Whatever the Future Holds: Part 2
After Kane had gone, Edwin stayed in Beregost for a few more days, unable to shake off the strange mood that had overcome him. He spent much of his time in bed, having no other commitments to deal with and no desire to do anything even if he had. He has even lost interest in studying and learning his spells, something that he had always enjoyed doing before.
It didn’t help that his feelings about Kane leaving were all mixed up. He knew that everything the warrior had said made perfect sense, that his lover had really only wanted the best for him, that did not stop him from hurting. There were times when he felt extremely angry with Kane for leaving him, for just throwing him aside and completely ignoring his feelings. But then there were also times when Edwin missed him desperately, missed having him around as both a friend and a lover. His memories helped sometimes, but often they caused him far too much pain. It was easier to try and avoid thinking about any of it when he could.
And of course there were the other feelings too. Edwin had grown so used to travelling in a group that it felt unusual, frightening even, to be left all alone once again. But the worst feelings by far were the confusion and guilt that he suffered. Every night he lay awake, wondering if there was anything he could have done differently to stop Kane from leaving. Had he asked too much of the warrior and frightened him away? Had Kane believed that his mistakes might have held the group back? One thing was clear to him though. Both himself and their relationship had obviously meant little to Kane if he could just walk away so easily.
You didn’t really mean anything to him;he tormented himself. He just felt sorry for you because you are such a stupid fool.
It was these thoughts that hurt Edwin the most. Even when he tried not to think, it didn’t work. The thoughts still came and it felt like he was outside again, watching Kane walk away and wanting to call him back but knowing that it was too late. When the Bhaalspawn had firmly made up his mind, Edwin knew that there was little in the world that could get him to change it.
Not only had Kane been Edwin’s first and only male lover, the person who had helped him to see that to have feelings of the same gender was not wrong or bad, but also he had been one of the very few people who the wizard had ever really cared about. There was his family, and Master Dekaras of course, but he had never had any real friends. He had cared deeply for Kane, trusted him even more than he had ever let on, and now he felt betrayed.
You didn’t deserve him any more than Viconia did and he knew it. Besides did you really think you could change him? He could have never loved you.
Edwin knew that he had been a fool. He may have been a mighty and powerful, intimidating and fearsome wizard, but he was not worthy of the love of a Godchild. Especially one like Kane, who had always done what he wanted with little regard for those around him and had repeatedly said that he cared nothing for love. It would have taken a very special person to make the Bhaalspawn change his ways and Edwin doubted that he would have ever been the one to do that. And as much as he had reassured Kane that just sharing his bed was enough, the wizard knew that he never would have wanted to end up like Viconia.
Edwin hated the drow, especially the fact that she was with Kane now while he was alone with no one, but in a way he could sympathise with her. She had loved the Bhaalspawn warrior in a way that was difficult and frightening for her to understand. And he had paid her back for her devotion to him by deliberately trying to hurt her, taking other women to his bed and reminded him constantly that she meant nothing to him. In return, she became more jealous and he more distant. And yet she continued following him in the hope that one day he would finally return her love.
Perhaps they are together right now, wherever they are. Maybe you were nothing more than a pawn in one of his games with her, used because you were willing and he knew that it would hurt her. Perhaps…
After several days of feeling confused, angry and miserable, Edwin decided that it was time he attempted to move on. If Kane did not care enough to stay with him, then he, Edwin Odesseiron, was not going to sit around moping. Even if it took time, it would be worth it in the end.
He would go back to Nashkell, he decided. Beregost held to many bad memories and he might yet be able to pick up another lead on the whereabouts of the Rasheman witch. He just needed something to do, just sitting around was driving him crazy.
It was a two-day journey from Beregost to Nashkell and although he would not admit it, part of Edwin felt uneasy about travelling alone. There were many dangers for a lone wizard in the wild and there were some things that could cause trouble even for a powerful wizard like him. He decided even before he set out that he would not sleep until he left the town and that nothing would make him stray from the path, for the real dangers lurked in the woods in the form of packs of ravenous wolves or large groups of hobgoblins. He made sure that he had plenty of spells memorised and ready for use, including some ones for summoning monsters to his aid.
Edwin left Beregost at dawn and travelled all day without any problems. He ran into two small groups of gibberlings but they were easily taken out with fireballs before they could even reach him. But as darkness began to fall, the wizard found himself growing more and more nervous and his pace quickened.
Several times he was certain that he heard the crunching of leaves beneath a boot, which seemed to come from all around him. And everywhere he looked, there seemed to be shadows, though he could not be sure of whether it was merely his imagination playing tricks on him.
Suddenly, without any warning, two hooded men dropped from the trees onto the path in front of him, landing skilfully on their feet. Two more appeared behind the wizard and another stepped out of the trees on each side of him. Dressed in black, their faces covered, it was obvious that they were assassins.
Edwin hesitated briefly, unsure of what to do. He was surrounded and although he was perfectly capable of taking out two or three, six men were more than a match for him. Especially when they all had crossbows aimed at him and were ready to fire. But he was not going to let them kill him without a fight. He began chanting the first spell that came to mind and four purple orbs formed in his palm and shot out towards one of the men. They slammed into his stomach and chest and he gave a cry of pain and sunk to his knees, the crossbow falling from his hands. Then a crossbow bolt hit Edwin in the shoulder and a wave of drowsiness washed over him. He collapsed on the ground and his eyes closed. He knew no more.
Whatever the Future Holds: Part 2
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