Mazzy woke with a feeling of disorientation. Where was she? Then her memory returned, and she realized she was in Anomen's bed. She sat up and looked around.
Anomen sat in a corner of the room, quietly going through his equipment. He was already dressed, and had evidently managed to polish his armor while she slept. He smiled at her confusion. “Ah, you are awake. Did you sleep well?”
She stretched, hearing joints pop and feeling the rumble of hunger in her belly. “Fairly well. But more to the point, how are you this morning?”
“Better than I was last night. Thank you, Mazzy, you were right about letting myself grieve. It was... cleansing.” She couldn't help noticing that his eyes were still full of sadness.
“It will take time, my friend. Yesterday was a day of many painful experiences, and the sorrow it brought will not leave your heart all in a moment.”
“I know, but now at least... I feel that I can face the pain rather than hide from it. And speaking of facing unpleasant things,” he said as he stood, “I must report to Sir Ryan Trawl. The Order has sent word that they wish to discuss yesterday's events with me.”
“You do not think they will...”
“Expel me? If that is their decision, then I will accept it. I acted rashly, and must face the consequences. Tell Jarran I will return shortly.”
“Don't you want us to come with you?”
“No, this is something I should do alone. But I will return, Mazzy, as a priest if not a knight. At least I have the comfort of knowing that Helm has forgiven me.” He walked out of the room, shoulders squared and head high.
Mazzy joined the others for breakfast and told them of Anomen's summons. Jarran grumbled, “If those dratted knights toss him out, I'll never do any of their dirty work again. You would think all the errands we have run would count for something.”
The group discussed how to help Anomen if he were dismissed from the Order. They had so thoroughly convinced themselves of that outcome that they were unprepared for the smiling man that entered the inn.
Anomen sat down at their table, a cheerful expression on his face. “What is there to eat? I find I have a tremendous appetite today.”
The others looked at each other. Finally Jarran said, “What did Sir Ryan have to say?”
“Well, first he wanted to hear my version of yesterday's events. I told him all, though it was evident that he already was in possession of the facts. He said that the senior knights had decided to be lenient, partly because of the extreme provocation, but primarily because I did not actually attack Cor. They took the charitable view that I would have come to my senses, even though I told them I had every intention of killing him.”
Jarran breathed a sigh of relief. “So you are still a knight? That is good to know, I was just getting used to you being Sir Anomen. I didn't want to change again.”
“I am afraid a change has indeed been made, my friend. That is another reason Sir Ryan wished to see me. The magistrate was also at the Hall, and had told him of my words at my father's house. Evidently,” he sighed, “one cannot simply walk away from a title and property, certain legalities must be observed. So I spent part of the time signing documents turning Cor's estate and business over to the Order and the Church, and legally renouncing my title and name. While 'tis rare for an heir to renounce his birthright, it has happened in the past, and I have decided to do what others in my position have done. I declared that I would take my mother's name, for hers is an honorable one, clean of the stain carried by the name Delryn. So now I am Sir Anomen Costmar.”
Mazzy smiled. “A wise decision, Anomen. This will give you a new beginning.” Everyone in the group nodded and added their support.
Jarran said, “Well, while we are all here we should discuss what our next move should be. I think that tomorrow we should investigate Valygar's sphere. Does anyone disagree?”
When there were no objections, the ranger sighed with relief. “I would greatly appreciate it. I am tired of worrying that I will be recognized in the street. The sooner this is done with, the better.”
“Then we will spend the day getting ready. We need some rest anyway, and now is a good time.”
Later, Mazzy managed to get Anomen alone. “There is something you have not told us, my friend. I could tell you were holding back. Did the knights… treat you less fairly than you led us to believe?”
To her surprise, Anomen smiled broadly at her. “The Order was more than fair. No, what I have had on my mind... is something entirely different. My eyes have been opened in a way I did not think possible.”
He sat down next to her. Mazzy was struck by the light in his clear gaze. She had never seen Anomen look happier.
“Do you remember earlier, when I left for the Order, that I told you that I would return as a priest if not a knight? As I walked to the Hall, I had a sudden revelation. I realized that last night, when I was trembling in fear, it was not fear of the Order's reaction, it was fear of Helm's judgment. I have lived my entire life in pursuit of knighthood. Every action, every word, was aimed at that one goal. And suddenly... it meant nothing! I saw this morning that my service to Helm was the one thing that the Order had no sway over. Just before my Test, I realized that I could be happy as a priest if I failed. Now I see that I can find more than simple happiness in the Church.”
“But you have been a priest for years.”
“Ah, but even then, I became a priest because it was the only way I could become a squire. I said the prayers, I took part in the ceremonies, and I did believe in serving Helm, but it never... was a part of me. For years I thought that knighthood would bring me peace and contentment, but now I see that I had them within my reach all along. I have denied myself the joy of devotion, the thrill of feeling Helm's power as I cast a spell, and the satisfaction of knowing I have a role in life, all in pursuit of what I know now was a lesser goal.”
Mazzy studied Anomen and had to admit to herself that there was a look of peace in his eyes that she had never seen there before. His smile was more natural, his expression relaxed. “You speak as I did when I first heard Arvoreen's call.”
“It is strange, I will admit, to have been a priest for so long, and to feel as though you have just found your faith. But I truly do feel like a new man this day, my friend. I have lost more than a name, I have left behind an identity. And I have you to thank, Mazzy, because I don't think my eyes would have been opened had you not come to me last night and helped me.”
“Anything that I did for you I am glad of, for this change is a pleasure to see.”
“I am only sorry that… Moira is not here to see…” he winced. “I cannot leave the past behind all at once. The pain is still there, and the rage. But now I think I am finally on the right path. Helm blessed me the day you joined our party.”
She laughed. “I think you are giving me too much of the credit.”
Anomen gave her a wry smile. “Well, somehow I can't see Sir Keldorn singing me to sleep. I will not forget last night.”
The halfling shook her head with a smile. “You need someone to watch over you, young one. I suppose it has to be me.”
