"Hah!" Rose shouted as she smashed her staff on Laska's as they were practising fighting-moves on the lawn in the backyard. Laska mused that Rose was getting better and better. Actually, that last blow almost caused her to lose her balance. "Gotcha that time," Rose grinned, while panting heavily. Laska smiled, but didn't want to admit the elf had barely worked up a sweat.

"Almost," Laska smiled, "but not quite." Taking a moment to gaze at Rose's midriff, Laska noticed with satisfaction that the last of Rose's slight baby-fat had all but disappeared. In its place was now a tight (and tantalizing) abdomen. "If this keeps up," Laska said, tearing her eyes away from Rose's tantalizing tummy, "we'll be moving on to swords soon..."

"Swords?" Rose panted as she wiped the sweat from her brow with a damp cloth. "I'd rather not... I don't like sharp stuff. Besides, you're a master with swords, so fighting you with swords is no fun at all."

The tattooed elf smiled. Laska knew she was notoriously bad at wielding two-handed weapons like staves. She had been used to fighting with two weapons, so, while holding a staff, she kept trying to part her arms instinctively, giving Rose a significant advantage.

"Let's call it a day, shall we?" Rose smiled. "I need to get to work! I've been skipping too many shifts at the bar already... I'll take a quick bath and then I'll have to go..."

"Hmmm," Laska mused and embraced Rose from behind. The half-elf closed her eyes and tilted her head to one side a little, to allow the elf to kiss her neck. "Want me to join you?"

"You'd better not," Rose offered. "With you in the room, I won't be able to get to bathing, nor to work... No, I'd better bathe alone today."

"Awwww," Laska mock-groaned in disappointment, then swiftly locked her arms around Rose's waist. "What if I decide not to let you go?"

"I'd bite your ears off," Rose joked.

"Eep," Laska replied, but Rose shifted and turned around in the embrace, briefly kissing her lover on the lips. "I'll be back before dinner," the half-elf smiled one last time, tickled Laska behind the left ear and broke the embrace, heading into the house.

"Bombs away!" Sounded from above. Immediately, Laska dodged a deadly waterballoon. Looking up, the tattooed elf noticed Risa and Becky were sitting in their recently finished treehouse, giggling.

"Of course you know," Laska grinned, "this means WAR!" she shouted and move to climb the tree while being bombarded with waterballoons.

A dripping wet elf made her way to her dresser in the bedroom. Having been defeated by a pair of ten year old, Laska quickly removed her wet clothes, and, after taking a moment to admire her many tattoos in the standing mirror, she dried herself and put on a clean vest and matching pants. Putting her soggy boots in the window seat for them to dry, she stood barefoot on the soft carpet in her bedroom.

She smelled the lovely plants now adorning her bedroom. Most prominent were the six mossy creeping plants called the 'Mind-Your-Own-Business'. Finding the name very appropriate for a private bedroom, she had them placed all over the room, offset by a few pots hanging from the wall, which contained Flaming Katies. Oh, yes, Laska decided she really liked plants... immediately, she felt inner peace creeping up on her.

"LEAFWALKER! YOU MORONIC BITCH!" was screeched from the other side of the hallway. Immediately, the elf stepped out of the bedroom, and, with a quizzical expression on her face, she stood in front of an intensely angry Drow, boiling with rage, but the strangest part was that Viconia's hair was twisted in an uncharacteristic shaggy, waved mop. "You!" Viconia snarled. "You idiot! You fool surfacer! You..."

"What the bloody hell are you shouting about?!" Laska retorted.

"You removed the plants from my room!"

"You asked me to!" Laska said, after spending the morning removing all the plants from Viconia's bedroom with Lasalla and placing them around the house. "You said they were making you sneeze!"

"Why..." Viconia's voice took a pleading edge. "Why did you take away the plant on my nightstand! The big oily one?! I had that one before your recent plant-fetish!"

"But... what's the problem?!" Laska chuckled.

"The problem, miss 'naturally straight hair'," Viconia said, grabbing Laska's long braid and giving it a sharp yank, "that I used to extract plant-oil from that bush to rub in my hair after I have washed it! I look like a Medusa without it! It took me so long to find a plant with the perfect effect!"

"Well, that's not a problem," Laska said. "We didn't throw any plants out, so it's still around here."

"I don't know what it looks like!" Viconia snarled. "All these weeds look alike to me!"

"Well, YOU asked me to remove the plants in the first place!"

"I LOCKED IT IN THE CLOSET!" Viconia snarled. "Which meant you went through my private things?!"

"Oh, yeah," Laska grinned. "Could Rose and I borrow some of those soft leather whips sometimes?"

"NO!" Viconia snarled. "And we were talking about MY PLANT!"

"Okay, what's it called?!"

"I don't know!"

"What did it look like?"

"Green, round-shaped and oily!"

Glancing at all the plants about the room, Laska mused it would take a long time for them to find Viconia's plant... so the shouting match resumed.

"OY!" sounded from a groggy dwarf as he emerged from the cellar. "There be dwarves with hangovers 'ere!"

"OH, SHUT UP!" both elves shouted at Korgan and resumed their argument.

"Ye blasted bloody elves!" Korgan shouted. "If ye donnae shut up, I be treatin' ye to me axe! Chop ye inta bits o' bite-sized chunks ta feed to the pigeons in the park!! Maybe I be even catchin' pigeons... they be tastin' like chicken! HAR!"

So, a third voice joined the argument.

"Wilt thou be quiet!" Dynaheir shouted as she emerged from her room. "I'm busy creating potions, and I cannot afford to make any mistakes!"

"NO!" two elves and a dwarf responded, and continued shouting.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Minsc came into the room. "Good friends should not fight together! Save your ire for evil!"

One comment about 'kissing hamsters' from an unknown source and Minsc joined the chorus.

The last person to join was Jan, who had no reason to argue with any of them, but just jumped in for the fun of it.

The verbal battle continued as the cacophony of angry voices drifted through the room. In the end, all had forgotten why this battle had started, and it just continued on on its own power. Arguers often simply switched partners to argue with and continued. For example, Laska and Jan were arguing about the size of turnips for a while, Korgan and Minsc over the bite-radius of hamsters, Viconia and Dynaheir about the smell of Flaming Katies, Jan and Viconia about Jan's continued existence, Laska and Korgan about the usefulness of elves and dwarves in wine stomping, Minsc and Viconia about Keldorn's hideously colored armor, and Dynaheir and Laska about the taste of apricot-juice.

"ENOUGH!" suddenly sounded from the side of the argument. There stood Mazzy, in all her 4 feet fury, glancing icily at the arguing partymembers, now fallen silent. "Will you cretins stop SHOUTING! You're supposed to be a party! You're supposed to be harmonious, kindly and virtuous..."

"Now, you listen here, shorty," Laska started...

"SSSSHUUUUUUUTTTTTT UP!" Mazzy screamed, bringing forth an amazing cry from her tiny halfling lungs, immediately silencing the elf. "What you need is a couple of lessons in virtue..."

"Now, look here!" Viconia started.

"THERE WILL BE NO DISCUSSIONS!!!" Mazzy retorted.

"Aye, aye, aye!" the love-stuck Korgan started forward and removed his helmet. "Ye be 'earin' the lass! We be takin' lessons! Och," he muttered, "what a lass!"

"This is so... ridiculous," Laska muttered as she carefully walked across the room balancing three heavy books on her head.

"Straighten out that back, Laska," Mazzy stood on the side, looking like a stern head-mistress. "We'll have you walking like a proper lady soon enough..."

"I'm dexterous enough to..."

"NO DISCUSSIONS!" Mazzy shouted.

"Geez, do you want to borrow one of Viconia's whips too, tiny dictator?" Laska spat, while the Drow, currently standing on one leg in the middle of the room, scowled at her.

"Behaving properly leads to acting properly," Mazzy smiled. "Which brings me to you, Jan. 'Tis not virtuous to..."

"Yes, my little potato?"

"... keep interrupting," Mazzy concluded. "You should really learn how to..."

"You know, my aunty Rogie had a habit of interrupting people, now that you mention it. She did it all the time too. She was an impatient type, you see, always wanting to move on to the next part of her life," Jan said.

"... stop interrupting me so that..."

"Well, she usually was very astute, though, and could tell what we were saying by the first few words that came out of our mouths. Very handy too, that was quite a time-saver! Why, in those precious few seconds, we had plenty of time to clean the house, pick turnips or disarm deadly explosives!"

"...you can learn to listen to..."

"It's amazing what she could pick up, though," Jan mused. "You just say 'Eek!' and she'd go get a broom to smash the offending moused. You just say 'Blimey, a vampire...' and she would toss a bucket of water over the tax collector. You just say 'How...' and she'd be way ahead of you and shift all the furniture to one side of the room to accommodate the herd of elephants."

"...what other people are saying so that..."

"That was, until the fateful day, when her husband told her : 'I'm leaving you...' Thinking it was the end of her marriage, aunty Rogie wasted no time, ran out into the street and slept with every non-related male in a mile-radius of her house..."

"...will lead to mutual respect. Clear on..."

"That was until she found out that her husband was trying to say 'I'm leaving you to go to work, be back in a jiffy, honey'. She gave birth to a half-griffin (don't ask) nine months later. Sadly, when she fed her son... she ended up feeding her son."

"...that, Jan?"

"Oh, yes, thank you for the lesson, Mazzy," Jan smirked. "Though it wasn't really nice of you to keep interrupting my story."

"Well, yes," Mazzy sighed.

"Mazzy!" Minsc shouted in the background. "I've accidentally squashed my books!"

"Oh, forget it!" Mazzy cried. "Time for table-manners!"

The party sat down at a table filled with food especially prepared by Lasalla for this lesson. Immediately, Korgan grabbed his knife and jabbed it into a chicken, shoveling large amounts of food in his mouth within the first seconds of the dinner.

"STOP!" Mazzy shouted. "A sensible bite is a virtuous bite," she said, and filled the fork for Korgan with only a tiny bit of food.

"That be all?" Korgan replied. "But then we nay be finished fer hours!"

"It's supposed to last for hours," Mazzy said, "so that the dinner-table becomes an arena for stimulating conversation."

"OH!" Laska grinned. "I've got one! So, this raccoon is talking to this prostitute and..."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Mazzy scowled. "That's hardly what I consider a suitable topic for dinner conversation."

"Well," the tattooed elf replied. "I know some dirty limericks too..."

"I thank thee for saving us from Laska's corny jokes," Dynaheir told Mazzy.

"During dinner, you discuss the matters of the day, funny anecdotes, dreams, ideas, previous adventures!" Mazzy smiled.

"Okay," Laska started.

"NON-sexual anecdotes," Mazzy pressed.

"Well, that's us buggered then, eh Vic?" Laska muttered while Viconia nodded.

"I be killin' a bunch o'people once," Korgan started, "don't know what to tell ye otherwise..."

Soon, a veil of silence fell over the table.

Mazzy sighed. "Shall we move on to the wine, then?" she said and picked up the wine bottle. Immediately, her scowl returned as she held the empty bottle upside down. "Okay, where's the wine?"

*hic!* was Laska's only reply.

"Och, ye lousy elf!" Korgan turned his ire to Laska. "Ye nay left anything fer me!"

"Then, we'll move on to dress-codes," Mazzy said. "And, ladies, I am not impressed by the amount of skin you are showing off."

"What?!" Laska, Viconia and Dynaheir shouted out together.

"Just look at me," Mazzy smiled and showed off her red robe. "Everything is mostly hidden from sight, neatly covered by cloth."

"I can't even see if you're a girl or not," Viconia snickered.

"I be seein'," Korgan ogled Mazzy carefully.

"It is best to cover up, since others might take offense!" Mazzy smiled. "Dynaheir, the slit in your robe leaves very little to the imagination. Viconia, your cleavage is simply too deep for your own good. And I won't even go to Laska's tight and tiny vest and even tighter leather pants.

"Oh, Boo!" Minsc said, covering Boo's eyes as the hamster gazed in direction of the three ladies. "Do not leer at the ladies!"

"I'm not wearing anything else!" Laska snarled. "I want to show off my tattoos... And if people take offense it's because they're jealous of my well-curved, voluptuous, tall, lean, perfectly trained and young elven body."

"Well, that was an arrogant statement," Viconia chuckled.

"It isn't arrogant when it's true," Laska told Viconia with a smirk. "Just ask Rose..."

As if on cue, Rose entered the house, her shift having ended, the aged Inquisitor Keldorn in tow. The half-elf hung her coat on the wall and gazed upon the feast. "Hey, you started dinner without me?"

"Don't worry," Laska said and stood up. "This isn't dinner, this was Mazzy's idea... A bad idea at that..." she said and took a moment to gently kiss her lover on the lips.

"Hold it!" Mazzy said. "You cannot kiss your lover in public."

"Come again?" Rose asked.

"'Tis hardly virtuous," Mazzy offered.

"If you don't shut up now," Laska told Mazzy. "We'll just have to see how far I can kick you! I've shown you a lot of consideration today, but if I adjust to your sense of virtue I might as well stop living! Now, live with us the way we are, or you can take a hike right now!" she said, receiving nods from most of her party-member.

"Now, let us nay be hasty..." Korgan tried.

"But..." Mazzy sighed.

"Hey, hey, hey," Rose said, nipping a new argument in the bud. "I want to show you something I have been working on when you were adventuring in Imnesvale," she said, taking moment to walk into her studio... A few moments later, she came out carrying a painting, and held it out for her friends.

"Wow," Laska gasped.

"Look Boo!" Minsc announced.

One the painting, stood Laska's entire party, all smiling. It was apparent that they were good friend. Laska, in armor and swords drawn, stood in the middle of the group. Next to her stood Minsc, cradling his hamster. Viconia was standing next to Laska, a thoughtful smile crossing her features. Both Keldorn and Dynaheir, the calming influence on the party, were flanking the others. Korgan and Jan were standing on either side, axe and crossbow in hand.

Laska's party gathered around the party to take a look, cheerfully chatting and praising each other's likeness.

"I left room in the painting for Imoen," Rose smiled. "So that I can paint her in later..."

Mazzy withdrew from the party and sat on the couch.

"I don't know how you can stand it, Sir Keldorn," Mazzy sighed as Keldorn sat next to her, sensing her confusion. "Fighting one moment, good friends the next."

"They are always good friends," Keldorn smiled. "No fight will change that..."

"They... they are so chaotic!" Mazzy sighed. "I can't stand it!"

"Mazzy, my girl, you must learn to bend and accept their differences," Keldorn offered. "Otherwise, you'll never fit in..."

"I'm afraid to bend," Mazzy sulked. "I cannot afford it! How can I be a paladin if I do not adhere to the rules? Don't you know how hard it is to be accepted as a non-human paladin?"

"Non-human paladins are seen more often each year, Mazzy," Keldorn nodded. "But humans still dominate the calling. Perhaps, one day..."

"... and perhaps, one day, halflings will be lean and wear shoes," Mazzy muttered. "But... I will try, Sir Keldorn. I will try to... be more accepting."

"Try so," Keldorn offered a kindly smile. "You'll learn an important lesson..."

"HEY!" Jan shouted. "I just remembered! I've got an announcement!"

"Oh, here we go," Viconia muttered sullenly.

"I'm getting married!" Jan announced. "And I would have told you sooner if Mazzy hadn't kept interrupting me!"