Cards Reshuffled

On the topic of friends, it is also worth noting that there is nobody quite so capable of getting under your skin and annoying you as is your Best Friend. And of course, there is nobody else who would be allowed such outrageous liberties as ridiculous nicknames or jokes about your personal habits.

Excerpt from ‘Interview With An Assassin’

The vampire charged, claws outstretched and fangs bared, its eyes glowing red with murderous hatred and bloodlust. And then it shrieked with horror and revulsion as a small glass bottle flew through the air, striking its face and releasing a clear fluid. Within seconds, the terrifying undead creature was on the floor, trying to tear its own face off, and doing a very good job of it. The previously handsome visage was a red and bloody ruin, and the fact that the creature’s flesh kept regenerating only served to keep it in ongoing agony.

Dekaras didn’t waste any time, but planted his knee in the vampire’s back, grasping it by the hair as he positioned a very sharp dagger across the creature’s throat. “Now,” he said in a pleasant voice, “I know that vampires regenerate tissue very quickly. So the question is, if I cut your head off, can you grow a new one before your body falls to pieces? Shall we attempt the experiment? This is magical steel, and very sharp. Do you think you’re fast enough? Well? Do you?”

There were a few muffled groans.

“No? Very well then. Why are you hunting Bhaalspawn? And for whose benefit?”

“Aaaaaghhh…” the vampire moaned. “What…did you…do?”

“Never mind that. Tell me about the Bhaalspawn. Unless you want to try that experiment I mentioned?”

“No…It was her! The Mistress! Mistress Bodhi!”

“Mistress Bodhi,” the assassin said. “Now we’re getting somewhere. She is a vampire, I take it? The leader of your coven?”

“Yes…yes…very old. Very powerful!” The vampire hissed. “Ah…get it off of me!”

“Not just yet, my fanged friend. I want details. Why does this Bodhi wish you to hunt Bhaalspawn?”

“Don’t know much. She needs them for something, her and her brother.”

“Brother? Another vampire?”

“No!” The vampire sounded terrified, if such a thing was possible. “No! He’s…he’s…Irenicus. His name is Irenicus. He is Death! Death!”

The two assassins gave each other a quick look. Anybody who could frighten a vampire like that had to be a very formidable opponent.

“What do these people need Bhaalspawn for?” Poppy asked. The halfling’s normally cheerful face was set in a stony scowl. Her short sword was positioned right next to the vampires’ ear, ready to drive into it directly into the brain. “Are they starting a collection or something?”

“Don’t know…I don’t know much. Only know they got one already, I was there. Two months ago. A half-elf. Up near Candlekeep. Mistress Bodhi wanted a spare she said, in case one of the others didn’t work…that’s this one, the one that keeps disappearing.”

“Candlekeep?” Dekaras said, his voice suddenly sharp. “What did this half-elf look like? And what of her companions?”

“Red hair…nice face. Was another girl there, human one with pink hair. Two more half-elves, one male and one female. One dark-skinned woman, one really big man.”

“And those were all there were? Nobody else?”

“Hsss…nobody! There was nobody! Let me up!”

“No. Where were these people taken? And where may your Mistress Bodhi and this Irenicus person be found?”

“You’d better tell him,” Poppy said in a cheerful voice. “He has a nasty temper when he’s angry.” She paused. “Come to think of it, he has a nasty temper all the time, but when he’s angry it’s worse.”

“Athkatla! The Mistress is in Athkatla! I don’t know where the other one hides, I swear it. I have told you all I know. Can I go now?”

There was a hissing noise, and then a wet thump. “No,” Dekaras said, wiping his dagger off as he got off the still twitching body. “At least not as you are.” He had hardly stepped aside before the vampire dissolved into a cloud of white mist that oozed out beneath the door, keening softly. “Nasty business,” the assassin said with a small grimace. “I can’t say I liked it much, but you will note I never promised him anything, and I wouldn’t have dared letting him go free with such a grudge against us. At least this way it’ll be a long time before he’s capable of reshaping himself and coming after either of us.”

Poppy nodded. “Naturally. He’s not permanently destroyed though, is he?”

“No. If he can make it back to his coffin in time, he’ll reform. We’d have needed a stake through the heart or some sanctified item to stuff into the mouth in order to completely destroy him. Sadly, I only have so much spare pocket space, and stakes are rather bulky. But at least the essence of garlic worked.”

“Oh, so that’s what it was?” Poppy said with a grin. “Poor bugger, he was being repelled by himself! No wonder he freaked out.”

“Indeed.” Dekaras got up off the floor, frowning. “This is very disturbing news.”

The halfling nodded. “The Bhaalspawn he mentioned capturing would be this girl that little Eddie was traveling with? This Zaerini?”

“Yes.” There was a distant look in the taller assassin’s black eyes as he spoke next. “Yes, that would be the one. An intelligent girl, with her wits about her, and a nice sense of humor. And then there was her friend, Imoen, the one I mentioned to you before.”

“Yeah, the little thief? The one you said was very promising?”

“That’s the one.” Dekaras smiled faintly. “You would like her for certain. Unnaturally fond of pink, and otherwise very much like you in demeanor. Bubbly, noisy, cheerful and utterly irrepressible. I became quite fond of her, you know.”

“’Course you did Dekkie, if she resembles me at all! Since I am after all your Best Friend, not to mention cute, funny, and really clever.”

“And with odd taste in clothes.”

“And with odd…hey! Says you, oh gloomy and doom laden one! Do you own anything that isn’t basic black, apart from disguises?”

“Yes. And I’m not going to tell you what it is. Anyway, that is beside the point. The point is that I’m fond of that girl, and I do not like the idea of her being held captive by vampires or that…Irenicus, whoever he is.” Dekaras looked out the window, where darkness was rapidly falling over Beregost, and gave the house on the other side of the street a murderous scowl. That was the one that was owned by Kagain the mercenary, the dwarf who might know where Edwin was presently to be found, but who annoyingly enough was still out of town. “The Harpers don’t really matter to me, and certainly not the Wychlaran and her slave, but I do care about what happens to the girls, and particularly Imoen. I would go down to Athkatla at once if I could, but I don’t dare yet, not when I’m this close to picking up Edwin’s trail again. I have to find him before I can commit properly to anything else; you understand that, don’t you? But if I leave the girls for too long, the scent may get cold, and it may be too late for them.” Then he looked a little irritated when Poppy promptly started giggling. “Now what’s so very amusing?”

“Oh, Dekkie!” the halfling laughed, wiping at her eyes. “You never learn, do you?”

“What?”

“That you don’t have to do everything on your own all the time, you big silly!” Poppy gave her taller companion a fond, but slightly exasperated shove. “You go down to Athkatla and see if you can find those girls. I stay here and watch out for that dwarf, Kagain. I find out where little Eddie has got to. I send word to you. We meet up again. It’s not that far to Athkatla after all. Simple, isn’t it? I’m your Best Friend, I don’t mind helping you out, ever. Any more than you have ever minded helping me when I needed it. Second time in a day, really, if I have to remind you of that again I’ll start thinking you’re growing forgetful.”

It was with open amusement that the halfling noticed that her Best Friend looked highly embarrassed, and that there was actually a faint flush in his cheeks. “Yes, yes, all right,” he said. “I get the point. Excuse me for trying not to bother you.”

“Do you feel bothered when you help me out? Like that time when there was a contract on my head and I almost got killed? Twice?”

“Of course not!” Dekaras said, sounding rather offended. “You know that I would do anything within my power to help you, whenever you required it.”

“So why would I feel any different?”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Why?”

“It’s not…I mean…I…”

“Never mind, Dekkie,” Poppy said, and her eyes sparkled with mischief. “You’re sort of cute when you’re confused. And you may not think you’re worth any help, but I do. Besides, Alora is fine, and she won’t mind waiting for me a little. So, are you going to agree?”

“Yes, I suppose so. Anything to stop you pestering me. And Poppy?”

“Yes?”

Dekaras hunched down on the floor, folding his tall frame up until he was at eye-level with his Best Friend. “I am grateful, very much so. And I will try to make it up to you, any way I can. And you know I love you like a sibling and would be prepared to die for you in a heartbeat.”

“Yes?”

“And if you ever refer to me as ‘cute’ in public I will kill you.”

Poppy simply laughed again, loudly enough to make her pigtails bounce, and the dimples in her round cheeks were very prominent. “Sure you will, Dekkie. Sure you will. Just let me remind you that you look pretty cute when issuing death threats too.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?” Dekaras asked, shaking his head even as he gave his friend a crooked smile. “Completely callous when it comes to my dignity, and utterly merciless.”

“Of course I am. And you wouldn’t have me any other way. Now, let’s see to your packing – you’ve got quite a way to go. And if I don’t help you out you’ll probably forget half the things you need. And just remember, I’m only letting you go off on your own because I trust you not to do anything to hurt yourself again. You’d better promise to take proper care of yourself, because if you don’t I’ll be really upset when I catch up with you, and you don’t want to face the Halfling of Horror, do you?”

“Yes, all right,” Dekaras said, shaking his head. “I promise. What’s next? A stern admonition for me to remember to wear warm clothes?” Then he thought of something. “Actually, Icewind Dale took care of that little lesson already. Good thing Amn is more clement.”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it? Think maybe you should wear a loincloth? Black, naturally.”

“Not that clement. And no, I won’t wear a loincloth, that is completely absurd.”

“Why not? You have the legs for it.”

“Poppy, it is not a matter of ‘having the legs for it’. It is just that I’d rather not have people fall over themselves laughing at the sight of me. And it’s very hard to carry concealed weapons in a loincloth, and certainly very painful.”

“Oh, I don’t know…” the halfling mused. “Some of them might like it well enough. At least think about it. And you could have a dagger strapped to your thigh or something.”

“No. Absolutely not. No loincloth.”

“Awww…” Poppy said. Then she grinned again. “Well, at least keep it in mind every time you’re about to go all gloomy. It ought to help.”

Actually, Dekaras thought, it probably would. Being exasperated enough was a very good way to forget about being unhappy. And Poppy, of course, knew this perfectly well. Come to think of it, she knows me almost too well. I’d be embarrassed by it, and of how easily she tweaks my nose, but of course I couldn’t ever get really angry with her. He smiled a little ruefully. And of course she knows that as well.