Cards Reshuffled

Here’s a hint for the one aspiring to court the girl of his dreams. Do not take her out to a place where she’s likely to run into your ex-girlfriend. At least not if that girl hasn’t quite grasped that she’s an ‘ex’ yet. That sort of thing is bound to cause embarrassment. Possibly broken legs as well.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Zaerini didn’t doubt that Renal Bloodscalp would be very pleased to see her after her successful handling of the Mae’Var affair. Who knows, she thought. He may actually decide to honour his deal and not try to double-cross me or kill me the way most people I do jobs for seem to want to. Hopefully she’d get a decent enough sum that she could afford some necessary items. Jaheira could use a better suit of armour for one thing, though the druid would probably let the old thing she was wearing rot and fall to pieces on her body rather than complain about it. And if they were to take on any work outside of the city itself they’d need travelling gear. Bedrolls, cooking utensils, that sort of thing. So many things to think of, and she was afraid she’d forget something that would later prove vitally important, something they’d need if they wanted to survive long enough to reach Imoen. Rope. That’s always useful.

However, the thing at the forefront of her mind was the conversation she’d just had with Edwin. Or the weeping session. I really bawled my eyes out, didn’t I?

He didn’t mind, kitten, Softpaws said. The black cat padded silently at her mistress’ side, watching her solemnly. He cares about you, you know. And you needed it.

Yes. I suppose I did. It had felt very good to be able to let herself go like that, if only for a few moments. And when he held me like that…I felt that everything was going to be all right. That there was nothing we couldn’t deal with, nothing we couldn’t share. Speaking of which, I think I’d better tell Anomen and Jan the truth about me now. They’re the only ones of us who don’t know, and if they’re going to stay with us they deserve to know. And I have a feeling they are going to stay with us.

The Reading certainly had hinted as much. Parts of it had come true already. The Moon and the Inverted Hermit for betrayal. Well, both Yoshimo and Aerie had shown their true colours by now. Good thing too. Imagine if I’d kept them around. Things could have got really dangerous. Though I suspect we haven’t seen the last of at least Aerie yet. I don’t think she’s the sort who forgets a grudge easily. Then there had been the Archmage, the Fool and the Knight of Rods. All of them members of the group now, and I think they’re all meant to be. Let’s just hope Edwin and Anomen won’t kill each other. They really don’t seem to get along very well, but they’ll just have to learn. Something tells me I’m going to need them both. The Star and Inverted Justice – well, that was simple. Imoen had to be the Star, and she certainly hadn’t been given a fair trial. I hope it’s nothing worse than that, but that dream I had…no, don’t think about that now. The Rogue and the Road of Destiny she hadn’t encountered yet, but she had a certain nervous sense of something coming steadily closer. He’s on his way, or I’m an ogre. Well, I can’t do anything about it. I just hope he’s not out to kill me or something. Enough people want that already. Though he did seem a bit pissed off in the Reading. That only left one card. The Lovers.

The half-elf smiled as she remembered the rather steamy vision she’d been given of that particular card. I thought it was just symbolic. It still might be of course. But perhaps not. No, perhaps not.

“Something on your mind?” Edwin suddenly asked, and Rini startled, feeling a bit guilty.

“Ah…I was just thinking of something. I thought maybe I’d do another Reading soon. Maybe tonight. After we finish up with Renal I thought we could go have something to eat at that place we passed earlier, the Sea’s Bounty, and then go see if there’s any other work to be had back at the Coronet.”

The wizard nodded. “Very well. Since you now have my own magnificent talent at your disposal, it should be easy to handle any task that we come across.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh yes. Really, I don’t see why you even bother with dragging any of these others with you, they are bound to get in the way. (Far, far better that it be just the two of us.)”

“What, like when Jaheira patched you up earlier, you mean?”

Edwin frowned a little. “A temporary inconvenience, that is all. Soon I will no longer be in need of such things. I haven’t had the time to tell you yet, but my magical powers will soon increase manifold, and the wonders of the Ancients will be mine. I’ll show you, very soon.”

Rini gave him a curious look. He certainly sounded serious about whatever it was, and excited as well. “Sure,” she said with a warm smile. “Tell me whenever you’re ready. Right now we’d better concentrate on Bloodscalp though. I don’t want him to think he can swindle me.”

As it turned out, Renal Bloodscalp was very happy to see them. “Ah, Zaerini!” the red-haired man said, smiling lazily. “I was just thinking about you and your most recent exploits. Mask help me if it didn’t bring a smile to my face!” He scratched his white cat under the chin, and the animal purred contentedly. “Am I to take it that the reason for this pleasant visit is that you have completed the assignment I gave you?”

“Mae’Var is dead,” Zaerini told him in a calm voice. She had decided that a cool and businesslike attitude would probably be the most useful here. “As I’m sure your spies on the street told you five minutes after it happened.”

“Seven, actually,” Renal said, grinning like a shark. “Well done, and your reward is well earned.” He tossed her a bag that jingled in a promising manner, then watched with an amused smirk as the bard opened it to check on its contents. Good. It’s gold coins, genuine ones, and he didn’t try to mix copper into them. “There are 1000 in there,” Bloodscalp said. “Would you like to count? No? Then allow me to present you with the second part of your payment.” He stuck his hand into his shirt to pull something out, and for a moment Zaerini froze, certain that he was about to attack. However, the thief simply held something out to her, a short sword of some sort, presented to her hilt first. She took it gingerly; feeling a faint tingle in her fingertips that told her the blade was magical. It was a very sharp one, one of the finest she had seen. She only had to touch the edge to see a drop of crimson blood emerge from her fingertip. The hilt was black, plain except for a few small garnets, and the blade was black as well, though not with soot or grime. It seemed it had been treated somehow to give it a matte black colour, absorbing the light rather than reflecting it.

“That,” Renal Bloodscalp said, still with that disturbing smile, “is ‘The Shadow’s Blade’. You know how paladins have famous swords, Holy Avengers and the like? Well, this is a famous assassin’s blade. Black as sin, so it won’t give away your presence, and sharp enough to slide between a man’s ribs as easily as into a slab of butter. With your disposal of Mae’Var you have certainly earned it. I’m sure you will put it to good use. Or sell it, if you prefer. But whatever the case, I would like you to remember that it is a good idea to do business with the Shadow Thieves, and that nobody crosses them and lives. I’m sure we will have the pleasure of working together again, once you have earned yourself some more money.”

Rini twisted the Shadow’s Blade between her fingers, looking down at the dark blade. It seemed to whisper to her, of the stalk and the silent hunt, of the death in the shadows. Well, what of it? It is a good blade. And it will do what all weapons are made to do, to kill. What matters is what you do with it. Immy will need a weapon once we find her, or maybe I can sell it. And in the meantime, I can use it myself, it’s better than the one I’ve got now. “I’m sure we will,” she coolly told Bloodscalp. “Thank you for your generosity.” She turned around and walked out without looking back. Maybe Bloodscalp did mean to mess with my head, to imply that I’m one of his assassins now. Well, let him. I’d kill a dozen Mae’Vars if that were what it took to get Imoen back. And I’m certainly not about to feel guilty about the one I did kill.

The Sea’s Bounty couldn’t be called a ‘nice’ tavern, but it certainly had plenty of atmosphere. Granted, it was the atmosphere of a rough and dangerous pirate bar, thick with rum fumes, smoke and cheap perfume, but there was something about it that attracted Rini all the same. Several people who looked like sailors were hanging about the bar, engaging in drinking contests at the small round tables, flirting with the scantily dressed barmaids or playing dice or cards. I might be able to pick up some money here, she thought. Either by gambling or performing. Performing is probably safer in this place. She looked at the bar where a small monkey was doing some very uninspired dancing in order to rake in a few meagre coins for the bartender. The poor thing had been chained to the bar and forced to wear a little vest and a hat. Then again, maybe not. I might wind up next to that poor little guy if I’m not careful.

Jaheira had apparently also seen the monkey, and now she pushed through the thick crowd of probably-pirates, who parted without protest, likely because they were surprised by the sudden presence of a half-elf with a more deadly glare than any pirate captain they’d ever seen. “You!” the druid told the corpulent man standing behind the bar. “Is this your monkey?”

The bartender was a fat man with a wooden leg and a very red nose, and he didn’t look unfriendly. “That he be, little lady,” he said. “And may the Thumb say how happy he is to see new guests and…”

“Be silent! That animal is mistreated. You will release him at once, and remove that ridiculous outfit while you are at it. Then you will let him eat and rest properly. And if you do not do this, I will make certain that you dance for us, and trust me, you would not like that.”

The bartender, whose name presumably was ‘The Thumb’ wilted visibly beneath this verbal onslaught, bobbing his head apologetically as he explained that he’d only received the monkey the day before, from a down-on-his-luck gentleman who couldn’t pay his bar tab, and that he really had no experience in looking after animals but would be only too happy to learn, and would she please remove that stick?

“Hmpf,” Jaheira said, lowering her quarterstaff, which she had been lightly tapping against the man’s nose now and then as she made her points. “Very well. And I will be back later to check on him. For now, we need a table big enough for six, a nutritious lunch without bugs, and something to drink with it.”

“Blue Whale? Yellowbeard’s Baby? Red Stump?”

“Whip me up a ‘Green Goblin’.”

“I would,” Thumb guffawed, “but the Cat-o-Nine-Tails is broken! Har!”

“Ha,” Jaheira said in an icy voice, breaking off the bartender’s mirth. “Very amusing. Now move it.” She turned to the rest of the party, taking orders. “That would be one Evermead, one red wine, one carrot juice, one ‘Funny Fizzy’ and one ‘Wild Magic’ with a slice of raw turnip, hold the herring.”

“Just a moment,” Thumb said, peering at the adventurers. “The ladies are fine, and the big gent, I know Mr Jansen of course…but how about you, laddie? Are you sure you’re old enough for this?” He poked Edwin in the chest.

“Of course I’m old enough,” the Red Wizard sputtered, slapping the offending digit away. “Are you blind as well as foolish, man? I’ve been here before, don’t you remember? (At least I think it was here I was. Memory’s a bit hazy, but no need to mention that bit.)”

“Can’t remember that. Anyway, just ‘cos you got served once don’t make it right to do it a second time. Gotta protect the younger generation. Got any ID?”

“Listen to me, you moronic Sea-Monkey!” Edwin snarled. There was a small twitch in his cheek by now. “I am old enough to drink! I’ve even got a beard, see? I just…er…left my identification papers in…in my other pants.”

“Beards don’t mean nothing. Lots of lads try to grow them in order to look older.” Anomen snickered loudly at this, and then the Thumb turned on him. “And that goes for you too, boy! If you weren’t ordering carrot juice I’d tell you just the same.” The squire turned bright red and his mouth snapped shut.

“Never mind,” Rini said. “Just give him some…some near-grog or something then.” As she noticed the incensed look on Edwin’s face she reached up on tiptoe to whisper into his ear. “I thought you could have a taste or two from my glass.”

“Oh!” Edwin said, sounding very pleased. “Yes…that…near-grog would be quite acceptable. (My lips touching the same glass as hers…perfect!)”

The adventurers took a seat at a table, and a few minutes later the barmaid turned up with their tray of drinks. She was a pretty blonde, her hair done up in a bouncing ponytail, which coincidentally wasn’t the only thing about her that bounced. The dress she was wearing more or less consisted of a few scraps of gauzy cloth, held together with bits of string and left the customers with a generous view of her charms. Any drunken pirate who thought he could easily have his way with her would have been disappointed however, for in the straps she had around each shapely thigh she carried a pair of very sharp daggers, and something about the way she moved hinted that she wouldn’t hesitate to use them if she had to. When she spotted Edwin her eyes lit up and she smiled brightly at the wizard. “Oh! Sweetie!” the girl cried out in a happy, seductive and above all loud voice. “You came back! I haven't seen you in ages!”

Rini startled at this, looking the girl over. She was pretty, there was no denying it. And Edwin suddenly looked extremely ill at ease. “So,” she said, not raising her voice but putting the slightest bit of a hiss into it. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, ‘sweetie’?”

Edwin’s eyes darted nervously from one woman to the other, and eventually settled upon the blonde. “Er... ahh... you must have me mistaken for someone else, wench, I...”

The barmaid seemed very amused at this, and bent forward across the table in a manner that drew the attention of all males within view. Then she extended a finger to tickle the wizard under the chin, something that made him jump as if the digit had been red hot. “Mistaken? Ohhh, you can't fool me, silly! I'd recognize that cute little beard of yours anywhere, Eddie!”

By now Zaerini was gripping the edge of the table tightly enough that her nails were practically scratching grooves in it and she had to repress an urge not to leap at the girl and claw her eyes out. Or somebody else’s. “Yessss,” she hissed, her eyes boring into Edwin’s. “That would be a clue, wouldn’t it, Eddie?”

Edwin had turned an interesting shade of pale green now, and it looked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him. “Er…” he said, “I…I have never seen her before in my life, I assure you! Never, ever!” He made a shooing gesture at the blonde. “Ah... the name is Edwin, I assure you, and...”

The blonde giggled. “Don’t be silly, Eddie! You know you recognize your own little Gracie!” Then she suddenly seemed to notice the others for the first time. “Oh, are you here with friends? Everyone says what a brute you are, but I know your softer, sweeter side and I'll tell anyone who says different!”

Softer, sweeter side? And just what else does she ‘know’ about him I wonder? I’ll kill her if she giggles one more time, and then I’ll kill him!

For a moment Edwin seemed about to bolt, but then his eyes met Rini’s once again, and he seemed to gain some new determination. “Enough!” he shouted as he got to his feet, glaring furiously at Gracie. “ENOUGH! Begone, wench, BEGONE! I spent one night in your chambers and that is ALL...and I was drunk out of my skull at the time. Speak of it again and I shall burn the flesh from your bones!! Gaaaah!!”

Gracie’s smile melted away and she gave the wizard a cold look, then sniffed. “Well. If that's the way you want to play it, then FINE. Just try to pretend you didn’t like it then.” She walked off in a huff, swaying her hips. Then she paused, giving the wizard a small smirk across one shoulder. “And here I thought you’d at least be a little appreciative, me being your first and all…”

There was a loud thud as Edwin banged his head down on the table, face downward in a puddle of old beer. Anomen was chuckling loudly, and only a sharp look from Zaerini made him stop.

“Tsk,” Jan said, grinning widely. “You sure are a charmer with the ladies, there, Eddie my boy. Have them throwing themselves at your feet, eh? Wonders of wonders! And her being your first too…that’s really sweet! I remember my first time, I could tell you the story if you want to hear it.”

“No,” Edwin said, his face still flat on the table. “I don’t. I’m sure it’s something disgusting involving turnips. (One more word and I’ll kill him, slowly and painfully. Just…one…more…word…)” He suddenly jerked upwards into an upright position again, giving Rini a desperate look. “And besides, that woman was lying! Lying, lying, lying! I am an extremely experienced lover, one to make any female tremble with desire at my merest touch and….and I’m not sure I ever met that woman! I never…er…had a relationship with her. I can barely remember her! It was one night, and I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought she was…er…somebody else…I mean…(Temporary insanity. That’s what it was.)”

“Oh,” the half-elf said, raising an eyebrow. “And that’s how you usually treat women, is it? A little fun and tumble in bed, and then pretend you don’t know them?”

“No! No! Absolutely not. (Gah, why does this have to be so complicated? Summoned concubines are so much easier to deal with.)”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” Zaerini said, tossing her hair back across her shoulder as she fixed the wizard with an unwavering stare that made him squirm like a worm on a hook. “Because if you did, I might just decide to yank that cute little beard out straw by straw.” She reached out to give the wizard’s nose chain a little tug. “And then I might decide to leash you to my belt so you won’t get yourself in trouble again.”

“Ha! As if you could, my mighty magics would overwhelm you in seconds. (Come to think of it though, it wouldn’t be so horrible a fate. At least the view would be pleasant.)”

“Yeah? Want to try me? I’d have you flat on your back before you had the time to blink.”

You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Softpaws asked in an innocently interested voice.

Not now, Softy! I’m in the middle of a fight here.

Sorry to bother you kitten, but you don’t have the time. Somebody else is coming this way.

If it’s another barmaid about to cuddle Edwin I’ll…

The person approaching was not a barmaid. He was a man just past middle-age, in ragged clothes that looked to have seen better days, something that went for the man himself as well. He was tall, and had probably been well built once, but now the flesh hung loosely on his body. His skin had an unhealthy greyish tinge, and he was starting to go bald. His eyes were the most disturbing thing about him though. Small and dark, like grains of pepper, and they never blinked. “Jaheira, my darling!” the man called out in an oily voice. “So good to see you.”

As Zaerini watched Jaheira stiffen almost imperceptibly she felt her mouth gape open. Jaheira and this guy? Now I’ve seen it all. Next Jan will probably declare his undying love for Minsc.