Disclaimer: This is a spoof and I’m not using the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister Dot) characters, Pinky and the Brain, in this. Any similarities to copyrighted characters, either alive or fictional, is strictly co-incidental. (Just like the disclaimer on South Park.)
“Knerf!” The slightly pear shaped lab rat exclaimed as he stretched and woke himself from the days third nap. He looked around to get his bearings and, yawning, stood up and headed over to his partner in… well, it would have been something, but a piece of fluff floated by at that moment and chasing it seemed the better idea.
“Binky! Would you quit chasing that and get over here!”
“Huh! What’s up Baron?”
The rat with the extremely large head, large enough to hold his massive top hat, looked at his friend with exasperation. “What’s up?! Binky, we are on the verge of our glorious victory over the world, and you are chasing fluff!”
“Um, yeah. Baron? Would you mind explaining that to me again?”
Baron sighed as he realized his friend would never really get the clue. “Never mind, Binky. Just get me that blue bottle over there.”
“Ok Baron. What do you need that for?”
“It’s the main ingredient to my latest plan for world dominance. The secret elixir that causes all who drink it to do my biding.”
“What’d ya want to do that for, Baron?” the dimwitted one asked as he handed him the bottle.
“Haven’t you been paying attention! My owner, Irenicus, is on the verge of godhood, and he has no idea that it has all been my doing! In the moment he achieves it, I will speak the magic word that will cause our souls to switch, and I will be the god of this world!”
“Oh, ok. That’s nice.” Binky rolled over on his back and began playing with his toes. “But what are you going to do then?”
“Wha… well… I’m going to… hmmm, well… just SHUT UP! I’m going to be a god!”
“Hmmm, if you’re going to switch bodies with him, does that mean he’s going to be here in the cage.”
“Yes, I suppose so.”
“Goody! A new friend! But… where will you be?”
“Don’t worry, Binky. I have that all planed for you too.” As he spoke those words, the door to the laboratory swung open and in barged the two villains of the day.
“Oh, and I suppose you’d make a better goddess than I would a god?”
“Yeah! Darn tootin I would. You wouldn’t know how to be a god if… if… you had as many brains as those mice over there.” The two glanced over towards the cage. Binky and the Baron stood in silence, a silly smile on Binky’s face while feigned indifference filled Baron’s stance. Irenicus walked over and opened the door to the cage and removed Baron, snuggling him up against his chin.
“Stop it! I love my little Baron’waron.” Baron squirmed and did his best to get away, but Irenicus only held him tighter. When he had finished with his ‘moment’, he put Baron back in the cage and he and his sister headed out of the room, screaming louder and louder at each other.
“Now Binky, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
An excited look appeared on Binky’s face. “You’re wondering why little boxes of cereal don’t come with little spoons too!”
“No! Concentrate, Binky. We have to get to the tree quickly, before he starts the ritual. I must speak the word at the exact moment his transformation begins so that I can step in and become a god! Then all the world will tremble at me!”
“Yeah, but I don’t think your body odor is really all that bad.”
“Oh, do you really th… QUIET! Let’s get moving!” The two mice ran over to the side of the cage, opening a secret door they had built into the side of it. They scurried down the table and over to the window. From a distance, they watched as Irenicus took a small bug from his pouch and place it on the tree, then cast the spell that mutated it into a large, tree-hugging parasite.
“Hmmm, just like some druids I know,” Baron whispered to himself. Straining to pull the window pane up, when just enough clearance for the two appeared, they scurried out and down the tree, following the wizard as fast as their paws would carry them. When all was through, they congregated at the center of the tree to await the moment.
“Hey, Baron. Who’s that?” Binky nudged his friend to get his attention.
“Who’s who?” Baron asked as he looked over to see a strikingly beautiful woman in a cage. “Oh her. That’s just Elesime, the ‘former’ goddess of this tree.”
“She’s beautifulllll,” Binky sighed and slowly started walking towards her.
“Get back here, Binky! Concentrate. I need you to pour this potion on me at the exact moment I say the magic words. I will be casting the spell, and this potion will help draw the energy to me. But, it has to be poured over my body while I cast the spell.”
“Knerf! Cool, Baron. I get to pour it on you? I always wanted to pour something over you. Hey, maybe I could put it over a door, and you could walk through and…”
“BINKY! WOULD YOU CONCENTRATE?!”
“Oh, okay, Baron. I’ll do that.”
“Just watch me Binky. When I yell ‘now’, you pour the potion.”
Irenicus was standing on the huge branch working his magic as the two mice looked on. Suddenly, and without warning, a small band of adventurers appeared. A long drawn out discussion started between them and the Baron stared on in disbelief.
“Binky, we have to stop this! Those fools are ruining my plans. Binky! Binky? Where’s that darn rat now?” He looked around and found his friend in the hands of Ellesime. She was snuggling him and talking to him, then put him down on the lock to her cage. Binky scurried inside the lock and a second later, the door swung open. Ellesime stepped out and addressed the group.
“No you will not, Joneleth…”
Baron ran over to Binky, who was still swooning over the kisses Ellesime had given him, and slapped him to break the spell the goddess had over his friend.
“Binky! Why did you let her out!”
“She kissed me… knerf! Oh Baron, she’s just peachy, isn’t she?”
“Yes, yes, Binky, peachy. Now please concentrate!”
From somewhere in the distance, Irenicus was overheard shouting. “I will defeat you! All of you!”
And he did. The adventurers were beaten and lay unconscious as Irenicus, badly wounded from his confrontation with them, began his ritual once more. Time seemed to stand still as the wizard and the rat went into motion.
“Binky! This is it! At last, the moment of my victory!”
Binky started playing with the bottle as Baron began his incantation. At first, nothing seemed to be happening as the two stood within their own spheres of magic. But then, a small dot appeared in between the rat and the wizard, growing into a beam of light that connected the two.
“Now Binky! NOW!” Baron shouted, his hands still in motion to keep the spell going, the words already spoken.
But just then, Ellesime appeared, and Binky was sure going to notice something like that! He swooned, “Ellesime.” And sighed. And the bottle fell from his hands. As he drifted off to the pleasures of the beautiful goddess, the bottle rolled down the branch and hit Irenicus, spilling its contents all along the way. The new path the bottle offered the magic quickly setup a feedback loop between the two mages. The explosion shook the great tree of life, and as the smoke cleared, two charred and stunned would be gods stood in the midst of it.
“Mommy.” The blackened Irenicus whined as he put his thumb to his mouth, then fell over face first. Baron just stood in disbelief, as once more, his plans for world dominance were cut short. The adventurers shook themselves into consciousness, and putting the wizard in chains, lead him away to his new jail cell. Elliseme walked over and looked down at the two mice, the only witness to know the truth. She picked them up, holding one in each hand, and kissed them.
“You brave mice. You have saved our people from a most horrible fate. We shall always be grateful to you.”
“She kissed me…” Binky sighed as he dreamily looked up at her.
“Tell her we’re rats, Binky.”
As they walked off to join the celebration, a final conversation was heard.
“What are we gonna do tomorrow, Baron?”
“Same thing we do every day, Binky. Try and TAKE OVER THE REALMS!”
The Binky, the Binky and the Baron, Baron, Baron… Baron…
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