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Rolling with the Punches, Chapt 3


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#1 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 04:57 AM

[sigh] I intended this to be longer, but Tamoko was very rude, perhaps becase of the way I had Sarevok think of her, and refused to share her POV. On the topic of Tamoko, I don't know that she is a kensai officially or anything, but I figured every story could use at least one kensai, and she was already yelling "Kai!" from the last chapter, so why not?

_______

Chapter Three: Sarevok

Sarevok pulled his sword free of Gorion's body and brought the blade up and around before the corpse could complete its fall to the ground. The dead mage's head fell away from his shoulders. Satisfied that the old man wouldn't be returning to the world of the living in that condition, Sarevok knelt beside the body and felt around Gorion's pockets for anything of interest. No common bandit, Sarevok was not looking for gold, nor did he have any interest in the black dagger that the mage had probably “acquired” from Quincy.

His own weapons were far more powerful than anything the assassin could ever have hoped to own.

Sarevok was looking for information, and he found it in the form of a scroll. The fiery intensity of his eyes increased twofold as he read it silently.

Tamoko pulled herself to her feet and came up to stand behind him. The kensai's voice was soft and calm, as it always was—before, during, and after battle. “That was a teleportation spell, I believe. He could be anywhere now.”

“And you wonder how we will locate him without a mage,” he observed, as he slipped the letter back into its owner's bloodied robe. “We have no further need to divine his whereabouts. He will head for Beregost.”

“We can likely ambush him there if we move quickly,” she suggested.

“We have more important matters to attend to in Baldur's Gate.”

“I respectfully disagree. He is too dangerous to take chances with. We would only be delayed—”

“We would be delayed longer than is necessary. The doppelgangers grow more rebellious with each passing day. They need the kind of reminder that only we can provide.” And if you had him so cleanly beaten, he will not provide the test of my power that I had hoped for. Sarevok kept the thought to himself because to the extent that he respected anyone, he respected Tamoko. “Do not fear; there is no risk. The Sword Coast has no shortage of assassins and bounty hunters. A price of ten thousand gold on his head will attract the attention of even the deadliest of the deadly.”

The kensai obviously disagreed with his priorities, but she obviously knew that Sarevok was honoring her greatly by even bothering to explain his reasoning. “It shall be as you wish.”

It always is, he thought to himself, a wolf's grin on his face, as he started to walk north. He paid no heed to the fallen form of Cythandria, nor did his eyes dwell on the twin knives in her throat. Unlike Gorion, she was probably still revivable, if proper care was taken with her body. But Sarevok would not go to any lengths whatsoever to reacquire the services of a mage who did not have enough sense to so much as cast the most rudimentary of protection spells on herself before initiating battle.

Besides, Sarevok knew a mage much more powerful than she. The only reason he had even kept Cythandria around was to keep Tamoko on her toes. Taking into consideration that Tartanos had killed the former nearly instantaneously, there was no real contest. Nevertheless, it would not do to have the kensai think she was irreplaceable to Sarevok simply because she shared his bed.

After all, Sarevok's respect only went as far as the power of the individual in question, of course.

And I have never met one who can match my power, Sarevok mused as he swung his massive obsidian sword in one hand, casually felling a sapling that blocked his path.

_____

Well, there is my interpretation of Sarevok. I tried to make hime sound arrogant without being willfully stupid and totally evil overlordish, but I must ask, does he sound a little too full of himself?

Also, what about his speech patterns? Does it sound like him? (I've become obsessed with this type of thing ever since I looked back at Chapter 1 and said, "The protagonist shouldn't talk like THAT.")


#2 Guest_Winter_Bloom_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 05:07 AM

> Chapter Three: Sarevok Sarevok pulled his sword free of Gorion's body

> and brought the blade up and around before the corpse could complete its

> fall to the ground. The dead mage's head fell away from his shoulders.

> Satisfied that the old man wouldn't be returning to the world of the

> living in that condition, Sarevok knelt beside the body and felt around

> Gorion's pockets for anything of interest. No common bandit, Sarevok was

> not looking for gold, nor did he have any interest in the black dagger

> that the mage had probably “acquired” from Quincy.

You made Sarry sound really evil here.

> “And you wonder how we will locate him without a mage,” he observed, as he

> slipped the letter back into its owner's bloodied robe. “We have no

> further need to divine his whereabouts. He will head for Beregost.”

> “We can likely ambush him there if we move quickly,” she suggested.

> “We have more important matters to attend to in Baldur's Gate.”

> “I respectfully disagree. He is too dangerous to take chances with. We

> would only be delayed—”

Tamako is the wise, practical one here.

> It always is, he thought to himself, a wolf's grin on his face, as he

> started to walk north. He paid no heed to the fallen form of Cythandria,

> nor did his eyes dwell on the twin knives in her throat. Unlike Gorion,

> she was probably still revivable, if proper care was taken with her body.

> But Sarevok would not go to any lengths whatsoever to reacquire the

> services of a mage who did not have enough sense to so much as cast the

> most rudimentary of protection spells on herself before initiating battle.

oh well, too bad for the mage. :(

> And I have never met one who can match my power, Sarevok mused as he

> swung his massive obsidian sword in one hand, casually felling a sapling

> that blocked his path.

Oh, but you will Sarry. You will indeed.



#3 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 05:08 AM

> Well, there is my interpretation of Sarevok. I tried to make hime sound

> arrogant without being willfully stupid and totally evil overlordish, but

> I must ask, does he sound a little too full of himself?

At this point of his career, I'd say it is not possible :(

I realize this is only a short chapter, but he comes out rather unemotional. He does have his calculating side, but perhaps he should show some triumph, some MUHAHA?

> Also, what about his speech patterns?

'Do not fear' sounded very Sarevokish. Nothing else especially bothered me.

That said, I'm not sure I can keep on following this story. Sarry is my favourite character and it is kind of hard to see a version of him that is predestined to end up in humiliation and Hell.

Well written, though. (The other chapters too).


Makings of a monster

#4 Guest_CHuK'chSS'raGKH_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 06:03 AM

> [sigh] I intended this to be longer, but Tamoko was very rude, perhaps

> becase of the way I had Sarevok think of her, and refused to share her

> POV. On the topic of Tamoko, I don't know that she is a kensai officially

> or anything, but I figured every story could use at least one kensai, and

> she was already yelling "Kai!" from the last chapter, so why

> not?

> _______

> Chapter Three: Sarevok Sarevok pulled his sword free of Gorion's body

> and brought the blade up and around before the corpse could complete its

> fall to the ground. The dead mage's head fell away from his shoulders.

> Satisfied that the old man wouldn't be returning to the world of the

> living in that condition, Sarevok knelt beside the body and felt around

> Gorion's pockets for anything of interest. No common bandit, Sarevok was

> not looking for gold, nor did he have any interest in the black dagger

> that the mage had probably “acquired” from Quincy.

That's a horrid sight.

> His own weapons were far more powerful than anything the assassin could

> ever have hoped to own.

That would be true.

> Tamoko pulled herself to her feet and came up to stand behind him. The

> kensai's voice was soft and calm, as it always was—before, during, and

> after battle. “That was a teleportation spell, I believe. He could be

> anywhere now.”

I thought that she wasn't a kensai. Well, it depends on how you interprut things.

> “And you wonder how we will locate him without a mage,” he observed, as he

> slipped the letter back into its owner's bloodied robe. “We have no

> further need to divine his whereabouts. He will head for Beregost.”

> “We can likely ambush him there if we move quickly,” she suggested.

> “We have more important matters to attend to in Baldur's Gate.”

> “I respectfully disagree. He is too dangerous to take chances with. We

> would only be delayed—”

She's right.

> “We would be delayed longer than is necessary. The doppelgangers grow more

> rebellious with each passing day. They need the kind of reminder that only

> we can provide.” And if you had him so cleanly beaten, he will not

> provide the test of my power that I had hoped for. Sarevok kept the

> thought to himself because to the extent that he respected anyone, he

> respected Tamoko. “Do not fear; there is no risk. The Sword Coast has no

> shortage of assassins and bounty hunters. A price of ten thousand gold on

> his head will attract the attention of even the deadliest of the deadly.”

> The kensai obviously disagreed with his priorities, but she obviously knew

> that Sarevok was honoring her greatly by even bothering to explain his

> reasoning. “It shall be as you wish.”

> It always is, he thought to himself, a wolf's grin on his face, as he

> started to walk north. He paid no heed to the fallen form of Cythandria,

> nor did his eyes dwell on the twin knives in her throat. Unlike Gorion,

> she was probably still revivable, if proper care was taken with her body.

> But Sarevok would not go to any lengths whatsoever to reacquire the

> services of a mage who did not have enough sense to so much as cast the

> most rudimentary of protection spells on herself before initiating battle.

> Besides, Sarevok knew a mage much more powerful than she. The only reason

> he had even kept Cythandria around was to keep Tamoko on her toes. Taking

> into consideration that Tartanos had killed the former nearly

> instantaneously, there was no real contest. Nevertheless, it would not do

> to have the kensai think she was irreplaceable to Sarevok simply because

> she shared his bed.

> After all, Sarevok's respect only went as far as the power of the

> individual in question, of course.

> And I have never met one who can match my power, Sarevok mused as he

> swung his massive obsidian sword in one hand, casually felling a sapling

> that blocked his path.

Obsidian? Nice. Don't need to sharpen the blade anymore.

> _____

> Well, there is my interpretation of Sarevok. I tried to make hime sound

> arrogant without being willfully stupid and totally evil overlordish, but

> I must ask, does he sound a little too full of himself?

> Also, what about his speech patterns? Does it sound like him? (I've become

> obsessed with this type of thing ever since I looked back at Chapter 1 and

> said, "The protagonist shouldn't talk like THAT.")

Hmm. In my opinion, it doesn't sound like Sarevok that much. But you never know.

Good writing!

CHuK'chSS'raGKH


#5 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 06:08 AM

> You made Sarry sound really evil here.

Yes, I notice I have a tendency to do that. I never got much sense of inner conflict from him in the first game. SoA? Well, there isn't much he can do with a line like "I relished spitting Gorion on my blade!" TOB? Maybe...he certainly wouldn't be an over-the-top villain after losing the Bhaal taint IMO.

> Tamako is the wise, practical one here.

I did try to show that one fatal mistake of Sarevok's. But I wanted him to sound at the very least borderline reasonable: "I have better things to do. Let's post a really high bounty and get some real professionals to take care of it." just seemed less in line with the kind of mind that would hatch the iron scheme to begin with than, say "Hmmm. I kick ass, so I'm sure it will all work out no matter what I do. Let's just put a price on his head that only the sucky assassins will take, then SLOWLY increase it, and see how long he lives."

> oh well, too bad for the mage. :(

Laziness on my part. I wanted to show a little of Sarevok and Tamoko throughout the story and Cythandria was getting in the way, so I says to myself, I says, "Self, you could just not include her." I saw some sense in that, but then another voice says, "Sure you could just cut her out entirely. Or you could remove her from the story...prematurely." Needless to say, I opted for elimination. Hehe.

> Oh, but you will Sarry. You will indeed.

Tartanos: And I'm better looking too!

Joe: Stop taking control of my body and making me write nice things about you. I've disturbed enough people without you turning into some sort of Mary Sue!

Tartanos: You can't order me around like that!

Joe: Just how much angst should I put you through?

Tartanos: Um, I mean, how little of a Mary Sue should I be, sir?


#6 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 06:13 AM

> I did try to show that one fatal mistake of Sarevok's. But I wanted him to

> sound at the very least borderline reasonable: "I have better things

> to do. Let's post a really high bounty and get some real professionals to

> take care of it." just seemed less in line with the kind of mind that

> would hatch the iron scheme to begin with than, say "Hmmm. I kick

> ass, so I'm sure it will all work out no matter what I do. Let's just put

> a price on his head that only the sucky assassins will take, then SLOWLY

> increase it, and see how long he lives."

Hmmm, meant to say "more in line." Kind of shoots my argument in the foot the other way.


#7 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 06:28 AM

> At this point of his career, I'd say it is not possible :(

> I realize this is only a short chapter, but he comes out rather

> unemotional. He does have his calculating side, but perhaps he should show

> some triumph, some MUHAHA?

You are right, unfortunately for me. Sarevok isn't the character I really intend to display as unemotional, but it seems sometimes the voice of the POV transfers over more than it should.

> 'Do not fear' sounded very Sarevokish. Nothing else especially bothered

> me.

Glad to hear it.

> That said, I'm not sure I can keep on following this story. Sarry is my

> favourite character and it is kind of hard to see a version of him that is

> predestined to end up in humiliation and Hell.

I don't like the thought of losing a reader, but I understand, especially considering that I certainly don't predict this Sarevok will be getting any better until TOB.

> Well written, though. (The other chapters too).

Thanks


#8 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 06:37 AM

> You are right, unfortunately for me. Sarevok isn't the character I really

> intend to display as unemotional,

That would be hard to reconcile with his game persona,at least for me :(

> I don't like the thought of losing a reader,

Perhaps I'll keep peeking, if I can manage.

> but I understand, especially

> considering that I certainly don't predict this Sarevok will be getting

> any better until TOB.

If you intend to take him along in ToB you might want to consider that the potential to get better has to be there (unless you make it a completely cynical affair, but the way you formed the sentence suggests that you intend him to grow some). In other words, there has to be something good, or not evil, in him - otherwise he can't change.


Makings of a monster

#9 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 07:01 AM

> That's a horrid sight.

Even I thought so, and I certainly have no problem with hack n slash in general. I actually didn't like writing it. But I didn't see how it could be helped. I just don't see Sarevok cutting the protagonist much slack--in the area of leaving Gorion revivable or anything else--except out of arrogance.

> Obsidian? Nice. Don't need to sharpen the blade anymore.

I like the word and the color. But now that you mention it, I've described it that way probably three times so far and I'm on chapter 3, so I should definitely come up with a new description. I don't like repetition too much. In fact, I've been known to randomly shout things like "Alright I get it! Artemis Entreri has an evil grin! He also has an evil smirk, smile, and leer! I understand the concept!" and "Gee, I wonder if Drizzt will be acting 'stoic' today." (I like Salvatore but he can be quite repetitive and pedantic at times.) Hurts to know I can do the same thing without noticing at first. Guess that's one of the joys of writing...

Ahh, but I ramble on.

> Hmm. In my opinion, it doesn't sound like Sarevok that much. But you never

> know.

I appreciate your honesty in the matter and I'll look at his dialogues some more.

> Good writing!

> CHuK'chSS'raGKH

Thank you


#10 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 07:06 AM

> I appreciate your honesty in the matter and I'll look at his dialogues

> some more.

I have a file with all his ToB (interparty) dialogues. Email me and I'll send it to you.


Makings of a monster

#11 Guest_CHuK'chSS'raGKH_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 07:14 AM

> I appreciate your honesty in the matter and I'll look at his dialogues

> some more.

Here's a suggestion: look at all of Sarevok's dialogues and try to figure out his personality from there.

CHuK'chSS'raGKH


#12 Guest_No One of Consequence_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 08:33 AM

> In fact, I've been known to randomly shout things like "Alright

> I get it! Artemis Entreri has an evil grin! He also has an evil smirk,

> smile, and leer! I understand the concept!" and "Gee, I wonder

> if Drizzt will be acting 'stoic' today." (I like Salvatore but he can

> be quite repetitive and pedantic at times.)

Now this is someone who takes their adventure fiction seriously.

> Hurts to know I can do the

> same thing without noticing at first. Guess that's one of the joys of

> writing...

Absolutely - to wit, I've just had my PhD thesis proof read for submission (That's right, I'm gonna be DOCTOR...No One of Consequence) The number of repitions - even of whole paragraphs - makes one weep.

Enjoy your writing and let the critics haggle over repitition, that's what I say.

Of course I say things like "Land rights for lesbian, nazi whales!" too, so you can't always rely on what I say



#13 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 08:58 AM

> Perhaps I'll keep peeking, if I can manage.

Thanks

> If you intend to take him along in ToB you might want to consider that the

> potential to get better has to be there (unless you make it a completely

> cynical affair, but the way you formed the sentence suggests that you

> intend him to grow some). In other words, there has to be something good,

> or not evil, in him - otherwise he can't change.

Well, I don't think any character should be entirely one-dimensional. Jaheira can crack a smile. Minsc (or Boo) can give sage advice. Who knows? Maybe Xan can even say "Given that it's just a few xvarts, we actually will probably survive this battle." If my protagonist turns out one-dimensional I will need some sense literally beaten into me. As for Sarevok: to me his biggest issues are that he is a Bhaalspawn (with what I would argue is perhaps the most of old dad's power and therefore the most of his taint) and that, by all accounts, he has not led a life nearly as pleasant as one in Candlekeep. There's not much I can do about that second factor, but in ToB he will be a child of Bhaal only in the most literal sense, so at the very least I can make him more likable even if he isn't "good" by many standards (like Viconia, Korgan, or Edwin). But I don't know anything for sure. ToB is a long way off, after all.


#14 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 09:17 AM

> Now this is someone who takes their adventure fiction seriously.

And don't even get me started on Drizzt as the bottomless well of wisdom and moral authority on everything ;) I mean people complain about paladins, but that guy...

> Absolutely - to wit, I've just had my PhD thesis proof read for submission

> (That's right, I'm gonna be DOCTOR...No One of Consequence) The number of

> repitions - even of whole paragraphs - makes one weep.

Congrats...on the doctor part. Sorry about the crying.

> Enjoy your writing and let the critics haggle over repitition, that's what

> I say.

> Of course I say things like "Land rights for lesbian, nazi

> whales!" too, so you can't always rely on what I say

This will have to be one of those times. I will strive to be my own worst critic, and an absolutely mean one at that. That way, when I take over the world, I'll know what all those yes-men who will inevitably surround me are REALLY thinking. Mwahahahaha


#15 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 09:28 AM

> I have a file with all his ToB (interparty) dialogues. Email me and I'll

> send it to you.

I'm actually between email addresses right now (long story), but hopefully that will change very shortly and I'll be able to take you up on that offer. And this is not me trying to politely say no because even if I didn't care about making him sound like he's supposed to, I'd still like to see what he says to some of those NPCs ;)


#16 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 09:57 AM

> Well, I don't think any character should be entirely one-dimensional.

Was rather the point. I wanted to say that to make his change plausible there should be something mitigating in him even before TOB. This is only my opinion, of course.

> As

> for Sarevok: to me his biggest issues are that he is a Bhaalspawn (with

> what I would argue is perhaps the most of old dad's power and therefore

> the most of his taint) and that, by all accounts, he has not led a life

> nearly as pleasant as one in Candlekeep.

Exactly. Ask yourself what his core personality is like, what are his morally neutral charasteristics that make him what he is. (My own version is so immersed in my brain that I can't see clearly in this in order to give some detailed advice).


Makings of a monster

#17 Guest_Sarah_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 04:19 PM

> Sarevok pulled his sword free of Gorion's body and brought the blade up and

> around before the corpse could complete its fall to the ground.

*grimaces and closes eyes*

There's no scene in the whole damn series that I hate more than this ambush. Poor Gorion. :D

> He paid no heed to the fallen form of Cythandria, nor did his eyes dwell on

> the twin knives in her throat.

Well, I can't say I'm sorry to see that one go.

> After all, Sarevok's respect only went as far as the power of the individual

> in question, of course.

>

> And I have never met one who can match my power, Sarevok mused as he swung

> his massive obsidian sword in one hand, casually felling a sapling that

> blocked his path.

Very nice ... or rather, appropriately nasty. :) This is pretty damn close to how I see him as well: the one thing he truly respects at this point is power and the iron will to wield it.

> Well, there is my interpretation of Sarevok. I tried to make hime sound

> arrogant without being willfully stupid and totally evil overlordish, but

> I must ask, does he sound a little too full of himself?

Nah. He is extremely arrogant in the games, and one has to admit that he has reason to be, so I'd say this is fine.

> Also, what about his speech patterns? Does it sound like him? (I've become

> obsessed with this type of thing ever since I looked back at Chapter 1 and

> said, "The protagonist shouldn't talk like THAT.")

*grin* I think "obsession" with such details is a good thing. IMO, the primary thing to keep in mind is that he seems to use rather refined speech patterns for a mass-murdering maniac. ;) He's super-smart and arrogant and not in the least afraid to demonstrate either trait when he speaks.

Apart from that observation, I'm afraid don't know much about fine-tuning speech patterns, which is one reason why I'm a reader, not a writer.


#18 Guest_Sarah_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 04:22 PM

> Here's a suggestion: look at all of Sarevok's dialogues and try to figure out

> his personality from there.

Extracting his speech files and listening closely to them might also be a good idea. I think he is one of the NPCs you can learn quite a bit about just by listening to the sound of his voice.


#19 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 14 May 2002 - 04:56 PM

> Yes, I notice I have a tendency to do that. I never got much sense of

> inner conflict from him in the first game.

I did, though... not in any sense of redemption or guilt, but emotional turmoil and angst.

> Well, there isn't much he

> can do with a line like "I relished spitting Gorion on my

> blade!"

So he says, but in my story he actually didn't enjoy it. It was much less satisfying than he expected. As he says that, he is trying to make the PC to lose it and turn into the Slayer, and what better way than taunting him/her about Gorion's death?

Works wonders with Peri.

> I did try to show that one fatal mistake of Sarevok's. But I wanted him to

> sound at the very least borderline reasonable: "I have better things

> to do. Let's post a really high bounty and get some real professionals to

> take care of it." just seemed less in line with the kind of mind that

> would hatch the iron scheme to begin with than, say "Hmmm. I kick

> ass, so I'm sure it will all work out no matter what I do. Let's just put

> a price on his head that only the sucky assassins will take, then SLOWLY

> increase it, and see how long he lives."

LOL! So true. His arrogance is the only reasonable explanation with a guy of his intelligence.


Makings of a monster

#20 Weyoun

Posted 14 May 2002 - 05:33 PM

> His own weapons were far more powerful than anything the assassin could

> ever have hoped to own.

> Sarevok was looking for information, and he found it in the form of a

> scroll. The fiery intensity of his eyes increased twofold as he read it

> silently.

> Tamoko pulled herself to her feet and came up to stand behind him. The

> kensai's voice was soft and calm, as it always was—before, during, and

> after battle. “That was a teleportation spell, I believe. He could be

> anywhere now.”

Hah! The prize has fled the scene! ;)

> “Do not fear; there is no risk. The Sword Coast has no

> shortage of assassins and bounty hunters.

Not yet, but they will soon. :D

> Besides, Sarevok knew a mage much more powerful than she. The only reason

> he had even kept Cythandria around was to keep Tamoko on her toes. Taking

> into consideration that Tartanos had killed the former nearly

> instantaneously, there was no real contest. Nevertheless, it would not do

> to have the kensai think she was irreplaceable to Sarevok simply because

> she shared his bed.

This Sarevok is a big, fat jerk!

> Well, there is my interpretation of Sarevok. I tried to make hime sound

> arrogant without being willfully stupid and totally evil overlordish, but

> I must ask, does he sound a little too full of himself?

Hey, he's trying to become a god, so he MUST be at least a little full of himself.

> Also, what about his speech patterns? Does it sound like him?

I think it does quite... Cold-hearted and practical...

Well done,

---Weyoun

TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

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