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Chicken Stroll, Part 3


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#1 Guest_Laufey_and_Ophidia_*

Posted 15 November 2007 - 05:39 PM

Andorel's song 'The Fair Maid' was written by Ophidia. To listen to the music, click this link Sorry about the cheesy synthesis, but we wanted to keep the download size down. Please note that the song and tune are copyrighted, but feel free to download it and play it if you're man enough to withstand listening to folk music.

Chicken Stroll


Part Three

Dekaras picked up the purple brew again, and downed another quarter of it. “I...lllike that.” He stated, carefully putting the mug back on the table.

“Vaddy, can I ask ya somethin'?”

“Offfffffff...” Dekaras frowned, and tried to continue. “...ffffff...ffff....fff...fffcourse.”

“We're friends, right? Good mates. You trust me, don't ya?”

“Yeees.” He drawled in reply. “Best friendsss.” He slowly propped his chin on his elbow, and looked at Andorel seriously. It seemed to Andorel that, rather than becoming clumsy, the assassin had become more deliberate- all his movements were slow and careful.

“Well, I know you've got that bird o' yours- the one with the black hair. And I reckon you and she both look a lot like...”

“Did you hear that?” Dekaras suddenly sat bolt upright, eyes glittering.

“What?”

“It sounded...like...clucking?” He shook his head confusedly. “No, must have imagined it.”

Andorel gave his friend a suddenly concerned look. “How much have you had, Vaddy?” A sudden noise made him look up. “Hey, music! I know this song, it’s great. Let's join in!”

“I...don't...sssssing.” He said solemnly, and took another large gulp of his purple drink.

“Aw, com'on, I know the words to this one! Well, some words to it.” Thus saying, the half-orc inflated his large chest, and started to sing in a cracked voice that could have been bass, tenor or baritone:

“Oh, once upon a fine day,
I espied a maiden fair.
She had eyes of blue, skin so pale,
And red, red, red hair.
I presented her with posies,
With sweetmeats rich and rare,
And then I asked her come with me,
To show her how I care.

She said...

'Only if you pay me,'
That's what I was told.
You can give me all the things i' the world,
'But I only work for gold,
Oooooohhh, I only work for gold!'

I tried singing my best sonnets,
I promised her the world:
'Come with me, lie with me,
And you'll find passion untold.'
I took her to the theatre,
To see plays both new and old,
I asked her both in light and dark,
In heatwave and in cold.

She said...

'Only if you pay me,'
That's what I was told.
You can give me all the things i' the world,
'But I only work for gold,
Oooooohhh, I only work for gold!'

I was close to despair,
For this dear maiden's heart.
I did my all to woo her soul,
But she gave not a fart.
I finally surrendered,
And paid her for her part,
I lay with her, so fair and sweet,
Then she said, the tart:

She said...

'Now that you have paid me,
I'll share my secret true:
I've picked up a bit of the Sailor's Itch,
Now your crotch'll run like glue,'“

“'OOOOHHHH'“ Andorel bellowed, “Your crotch'll run like GLUE!'“ He snorted to himself and took a final gulp of his tankard. “Good song, huh Vaddy? Vaddy?”

But his friend wasn't there.

As the terrible, eardrum-shattering singing was going on, Dekaras had decided that a spot of fresh air would do him a world of good. For some reason, it seemed far harder to think than normal, and the room had started spinning in a very strange manner. Hmmm...funny... He got to his feet very slowly and carefully, and then started walking towards the door. Curiously, the simple act of walking had turned into a major chore. Lessee...right foot first...left foot next...then right...which one's that? Right, start again. Right...left...middle... The assassin stopped momentarily, leaning against the wall, while he tried to remember just when he had acquired the third and fourth leg he seemed to have spouted. Thinking was hard though, very hard. And besides, he got distracted by the sudden vision of a herd of tiny, flying purple giraffes circling his head while they sang the Thayvian national anthem. “Go away...” Dekaras muttered, batting ineffectually at the hallucination. “Said I don't sing...” Finally, the pesky things disappeared, but they were immediately replaced by a sound...the same sound he'd heard before, only louder.

Clucking. Frantic, frenetic and hysterical clucking. As if an entire flock of chickens was panicking, all at once. It seemed to Dekaras that there was something about chickens that he really should remember, something extremely important, except he couldn't quite focus at the moment. Still, if it was important he ought to find out about it, staggeringly drunk or not. And he was staggeringly drunk, and knew it. But I'm sure I can manage just fine all the same...just takes a bit of willpower, that's all... And certainly he made it out of the tavern without any major accidents. It was raining outside, really pouring down, and the cold water suddenly whipping him in the face came as a bit of a shock and made him pause. It wasn't enough to make him sober up though - the elderberry foot treatment had done too good a job. Dark as it was, the rain made it even harder to see, but he could still hear the clucking sounds, coming from around the corner of the building. Now, sneaking was clearly out of the question...considering how he had to concentrate even to walk, he'd most likely fall flat on his face in the mud.

So walk he did, stubbornly putting one foot ahead of the other, totally oblivious to the mud splattering him with every step he took. Then he rounded the corner. And then he saw it. Then he saw The Horror. There was a large cart, with two horses harnessed in front of it, and loaded onto the cart were cages, quite a lot of cages, and every cage seemed to contain a swirling mass of feathers, claws and beaks, every single chicken squawking, bleating and clucking with terror. That wasn't The Horror though.

The Horror was what was being carried by one of the workmen loading
the cart with yet more chickens. It was a rooster. Quite a large and fine-looking rooster, with a fiery red chest and beautiful sweeping blue-green tail feathers. It was being held upside-down by the legs and was in the process of throwing a full tantrum, screaming with outrage even as it vainly tried to twist around to peck the man carrying it. Its glittering eyes suddenly met those of the assassin, and for a few seconds it froze, before screaming even louder than before, violently flapping its wings. And Dekaras knew. He couldn't have explained exactly how he knew,
but he knew all the same. All the same, there was suddenly only room for one thought in his head, one thought that took precedence over anything else, including personal safety. Edwin!

During the nightmare of the next few days, Dekaras would find himself replaying this moment over and over in his head- the moment when it all started. Constantly, he would ask himself if it could have turned out differently- what if he hadn't been drunk, what if he hadn't seen the cart, what if he hadn't run after it, what if... The rooster was shoved violently into a crate, and the cart started to move. It crowed and squawked, raising clouds of feathers, but the crate did nothing other than rock, and the cart started to move off. He forced his disobedient legs into a run that was more of a delayed fall, and sprinted after the cart, praying that he wouldn't have to stop suddenly or he'd fall headlong into the muddy trackway.

“Vaddy!” Andorel called behind him, but he ignored his friend's voice and ran on. The cart speeded up as the two horses pulling it started to trot.

“Dammit, Vaddy, slow down! What's got into you?” A sharp pain lanced through his side, but he continued to sprint after the speeding cart, head pounding and stomach churning.

“Just stop, you idiot!” Andorel's voice was now just behind him, he heard a clatter of armour, and felt two arms wrap around his legs in a tackle.

“I said STOP!” He fell to the ground, sprawling face down in the mud, and groaned, hands grasping handfulls of squelching filth. The cart clattered away into the night.

“They've...got him.” He panted, gulping air. His thoughts seem to spin in little confused circles. Why couldn't he think straight? He needed cool fresh air, he needed calm and coolness...He needed to save Edwin!

“Who? What ya talkin' about?” Andorel demanded, lifting the drunken assassin to his feet. As soon as he let go, Dekaras' legs gave up on him, and Andorel hastily grabbed him again and grinned.

“Wow. You really are totally shitfaced, aren't ya? Well done, mate!”

“No. Listen to me.” He closed his eyes and forced his brain into obedience as a horrid green wave of nausea swept over him. “Edwin...I saw Edwin!”

Andorel gave him an amused and intensely patronising look. “Vaddy, when people get really bladdered, they can see things, ya know...”

“No!” He shouted, struggling to get free of the drunk half-orc's grasp. “He
saw me. He was on the cart! You heard him!”

“Oh...yeah there was a loud one.” Andorel replied in dismay, and then bit his lip in embarassment. “Have I...just done something really dumb?”

Luckily for Andorel, Dekaras' reply got lost in the sudden ambush.




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