The air in the small room was cloyingly sweet, and it made Jaheira cough as soon as she entered. Black Lotus, the druid thought as she concentrated on keeping her stomach under control. I am not surprised, I would expect drugs to be sold in a place like this. The room was grimy and dark, mostly unfurnished except for a number of rather disgusting pillows on the floor. They had once been in different bright colors, but a large number of Lotus users had done enough unmentionable things to and on them that they were all a uniform ‘stained’.
Well, tha warning didn't lie!
There weren’t all that many customers present, probably it was still too early for that. A dwarf lay on his back on one of the pillows, snoring loudly and drooling. A human woman was sitting on another pillow, a broad smile on her face as she stared at nothing in particular. “Pretty colors…” she murmured as Jaheira walked by her. “Lethinan is so nice…making me see all the pretty colors. I’m all sparkly too…and I can fly! Just like a pixie! And look, there’s funny blue tubes coming out of the walls!” She giggled loudly, and then she fell over, making happy gurgling noises. From the sudden stench that momentarily drenched out the lotus smell, that wasn’t the only thing she made either.
Wrinkling her nose with disgust the druid approached the final customer, a man who was leaning against the wall, watching her quietly with eyes that were glazed, but at least awake. “Hello!” he said as she came closer, and then cocked his head curiously to ones side. “Are you real or not? There were a lot of girls in here before wearing only bunches of grapes, but they all turned into flying lizards and flew away. You’re not one of them, are you? Would you like some Lotus? Just go outside and talk to the guard, the stuff is really good today…”
Duke: Flying lizards? Sounds like cheap stuff! Those aodamn Swine!
Gonzo: Chill out, man, chill out.
“I am very real,” Jaheira said, side-stepping the fellow’s groping hand as he tried to grasp her wrist. “And so is my quarterstaff, and you will find out exactly how real in three seconds if you do not keep your sticky paws to yourself.”
ho ho
“And Minsc will help!” Minsc said, frowning at the drugged man. “You will be nice and polite to Oak Lady Jaheira, or Boo will nibble your eyeballs to make you behave.” He held the small hamster out towards the drugged man, who goggled at it, his eyes very large and round.
“Aaaaaaah!” the drug addict screamed. “Keep it away! Keep that monster AWAY from me!”
“Boo is no monster,” Minsc patiently explained. “He is a giant miniature space hamster, but he always fights in the name of Goodness, cracking the Bones of Villainy open to suck out the Marrow of Evil.”
LOL
“It’s as big as an elephant! And it has flaming eyes and fangs like a tiger! And…and tentacles! And three heads!” By now the fellow was trying to press himself backwards through the wall, and he didn’t take his eyes off Boo. The hamster was still sitting in Minsc’s palm, and Jaheira could almost swear that she saw the little beast snicker. Sometimes I really do wonder if that hamster is more than he appears to be.
Indeed.....IS the guy wrong?
“Oh, Boo is very friendly as long as you’re nice,” Minsc said. “He only bites bad people.”
“And he does it so well too!” Jan said, admiring the hamster. Then the gnome turned to the drugged man, grinning. “Tell me, friend, what kind of entertainment is available in here? Any Griffin-baiting?”
hmmmm
“N-no…” the man said, still pressed against the wall. He was sweating heavily now, and Boo was still making those odd snickering noises. “Not that…there’s the brothel upstairs of course and…”
“Brothel?” Jaheira sharply interrupted. Zaerini, Anomen and Edwina, together in a brothel…that is a disaster waiting to happen. Should I go after them, perhaps? But the child has learnt a lot…she should be able to control the other two enough that they at least do not blow anything up, apart from possibly each other.
Not really. Edwin, were he male, might partake (well, maybe if it weren't for Rini), but aside from that...
“Yes…and there’s the gambling tables, and the gladiator games, of course.”
Now this was more like it. “Where are those?” Jaheira asked.
Oh ho.
“He will sleep for at least an hour or so,” Jaheira said once she had checked the unconscious man. Her oak staff had left a bump on his head that he would have for a few days, but otherwise he was all right, and now there would be no risk of him telling anybody about being questioned. “Let us go.” The hamster was snickering, and she was certain it winked at her.
Interesting.
Meanwhile…
“Oh, honestly you two!” Zaerini said. “I’ll be right back, don’t worry.”
“But my lady!” Anomen protested. “Certainly you do not mean to…I mean…you…” To his great frustration he felt his cheeks heating as he looked at the young man standing a short distance away. The fellow was tall, broad shouldered and heavily muscular, with wavy golden hair, sky-blue eyes, perfect cheekbones and a ready smile. He was wearing a pair of pink boots. That was it. Well, except for the tiny pink bit of cloth that didn’t do much for his modesty. Even worse, it was very obvious that there was a lot that would have needed covering. She would not! I am certain she would not! Not with that…that hideous, ghastly creature. Not in a place like this!
LOL
Edwina was seemingly of a very similar opinion. The transformed wizard scowled darkly at the pink-clad prostitute, something that made the fellow smile a trifle more nervously than before, as well as put his hands protectively over the pink posing-pouch. “Have a care, bed-slave!” she told the blond. “You do not wish to offend me, and at the moment I am in an extremely bad mood. If you do anything to annoy my companion, you will find yourself out of a job, caused by multiple fractures of your professional equipment.”
heh
Zaerini sighed loudly, rolling her eyes. “Just give it a rest,” she said. “Stop bullying poor Jondalar, he’s only trying to do his job. I’m sure you two don’t want to come along and watch.” She lowered her voice until it was almost inaudible, then went on, smiling broadly. “Madame Nin is watching us. Please do nothing to tip her off. Just stay here, both of you, until I come back from my little talk. It shouldn’t take that long.” She gave the reluctant pair a little wave and strolled off. Softpaws remained behind, watching the mage and the cleric with what Anomen could swear was amusement.
Jondalar? Is that in-game? Or a jab at that whatchamacalit cave-people book with the tall blonde Gary Stu guy? (if the former, makes me wonder about the Bioware employees....two Jondalars in BG??)
“I’m certain that’s not the only thing that wouldn’t take too long,” Edwina muttered once the bard had disappeared into one of the nearby bedrooms. The wizard tossed her dark hair back across her shoulder with an angry gesture, and she kept her eyes firmly locked on the bedroom door. “He would never be able to satisfy her, nor would any of these Western barbarians. (Not that I wouldn’t scoop his miniscule brain out through his nose if he tried.)” She absentmindedly reached down to rub the small and fluffy head of Insufferable. The monkey was nestled in her cleavage, where it seemed to be highly comfortable.
LOL!!
Anomen pointedly looked away. He loathed the wizard with all his heart and soul of course, and yet…and yet he had to admit that in this female form she was actually quite comely. Not that it in any way lessened his feelings for his Chosen Lady, but he was only human, and he couldn’t help noticing certain things and… No! No, no, no! Helm protect me and guard my virtue against sinful thoughts such as these! I cannot possibly be contemplating…I wonder what she looks like without any clothes on? NO! NO! NO! I do not want to wonder about that! No, this vile and wicked creature was simply shameless enough to flaunt her body like a harlot, probably hoping to attract the attention of the first man to stumble blindly into her clutches. But he would steadfastly ignore her. His heart knew better, it was simply his body that was reacting automatically and…NO! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT! No, he had found a True Love already, and now that the annoying mage was inconvenienced in this humiliating fashion, the road should be clear ahead. Perhaps I could take her home to meet Moira? The Lady Zaerini that is, not the wizard. I am certain they would get along. I do not wish for her to meet Father though. Not if I can help it. No doubt he would make insulting remarks about me far more hurtful than anything the wizard could ever manage. Father has certainly practiced enough. But soon…soon I will be a full Knight of the Order, and I will never again need suffer his taunts. Yes. Very soon.
LOLOLOL.
But then he "shall taunt you a second time"!
I do wonder what you'll do with Anomen. Specifically, who, if anyone, he might end up with.
Jade of Maztica: Mee! Meeeee!!!
Jade of Candlekeep: *grumbles about uncreative scribes*
You've done a nice job of poking fun at him for, basically, being uptight-knightly, but not blackwashing him as a Lawful Stupid Moron. (not that I feared that, given some of your other stories). I never like that stuff - not because it's "unfair" or "unrealistic" or "wrong", but Jar Jar Binks Syndrome: annoying characters = annoying story. (although your Ajantis was good and funny - too quick'n'painless to get annoying). And Evil Aerie's great. She's not annoying. She's evil!
-*-
It was then that he saw her. The Lady In Red. A vision of…of…his wine-soaked brain was utterly incapable of finding the right words, but his body emphatically told him that words were completely unimportant. So was the brain, for that matter. It wasn’t as if it was going to be any help in the upcoming enjoyment, it was simply going to be along for the ride, hooting violently and cheering more important organs on. Smiling broadly, Terlen puffed his not-so-broad chest out, and strode up to the Lady In Red. There was a sour-looking bearded fellow standing next to her, probably a customer who couldn’t afford such a beauty. Unaware of the thin string of drool escaping from his mouth, Terlen reached out with both hands, sighing happily as they grabbed soft but still firm flesh. “Hey, babe!” he slurred, planting a wet kiss on the woman’s neck (he had aimed for the mouth but his aim was a bit off for some reason.) “Let’s you and me go do some hot riding! I’ll be your stallion, my hot little filly! Hur hur.”
oh ho. Someone's gonna get it good.
Something flashed in the woman’s eyes, something that Terlen made the fatal mistake of confusing with lust. “Unhand me at once, or I will do it for you, you hairy little wart on the scrotum of humanity!” Beside her, the armored fellow was scowling darkly at Terlen, but he paid no heed. The fellow would simply have to wait.
Anomen, no matter how you feel about Ed, you really should be neutralizing him.
“Not to worry, I’ll pay handsomely!” Terlen assured the Lady In Red. “And you’ll get the ride of your life, as long as you don’t mind getting some…saddlesores. Hur hur!” He let his hands wander once again, this time reaching for the tempting bosom in front of him. Some minute part of his brain was screaming warnings to him, that possibly this woman wasn’t a prostitute at all, that there were angry red spots in her cheeks, and that the hissing and snarling syllables she was muttering under her breath sounded rather ominous. He ignored them. After all, the woman looked like an expensive harlot, so she clearly had to be. And even if she wasn’t, dressing like that certainly made her fair game, as far as he was concerned. It made her look like she was begging for it, and he fully intended to give it to her. She’d come around in the end, he was sure of that. And if she didn’t…well, who would believe the word of a harlot over that of a fine young man like himself? “Here I come, ready or not!” he happily shouted, opening his trousers to show off his means of conquest.
ewww
At this point, several things happened all at once to Terlen Brandilar, all of them painful. A mailed fist connected firmly with his jaw, breaking it with a sound like smashing porcelain, as well as sending him flying into a wall, where he collapsed on the floor in a groaning heap. Simultaneously, his skin erupted into painful pustules, like a large number of small volcanoes going off all at once. Most of them seemed to be concentrated to his face, but not all. Several of them also assured that both sitting down and walking was going to be an extremely painful affair from now on. As for doing the thing he had originally come upstairs to do, it didn’t bear thinking about. This pain was major, and he was only partially distracted by it by the white-hot agony in his right index finger, as something tiny and furry bit deeply into it, deep enough that tiny teeth felt about to meet with bone. The worst pain though, the very worst, was the one that kept him from screaming, and reduced him to pitiful howls and whimpers, as well as made him unable to even move.
Wow!! Go Ano, Ed, & Insuff! What spell was that? Cause Disease?
“You miserable little maggot,” the Lady in Red sneered at the prone man as she bent to pick up the furry fiend that was biting his hand, petting it with a pleased if shaken look on her face. “That should keep you from laying hands on any woman against her will, be she a courtesan or not. (It should keep him from certain other activities as well, and good riddance. We really do not want this one to breed.)” She then turned to the armored fellow. “Not an entirely feeble punch. I still hate you, of course.”
lol
“Likewise,” the man said. “’twas common courtesy that made me act, I could not see any woman treated such, not even a twisted she-devil such as yourself.”
ha! great rapport
“Good. I’m glad we understand each other.” The Lady in Red bent to pick up the second furry animal, the black one that was causing the intolerable pain. “And as for you,” she told Terlen, “that should teach you not to dangle tempting toys in front of a cat unless you really want her to play with them.”
Next: A peek into the head of Fair Edwina. Expect angst. Will be posted after the quiz change.
As for Ano...it's a matter of instinctula physical response. His eyes see a woman, his body reacts without first consulting Mr Brain.
