A Cappella Part 217 - Brothers In Arms

Through these fields of destruction
Baptism of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

Dire Straits

 

The group had gone to Jarran’s planar realm to rest for the night. They had spent three days searching the ruins of Saradush. There had been moments of joy, such as finding several groups that had taken refuge in the sewers, and great pain, for the sheer number of dead was a weight upon their hearts.

Anomen and Sarevok had gone into their room. To relieve the stress of tending to Saradush’s wounded, they had started a game of philosophical debates. Sarevok liked to tease Anomen by presenting a viewpoint on a matter that was laced with evil, just to take pleasure in watching the priest try to unravel his argument. He knew Anomen enjoyed them just as much as he did. The problem was that tonight he could think of no interesting points to debate.

For long minutes the two men sat in their chairs, staring into the fireplace that had appeared in their bedchamber. Finally, Anomen spoke. “Your mind is far away, my friend. What are you thinking of tonight?”

“Just the strange tricks that fate plays. If I had been found in the street by Gorion, rather than my mother, would I be the hero of the Sword Coast? Or would my evil ways have been a disappointment to him?”

“The paths that we can walk are many. Jarran and Imoen, and now yourself, have shown that there is more to destiny than the blood in your veins.”

“But there is also more than just the parent who raised you. You had a malicious father, as I did, and you overcame it. I did not have the strength.”

“I had a kind mother and sister who supplied the deficiency. You had no one to help you rise above Reiltar’s plans for you.”

“I had Tamoko, but I threw her away. I had a woman who loved me above all else, and I sent her to her death. What an unutterable fool I was.”

“You cannot blame yourself for that after all this time.”

“I can and I do. She loved me, Anomen, truly loved me, and I never realized how much I loved her while I had the chance to tell her. Poor woman, first Yoshimo, and then me. She was doomed to never know how adored she was.”

“Perhaps her spirit knows, and it was her influence that gave you the ability to change for the better.”

“She tried to sway my thoughts while she was alive. She warned me again and again that I was living too dangerously, that my quest for godhood would be my downfall. She told me that it was foolhardy to go after the other Bhaalspawn. But no matter how much she disagreed with me, no matter how badly I treated her, she stayed at my side and served me out of love. Not terror, not greed, but love.”

Sarevok found to his disgust that a tear had trickled down his cheek. His throat tight, he choked out, “I should have seen what she meant to me. I should have listened to her advice. She was right all along. I would give anything to have the chance to tell her….”

Anomen reached across the small table between their two chairs and laid his hand on Sarevok’s arm. Gently he said, “My friend, do not torment yourself this way. At least you have known love, and that is more than I can say for myself.”

“You have had lovers before.”

“Lovers in the sense of someone to share my bed for a night, but none who loved me as Tamoko loved you. I envy you that.”

“Do not waste envy on me, priest. If anything I have earned only scorn, for I threw away my one chance at love. Who would be idiotic enough to care for a failed would-be god returned from the dead? Bah!” He angrily wiped his eyes. “What is the sense of talking of what will never be? This melancholy is foolishness.”

“You should not despair, Sarevok. You have many admirable qualities, and now that you have turned from evil, they shine for all to see.”

“Nonsense. You are merely prattling kind words to lift my spirits.”

“They are no mere words. I truly mean what I say. I can tell you without hesitation that you have the ability to win the heart of another.”

“I do not believe you,” Sarevok said angrily. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by loneliness and longing. He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing for some way to block out his pain. He felt a gentle hand stroke his face, a tender caress that made him catch his breath, then he felt warm lips meet his own. His heartache left him no room for surprise as he took the comfort freely offered.

After a long moment, he pulled back to look closely at his friend, who was now kneeling next to his chair. Anomen watched him with apprehension, but also with compassion. He studied Anomen’s deep blue eyes and found more there than friendship. The priest was certainly no Tamoko, but he was here, he was willing, and he could warm the coldness that Sarevok felt inside of himself. Without a word he took Anomen into his arms and enjoyed the solace of someone to hold.

 

Afterwards, Sarevok found himself grinning like a fool as they curled up together under the blankets of Anomen’s bed. “If someone had told me in my conquering days that I would someday have a priest of Helm in my arms, never mind a male one, I would have thought them deranged.”

Anomen chuckled. “You were the one speaking of the tricks that fate plays.” His laugh turned into a contented sigh as Sarevok tightened his embrace. Anomen shifted so that his back pressed more firmly against Sarevok’s chest. The warrior inhaled deeply, enjoying the priest’s unique scent, a masculine fusion of sweat, leather, a faint hint of armor polish, a trace of his favorite soap, and Anomen’s natural muskiness.

“It is distinctly dangerous to tell you anything. When I told you that my father had exposed me to a variety of experiences, I had no idea it would embolden you to this extent.”

“Nay, it simply shortened the odds on the risk I was taking. I knew you could very well have tried to throttle me for my actions.”

“I am glad I did not.” He ran a finger down Anomen’s side, and the knight shivered.

“Sarevok, stop that, it tickles! I nearly giggled like a schoolgirl.”

“Now that is something I would like to hear.” The next few minutes were filled with laughing horseplay.

Finally, they settled back down on the bed, this time face to face. Sarevok said thoughtfully, “You have surprised me, Anomen. I did not suspect that you... that you were.…”

“I believe my father’s description was ‘a neutered pervert’,” Anomen said coolly.

Sarevok snorted contemptuously. “Bah! You are no more a pervert than I. Hmm, though I am probably not the finest example of normality. And I can assure you, none who have seen you as I have would describe you as neutered.” He gave the priest a wicked grin. “No, it simply surprised me because I have heard the others say that you and Valygar once vied for Imoen’s attentions, and when you have spoken of lovers you never said if they were men or women.”

“Courting Imoen was a last desperate attempt to deny what I was. She is beautiful and sweet... but she was not for me, and I knew it deep in my heart. I realized I could no longer hide from myself my heart’s secret yearnings. I had to accept that it was men that I desired, not women.”

“You’ve been with a man before, I am sure. You seemed… experienced.”

“Oh, yes, but I always had some excuse for it. I was young and curious, I was upset and seeking comfort, I had drunk too much wine. I could never face the truth, that I did it because I liked it, that it was what I needed. And what of you?”

“Well, I told you about my trips to the brothels with my father. There were also a few times... I am ashamed to admit it now, but I used it to terrorize some of my men. I would pretend that I was giving them a high honor, but they knew it for exactly what it was. This is the first time I’ve been with a man out of simple pleasure.”

“Then I am flattered.”

Sarevok chuckled again. “I cannot wait to see Jarran’s face when we tell him.”

Anomen froze, his eyes wide. “Tell… Jarran. Tell the others?”

“Yes, of course. Why are you looking at me that way?”

The priest blushed to the roots of his hair and mumbled something under his breath.

“What was that, priest? Wait, do not tell me that… they do not know? Ha! Trust my brother to be that thick!”

“Might I remind you that you just said that you did not suspect?”

“But you have been traveling with him for months! Surely he noticed who you took to your room?”

“I have spent a night with someone only once since I joined his party, and none of them saw my companion.

They lay together for a while as Sarevok mentally digested Anomen’s revelations. Then Sarevok murmured in a low voice, “Anomen, I will be ever grateful for tonight, but… what of tomorrow then?”

“I do not know, Sarevok. I think of Jarran and the others, of the Order, of Helm himself, and I am torn and confused. But the one thing that I am sure of is that I cannot deny my feelings for you.”

“Then this was more than a night’s pleasure to you?”

“You know it was. I would not have had the courage to make the attempt had I not cared for you.”

“You want us to be lovers.” The warrior’s words were not a question.

“Yes,” Anomen whispered. “If that is what you desire, and… and if Helm does not object.”

Sarevok brushed a stray lock of hair from Anomen’s forehead. “I would enjoy your company in my bed, priest, but promise me that when you pray to your god you will abide by whatever he tells you, even if it means never sharing this again. I… I corrupted Tamoko, I will not be the cause of your downfall as well.”

Anomen raised his head from the pillow to stare in surprise. “Sarevok….”

“Promise me.”

“I promise. But know that my heart is yours, no matter Helm’s disapproval.” The priest pulled himself closer to rest his head on Sarevok’s chest.

The warrior sighed. “I do not know what I have done in life to inspire such feelings, from you or Tamoko. Perhaps there is hope for me after all.”

“There is more than simple hope. You have already risen above your past to a better life.”

“Risen above it, perhaps, but it has not been left behind. But there is more to discuss, Anomen. What of my brother? How should we break the news?”

“I do not know. I… I am afraid.” He turned his head so that Sarevok could not see his face.

“Afraid? Surely you do not think they will reject you?”

“Is it so unimaginable? I saw it once in the Order. There was a squire I recall… brave, strong, handsome, he was the envy of every younger squire. All who knew him curried his favor, sure that he would rise high in the ranks. Then, when we were in the field, we were attacked in the night by orcs. When a novice ran into his knight’s tent to raise the alarm, the knight was not alone. He and the squire were… together.

“You can imagine what was said afterwards. That he had been accepted into the Order only to serve as his knight’s lover, that his reputation for bravery had been carefully crafted, that he enjoyed unfair goodwill from his superiors because of his willingness to, ah, serve. None of the tales were true, of course, but they broke his spirit. He was dead within a tenday after throwing himself heedlessly into battle.”

“And you saw yourself in his fate?”

“Yes. I already knew I was unlike the others, but when I heard what was said when he was revealed… I dared not show any signs of my desires. And I was frightened that I might grow all too fond of one of my fellow squires, and expose my secret by my behavior. I had always held myself apart, blaming my father’s ugly reputation for the disdain that I was held in, so my increased aloofness went unnoticed. But I confess I was terrified that if the truth were known, I would be reviled for my own sake, not Lord Cor’s.”

“Jarran and the others are no rumor-mongering squires, Anomen. They are your friends.”

“But will they be if they find out that I… I am….”

Sarevok chuckled. “I notice that you have no such fears for my reputation.”

“It is different for you… that is to say, ah….”

Now the warrior laughed out loud. “Oh ho, the truth comes out. Do not look so embarrassed, I know precisely what you mean. Any behavior is no surprise from the wicked Sarevok, hmm?”

“I meant no offense.”

“I know that perfectly well. And in fact, I believe that you are correct. Other than my relationship with Tamoko, they know nothing of my private life. But I believe your apprehension is unnecessary where our companions are concerned. Jarran could find it in himself to allow his father’s murderer to travel at his side, so surely he would not turn his back on a trusted friend because of his choice of lover.”

“I am simply not ready, Sarevok. Dragons, demons, and the wrath of Sir Keldorn Firecam have filled me with less dread and fear than the prospect of facing them with the truth.”

“Then for your sake we will keep this between ourselves. But the day will come, Anomen, if your Helm allows us to continue together, that we will have to reveal that we are lovers. Such secrets never lie buried.”

“Let us wait a while. I will pray to Helm in the morning, and we shall receive his judgment. Until then, we should decide nothing.”

They settled into the bedding, holding each other tightly, knowing this might be the only night they would spend in each other’s arms. Sarevok was sadly reminded of how much he missed the comfort of a warm heart to share his bed.

As they drifted off to sleep, Sarevok said drowsily, “Anomen?”

“Mmmm?”

“Why?”

“Hmmm? What do you mean?”

“Why did you want to be with me, of all people? Why... well, everything?”

Anomen lifted his head and grinned. “I like your voice.”

“My voice?! My voice makes children run into their mother’s arms. I cultivated a voice that would strike terror into my underlings. You like it?”

“I suppose there is no accounting for taste,” the knight said with a laugh.

Holy .... God woman, when I said you were fast, two in one day/24-hour period fast.



But !

Anomen and Sarevok had gone into their room. To relieve the stress of tending to Saradush’s wounded, they had started a game of philosophical debates. Sarevok liked to tease Anomen by presenting a viewpoint on a matter that was laced with evil, just to take pleasure in watching the priest try to unravel his argument. He knew Anomen enjoyed them just as much as he did. The problem was that tonight he could think of no interesting points to debate.

Heh. You know, these two have fast become my favorite part of this story. Jarran? Who's Jarran? I want more Ano and Sarry!



(But I'm only joking a little)

For long minutes the two men sat in their chairs, staring into the fireplace that had appeared in their bedchamber. Finally, Anomen spoke. “Your mind is far away, my friend. What are you thinking of tonight?”

“Just the strange tricks that fate plays. If I had been found in the street by Gorion, rather than my mother, would I be the hero of the Sword Coast? Or would my evil ways have been a disappointment to him?”

Ah, so here is when we start to talk about this.

“The paths that we can walk are many. Jarran and Imoen, and now yourself, have shown that there is more to destiny than the blood in your veins.”

“But there is also more than just the parent who raised you. You had a malicious father, as I did, and you overcame it. I did not have the strength.”

“I had a kind mother and sister who supplied the deficiency. You had no one to help you rise above Reiltar’s plans for you.”

Good reasoning there

“I had Tamoko, but I threw her away. I had a woman who loved me above all else, and I sent her to her death. What an unutterable fool I was.”

“You cannot blame yourself for that after all this time.”

“I can and I do. She loved me, Anomen, truly loved me, and I never realized how much I loved her while I had the chance to tell her. Poor woman, first Yoshimo, and then me. She was doomed to never know how adored she was.”

Poor Sarry. Does someones need a huuuuuuug?

(*snicker* Sorry.)

“Perhaps her spirit knows, and it was her influence that gave you the ability to change for the better.”

“She tried to sway my thoughts while she was alive. She warned me again and again that I was living too dangerously, that my quest for godhood would be my downfall. She told me that it was foolhardy to go after the other Bhaalspawn. But no matter how much she disagreed with me, no matter how badly I treated her, she stayed at my side and served me out of love. Not terror, not greed, but love.”

Sarevok found to his disgust that a tear had trickled down his cheek. His throat tight, he choked out, “I should have seen what she meant to me. I should have listened to her advice. She was right all along. I would give anything to have the chance to tell her….”

Awwwwwww

Anomen reached across the small table between their two chairs and laid his hand on Sarevok’s arm. Gently he said, “My friend, do not torment yourself this way. At least you have known love, and that is more than I can say for myself.”

“You have had lovers before.”

“Lovers in the sense of someone to share my bed for a night, but none who loved me as Tamoko loved you. I envy you that.”

Sheesh! Both of them! Oh, well ... what else can I do?

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

“Do not waste envy on me, priest. If anything I have earned only scorn, for I threw away my one chance at love. Who would be idiotic enough to care for a failed would-be god returned from the dead? Bah!” He angrily wiped his eyes. “What is the sense of talking of what will never be? This melancholy is foolishness.”

*pats* There, there ....

“You should not despair, Sarevok. You have many admirable qualities, and now that you have turned from evil, they shine for all to see.”

“Nonsense. You are merely prattling kind words to lift my spirits.”

“They are no mere words. I truly mean what I say. I can tell you without hesitation that you have the ability to win the heart of another.”

“I do not believe you,” Sarevok said angrily. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by loneliness and longing. He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing for some way to block out his pain. He felt a gentle hand stroke his face, a tender caress that made him catch his breath, then he felt warm lips meet his own. His heartache left him no room for surprise as he took the comfort freely offered.

After a long moment, he pulled back to look closely at his friend, who was now kneeling next to his chair. Anomen watched him with apprehension, but also with compassion. He studied Anomen’s deep blue eyes and found more there than friendship. The priest was certainly no Tamoko, but he was here, he was willing, and he could warm the coldness that Sarevok felt inside of himself. Without a word he took Anomen into his arms and enjoyed the solace of someone to hold.

..........









OMFG!!!!! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D DO IT, BUT YOU REALLY DID IT! OH GOD! OH GOD OH GOD OHGODOHGOD!!!!!!!!!!!

*hyperventilating*

Okay .... okay ... okay ..... OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*bounces*

*____________________________________*

Oh God ... you have no idea how long I was waiting for that to happen. Oh god. I was deluging my friends with quotes from this story (my friends who do not play BG), going "Tell me these guys aren't perfect together!" I was refering to this story as "That Vaguely Slashy Story." I was writhing in agony because of all the little hints here and there that I was sure were going to be left unacted-on.

Oh God. You actually did it. Oh God. SILRANA. I. LOVE. YOU.

I ... I ... I'm shaking. I'm seriously shaking. And I'm seriously, literally, actually getting out of my chair and bouncing around here.

Oh ... oh god ... I love you.

Afterwards, Sarevok found himself grinning like a fool as they curled up together under the blankets of Anomen’s bed. “If someone had told me in my conquering days that I would someday have a priest of Helm in my arms, never mind a male one, I would have thought them deranged.”

That's why I didn't tell you.

Anomen chuckled. “You were the one speaking of the tricks that fate plays.” His laugh turned into a contented sigh as Sarevok tightened his embrace. Anomen shifted so that his back pressed more firmly against Sarevok’s chest. The warrior inhaled deeply, enjoying the priest’s unique scent, a masculine fusion of sweat, leather, a faint hint of armor polish, a trace of his favorite soap, and Anomen’s natural muskiness.

“It is distinctly dangerous to tell you anything. When I told you that my father had exposed me to a variety of experiences, I had no idea it would embolden you to this extent.”

And I didn't dare to hope ......

“Nay, it simply shortened the odds on the risk I was taking. I knew you could very well have tried to throttle me for my actions.”

“I am glad I did not.” He ran a finger down Anomen’s side, and the knight shivered.

“Sarevok, stop that, it tickles! I nearly giggled like a schoolgirl.”

“Now that is something I would like to hear.” The next few minutes were filled with laughing horseplay.

Finally, they settled back down on the bed, this time face to face. Sarevok said thoughtfully, “You have surprised me, Anomen. I did not suspect that you... that you were.…”

“I believe my father’s description was ‘a neutered pervert’,” Anomen said coolly.

Grrrr .... I can't remember, did you kill off Cor here? If you didn't, I could gladly do it for you. Wouldn't even charge ya anything.

Sarevok snorted contemptuously. “Bah! You are no more a pervert than I. Hmm, though I am probably not the finest example of normality. And I can assure you, none who have seen you as I have would describe you as neutered.” He gave the priest a wicked grin. “No, it simply surprised me because I have heard the others say that you and Valygar once vied for Imoen’s attentions, and when you have spoken of lovers you never said if they were men or women.”

“Courting Imoen was a last desperate attempt to deny what I was. She is beautiful and sweet... but she was not for me, and I knew it deep in my heart. I realized I could no longer hide from myself my heart’s secret yearnings. I had to accept that it was men that I desired, not women.”

And it's not so bad, in the end, is it?

“You’ve been with a man before, I am sure. You seemed… experienced.”

:D

“Oh, yes, but I always had some excuse for it. I was young and curious, I was upset and seeking comfort, I had drunk too much wine. I could never face the truth, that I did it because I liked it, that it was what I needed. And what of you?”

“Well, I told you about my trips to the brothels with my father. There were also a few times... I am ashamed to admit it now, but I used it to terrorize some of my men. I would pretend that I was giving them a high honor, but they knew it for exactly what it was. This is the first time I’ve been with a man out of simple pleasure.”

“Then I am flattered.”

Sarevok chuckled again. “I cannot wait to see Jarran’s face when we tell him.”

I must admit, I'm looking forward to it myself.

Anomen froze, his eyes wide. “Tell… Jarran. Tell the others?”

“Yes, of course. Why are you looking at me that way?”

The priest blushed to the roots of his hair and mumbled something under his breath.

“What was that, priest? Wait, do not tell me that… they do not know? Ha! Trust my brother to be that thick!”

“Might I remind you that you just said that you did not suspect?”

“But you have been traveling with him for months! Surely he noticed who you took to your room?”

“I have spent a night with someone only once since I joined his party, and none of them saw my companion.

And they thought Valygar was the only celibate one ....

They lay together for a while as Sarevok mentally digested Anomen’s revelations. Then Sarevok murmured in a low voice, “Anomen, I will be ever grateful for tonight, but… what of tomorrow then?”

“I do not know, Sarevok. I think of Jarran and the others, of the Order, of Helm himself, and I am torn and confused. But the one thing that I am sure of is that I cannot deny my feelings for you.”

*___________*

:D:D:D:D

Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy, happy happy JOY JOY JOY!

“Then this was more than a night’s pleasure to you?”

“You know it was. I would not have had the courage to make the attempt had I not cared for you.”

“You want us to be lovers.” The warrior’s words were not a question.

“Yes,” Anomen whispered. “If that is what you desire, and… and if Helm does not object.”

Yes, that is seriously going to happen. Lunkheads.

Sarevok brushed a stray lock of hair from Anomen’s forehead. “I would enjoy your company in my bed, priest, but promise me that when you pray to your god you will abide by whatever he tells you, even if it means never sharing this again. I… I corrupted Tamoko, I will not be the cause of your downfall as well.”

Aww ... he's being all sweet and sappy-like

Anomen raised his head from the pillow to stare in surprise. “Sarevok….”

“Promise me.”

“I promise. But know that my heart is yours, no matter Helm’s disapproval.” The priest pulled himself closer to rest his head on Sarevok’s chest.

*melts into puddle of goo*

The warrior sighed. “I do not know what I have done in life to inspire such feelings, from you or Tamoko. Perhaps there is hope for me after all.”

“There is more than simple hope. You have already risen above your past to a better life.”

“Risen above it, perhaps, but it has not been left behind. But there is more to discuss, Anomen. What of my brother? How should we break the news?”

"Hey, Jarran ... think you could subconciously get us a double bed? We're going to be needing it."

“I do not know. I… I am afraid.” He turned his head so that Sarevok could not see his face.

“Afraid? Surely you do not think they will reject you?”

“Is it so unimaginable? I saw it once in the Order. There was a squire I recall… brave, strong, handsome, he was the envy of every younger squire. All who knew him curried his favor, sure that he would rise high in the ranks. Then, when we were in the field, we were attacked in the night by orcs. When a novice ran into his knight’s tent to raise the alarm, the knight was not alone. He and the squire were… together.

Ooooo ... I can see where this is going ....

“You can imagine what was said afterwards. That he had been accepted into the Order only to serve as his knight’s lover, that his reputation for bravery had been carefully crafted, that he enjoyed unfair goodwill from his superiors because of his willingness to, ah, serve. None of the tales were true, of course, but they broke his spirit. He was dead within a tenday after throwing himself heedlessly into battle.”

Poor guy ......

“And you saw yourself in his fate?”

“Yes. I already knew I was unlike the others, but when I heard what was said when he was revealed… I dared not show any signs of my desires. And I was frightened that I might grow all too fond of one of my fellow squires, and expose my secret by my behavior. I had always held myself apart, blaming my father’s ugly reputation for the disdain that I was held in, so my increased aloofness went unnoticed. But I confess I was terrified that if the truth were known, I would be reviled for my own sake, not Lord Cor’s.”

“Jarran and the others are no rumor-mongering squires, Anomen. They are your friends.”

“But will they be if they find out that I… I am….”

Sarevok chuckled. “I notice that you have no such fears for my reputation.”

Well ....

“It is different for you… that is to say, ah….”

Now the warrior laughed out loud. “Oh ho, the truth comes out. Do not look so embarrassed, I know precisely what you mean. Any behavior is no surprise from the wicked Sarevok, hmm?”

Nope!

“I meant no offense.”

“I know that perfectly well. And in fact, I believe that you are correct. Other than my relationship with Tamoko, they know nothing of my private life. But I believe your apprehension is unnecessary where our companions are concerned. Jarran could find it in himself to allow his father’s murderer to travel at his side, so surely he would not turn his back on a trusted friend because of his choice of lover.”

Truer words have never been said. C'mon, Ano ... this is Jarran we're talking about here. Jarran! Mr. Tolerant!

“I am simply not ready, Sarevok. Dragons, demons, and the wrath of Sir Keldorn Firecam have filled me with less dread and fear than the prospect of facing them with the truth.”

*snerk*

“Then for your sake we will keep this between ourselves. But the day will come, Anomen, if your Helm allows us to continue together, that we will have to reveal that we are lovers. Such secrets never lie buried.”

No ... and the sooner you get it out, the better you'll feel. I promise.

“Let us wait a while. I will pray to Helm in the morning, and we shall receive his judgment. Until then, we should decide nothing.”

They settled into the bedding, holding each other tightly, knowing this might be the only night they would spend in each other’s arms. Sarevok was sadly reminded of how much he missed the comfort of a warm heart to share his bed.

Oh, come on now. If Helm really dissaproved, then wouldn't he have withdrawn his support a long time ago?

As they drifted off to sleep, Sarevok said drowsily, “Anomen?”

“Mmmm?”

“Why?”

“Hmmm? What do you mean?”

“Why did you want to be with me, of all people? Why... well, everything?”

Anomen lifted his head and grinned. “I like your voice.”

Well, it is a dead sexy voice. *nods*

“My voice?! My voice makes children run into their mother’s arms. I cultivated a voice that would strike terror into my underlings. You like it?”

*snerk* Yes, Sarry. I'm sure it does.

“I suppose there is no accounting for taste,” the knight said with a laugh.

Nope!

Ooch my Cyric!
Everyone should write so fast and good like you.

There's no emoticon for how widely I'm grinning. I've been waiting for this moment for what, two years and then some?

It was definitely worth it.

well, *that* was a turn up for the books a good one though, and I'll certainly be interested to see everyone else's reactions when they all find out I just hope the next few chapters come out as quickly (and as well) as the past few

Interesting chapter...but I must confess I do not like the twist the story took.

Interesting chapter...but I must confess I do not like the twist the story took.

I'm sorry to hear that, but consider this - I did not suddenly decide to make Anomen gay. He has been struggling with his sexuality all through AC, so if you liked his character before, he is still the same person. Sarevok is the same person.

Your comment gives me the opportunity to reassure people that AC is not about to become the typical slash story. I have read a certain amount of slash, and the thing I find the most irritating is that the writers will decide that since the characters are gay, that they must start acting like teenage girls. There will be no mincing, no catty behavior, no obsession with each other that seems to be the hallmark of most slash. Anomen and Sarevok have a relationship, and it will be explored and developed just like the other relationships have been.

At this point, Anomen has fallen for Sarevok hard, but Sarevok sees Anomen as a good friend he has sex with. Their relationship could develop into love, or it could come to a parting of the ways, or they could just stay casual lovers. Wait and see.

Nice Silrana!! Very nice!! You handled this superbly!! I look forward to seeing where this goes.

well, *that* was a turn up for the books a good one though, and I'll certainly be interested to see everyone else's reactions when they all find out I just hope the next few chapters come out as quickly (and as well) as the past few

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I need to give the next chapter a final edit and polish, and it may be a few days after that one before I get more done. RL left me alone this past week, but it is catching up to me. Thanks for commenting!

There's no emoticon for how widely I'm grinning. I've been waiting for this moment for what, two years and then some?

It was definitely worth it.

And I'm sure you will agree that this is an improvement over the first draft I sent you ages ago.

Yes, folks, she did say over two years in her comment. Here's some history.

When I first was working out the major plot points of AC, Anomen was supposed to win the 'competition' for Imoen. I had already written the rough draft of the chapter where Mazzy reads them the riot act. However, the more I worked on the 'script', the more Valygar complained that he suited Imoen better. As I wrestled with it, Anomen strolled through and said, "By the way, I'm gay." *headdesk*

The first Anomen that walked in was a confirmed homosexual, much like his cousin Blethyn. But I had trouble seeing Jarran being completely comfortable around him, seeing that they had just met. It would also put a different spin on the Anomen romance dialogue that I wanted to use. I didn't want it to look like Ano was putting the moves on Jarran. Also, I hated the idea of abandoning the love triangle.

That Anomen said, "Well if I won't work, how about him?" And in came the current Anomen, who was gay but very conflicted about his sexuality, who was still coming to grips with who he was. I said, "Him, I like." I could still use the love triangle and the romance dialogue, and have the hints at his internal struggle laced throughout the story.

Now all this happened before Anomen had made a single appearance in AC. So Anomen has always been gay, from the very beginning. This was not a sudden twist for shock value. It's just that now the audience is in on Anomen's secret.

Ooch my Cyric!
Everyone should write so fast and good like you.

Thanks! But I must confess that the first rough draft of this story was written over two years ago. It has been patiently waiting its turn.

Nice Silrana!! Very nice!! You handled this superbly!! I look forward to seeing where this goes.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Eeep! Well, it was different, though not entirely unexpected. I'm still not quite sure I like it . . .I will have to think some more, but it was still well written, and hey, that's just my thoughts.

You write so quickly!

I'm envious. It takes me forever to write a chapter.

Now all this happened before Anomen had made a single appearance in AC. So Anomen has always been gay, from the very beginning. This was not a sudden twist for shock value. It's just that now the audience is in on Anomen's secret.

Exactly. If you go back and re-read some of the earlier parts, you'll see that the clues were all there. For me, the thing that's been so fascinating has been the way that you put it all together so seamlessly.

Your comment gives me the opportunity to reassure people that AC is not about to become the typical slash story. I have read a certain amount of slash, and the thing I find the most irritating is that the writers will decide that since the characters are gay, that they must start acting like teenage girls. There will be no mincing, no catty behavior, no obsession with each other that seems to be the hallmark of most slash.

As a die-hard slasher, I hate to say it, but you're right. The problem is that way too much slash (though not all!) is written by young het women who don't have a whole lot of experience with relationships period, so they force the characters into the model that they're most familiar with. One of the things I've always loved about this pairing is that you'd really have to work at it to make these two guys into angsty 16-year-old girls.

Hmm, odd. I posted a reply earlier, but it didn't show up. Maybe I hit the wrong button before I closed the web page.

Holy .... God woman, when I said you were fast, two in one day/24-hour period fast.



But !

I cheated. This chapter has been written for a long time.

Anomen and Sarevok had gone into their room. To relieve the stress of tending to Saradush’s wounded, they had started a game of philosophical debates. Sarevok liked to tease Anomen by presenting a viewpoint on a matter that was laced with evil, just to take pleasure in watching the priest try to unravel his argument. He knew Anomen enjoyed them just as much as he did. The problem was that tonight he could think of no interesting points to debate.

Heh. You know, these two have fast become my favorite part of this story. Jarran? Who's Jarran? I want more Ano and Sarry!



(But I'm only joking a little)

Oh, you'll be seeing plenty of them, don't worry.

For long minutes the two men sat in their chairs, staring into the fireplace that had appeared in their bedchamber. Finally, Anomen spoke. “Your mind is far away, my friend. What are you thinking of tonight?”

“Just the strange tricks that fate plays. If I had been found in the street by Gorion, rather than my mother, would I be the hero of the Sword Coast? Or would my evil ways have been a disappointment to him?”

Ah, so here is when we start to talk about this.

Yep.

“I had a kind mother and sister who supplied the deficiency. You had no one to help you rise above Reiltar’s plans for you.”

Good reasoning there

It certainly can't be ignored.

“I can and I do. She loved me, Anomen, truly loved me, and I never realized how much I loved her while I had the chance to tell her. Poor woman, first Yoshimo, and then me. She was doomed to never know how adored she was.”

Poor Sarry. Does someones need a huuuuuuug?

(*snicker* Sorry.)

*violent fit of coughing*

Sarevok found to his disgust that a tear had trickled down his cheek. His throat tight, he choked out, “I should have seen what she meant to me. I should have listened to her advice. She was right all along. I would give anything to have the chance to tell her….”

Awwwwwww

“Lovers in the sense of someone to share my bed for a night, but none who loved me as Tamoko loved you. I envy you that.”

Sheesh! Both of them! Oh, well ... what else can I do?

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

“Do not waste envy on me, priest. If anything I have earned only scorn, for I threw away my one chance at love. Who would be idiotic enough to care for a failed would-be god returned from the dead? Bah!” He angrily wiped his eyes. “What is the sense of talking of what will never be? This melancholy is foolishness.”

*pats* There, there ....

*g*

“I do not believe you,” Sarevok said angrily. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by loneliness and longing. He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing for some way to block out his pain. He felt a gentle hand stroke his face, a tender caress that made him catch his breath, then he felt warm lips meet his own. His heartache left him no room for surprise as he took the comfort freely offered.

After a long moment, he pulled back to look closely at his friend, who was now kneeling next to his chair. Anomen watched him with apprehension, but also with compassion. He studied Anomen’s deep blue eyes and found more there than friendship. The priest was certainly no Tamoko, but he was here, he was willing, and he could warm the coldness that Sarevok felt inside of himself. Without a word he took Anomen into his arms and enjoyed the solace of someone to hold.

..........

I think Squirrel is having a seizure.

OMFG!!!!! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D DO IT, BUT YOU REALLY DID IT! OH GOD! OH GOD OH GOD OHGODOHGOD!!!!!!!!!!!

*hyperventilating*

*hands over paper bag*

Okay .... okay ... okay ..... OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*bounces*

*____________________________________*

Does anyone have a tranquilizer dart?

Oh God ... you have no idea how long I was waiting for that to happen. Oh god. I was deluging my friends with quotes from this story (my friends who do not play BG), going "Tell me these guys aren't perfect together!" I was refering to this story as "That Vaguely Slashy Story." I was writhing in agony because of all the little hints here and there that I was sure were going to be left unacted-on.

Oh God. You actually did it. Oh God. SILRANA. I. LOVE. YOU.

I ... I ... I'm shaking. I'm seriously shaking. And I'm seriously, literally, actually getting out of my chair and bouncing around here.

Oh ... oh god ... I love you.

I think you need to use that paper bag a bit more.

Afterwards, Sarevok found himself grinning like a fool as they curled up together under the blankets of Anomen’s bed. “If someone had told me in my conquering days that I would someday have a priest of Helm in my arms, never mind a male one, I would have thought them deranged.”

That's why I didn't tell you.

I think it is a surprise to both of them.

“It is distinctly dangerous to tell you anything. When I told you that my father had exposed me to a variety of experiences, I had no idea it would embolden you to this extent.”

And I didn't dare to hope ......

Hehehe, neither did Anomen.

“Nay, it simply shortened the odds on the risk I was taking. I knew you could very well have tried to throttle me for my actions.”

“I am glad I did not.” He ran a finger down Anomen’s side, and the knight shivered.

“Sarevok, stop that, it tickles! I nearly giggled like a schoolgirl.”

Hee!

“Now that is something I would like to hear.” The next few minutes were filled with laughing horseplay.

Hey, they're guys, they are going to roughhouse.

Finally, they settled back down on the bed, this time face to face. Sarevok said thoughtfully, “You have surprised me, Anomen. I did not suspect that you... that you were.…”

“I believe my father’s description was ‘a neutered pervert’,” Anomen said coolly.

Grrrr .... I can't remember, did you kill off Cor here? If you didn't, I could gladly do it for you. Wouldn't even charge ya anything.

My Cor killed himself before he could be arrested for Moira's murder.

“Courting Imoen was a last desperate attempt to deny what I was. She is beautiful and sweet... but she was not for me, and I knew it deep in my heart. I realized I could no longer hide from myself my heart’s secret yearnings. I had to accept that it was men that I desired, not women.”

And it's not so bad, in the end, is it?

It is when you had a father telling you what a loser you were. It hasn't been easy for him.

“You’ve been with a man before, I am sure. You seemed… experienced.”

:D

Sarevok chuckled again. “I cannot wait to see Jarran’s face when we tell him.”

I must admit, I'm looking forward to it myself.

“What was that, priest? Wait, do not tell me that… they do not know? Ha! Trust my brother to be that thick!”

“Might I remind you that you just said that you did not suspect?”

“But you have been traveling with him for months! Surely he noticed who you took to your room?”

Not when there was nobody for them to see.

“I have spent a night with someone only once since I joined his party, and none of them saw my companion.

And they thought Valygar was the only celibate one ....

Not too celibate, since the one time was with a drow in Ust Natha.

They lay together for a while as Sarevok mentally digested Anomen’s revelations. Then Sarevok murmured in a low voice, “Anomen, I will be ever grateful for tonight, but… what of tomorrow then?”

“I do not know, Sarevok. I think of Jarran and the others, of the Order, of Helm himself, and I am torn and confused. But the one thing that I am sure of is that I cannot deny my feelings for you.”

*___________*

:D:D:D:D

Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy, happy happy JOY JOY JOY!

Before you bounce too high, I have to remind you that at this point Sarevok is just interested in a good shag on a regular basis.

“You want us to be lovers.” The warrior’s words were not a question.

“Yes,” Anomen whispered. “If that is what you desire, and… and if Helm does not object.”

Yes, that is seriously going to happen. Lunkheads.

Luckily the FR gods aren't too hung up on sex.

Sarevok brushed a stray lock of hair from Anomen’s forehead. “I would enjoy your company in my bed, priest, but promise me that when you pray to your god you will abide by whatever he tells you, even if it means never sharing this again. I… I corrupted Tamoko, I will not be the cause of your downfall as well.”

Aww ... he's being all sweet and sappy-like

Sarevok: *glaring* I am never sweet and sappy.

“I promise. But know that my heart is yours, no matter Helm’s disapproval.” The priest pulled himself closer to rest his head on Sarevok’s chest.

*melts into puddle of goo*

Anomen, on the other hand....

“Risen above it, perhaps, but it has not been left behind. But there is more to discuss, Anomen. What of my brother? How should we break the news?”

"Hey, Jarran ... think you could subconciously get us a double bed? We're going to be needing it."

“I do not know. I… I am afraid.” He turned his head so that Sarevok could not see his face.

“Afraid? Surely you do not think they will reject you?”

“Is it so unimaginable? I saw it once in the Order. There was a squire I recall… brave, strong, handsome, he was the envy of every younger squire. All who knew him curried his favor, sure that he would rise high in the ranks. Then, when we were in the field, we were attacked in the night by orcs. When a novice ran into his knight’s tent to raise the alarm, the knight was not alone. He and the squire were… together.

Ooooo ... I can see where this is going ....

Some people don't take surprises well.

“You can imagine what was said afterwards. That he had been accepted into the Order only to serve as his knight’s lover, that his reputation for bravery had been carefully crafted, that he enjoyed unfair goodwill from his superiors because of his willingness to, ah, serve. None of the tales were true, of course, but they broke his spirit. He was dead within a tenday after throwing himself heedlessly into battle.”

Poor guy ......

Yup.

“And you saw yourself in his fate?”

“Yes. I already knew I was unlike the others, but when I heard what was said when he was revealed… I dared not show any signs of my desires. And I was frightened that I might grow all too fond of one of my fellow squires, and expose my secret by my behavior. I had always held myself apart, blaming my father’s ugly reputation for the disdain that I was held in, so my increased aloofness went unnoticed. But I confess I was terrified that if the truth were known, I would be reviled for my own sake, not Lord Cor’s.”

Poor Ano had a hard enough time fitting in.

“Jarran and the others are no rumor-mongering squires, Anomen. They are your friends.”

“But will they be if they find out that I… I am….”

Sarevok chuckled. “I notice that you have no such fears for my reputation.”

Well ....

“It is different for you… that is to say, ah….”

Now the warrior laughed out loud. “Oh ho, the truth comes out. Do not look so embarrassed, I know precisely what you mean. Any behavior is no surprise from the wicked Sarevok, hmm?”

Nope!

Not a bit!

“I meant no offense.”

“I know that perfectly well. And in fact, I believe that you are correct. Other than my relationship with Tamoko, they know nothing of my private life. But I believe your apprehension is unnecessary where our companions are concerned. Jarran could find it in himself to allow his father’s murderer to travel at his side, so surely he would not turn his back on a trusted friend because of his choice of lover.”

Truer words have never been said. C'mon, Ano ... this is Jarran we're talking about here. Jarran! Mr. Tolerant!

He still can't help being nervous.

“I am simply not ready, Sarevok. Dragons, demons, and the wrath of Sir Keldorn Firecam have filled me with less dread and fear than the prospect of facing them with the truth.”

*snerk*

“Then for your sake we will keep this between ourselves. But the day will come, Anomen, if your Helm allows us to continue together, that we will have to reveal that we are lovers. Such secrets never lie buried.”

No ... and the sooner you get it out, the better you'll feel. I promise.

*Anomen hides under bed*

“Let us wait a while. I will pray to Helm in the morning, and we shall receive his judgment. Until then, we should decide nothing.”

They settled into the bedding, holding each other tightly, knowing this might be the only night they would spend in each other’s arms. Sarevok was sadly reminded of how much he missed the comfort of a warm heart to share his bed.

Oh, come on now. If Helm really dissaproved, then wouldn't he have withdrawn his support a long time ago?

Very true, but Anomen isn't thinking logically right now.

“Why did you want to be with me, of all people? Why... well, everything?”

Anomen lifted his head and grinned. “I like your voice.”

Well, it is a dead sexy voice. *nods*

I certainly think so, and I know I'm not alone.

“My voice?! My voice makes children run into their mother’s arms. I cultivated a voice that would strike terror into my underlings. You like it?”

*snerk* Yes, Sarry. I'm sure it does.

*Sarevok glares again*

“I suppose there is no accounting for taste,” the knight said with a laugh.

Nope!

Thanks for commenting! And I'm glad you liked it!

Now all this happened before Anomen had made a single appearance in AC. So Anomen has always been gay, from the very beginning. This was not a sudden twist for shock value. It's just that now the audience is in on Anomen's secret.

Exactly. If you go back and re-read some of the earlier parts, you'll see that the clues were all there. For me, the thing that's been so fascinating has been the way that you put it all together so seamlessly.

Thankee.

Your comment gives me the opportunity to reassure people that AC is not about to become the typical slash story. I have read a certain amount of slash, and the thing I find the most irritating is that the writers will decide that since the characters are gay, that they must start acting like teenage girls. There will be no mincing, no catty behavior, no obsession with each other that seems to be the hallmark of most slash.

As a die-hard slasher, I hate to say it, but you're right. The problem is that way too much slash (though not all!) is written by young het women who don't have a whole lot of experience with relationships period, so they force the characters into the model that they're most familiar with. One of the things I've always loved about this pairing is that you'd really have to work at it to make these two guys into angsty 16-year-old girls.

Sarevok: I was not an angsty 16-year-old even when I was 16!

Anomen: And I happen to enjoy being a man, gay or not!

Eeep! Well, it was different, though not entirely unexpected. I'm still not quite sure I like it . . .I will have to think some more, but it was still well written, and hey, that's just my thoughts.

Hey, that's okay. Think of it this way, you are reacting to finding out something unexpected about someone. The party will probably react in a similar way.

You write so quickly!

I'm envious. It takes me forever to write a chapter.

Nah, this time I cheated. The chapter was already finished a long time ago.

*Bursts out laughing*

So you went and did it then!!!

I'd lie to you if i said i didn't want it to happen, but i never imagined that you would take the step. It caugt me copletly off-guard, i nearly choeked in my Coke when i read it.

Well congratulations!

Now i just hope you treat they're relationship properly (duh, as if you wouldn't) because this is one of few fics where the slash fits almost seemless in with the rest of the fic. Most often the relationships seems too forced because the writer wanted it to be slash from day one. You really managed to introduce it properly to the story.


Well done