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Blue Twins - Chapter Eight: Beregost


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#1 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 23 August 2003 - 03:43 PM

Again I would like to apologise for the grammer and spelling mistakes. I have tried to remove them to the best of my ability but I most probably have missed a few.

Paragraphs ten to twenty two contain a few very small referances to nudity. I wasn;t sure if a warning was needed so I just included one to be save.

All comments are welcome, I hope you enjoy. :shock:

Chapter Eight: Beregost

Leen opened her eyes slowly, the sunlight that was shining through the nearby window was bright and it hurt her eyes. With the speed of someone three times her age, she slowly started to raise up from the bed that she was laid in, a soft moan escaped her lips as the bed covers, that were pulled up to her neck, rubbed against her wounded shoulder.

A gentle but strong hand was placed against her uninjured shoulder. Gently, it pushed Leen back, so that she was once again laid comfortably in the bed.

Leen heard a familiar voice say, “Not so quickly, you are still weak. You should rest some more.”

“Jaheira dear, will she live?” Khalid asked his wife.

The sunlight was bright and it hurt Leen’s eyes so she decided to close them again. Whilst she was doing this she also heard Jaheira’s reply to Khalid’s question.

“I think that with plenty of rest she should do. That wound was a fatal one.”

Leen was getting quit comfortable lying under the soft covers of her bed, she felt sleep approaching, fighting off a yawn she decided to listen to the rest of this conversation first.

“But…she…will be…ok won’t she?” She heard Imoen ask, by the sound of her voce she could tell that she had been crying.

A few moments of silence passed, Leen didn’t get to hear the reply to this question. As sleep overcame her she was vaguely aware of Jaheira’s voice talking in a hushed whisper. Leen’s eyelids became heavy and she was once again, overcome by darkness.

****************************

Sometime later Leen woke for the second time, only this time the sun wasn’t as bright.

“Good morning fearless leader.” She heard someone close by say. “Or maybe that should be, Good evening.” The unknown person continued.
Looking around the room, Leen surveyed her surroundings. She was in a decently sized room. The floor was covered in a brightly coloured carpet. There were two chests and a wardrobe placed around the room as well as an assortment of plants. Sitting in a chair next to the bed was, Viconia.

Without saying a word, Viconia stood up and walked over to one of the nearby chests. Upon closer inspection, Leen saw that there was a pitcher of water as well as a cup resting on the top of it.

She watched as Viconia poured a cup of water and carried it across the room to her.

“Here, drink this.” She said offering the cup to her.

Leen sat up, allowing the bed covers to fall free from her and reaching out, she grasped the cup in one hand. She took a long drink, almost sighing with relief as the ice-cold water poured down her badly parched throat.

Offering the cup back to Viconia, she saw an amused expression on the Drow’s face. When Viconia saw that Leen was looking at her, she said, “You may wish to cover yourself up, you seem to be missing a layer of clothing.”

Leen looked down at her body and to her horror saw that her tunic had been removed, the only item of clothing that she had on her upper body was a bandage that was wrapped around her injured shoulder.

Going a shade of bright red, Leen quickly snatch the covers and used them to cover herself up, “Please, don’t look.” She said pleadingly.

Leen didn’t dare to look at her Drow companion, she was a very shy girl and she found the idea of someone seeing any part of her body naked very embarrassing.

She heard the sound of Viconia’s footsteps moving closer to her.

Bending down next to Leen’s bed, Viconia gently stroked her cheek. “You have a nice body.” She said. Viconia stood up and began walking to the door, however, when she reached the door she stopped and turned around, “For a half-elf mongrel that is.” She gave Leen a wicked grin before leaving her room.

Leen was left lying in her bed still clutching her bed covers around her and blushing furiously. Also, she was left wondering why being seen half naked by the Drow had made her feel so excited.

****************************

Leen almost jumped in surprise when she heard the door to her room being opened one again.

She had just finished getting dressed. She had found a fresh set of clothing in the wardrobe, as well her weapons and armour.

“Hey!” She heard Imoen shout, rather excitedly. She came running into the room and stood directly in front of her, a huge grin on her face.

“Hey Immie.” Leen replied.

“Are you okay?” Imoen inquired with a concerned look on her face.

Leen nodded to show that she was, “Where are the others?” She asked.

“They are all downstairs in the common room of the inn.”

“Which inn?”

“This one silly.” Imoen laughed.

Leen also smiled, “I meant which inn is this? Where are we?” She corrected herself.

“Well we are in Feldepost’s inn. In Beregost.”

“Beregost? When did we get here? What happened with the bandits?”

“All will be explained soon enough.” A voice coming from the doorway said.

Leen turned to see who it was and found Jaheira standing in the doorway. Before she could speak however, Jaheira was advancing on her.

“What are you doing out of bed?” She demanded. “I told you, you need plenty of rest.”

“I…I feel fine, just a little stiffness in my shoulder is all.” Leen responded.

“Very well, then you must come and have something to eat.” With that, Jaheira turned and left the room, closely followed by Imoen and the now healed Leen.

****************************

“So I was struck in the shoulder with an arrow?” Leen asked.

“Yes.” Jaheira responded. “When you fell to the ground one of the bandits advanced on you, intending to kill you whilst you were weakened.”

“I can remember the bandit moving towards me but someone stopped him. Who?” She asked.

“That was me.” Viconia said.

Leen, Imoen, Jaheira and Viconia were all sat around a table in Feldepost’s inn, the remains of their dinner left on the table.

When she had came down from her room, only Viconia had been sitting at the table, waiting for them.

“You saved me Viconia?” Leen asked uncertainly as she studied the Drow. Neither of them had mentioned the incident in Leen’s room earlier that evening.

The Drow nodded in reply, giving Leen a quick smile.

A few moments passed before Leen asked. “Where is Khalid?” She asked partly out of real wonder and partly out of a desire to get conversation before someone realised that she had been staring at Viconia.

“He has gone to gather the local news and gossip. No doubt we will not learn anything that we don’t already know but you never know.” Jaheira replied.

Leen nodded to show that she understood and together they waited for Khalid and whatever news he might bring.

****************************

They didn’t have to wait long for Khalid to return. Only around thirty minutes had passed before he returned to the inn and rejoin his companions at their table.

“What did you find out?” Jaheira asked, not evening giving him chance to take his seat.

“Well there is a bit of work available around here. Firstly the governor of Beregost, a priest of Lathander by the name of Kelddath Ormlyr, has a bounty of five thousand gold pieces on the head of a cleric of Cyric named Bassilus. A man by the name of Garrick wishes to hire us as mercenaries to protect his mistress and there is talk of hobgoblins and half ogres in the badlands.”

“The badlands?” Leen asked.

“The wilderness to the south and south west of this town.” Khalid answered her question.

“Nothing of any importance then. We should just carry on to Nashkell.” Jaheira said.

“Wait, we should maybe look into a few of the local problems.” Leen said uncertainly.

“Why?” Viconia asked. “Why should we care about these people’s pathetic problems.”

“Because, we need the money for starters to buy better equipment with.” Leen responded.

Jaheira was about to protest but Khalid cut her off, “She is right deer. We can’t expect to help the people of Nashkell with this meagre equipment.”

Jaheira reluctantly agreed and they all left the inn to do some of the work that Khalid had mentioned.

#2 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 25 August 2003 - 10:52 AM

“But…she…will be…ok won’t she?” She heard Imoen ask, by the sound of her voce she could tell that she had been crying.


A few moments of silence passed, Leen didn’t get to hear the reply to this question. As sleep overcame her she was vaguely aware of Jaheira’s voice talking in a hushed whisper. Leen’s eyelids became heavy and she was once again, overcome by darkness.


Awww, she's in good hands.

Leen sat up, allowing the bed covers to fall free from her and reaching out, she grasped the cup in one hand. She took a long drink, almost sighing with relief as the ice-cold water poured down her badly parched throat.


I am slightly perplexed by seeing Viconia act so supportively. She is not the one to trust a surfacer quickly and easily - maybe the fact that Leen saved her helps.

Bending down next to Leen’s bed, Viconia gently stroked her cheek. “You have a nice body.” She said. Viconia stood up and began walking to the door, however, when she reached the door she stopped and turned around, “For a half-elf mongrel that is.” She gave Leen a wicked grin before leaving her room.


Leen was left lying in her bed still clutching her bed covers around her and blushing furiously. Also, she was left wondering why being seen half naked by the Drow had made her feel so excited.


Obviously, you will be writing Leen and Viconia as a couple. That should prove interesting, but there are some aspects that you might want to address to make it more believable.

Regarding Leen - you should probably focus on how she is dealing with her sexuality, is she aware that she prefers women? How does she deals with it, does she find it right/wrong, does she feel guilty? What attracts her in Viconia? Focus more on the feelings inside her, that would be my suggestion.

Same goes for Viconia - why does she feel attracted to a young surfacer girl, for no particular reason? Is it just physical attraction - for those that have played Viconia's romance in BG2 know that she does not really know what love really is. Viconia is fascinated/attracted by power - Leen at this stage is not a very impressive or formidable warrior yet. What could be there that seems attractive to Viconia?

I think if you would focus on some of these questions, the whole relationship could become more realistic. Just IMO, of course. :oops:

A few moments passed before Leen asked. “Where is Khalid?” She asked partly out of real wonder and partly out of a desire to get conversation before someone realised that she had been staring at Viconia.


I don't think it will escape Jaheira's notice before long. :D

“Well there is a bit of work available around here. Firstly the governor of Beregost, a priest of Lathander by the name of Kelddath Ormlyr, has a bounty of five thousand gold pieces on the head of a cleric of Cyric named Bassilus. A man by the name of Garrick wishes to hire us as mercenaries to protect his mistress and there is talk of hobgoblins and half ogres in the badlands.”


I notice that you ignore Khalid's stuttering when writing his dialogue. It is hard to do correctly, esp for a non-native English speaker - I think you can do without it, anyways.

“Because, we need the money for starters to buy better equipment with.” Leen responded.


Jaheira was about to protest but Khalid cut her off, “She is right deer. We can’t expect to help the people of Nashkell with this meagre equipment.”


Jaheira reluctantly agreed and they all left the inn to do some of the work that Khalid had mentioned.


Heh, nice to see Jaheira being reasonable enough and listening in her husband for once too. No need to write her overly domineering, either... :shock:

Neat chapter, I wonder who else is going to join the group... There are some NPC's in Nashkel that you can pick up, of course.

#3 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 25 August 2003 - 12:10 PM

“But…she…will be…ok won’t she?” She heard Imoen ask, by the sound of her voce she could tell that she had been crying.


A few moments of silence passed, Leen didn’t get to hear the reply to this question. As sleep overcame her she was vaguely aware of Jaheira’s voice talking in a hushed whisper. Leen’s eyelids became heavy and she was once again, overcome by darkness.


Awww, she's in good hands.


Yeah I always use Jaheira as my healer whenever I have her in my party.

Leen sat up, allowing the bed covers to fall free from her and reaching out, she grasped the cup in one hand. She took a long drink, almost sighing with relief as the ice-cold water poured down her badly parched throat.


I am slightly perplexed by seeing Viconia act so supportively. She is not the one to trust a surfacer quickly and easily - maybe the fact that Leen saved her helps.


Leen saved Viconia so she feels somewhat compelled to return the favour.

Bending down next to Leen’s bed, Viconia gently stroked her cheek. “You have a nice body.” She said. Viconia stood up and began walking to the door, however, when she reached the door she stopped and turned around, “For a half-elf mongrel that is.” She gave Leen a wicked grin before leaving her room.


Leen was left lying in her bed still clutching her bed covers around her and blushing furiously. Also, she was left wondering why being seen half naked by the Drow had made her feel so excited.


Obviously, you will be writing Leen and Viconia as a couple. That should prove interesting, but there are some aspects that you might want to address to make it more believable.

Regarding Leen - you should probably focus on how she is dealing with her sexuality, is she aware that she prefers women? How does she deals with it, does she find it right/wrong, does she feel guilty? What attracts her in Viconia? Focus more on the feelings inside her, that would be my suggestion.

Same goes for Viconia - why does she feel attracted to a young surfacer girl, for no particular reason? Is it just physical attraction - for those that have played Viconia's romance in BG2 know that she does not really know what love really is. Viconia is fascinated/attracted by power - Leen at this stage is not a very impressive or formidable warrior yet. What could be there that seems attractive to Viconia?

I think if you would focus on some of these questions, the whole relationship could become more realistic. Just IMO, of course. :D


Thanks for your advice, many of the aspects you have mentioned will come to bear in chapter ten, which will be the chapter where Viconia makes her move. Many of the things you have mentioned will be addressed in that chapter. For example, Leen's opinion of two females being together.

A few moments passed before Leen asked. “Where is Khalid?” She asked partly out of real wonder and partly out of a desire to get conversation before someone realised that she had been staring at Viconia.


I don't think it will escape Jaheira's notice before long. :shock:


She will have a few things to say, lets just leave it at that. :oops:

“Well there is a bit of work available around here. Firstly the governor of Beregost, a priest of Lathander by the name of Kelddath Ormlyr, has a bounty of five thousand gold pieces on the head of a cleric of Cyric named Bassilus. A man by the name of Garrick wishes to hire us as mercenaries to protect his mistress and there is talk of hobgoblins and half ogres in the badlands.”


I notice that you ignore Khalid's stuttering when writing his dialogue. It is hard to do correctly, esp for a non-native English speaker - I think you can do without it, anyways.


I assume by that statement you think that I am none English. I actually am, however, I just have really poor English skills. I was in a special needs group at the start of secondary school because of my poor spelling skills.

Regarding Khalid, I havn't chose to ignore his stuttering, I included it in earlier chapters to show it was there. I intend to include it in various other parts but I felt that I could have his dialouge without having to say "he stuttered" at the end of everything he said.

“Because, we need the money for starters to buy better equipment with.” Leen responded.


Jaheira was about to protest but Khalid cut her off, “She is right deer. We can’t expect to help the people of Nashkell with this meagre equipment.”


Jaheira reluctantly agreed and they all left the inn to do some of the work that Khalid had mentioned.


Heh, nice to see Jaheira being reasonable enough and listening in her husband for once too. No need to write her overly domineering, either... :evil:


Thanks I am glad my Jaheira seems believeable. That is one aspect of writing fanfiction that scares me. Keeping my characters in character is something I occassionly find hard.

Neat chapter, I wonder who else is going to join the group... There are some NPC's in Nashkel that you can pick up, of course.


Thanks I am glad you like it.

I already have the 6th party member in mind but they won't be joining until later one. The NPC's down in Nashkell will have a roll in my story however.

#4 Weyoun

Posted 26 August 2003 - 10:38 PM

“But…she…will be…ok won’t she?” She heard Imoen ask, by the sound of her voce she could tell that she had been crying.


Poor Im. ;)

Without saying a word, Viconia stood up and walked over to one of the nearby chests. Upon closer inspection, Leen saw that there was a pitcher of water as well as a cup resting on the top of it.


She watched as Viconia poured a cup of water and carried it across the room to her.


“Here, drink this.” She said offering the cup to her.


Leen sat up, allowing the bed covers to fall free from her and reaching out, she grasped the cup in one hand. She took a long drink, almost sighing with relief as the ice-cold water poured down her badly parched throat.


Well, we know by now why she's being so nice, no?

Bending down next to Leen’s bed, Viconia gently stroked her cheek. “You have a nice body.” She said. Viconia stood up and began walking to the door, however, when she reached the door she stopped and turned around, “For a half-elf mongrel that is.” She gave Leen a wicked grin before leaving her room.


Oh, dear...

“You saved me Viconia?” Leen asked uncertainly as she studied the Drow. Neither of them had mentioned the incident in Leen’s room earlier that evening.


The Drow nodded in reply, giving Leen a quick smile.


A few moments passed before Leen asked. “Where is Khalid?” She asked partly out of real wonder and partly out of a desire to get conversation before someone realised that she had been staring at Viconia.


LOL! Khalid has left the building. :wink:

“Why?” Viconia asked. “Why should we care about these people’s pathetic problems.”


“Because, we need the money for starters to buy better equipment with.” Leen responded.


Jaheira was about to protest but Khalid cut her off, “She is right deer. We can’t expect to help the people of Nashkell with this meagre equipment.”


Jaheira reluctantly agreed and they all left the inn to do some of the work that Khalid had mentioned.


Great stuff,
---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi




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