth. And so they were extremely agitated when they returned home in the evening to see light burning in the window.
Illegal mine trade? LOL
"Somebody's been drinkin' from me mug," said the seventh. "Look, there be bloody lip prints along the edge...and they've GONE AN' DRUNK ALL ME ALE! LET'S KILL! Look, there be a trail o' blood leadin' upstairs! Lads, axes out! We're goin' huntin' for that pesky pointy-eared burglar, and then we gut 'im! HAR! Good clean fun!"
LOL drinking all the dwarves ale..Red Eye must not be too bright.
I can’t help wondering exactly why there were seven dwarfs all living in one small cottage. (sniff) You know what they say about dwarfs. Very unwholesome, I think. Anyway, these dwarves of suspect morality raced up stairs to confront their burglar and found Red Eyes, fast asleep on the bed.
LOL it would be stuffy to say the least.
“What shall we do now?” They cried. “That is a Drow!”
No, what gave them that idea ?
“Great is your meanness of all I see,
But greatest it isn’t, by some degree,
You know that this mirror cannot lie,
And you still aren’t as mean as little Red Eye.”
Ha! poor queen.
Having thought long and hard about how to go about her task, the Queen actually did a semi-reasonable thing and disguised herself. True, the 'disguise' constituted of a straw wig, a fake nose and a false moustache, but at least it was an attempt in the right direction. A worn old dress finished the disguise, and the Queen set off for the dwarves' cottage, feeling very murderous. That was another mistake, in case you didn't guess. Being emotional about these things never helps.
LOL not exactly the best disquise.
At this point, the Queen had a golden opportunity. Corset-laces are strong and sturdy, and make for an excellent garotte. Had the Queen known that, and known how to use one, Red Eyes would have been dead within minutes. But no such luck. Happy Amateur, remember? Instead, the Queen apparently decided to use the corset-laces as...corset-laces. She laced Red Eyes up, making an effort to pull as tightly as possible. Red Eyes choked and fainted, but that was it.
The queen really is an idiot. Here she has the perfect opportunity to kill Red Eye and she walks away. Geesh. Anyone that stupid does not deserve the title meanest in the land.
Wearing a corset at the age of seven or so is rather suspicious, I feel, and Red Eyes got exactly what she deserved. Corsets are only appropriate for girls older than ten, surely! So, Red Eyes was lying there, slowly suffocating to death, when the seven dwarfs returned.
LOL I guess drow start young.
“Don’t be thinkin’ you can kill yerself just to escape us!” They told her, and then ordered her to go and empty the privy pit with a spoon, something I shall have to try next time my servants are disobedient. Try out ordering them to do it, I mean. Not do it myself- that would be highly improper.
Delcia would try that, wouldn't she?
The Queen didn’t give up, though, and, being a talented witch, she decided upon a plan. Hmm. I never realised magic was an art practiced by the highborn. Maybe I ought to try it myself. I am sure I would excel at it. Using her magical skills, she made a poisoned comb, and then changed herself into another old pedlar woman. Quite demeaning, really, but she must have been desperate to catch Red Eyes by now, I presume.
Have to give the queen some credit, at least she's persistant.
“You nadir of evilness!” She crowed. “Now you are done for!”
And here she is trying to get the title of meanest in the land.
She left with a spring in her step that was almost unseemly for royalty.
Yet she still neglect to actually kill her.
"DON'T MENTION THAT TRAITOROUS BASTARD IN FRONT OF ME!" Red Eyes screamed at the top of her voice. "AND I AM NO COWARD! GIVE IT HERE BEFORE I FLAY YOU!" Then she smiled evilly. "But only half of it. You eat the rest, before I take so much as a bite."
And Red Eye falls for it again..you'd think she'd learn by now.
It was here that another flaw in the Queen's plan became sadly apparent. You cannot count on your victim to follow your script, you need a contingency plan or several.
Yeah, the least the Queen could've done is to make both sides poison.
The Queen started sweating nervously, but she soon rallied. "Look behind yer, a three-headed monkey!" she shouted. As Red Eyes turned to look, the Queen cast a quick illusion spell, making the red appear as white and the other way around. Red Eyes looked suspicious as she turned back without having seen any monkey...Edwin! Stop twitching. There isn't really a monkey here, you know that perfectly well.
Nice save by the Queen.
“That may be just what you think,
But your plans really do stink.
You, oh my queen and witch,
Art truly a conniving bi…”
LOL
“HAR HAR! We worked ‘er to death!” They cried, and started to dance with glee. They carefully searched her corpse for anything valuable, and then started a party that would last three days. At the end of the three days, Red Eyes looked unchanged. The horrible little dwarfs scratched their crusty, flea-ridden beards and wondered why she hadn’t started rotting.
Um...maybe because she's still alive due to a certain incompetant queen who forgot to finish the job...again!
What can I say, really? One would never get a noble behaving in such a disgraceful way. Well, except perhaps the Queen. Um. So they buried Red Eyes in a glass coffin, and the birds came from miles around to try and eat her. First an owl came, and hit the glass with a loud thud and a squawk. A hungry raven came next, and pecked at the glass, giving itself a headache. Finally a dove came. A dove, I hear you say? Nasty birds. They swarm in horrible dirty flocks in cities, very common creatures. They’re just beggars with wings, you know. The dove pecked at Red Eye’s eyeballs and then disappeared in a flurry of feathers and a disappointed cooing.
No one ever said birds were smart.
The prince strolled up to the glass case and read the golden inscription which said: 'Red Eyes the Drow. Sapphires are blue, rubies are red, she'll never again get out o' bed! HAR!' Not very good poetry, but it wasn't that that impressed the prince first and foremost.
LOL Well it was written by dwarves, what do you expect Shakespeare or somthing?
"Thass'right!" said another dwarf called Stinky, scratching his noxious armpit. "We wanna see her rot!"
I'm guessing dwarf this really needs some deodarent.
If you ask me, it's very questionable to get that excited about a dead woman. Sounds like something Xzar would do.
Xzar: The dead are quite fascinating. Great for making little skull ash trays and so much more..
The prince was instantly struck by how much Red Eyes reminded him of his mother, and fell deeply in love with the illegitimate child, who was still only seven, may I add.
Only seven? This prince sounds like a sick...sick man
I love this..you really must do more of these twisted classics