Tnt 136 : Conference Call
The brown liquid raced down her throat to settle in her stomach. Soon enough, her stomach started to warm sharply. Then, the warm feeling slowly moved up her spine and finally settled in her brain. Slightly, ever so slightly, the warm feeling moved from the back to the front of her brain. Then suddenly...
"Oooohhh," Laska pinched her eyelids shut and braced herself against the bar as the man with the hammer paid a visit to her skull.
"Well, you're the first one who I've ever seen who can actually stomach this monstrosity of a drink," the friendly bartender spoke with a grin. "You can dissolve rocks with that crap."
"I... can... feel... that..." Laska wheezed and buried her hands in her hair. "My head's completely knackered! People only drink this if they're either mad or desperate!"
"So, you want another one?"
Laska perked up immediately. "Oh, yes, please!"
"As long as Phaere is picking up your tab," the bartender grinned. "I've seen you in the arena, so I'd hate to collect your bill."
"Having trouble with collecting bills?" Laska asked.
"Hey, you'd be surprised how many would-be gladiators and otherwise powerful Drow think they're too good to pay their bills. Phaere doesn't accept that kind of behaviour, and demand that we collect every penny. Why do you think there are so many armed guards here? Waiters and waitresses get hazard-pay around here," the bartender said. "No doubt Phaere will have you breaking legs for her sometime soon."
"I didn't think Phaere was the type for that," Laska said. "But if she wants me to help out..."
"Oh, Phaere can take a lot, but if she's pushed too far, well, you can fill in the blanks yourself, considering you're the one rolling around in her bed," the bartender smirked.
"You know about that?"
"Are you kidding? Everybody's talking about it here," the bartender chuckled. "It's been a long time since Phaere was interested in a single partner. I shouldn't say this, but we've got a betting pool going for how long it'll last. The last time was almost 30 years ago with that big male from the fighter's society, Solaufein. That lasted about the time needed to shave a dead dwarf."
"Phaere and Solaufein?" Laska grinned. "My, my, he probably didn't have the stamina to handle Phaere."
"Indeed, arrogant one," the bartender chuckled. "Another drink?"
"Don't stop till I'm woozy and fall off the stool," Laska grinned.
Unbeknownst to her, Viconia was looking at her from beyond a distance. Satisfied with what she saw, Viconia slipped away and headed for the stairs.
---
Viconia quietly slipped into the common room of the floor the party shared. All the others were gathered in the sitting room, most draped over the couch and many chairs.
"She'll be busy for a while," Viconia said as she took her seat.
"Imoen and I have sweeped the room with our strongest spells," Dynaheir spoke. "We can be sure nobody's listening in."
"That means we can talk freely," Keldorn spoke as he took the floor. "Very well, I have called you hear about two very important matters."
"Be it involvin' axes an' skulls?" Korgan, who was nearing a state of sleep, said.
"I keep telling you 'No', so why do you think the answer will be different this time?" Keldorn sighed.
"Ye might be so tired of me askin' fer it, ye let me bash some skulls?"
"No."
"Bloody bugger..." Korgan said and muttered obscenities. "Even a dwarf likes to have some fun every now and then!"
"Now, can we finally get to the business at hand?" Keldorn said. "For the first order of business, as you might have noticed, Laska is getting increasingly unstable. She seems to be giving in to her base instincts quite a lot lately."
"Oh," Imoen chuckled. "That's nothing special. She's always been an unconforming nut."
"Ah, believe me," Dynaheir chuckled. "Laska and base instincts are far from strangers."
"I meant, even more than usual," Keldorn said.
"She's still herself, she's still our friend and my sister!" Imoen suddenly responded with an uncharacteristic quiver of ferocity in her voice. "Sure, she's a bit strange at the moment. Come on, we all know her!"
"Yes, we all do," Viconia said. "And that's why we're worried."
"Laska is slowly going mad," Keldorn said bluntly. "Don't underestimate the influence of the god blood in her veins. She's not able to resist it now that her spirit has been ripped from her. Phaere's little games of seduction aren't good for her sanity either. Phaere toys with her like cat with a caught mouse."
Imoen rose from her seat. "But I had my soul yanked out too and I'm not getting, well, batty!" she said while pacing through the room. "I'm okay, she is too."
"Laska is not 'okay', not by far," Viconia said. "Laska has always been more powerful and stronger than you, so she's effected more. Evil gods are always drawn to the one with the most potential."
"So now I'm talentless all of a sudden?" Imoen huffed.
"Be happy Bhaal has no interest in you," Viconia said.
"I doubt this is Bhaal acting through the blood," Keldorn said. "Bhaal is dead and buried, but his essence remains and is seeking a new conduit to release power through. That power is naturally attracted to the potentially strongest wielder."
"Yep, quite mad," Jan said. "Just like my great-aunt Susan. Oh, she was mad... and a hatter too, so madness is part of her job description."
"Great, what was her problem?" Imoen asked.
"Oh, nothing serious. No inherent bloodlust or hunger for female flesh, no, no. It's just that she became quite afraid of actually saying any other word than 'chicken'."
"Chicken?"
"Yes, chicken," Jan said. "As you can see, it quite put a damper on communication, so we had to work out a system. So 'chicken' meant 'yes', and 'chicken' meant 'no'. 'chicken' in turn, meant 'I'm hungry' while 'chicken' meant 'I'd like a turnip, please'. Heh, that last one was used quite a lot. Then there was 'chicken', which meant 'hello'. And, of course, 'chicken', which meant 'Dammit, you're standing on my foot!'."
"Wait a minute, all those asses sound the same!" Dynaheir exclaimed.
"Not quite. You see, it's all about the intonation. 'chicken' is another 'chicken' than 'chicken', while 'chicken' sounds completely different from 'chicken'. You see? Chicken chicken chicken," Jan said.
"Chicken chicken chicken?" Keldorn sighed heavily while burying his hands in his hair, which her admittedly turned a lot grayer and thinner since he had joined this particular party.
"Yes! Chicken chicken chicken. Hello, I'm hungry. I'd like a turnip, please!"
"So, what violent and horrible ending did she end up with?" Viconia said. "Or was that stupid of me to ask."
"Well," Jan said. "During the 3025th family picnic, she fell into a pond. She was shouting 'chicken! chicken! chicken!' all over again, but unfortunately we never taught her how to say 'help, help I'm drowning'. Honestly, how were we supposed to know? We just kept throwing her turnips. She didn't drown, though. Sea-griffin got her."
"BACK to the business at hand," Keldorn said while the rest of the party groaned and Korgan's snores started to fill the room. "We have to deal with Laska's madness. It's getting worse and worse. If push comes to shove, we might even have to consider... Drastic measures?"
"What?! NO!" Imoen shouted "I won't let you!"
"Touch 'er and feel me axe," Korgan replied. "I be seein' nothin' wrong with 'er. In fact, she be gettin' a whole lot better since she got her. Less o' all that 'morals' crap and more inta havin' some bloody fun."
"I'm sure it won't come to that," Keldorn sighed, ignoring the dwarf. "I hope it won't come to that, but... Laska might end up making the decision for us. We'll have to do everything to avoid..."
"She won't turn on us! I know it!" Imoen said, then slinked back into her seat. "I just know it," she whispered.
"What we need to do," Keldorn said, "Is to do what we came here to do : to get the dragon eggs. Once we have them, we'll have to take her away from this foul place and that'll probably go a long way to help her get back on track."
"Corruption is everywhere, Keldorn," Viconia replied as she shifted position in her lazy chair. "Granted it's more opulent here, but... if the blood taints her here, it will taint her on the surface."
"Will you STOP it! Stop talking like this!" Imoen all but screeched.
"Moving on then," Keldorn said. "We have to concentrate on liberating the eggs. And it's not going to be easy. The temple of Lolth is suspended at the very top of the city with only one way in and out : the front door."
"Can we sneak in by using a zipline from one of the walkways running alongside the temple?" Imoen asked.
"Not a chance," Viconia said. "The temple is round and in the center of a very busy vein in the city. They'll see you at any time of day and cut the line... and then you're in for a 1000 foot drop to the lower city below."
Imoen gulped. "Splat," she muttered.
"We need a plan," Keldorn said.
"AHAH!" Minsc roared, "Minsc knows! We storm the front door! Use the short Drow to hammer into the tall Drow and kick the entire temple to bits! Then, when the temple falls, we surf it down! Then, we take the eggs, run away when the Drows are confused and give the eggs to the good dragon so we can all be heroes! HUZZAAH!"
Everybody groaned, including Boo.
"A plan that won't get us killed?" Keldorn tried.
"We need to find a way to sneak inside," Viconia said. "That's hard enough. I think we can rely on Imoen's skills to liberate the eggs, but we cannot simply remove them. Ardulace will lock up the city and hunt us down if the eggs go missing. They're only things than keep Adalon from obliterating her war, and with it, her plans for glory."
"What do you suggest?" Keldorn asked.
"Wait a minute," Dynaheir said. "Who put thee in charge anyway?"
"Would you rather have Minsc lead and surf a building as it crashes down?" Keldorn blink.
"The point is made," Dynaheir sighed.
"We should hire an artisan to carve us a set of fake dragon eggs. Getting the fakes in and the eggs out of the temple and the city will be the easy part. We can simply hide them into our Bag of Holding," Viconia said.
"That might work on my blind aunt Helen," Jan smiled. "But won't that nosey matron mommy know that we've knicked her eggs?"
"A tradehouse matron would inspect her goods thoroughly and would know immediately," Viconia spoke. "But Ardulace is a very stereotypical religious matron. We had dozens of those back in Menzoberranzan. She would have settled for a quick glance at her prize and a bit of a chuckle before she'd head back to her altar. She'll never notice that the real eggs have been replaced."
"It sounds like we have the workings of a plan," Keldorn said. "Jan. I want you and Dynaheir to observe the temple and see who and what goes in and comes out. Maybe an opportunity will present itself."
"I'll search for an artist," Viconia said. "I recognize a professional when I see one."
"I'll go with Vic!" Imoen proclaimed.
"Very well, then," Keldorn said. "Let's get to it. Oh, and make sure Laska hears nothing of this. We can't be sure she won't betray us to Phaere."
"But..." Imoen started to say, but Keldorn met her gaze.
"Can you honestly say she won't tell Phaere if push comes to shove?" Keldorn said.
Imoen remained silent for a while.
In the background, Korgan's heavy snored filled the silence.
