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Alone
The breeze picked up again, whirling more ash into the air. Despite the heat rising from the smouldering ruin below, Anaria felt a slight chill run through her. She felt cold and alone. So alone. She would have given anything to have Kelsey with her at that moment, but he was back at the camp, probably asleep. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Things had changed between them.
It had been a difficult few months for them both. Ever since Anaria had lost her soul they had both been able to see the darker side of her nature. She had frightened him. She had nearly given in to the darkness inside her so many times. And then Bodhi had taken him. He had almost died and it had nearly broken her.
Despite the aching hole inside her that filled with rage and hate for all else, her love for him had driven her to put everything aside. She had selfishly abandoned the elves of Suldanesselar, even the search for her soul and revenge against Irenicus, for the faint hope that she might restore her lover. She succeeded, but even his return from unlife had not comforted her. She was beginning to understand what Irenicus had felt. He had clung to his fading memories of the life and love he had known before. She had done the same, desperately trying to hold onto the love she had felt for Kelsey even as it faded to the ghost of a remembrance.
And then only anger had driven her on. Hatred and revenge had boiled in the forefront of her thoughts, spurring her onwards to confront Irenicus and tear her stolen soul from his body. She had found herself in the Hells themselves, and had faced her greatest trials yet. Somehow having Kelsey at her side kept the memory alive of what she had once been. It was enough for her to defeat Irenicus and restore her. But just barely.
With the return of her soul everything had come back to her and they had been happy for a short while. There had even been a point when she thought Kelsey might propose to her, but in the end he seemed to shy away from making that commitment. Something about it troubled Anaria. Was he still in love with her? Or was the darkness inside her too much for him to bear?
Suddenly their peace was disturbed again by news of war and rumours that the time of the prophecies of Bhaal's children were at hand. And then she had been whisked away by the Solar and heard the spirits of the forest foretell the destruction to follow. The rift between Kelsey and her had only grown when his past caught up with him in Saradush. Likely somewhere in all the blackened ruin before her, the body of his brother still bore some semblance of it's former self. He was lost in his own thoughts, his hope that Kelvim might have escaped slowly turning to despair. He had no time to spare any thought for her. No time for the Child of Bhaal who was to blame for it all. The wreck of Saradush and the death of his brother. They might not even be able t recover his remains when the city had ceased to burn.
Why was there no happiness that would not be spoiled for her? Never a moment of peace that did not end in more bloodshed? No love that would not fade away under the shadow of the blood that ran in her veins? No love except....
Oh Gods, except for.... his.
She had tried to block the conversation from her memory, but even in all the turmoil of her despair her mind would stray back to that forbidden night.
Anomen loved her. They had all come so close to death in Yaga Sura's lair. The whole party had felt it as they slowly made their way back to the Forest of Mir. They had come too close. And Anaria had felt a kind of doom creeping upon her every time Anomen's glance strayed in her direction. As they camped near the borders of the forest it had all come out.
Anomen had taken her aside as they prepared to sleep, out of sight of the others. He confessed everything she had dreaded for sometime. He loved her. He had realized it just after he had become a knight. Although she had chosen Kelsey, he chose to remain with her, even when he might have become an important member of the Order and had men and squires under him, he could not abandon her. She had meant everything to him and he could not bare to be without her, even if she had given her love to another. He wished never to leave her side.
The confession had stirred dangerous emotions within her. He had always been there for her. They were always the first into battle together, side by side. She could not count the times he had carefully tended her wounds, even saved her life. And this last time had been to much for him. With death facing them everywhere they turned, he could no longer hold back. If they where shortly to die, he would not die without telling her how he loved her. His sincerity had pierced her to the quick.
How could she not return his love? He had pledged his life to her, but asked nothing in return. Nothing but to remain at her side in battle.
And he would have left it at that. He had just bared his soul to her and was content to turn around and go back to the camp as if nothing had happened. But she couldn't let him go. What had he expected her to do?
Anaria felt as if she breathed the memory in from the dark air. Guilt and desire blurred before her mind's eye. She had wanted him then like nothing she had ever wanted before. She had stopped him from leaving, giving no explanation but the kiss she drew him down into, emptying every pent up regret and desire that filled her heart. And Gods, how he had returned that kiss! Every drop of his passion burned against her tongue and lips and body where his strong arms enfolded her in their embrace. For that one moment the spark of her life was kindled to brightest flame, more violent than she had ever felt before.
And then he had broken away from her. It was wrong. She knew it was wrong. As much as she longed to have him and to love him that night, it was wrong. She desired him but she didn't love him, and he knew it.
It would have been too cruel to have that one night with him. She would have wounded him yet more deeply than she had with her initial rejection. She would have wounded Kelsey too. And herself. But the damage was already done.
They had returned to the others with only a few more words spoken between them. She had slept that night in Kelsey's arms, soothing him when dreams of his father troubled his rest. Damn that conjured spirit of the shadow wraith! She had to comfort Kelsey even as her heart cried out in desperate need for comfort of her own from the conflict of emotions within her.
And now, here she sat, on the edge overlooking the fallen city and the ruin of her life around her. She was alone and felt it to the very bottom of her being. Alone. But not for much longer.
As she gazed out over the darkness lit by the lingering embers of the fires, she heard a soft step as someone climbed the crumbling stair to where she sat. She paused before turning to look.
