"Ow, dammit," Laska said as she walked hunched through a long dark tunnel, banging her head against the ceiling for the fifth time.

The reception, the ceremony, and the afterparty would be held in a gnomish party-center about an hour travel from the city of Athkatla. But the sight of the party-center did not fill the party with hope, since it only consisted of a lavish sign and a door leading into a mountain-side, which gave way for a long tunnel. A long, narrow, and, mostly notably, a LOW tunnel.

"Oh, you can't help being a beanpole," Rose giggled as she walked aside Laska, her arm hooked in that of her lover's. Unlike the tall elf, Rose could just walk through the tunnel without having to hunch. Behind her, Minsc and Keldorn were having the same problems Laska was experiencing.

This party-center would contain two large halls and hundreds of rooms for guests, but, judging from the long tunnel, the prospect of this did not look hopeful.

Rose was wearing her best dress for the occasion. The lovely green one she had bought only a week ago at the infuriating boutique from the infuriating salesman. Her strawberry blonde hair had been delicately brushed and hung loose over her shoulders.

Minsc and Keldorn were wearing polished full plate, so shined they had a mirrored surface. Keldorn could see his own reflection in Minsc's armor... and reflected on the fact that he had gone even more gray of hair since he had joined this party.

Viconia was wearing a delicate robe befitting a priestess, and wore her hair long. Luckily (for Laska), she had been able to locate the plant she used to extract her hair-products from in the pool-room and had been guarding it with her life ever since.

Dynaheir would not think of removing the coloration in her hair for the weddings.... so, she had added even more coloration, and had stitched even more colors on her already colorful mage-robe.

Korgan had wiped his mouth after breakfast, which was the extent of his neat dressing-up for the wedding.

Laska, on the other hand, wore her dark her long dark hair loose, and was clad in her normal casual leather pants. The one change, however, was that she wore her red vest instead of her black one. Her black one felt wrong for the occasion, but the red one was even more revealing than her normal black vest.

"Laska?" Keldorn asked. "Was it really necessary to wear that... scrap of clothing?"

"What Keldorn means to say," Viconia snickered, "is that you look like a dock-harlot."

"Well, I didn't mean to say it with so many words..." Keldorn sighed. "You should remember our lesson about tact, Viconia..."

"Oh, dock-harlots are never elves, silly," Laska chuckled in return. "Besides, Viconia could bring Khittix..."

"Khittix doesn't really like to be alone," Viconia said, glancing at Risa, Becky and Lasalla, all following them across the long tunnel. "And don't look at me... Minsc has Boo here as well..."

"And I be havin' me axe!" Korgan announced.

"Here, here," Laska grinned. "You're the only person I know who'd bring a weapon to a wedding."

"Ey," Korgan roared. "Well, what about ye? Do ye think I nay noticed those throwing daggers hidden in ye belt?"

"Disregard previous statement," Laska chuckled and patted her hidden weapons playfully... and promptly banged her head against the ceiling again. "OUCH!" the elf cried out. "I'm really going to hurt my brain this way."

"Thou meanest, more than the copious amounts of alcohol thou hath drunken and headwounds thou hast obtained during thy young life?" Dynaheir's eyes shone with humor.

"Yes, even more than that," Laska smiled.

"Rose!" Risa scowled as she walked to her sister. "Do I have to wear this dress? I don't want a stupid bow-tie on my butt and I can't run in this!"

"Bear with it, sis," Rose smiled. "You can run and play again tomorrow..."

"In the meantime," Laska smiled. "I can't wait to dig into the free booze!"

"Aye," Korgan nodded. "Aye, Lassie, AYE!"

Finally, the long tunnel gave way for a huge open room. It was as high as a cathedral, and the light of the morning sun poured through large open windows. Tweeting of birds in golden aviaries added even more beauty... Apparently, the tunnel had gone straight through the mountain.

"Wow, this is different," Rose smiled.

"I'll say," Laska grimaced, rubbing her sore back.

"But... turnips?" Viconia spoke, her artistic self completely disgusted, for the entire room was decorated with turnips. All the walls were lined with them, chandeliers made from turnips hung from the ceilings. Most furniture was made from turnips... and even the floor.

"Well, these Jansens are nothing if consistent," Keldorn spoke.

"WHOA! COOL!" Risa cried out. Looking in her direction, the party spotted a huge lumbering golem heading towards them. The oddest thing was that this golem was completely made from turnips... and was wearing a neck-tie.

"Greetings, friends of the groom," the golem said in a deep, hollow voice. "You are early, so please partake of the feast while you wait for the ceremony to start."

"Errr, thanks," Laska muttered. "Errr, what feast?"

"Dear Lady, you are standing in it," the golem replied. "And in front of it. I am enspelled but can also be eaten..."

"And, errr, the free booze?" Laska grinned.

"Ah, master Jan told me you were quite the consumer of beverages," the golem seemed to chuckle.

"OY! What about me?!" Korgan roared.

"For both of you and others, a table has been prepared in the back of the room, containing all kind of alcoholic beverages," the golem nodded. "Now, you must excuse me... the first party of guests is arriving."

As if on cue, a veritable anthill of gnomes poured through the second tunnel on the other side of the room. The party was amazed at the amount of gnomes entering... but the poor golem never stood a chance. "Greetings..." was the last thing it would ever say, before it was completely overrun and covered with gnomes of all age and sizes. The sounds of munching followed, and the huge golem was reduced to tiny left-over crumbs in less than a second.

Soon enough, the party found itself knee-deep in a sea gnomes, spread out all over the room... and even more gnomes were pouring in all the time. Looking upon the giant number of gnomes, they realized that this... this was the Jansen clan. And only a very small portion of it...

"Goodness," Minsc said, having taken Becky and Risa on his shoulders to avoid them being swept away. "All these tiny naughty people trying to steal Boo!" he shouted over the incessant sounds of chatter, stories and the latest gossip about family members.

Meanwhile, Laska and Viconia's extremely sensitive elven ears could accurate pick up every sound in the room, including every voice. Using their concentration, both of them heard only the voices of those they wanted to hear, allowing the rest of the cacophony to sound as nothing more but background noise.

To some extend, Rose and Risa could also regulate their hearing... unfortunately, their companions of non-elven blood were not so lucky.

"Oh, Minsc is getting confused..."

"All these voices!" Keldorn said, covering his ears. "I'm going MAD!"

In the meantime, Khittix had fled to the ceiling, away from the chattering gnomes.

"Lucky spider," Keldorn muttered as he regarded the climbing arachnid.

"Come on, then," Laska said. "Let's get to the corners of the room... Noise-level is a bit down."

They waded through the gathering of gnomes while even more were pouring in through the entrances, until they stood near a large oaken table, containing a large bowl of punch. Most notable, however, was a small copper sign on the side of the table, reading 'Excelsior'.

"GAAAAH!" Korgan shouted, spraying at least a dozen gnomes with punch.

"What's the matter?" Viconia muttered, being very uneasy to be in this big a crowd.

"This punch be UNSPIKED!" Korgan snarled.

"Oh," Laska grinned and took a small silver flask from her belt, unscrewed the top and poured the contents into the punch, "some Ole-spit-in-yer-eye will fix that..."

"Say," Rose said. "Does any of you feel that?"

Indeed a low rumbling could be felt throughout the room. Turning around, they saw a giant wave going through the sea of gnomes just coming around the corner.

"Oh, my Shar!" Viconia gasped.

"SHIELDS!" Keldorn shouted. "SHIELDS!!!"

"We haven't got any!" Dynaheir shouted.

"You be knowin' what this means?" Korgan asked.

"Yes," Laska said. "Drink the punch FAST!" she said and started drinking cups at an incredible rage.

"Get on the table!" Minsc shouted and threw the contents off with one swoop of his arms. "Quickly!"

"Brace for impact!" Keldorn shouted as the group of friends held on for dear life. Almost immediately, the tsunami of gnomes hit the table, don't knocking it over, but dragging it with the current.

As gnomes flew over her head, Laska managed to keep herself and Rose on the table. Viconia, Korgan and Keldorn were holding their own, while Dynaheir and Minsc made sure the kids and Lasalla were safe as well. 'Oh, drowning in gnomes', Laska thought. 'At least it'll look funny on my tombstone'.

"Steer her into the wave!" Keldorn shouted over the roar of chatting gnomes. Immediately, the table's occupants complied, sticking out their limbs to steer the table. It worked, eventually, they passed through the roaring wave of chatter, which slammed into the wall behind them.

"Whoa, that was close," Laska said. "What happened."

"Oh," one of the gnomes told Laska. "Uncle Praxis exploded again, no biggie..."

"Uncle Praxis?" Keldorn asked.

"Exploded?" Dynaheir added.

"AGAIN?!" Viconia exclaimed.

"Don't worry about it," the gnome smiled. "Just enjoy yourself and forget about this unfortunate... incident..."

"An INCIDENT?!" Keldorn offered.

"So," Laska said. "Do we tell Jan about this?"

"Are you kidding?!" Keldorn rose his eyebrows.

The incident was soon forgotten, especially when pleasant music was being played. A duo of human men clad in black tuxedos got up on the stage and, together with a funky brass-band, played wonderfully wild music, often alternating between singing and playing the saxophone. The two brothers were wonderful musicians, playing the stars from the heavens.

"They're good," Dynaheir told her gnomish neighbor.

"Don't disturb them, though," her neighbor told her. "They're on a mission... from God."

"Truly?" Dynaheir asked. "Which one?"

"Oh, they're all good... I don't think they even know themselves."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Keldorn was in a deep and desperate conversation with Smitty the Smiteful paladin gnome.

"So I just say to him : HEY! Don't look at me like that! That's evil, that is! So, I smote him on the spot!" Smitty told Keldorn.

Keldorn, looking for a way to escape this conversation, tried an excuse. "I... think I hear Laska calling me. I must..."

"I don't hear anything," Smitty offered. "Anyway, I smite lotsa people. Lotsa people that are evil. Jaywalking... that's against the law, thus evil. So I killed all their geriatric asses! And then those baby ducks. Can you believe those fuzzy evils interrupted traffic? Smote them but good! And those dawnsisters?! They were walking on their own, so I swooped all twenty in my arms and carried them back to the church... I carry loads of things around : Horses, carts, bricks... EVVILLLLL bricks, of the type that fall on your head."

"Just a suggestion," Keldorn grimaced, "why don't you fight people who are... really evil? People who deserve it, perhaps..."

A blank look crossed Smitty face. "Naaaaaaah," he finally said. "True evil comes from within! Take those girl-scouts selling cookies, for example. With their beady little eyes..."

Keldorn sighed : This was going to be a LOOOONNNNGGGG day.

The gnomish fest was developing nicely. Laska, currently located near the table containing the free booze, was sampling some of the free wares while glancing over the guests. Gnomes were chatting everywhere, and her tall friends rose above them as islands in an ocean. Viconia and Dynaheir were chatting near the funky band... this surprised Laska, because she knew the Drow detested loud noises of all kind. Keldorn was frantically trying to get away from somebody in the sea of gnomes, while Minsc was playing with the gnomish children in the kid's corner.

'Hmmmm,' Laska smiled as she savored the sweet taste of Cormyrian Grousse. Now, she still had to try Saurial Brandy, Calishite ale, Kuldahar wine, Troll Beer, Mushroom sweet, Streea, Wickweed extract and dozens of more exotic alcoholic drinks. Oh, she was going to enjoy this!

Pouring herself another cup and slamming it down in one drought, she shuddered at the sudden increase of warm alcohol in her body. "Oh, that was a good one," the tattooed elf licked her lips and savored the moment.

"Ah, I see you're immersed in the local beauties," Jan smiled as he approached the elf, and Laska could see he was wearing a tuxedo make from turnip-peels. "Glad you could make it!"

"Happy to be here," Laska smiled, then pointed to the table. "Especially here..."

"Ah, yes, before I'm swept away by the crowd again, I have to let you know I'll be off on honeymoon for two weeks. Yep, I'm taking Lissa to Turno-world! A small island off the coast of Lantan. Nothing but turnips all over the place!"

"You gnomes have funny ideas about romance, Jan," Laska chuckled and downed another tankard.

"Oh, don't worry," Jan smiled, "we'll managed and we'll be back in two weeeee...." Jan said as the crowd swept him away for a second time. The elf stared at the gap of gnomes closing behind Jan and shook her head. But, no worries... there was booze to be consumed!

"Laska," the sweet sound of Rose's voice rang through Laska's eager elven ears. Whirling around the elf offered her half-elven lover a sultry grin.

"Laska, it's only the beginning of the party," Rose said. "Why are you tanking in so many drinks at once? The night is young!"

"Why not?!" Laska smiled. "It's free booze! And exotic booze!"

"Don't drink so much just yet," Rose smiled sadly and hugged Laska from behind, pressing her cheek against her back. "For me?"

Laska stared wistfully at the drinks, but her lover's nimble fingers tickling her belly-button was giving the elf yet another persuasive argument.

"Okay," Laska sighed reluctantly.

"Thanks, love. Shall we dance?" Rose asked and started to drag Laska away from the booze, and could swear the elf was whimpering a little.

"Boo always cries at weddings," Minsc sniffed as the guests took their places. Jan and Lissa were standing in front of the altar, she wearing a white dress with an impossibly long veil dragging behind her. The gnomish priest, a slow geriatric stuttering priest of Gond, was busy taxing the patience of the audience.

"Oh, Laska," Rose sniffed, wiping a way a tear with her hanky, "doesn't this... give you any ideas?"

"Yeah," Laska whispered, "I never thought you could make a wedding dress out of turnip-peels."

"No, no," Rose smiled and patted her elven lover's arm. "I wasn't thinking of that..."

"What then?" Laska smiled. "Thinking ideas of getting that priest to hurry the hell up?"

"No, no," Rose offered. "What would two lovers be thinking of at a wedding of friends?"

"I don't know," Laska replied sincerely.

"Oh, never mind then," Rose smiled and took Laska's hand, rubbing it lovingly.

Meanwhile, the priest had reached the climax of the ceremony. "...d-d-do you t-t-take, errrm," the priest rummaged through his notes, "Lissa Joostens as your lawful wedded wife..."

"Funny you should mention that," Jan said, putting his finger to his mouth. "I remember how that question was answered when my uncle Jimmy was getting married. He answered with a full-mouthed NO. But that wasn't surprising since aunty Kate was a hippopotamus... a real hippopotamus, with tusks and all! He promised to marry her because he got her pregnant, but he did chicken out at the last moment. Didn't get very far, though, since her entire family was in the room at the time, and they all decided to jump on top of him as he ran. The resulting shock created an earthquake which could be felt across the Realms! Unfortunately, just below the festhall, a gigantic Drow metropolis was located. So, the dark-skinned elves were very much upset that their buildings and furniture were all shook up, so they came to the surface to teach us gnomes a lesson or two... well, one thing led to another, and us gnomes, the Drow and the hippo's ended up having one boozed-out jazz-party! Oh, we danced the night away and..."

"YO, JAN!" Laska shouted from the audience. "GET MARRIED ALREADY!"

"Ey, OH!" Jan said. "I DO!"

"Come on!" an unidentified voice shouted from the crowd. "Let's throw some turnips at the happy couple!"

Laska slowly opened her eyes, to be greeted by the glare of the sun as it poured into the room. Closing her eyes again, she felt a slight headache. 'Only a slight one?' Laska wondered. 'Oh, yeah, I promised Rose not to drink so much... Well, I still tanked a lot, just not as much as I would have...'

Her reward for not drinking was evident in the fact that her wrists were still tied to the bedposts with red, velvet ribbons, and the pot of honey and other sweet foodstuffs that was standing at the side of their bed and which Rose had used extensively last night. A broad grin crossed her face as the elf remembered more and more about last night, and felt something warm and soft lying on top of her. Rose, sleeping peacefully and using Laska's chest as a pillow.

And then she remembered the afterparty after Jan and Lissa had left... Singing along with the brass band... Doing a table-top-dance with Rose and Viconia... balancing a tray of glasses on her head and walking over the heads of the gnomish guests... sitting on top of Keldorn's shoulders while Dynaheir sat on Minsc shoulders while the two women were hitting each other over the head with pillows... how she had convinced Keldorn to agree to that she would never know. In any case, she had fun last night.

She felt Rose stir a little, and decided to snake her hands from the knotted velvet. After pulling the covers over their bodies, being careful not to wake her lover, Laska took the sleeping half-elf into a tight embrace.

And she was happy.