Cards Reshuffled

I always like to make my friends happy of course. Problems may arise sometimes though, when two of my friends have very opposite ideas about what I should do to make them happy. But hey, you can’t expect to please everybody…

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Mae’Var might have been a disgusting sadist, but he wasn’t insane to the extent that it impaired his fighting, unfortunately. Worse, he had apparently gathered a few friends together when it became clear to him that enemies were on their way. As the vicious thief drew his sword, several men in dark and non-descript clothing became visible around the room. Zaerini noticed that one of them was raising a holy symbol of some sort. A cleric, then. That wasn’t too good. “Keep the thieves at a distance!” she shouted. “Edwin, Jan, the spellcaster!”

The Red Wizard and the gnome got her point immediately, and they fired off a large number of Magic Missiles at the cleric just before Rini had the time to finish her own spell. A hissing green arrow embedded itself in the cleric’s chest, dripping corrosive acid. The man screamed with pain and clutched at the projectile, sinking to his knees. He would be dead in moments. However, he had had the time to cast a spell of his own, and a shimmering golden light had flickered across the enemy rogues, who suddenly seemed both stronger and faster than before.

“You will hold where you are!” Jaheira cried out in a strong voice, raising her hands as she called upon the power of her god. Twisting vines erupted from the ground, scattering earth and rocks about them in small explosions as they broke through the floor. It seemed to be some sort of seaweed, probably because the ocean was so close, and the spell used what vegetation was readily available. Thick vines clutched at the ankles of the attacking thieves, tripping them out and slowing them down, making them easy prey for magic and missiles alike. Another spell from Anomen froze two of them in place, immobile like statues, not even their frightened eyes turning. They didn’t last long.

Mae’Var had somehow managed to dodge the spells though, and now he was swiftly approaching. Zaerini could see the eager gleam in his eyes as he headed directly towards her, and the small flecks of foam on his lips. He seemed to be far too eager for her blood to even be bothered with trying a sneaky approach. Her jaws setting into a stubborn line, she prepared for the attack. A flame arrow right between the eyes, that’s exactly what the bastard needs. I may not have been able to fight Irenicus, but I can fight this nasty little creep.

But then Minsc was there, stepping between her and the enemy, and there was a loud clang as Mae’Var’s blade met with the large two-handed Sword of Chaos. “You are a very bad man!” the large ranger said. “Boo says it is time for the bad man to meet Minsc’s sword. Look! It slices…and dices…and IT CHOPS BAD MAN’S HEAD OFF FOR TRYING TO HURT MINSC’S WITCH! RRRRRAARRRRRRGHHH!”

Thud.

There was a look of extreme surprise on Mae’Var’s face as his head flew through the air and hit the wall, neatly dropping into the wastepaper basket that stood in one corner. For a second or two his body kept going, trying to stab Minsc in the kidneys. Then it finally realized that it was dead, and fell like a puppet with cut strings.

“Thanks Minsc,” Zaerini said, staring at Mae’Var’s body. Within her, the murderous fury that had risen when she first spotted the mutilated body on the table slowly faded away, leaving a feeling of emptiness behind. “I’m glad you did that, and I’m glad I didn’t have to do it. What I mean is…I would have enjoyed it too much, I think, and that sort of thing can get very dangerous for me, you know?”

“Minsc doesn’t,” Minsc said, “but he is happy if little Rini is, and Boo is happy too.”

Rini nodded, and for a moment she watched as Jaheira and Jan searched Mae’Var’s body. The man had owned a lovely suit of black leather armor, unfortunately not a size that would fit the druid, but it should still fetch a nice sum, and he had some gold and gems in his pockets too. Just a little bit closer to you, Immy. Just a little bit closer. Then something Minsc had said suddenly came back to her. “Minsc? Did you call me your ‘witch’ just now?”

“Oh,” the large man, sounding very bashful. “Minsc is sorry if he has said something bad, he did not mean to. Are you angry about it?”

“No, of course I’m not angry,” the half-elf said, smiling encouragingly. “I’m your friend, you can talk to me. I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“Well,” Minsc said, and his foot, twice the size of a normal man’s, trailed shy circles on the ground. “Now that Dynaheir is…gone, Minsc has no witch anymore. I was meant to protect her you know, for my trial of manhood, and I failed, so I cannot join the Ice Dragon Berserker Lodge.”

“Yes, I know that. I’m really sorry.”

“But Minsc also needs a witch to look after, because that is what I was trained to do, and I need a witch to look after me, because that is what witches do, and Boo says that Minsc needs that. Boo looks after Minsc too of course, but Boo thinks it would be even better if we had a new witch. Minsc almost asked Aerie if she wanted to be his new witch, but now he is glad he didn’t.” Hurt confusion rose in the big man’s innocent eyes. “Aerie did not seem Evil, but now Minsc knows that she is, and if he sees her again he will let Boo do what he wants with her.”

“Right…” Rini said, feeling almost as confused as Minsc. “Well, sometimes bad people don’t look bad, or the other way around. Don’t feel bad about being fooled by Aerie, you weren’t exactly the only one. Er…what does Boo want to do with her?”

“Minsc would rather not say. It might make your tummy upset. But Minsc still needs a new witch, and then Boo asked me why I not asked little Rini, who is a good friend and not Evil like Aerie is, and Minsc felt very silly that he hadn’t thought of it. It was just that you fight with sword sometimes, and sometimes with magic, that is why Minsc did not think of it, but Boo says that doesn’t matter, because little Rini already knows more spells than Dynaheir did when Minsc first met her. So, Minsc was going to ask, but then he got in the fight with the bad man and shouted without thinking. But Minsc will ask now. Will you be my witch?”

The bard felt a little stunned after listening to this monologue, but then she looked into the open and honest face in front of her. “Minsc…you do realize I’m not from Rasheman, don’t you? I’m not ever going to be that kind of witch.”

“Minsc knows, and it is fine. You will be a good witch, Boo says so.”

“Well…if Boo says so, sure.” Zaerini smiled again. “I’ll be your witch, if that’s what you want.” She had hardly finished the sentence before she found herself swept up in an enormous hug, her ribs creaking.

“OH, GLORIOUS DAY!” Minsc shouted, tears of joy streaming down his face. “Minsc has a new witch! Hooray!”

“Yes…good…I think I need to breathe now…”

Minsc’s sudden and loud exclamation had attracted the attention of all the other adventurers, who’d been busy searching the room. Jan looked amused, Jaheira a little impatient, Anomen annoyed. Edwin however, looked absolutely outraged. “What?” he shouted. “You cannot mean this! You cannot possibly mean that you’re about to lower yourself to become one of those…one of those filthy witches! Don’t you know what they…have you no idea…” He broke off with a frustrated noise. “They are the scum of the earth, it’s as simple as that!”

Zaerini sighed. She’d been prepared for a negative reaction, but not one quite as strong as this. She’d always suspected that Edwin had personal reasons for detesting the Witches of Rasheman, apart from the rivalry between Rasheman and Thay, but he had never wanted to tell her what it was about. “Eddie, calm down!” she said. “I’m not about to become one of the Witches of Rasheman! I couldn’t, even if I wanted to, which I don’t. I don’t want to belong to any organization. But even if I did want to, they wouldn’t have me, they only accept those born in Rasheman.”

“Yes, but…”

“Minsc knows that too, don’t you Minsc?” She waited to see the ranger nod before she went on. “When he says witch he means ‘magic user’, and he’s used to traveling with one. Nothing sinister about it, you know.”

Edwin frowned, and he didn’t look pleased at all. “Very well,” he said. “But I don’t like it one bit. (How in the world am I ever going to explain this to…it doesn’t even bear thinking about. But come to think of it, I wish I will get the chance to explain…)”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Anyway, I guess it’s time we went back to see Renal Bloodscalp and collected our reward. But let’s go outside and get some rest first, I need some sun and fresh air.”

Once she had exited Mae’Var’s Guild, or what had formerly been Mae’Var’s Guild, Zaerini stood still on the street for a few moments, breathing deeply. After the smells of that dungeon room, it was a welcome relief. True, the salty air held a definite tinge of rotting seaweed and fish, but she didn’t care at all about that. Then she turned to Edwin. “I need to talk to you alone a little,” she said, taking the wizard by the arm. “Let’s go down towards the water, shall we?” Then she grinned. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to push you in.”

“It would be no obstacle to me if you did,” Edwin said. “I am a wonderful swimmer. Not that it would be necessary to actually demonstrate my prowess. (I’m sure I could master a water-walking spell, and it would be more dignified.)”

“My lady,” Anomen said, frowning. “Do you really think…would not a chaperone be…”

Rini stared at him. “A what?”

A guardian of your virtue, Softpaws told her. Meant to keep you from going about your mating in peace, one of those silly human things.

I know what it is! And I don’t plan to ‘mate’ in the street, thanks very much! And certainly not right now. I need to take things one step at a time. The time was right before, but then Edwin took off, and now I need to…I don’t know…get back to where I was. I think we can, but it will take some time.

The thought of ‘mating’ intruded itself on her mind, conjuring a very vivid vision of the wizard and herself. She was starting to feel very hot.

Pah. You’re practically about to tear his clothes off right now.

I’m not! That was a stray thought you picked up right now, not something planned.

Makes no difference. It’s still what you want. You might as well go about it.

The bard was just about to make a hot and heartfelt reply when she realized that Anomen was still looking at her expectantly. So was Edwin, for that matter. So were Jan, Jaheira and Minsc. Jaheira looked exasperated, and Jan looked as if he was watching some kind of exciting game.

“No,” she said. “No chaperone, thanks.”

“But…”

“Anomen, for one thing, I’m not exactly a ‘lady’. And I’m not Amnian, so I don’t really care that much about that sort of thing. And besides, are you already forgetting that I talked to you without a chaperone only this morning? Come on, fair is fair.”

“But…”

“That’s right, you unwashed son of a troll and an Umber Hulk,” Edwin said, smirking triumphantly as he trailed after the redhead. “And I am sure you bored her practically to tears, going on and on about your tedious and uninteresting thoughts about things you could not possibly hope to comprehend. That would be everything, in case you were wondering, except possibly how to open nuts by hitting them with a rock. (Yes, just look at that dull, vacant look in those ugly muddled eyes.) Whereas I, of course, am a brilliant conversationalist, capable of charming the birds down from the sky and…”

“Let’s see you put those conversational skills to work then,” Rini interrupted, taking the wizard’s hand and dragging him off before Anomen had the time to work himself up for a fight. “This is rather important.”

She led Edwin to a secluded spot she had spotted earlier. Broad stone stairs led down to and into the water, and right now they were dry and nicely warmed by the sun. She sat down, watching the glittering blue sea below her, and the sweeping seagulls who were fishing in the harbor. The hissing sound of the waves crashing against the stairs was very soothing. She waited until the wizard had sat down beside her before she started speaking. “I think,” she said, “that it is time I told you everything about a wizard named Irenicus.”