Cards Reshuffled

It’s funny how things turn out. You may have imagined a certain scene dozens, hundreds of times, anticipating what it would be like, playing every line out in your head. And yet somehow, when the time is upon you, it never seems to go quite as you had imagined it.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Edwin yawned and stretched, trying to force some semblance of life back into his aching muscles. He’d been sitting motionless at his desk for far too long, bent over the ancient documents in front of him. By now his back and neck were trying to forcefully remind him of their existence, and it was only the burning sensation in his eyes that had drawn his attention to the fact that he’d been so absorbed by his studies that he’d forgotten all about blinking.

But I am making progress, the wizard thought. Definite progress. The clues were all in there, and they were starting to come together nicely. Now he only needed to confirm his information, and he would soon be able to do that. As soon as that lazy Marcus moves his fat behind far enough from his seat at the Sea’s Bounty to actually go and do his job. He had no choice but to rely on Marcus though. The man was a servant of the Cowled Wizards and would be able to gain access to one of their libraries as Edwin would not. And then, the legendary powers of the Nether Scroll will soon be under the control of Edwin Odesseiron, the Greatest Wizard who ever lived! Power, unimaginable power! Unimaginable even to my superior imagination, which is of course far beyond that of any other mage in existence. Khelben Blackstaff! Ha! Elminster! Pah! They will all tremble before the earthshaking power of Edwin Odesseiron and his Nether Scroll!

The excited gleam in the wizard’s dark eyes faded slowly and he lowered his head, a brief spasm of sudden pain crossing his face as the memories overtook him. And perhaps…somehow…I can use it to make everything all right again. Perhaps I can use it to find them. To somehow explain…

Edwin sighed and rubbed tiredly at his eyes. Then he winced as his sleeve got caught on the chain connecting the ring in his ear with the one in his nose. The stupid thing wouldn’t let go either. Ouch. It’s still tender. He’d got the nose ring only recently, and he couldn’t remember the exact circumstances, something that bothered him a little. He’d been feeling lonely and depressed, and drinking one drink beginning with every letter in the alphabet had seemed like an excellent idea at the time. By the time he got to ‘F’ for ‘Firewine’ he’d been feeling much better. When he’d reached ‘H’ for ‘Hurricane Hurler’ he’d been ready to take on the world. And as he had been working himself past ‘J’ for ‘Jaundice Jello’ he’d happened to spot a half-orc barbarian at the bar. The bandit had been wearing so many metal implements through various body parts that he’d looked like a walking smithy. Edwin’s memories were a bit hazy after this point, but he recalled staggering over to the bar and speaking to the half-orc. The next coherent memory was of being tied to a chair as a devilishly grinning goblin in a bloodstained apron approached his face with a sharp metal probe. After that, there was a long blank.

I think I somehow got back to the Sea’s Bounty, Edwin mused. Yes, he’d definitely been lying on the floor at some point, trying to count the number of his legs but losing count every time he reached thirteen. And then…and then…

There had been a female voice speaking to him, and the alcohol had helped the hallucination along nicely, altering the voice to the one he wished to hear, changing a pretty face for another that burned like a flame in his mind, darkening the shade of the hair from blonde to fiery red. He could recall smiling confusedly at the divine vision before him, telling her how much he’d longed to see her, and her smiling back at him.

And then…there was another blank, up until the point where he woke up in a strange bed with a murderous headache and a tongue that felt as if it had grown fur. The girl, whatever her name really was, had seemed as if she’d enjoyed herself. He wondered if he had. I suppose I did. Wish I could remember. But if so, it had been no more than a temporary relief. Hadn’t been what he needed. Who he needed.

He’d been trying to be more careful with drinking since then. He didn’t want to wake up one morning to find out that he’d had other parts of his body impaled with sharp instruments. Or to hallucinate her face…her voice, only to be disappointed once more by reality. I couldn’t stand that.

The wizard’s body suddenly tensed. There were footsteps approaching, coming rapidly up the stairs, heading towards his door. Mae’Var? Has he finally decided that I’m no longer useful to him? He had fortunately managed to disentangle his sleeve by now, and now he feverishly reached for his pouches of spell components with trembling fingers. A Mirror Image first for defense…and then that giggling twisted little torturer will be treated to a lovely charcoal black tan.

The footsteps were coming even closer now, drumming angrily across the floor like a furious hailstorm.

BANG!

The door was thrown open so violently that it almost flew off its hinges. Edwin raised his hands, his mouth already forming the first syllables of his spell. Then he trailed off as his mouth gaped open, and the magic fizzled into useless sparks. He had a feeling his eyes were as large as saucers, his legs had suddenly turned to quivering jelly, and there was a strange buzzing noise in his ears. It…it cannot be! It’s another hallucination, it has to be! Szass Tam’s ancient underwear, am I seeing things even when I’m sober now? Have I gone insane?

There was a woman standing on the threshold to the wizard’s dark and book-littered room. A half-elven woman, shorter and slimmer than a human female, and with the lightly pointed ears of her race. Bright red hair was dancing about her face like living flames, almost standing on end like the fur of an angry feline. She was leaning forwards a little, supporting herself against the doorframe with both hands, as if she was too furious to keep herself upright otherwise. With some detached part of his mind Edwin noticed that she was wearing a simple white shirt, black pants and vest, and a pair of rather scuffed boots. Far simpler clothing than when he had last seen her.

She is too thin! Far too thin! What happened to her?

Unbidden, the image of a red cat floated to the top of his mind, the animal hissing angrily at him as he spied the prominent ribs and tender scars. Then he was yanked back to reality as he was once again captivated by the woman’s face. The generous, slightly too wide mouth was currently set in an enraged snarl, and the large and lightly slanted golden eyes were burning like the fires of the Abyss itself. She was panting a little, clearly too angry to speak properly at the moment. Beautiful…so beautiful…

And then Edwin suddenly realized what must be going on. This couldn’t possibly be real. She couldn’t possibly be here, not really. He had been thinking about her, and now he was seeing things. It was just another hallucination. And I won’t wind up in bed with this one. I’m sure it would turn out to be a half-orc or something.

How to best deal with the situation though? The best would probably be to ignore it entirely and wait for it to go away. Yes, just behave normally and whoever that is won’t suspect a thing. Probably it was a stranger anyway.

Pleased with his own cleverness, Edwin sat back down on his chair, trying to slow his breathing. I can do this. It’s a hallucination. It’s just a hallucination. “Greetings,” he said, hoping his voice was calm enough. “I am Edwin Odesseiron. You simians may refer to me merely as ‘Sir’ if you prefer a less…syllable intensive workout.”

The world stood still. Suns were born and died. Planets formed out of the void. Tiny creatures formed civilizations, dreamt of conquering the world, exploring the stars, and then blew themselves up. Edwin’s heart skipped a beat and went on to the next.

The redhead’s eyes widened just a little more, and then she crossed the floor. Slowly. Determinedly. She bent across the table, presenting the wizard with a view that made him forget to breathe for several seconds, a fixed smile on her face all the while. And then she reached across the table, grabbed hold of the front of his robe, yanked him close enough that their noses were almost touching, and proceeded to scream in his face.

“SIMIANS! SIMIANS? IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL ME THESE DAYS, EDWIN ODESSEIRON? YOU LIED TO ME, YOU PRETENDED TO CARE ABOUT ME, TO BE MY FRIEND! YOU SAID YOU WOULD STAY! ONE YEAR’S SERVICE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID! AND THEN, THEN YOU RAN OUT ON ME AND LEFT ONE LOUSY STINKING BLOODY LETTER, STATING THAT YOU WERE ‘TOO BUSY’ TO STAY! WELL, I’LL BE HAPPY TO KEEP YOU BUSY! BUSY PICKING YOUR TEETH OFF THE FLOOR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW I LOOKED FOR YOU? HOW WORRIED I WAS? NO, OF COURSE NOT! AND THEN, THEN WHEN I FINALLY CATCH UP WITH YOU, YOU CALL ME A SIMIAN? JUST BE HAPPY I HAVEN’T GOT A BANANA ON ME, MONKEY BOY, OR I’D…I’D RAM IT UP YOUR NOSE! AND THEN I’D…” She paused to draw breath and gave him a very strange look. “Speaking of noses, whatever is that hideous thing on your face?” She gave the chain a little experimental tug, making the wizard wince. “It looks totally ridiculous, not to mention dangerous. Do you realize I could tear half your nose off like this?” A worried look suddenly flashed across her face. “Oh Gods, it wasn’t that horrible Mae’Var wasn’t it? He didn’t torture you? If he did I’ll…” Then she cleared her throat and looked annoyed. “He’d better not have. I want to kill you myself, but I want you intact when I do it.”

Edwin’s mouth had been opening and closing soundlessly throughout all this, and now his voice finally started working again, though it came out as more of a squeak. “Zaerini?!” he said. If this was a hallucination, it was a very realistic one. Not only did it look like her, the voice was perfect in every detail, and when her fingers had accidentally brushed his cheek as she touched the chain they had felt very real, and then there was the scent of her. Something light and fresh, but wild, and instantly recognizable. Besides, the daydreams and hallucinations he’d had of her so far hadn’t involved her threatening to punch his teeth out or shouting in his face. There had been plenty of other activities going on, but there had been a clear lack of shouting. Is it…real? Could it really be her this time? Impossible! But it seems so real! He kept staring at the angry face in front of him, and the wild mane of red hair. Red. So red. If only I could touch it.

“Well?” the bard said, crossing her arms across her chest. “Aren’t you going to say something? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this mute before.”

“I…” Edwin said, and then he had to clear his throat. “I had my reasons for acting as I did. You wouldn’t understand, being so severely lacking in the intellectual area.” Can’t tell her the truth. She’d hate me if I did. A small voice at the back of his mind told Edwin that he was well on his way to making the half-elf hate him anyway, but he ignored it. I can’t tell her! That would mean having to tell her everything. Including the truth about my old mission.

“Try me,” Zaerini hissed. Her cat familiar had leapt onto her shoulder by now and was watching him coolly with eyes as green as emeralds.

“I…” And then Edwin for the first time became aware that the half-elf wasn’t the only person present. Jaheira he recognized, and the way the druid scowled at him told him that she wanted nothing more than to skin him alive and feed his remains to wild animals. He couldn’t see her stuttering husband though, which was odd. Those two generally were within arm’s length of each other. And where was Imoen? The annoying pink one wouldn’t have departed from her best friend’s company would she? There was an odd-looking gnome who kept smiling inanely and then…then…a very large man. An enormous man in fact, bald and muscular, and wearing the tribal tattoos of a Rashemani berserker. There was a hamster sitting on top of his head. Rasheman? She would take up with those…those WITCHES? How could she? He couldn’t spot the witch herself, but he knew she had to be around close by. His own anger was flaring hotly by now, fueled by dark memories, not all of them his own. She would travel with a Witch? She would disbelieve me that easily, yet trust in one of them? Well, two can play that game. And besides, the danger still remains. As long as she is close to me, she will be in danger.

“The past hardly matters,” Edwin said with a small sneer. “The company you currently keep limits your uses.”

“I see,” Zaerini coldly replied. “Then I suppose I’m simply going to have to believe that you ran out on m…us…because you had an irresistible urge to go to work for a torturer in a city that hates mages. That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?” She gave him an expectant look as if hoping for a reply, but when none came her mouth set in a stubborn line. “Fine. Have it your way. Mae’Var sent us here because he seemed to believe that you might have some sort of work for us. So, what do you want me to do?”

For a moment Edwin came dangerously close to answering that question truthfully. Can’t have that. Can’t let her suspect anything. But what could I possibly make up instead? Yes, now I know. It is something that needs doing, and it shouldn’t be too dangerous, not when she’s in company. “Hear me. It seems my prowess as a mage has captured the eye of the Cowled Wizards. I'm certain they are envious, though their actions are not fitting tribute. They have dispatched an agent to investigate my activities, something I don't appreciate. This insult must be punished by killing the Cowled agent. Rayic Gethras is his name. His house is a gray three-story behind a fence along the westward wall of the Docks District.” Edwin thought hard about what else to say. Better try to impress her with my utter ruthlessness as well. Let me see…being asked to do assassination work might or might not put her off, but I need something else as well. Anything to make her go away. The wizard shrugged, making sure to look utterly indifferent. “When you find Rayic Gethras, kill him. Question him beforehand if you like. Any insight into the Cowled Wizards is useful. A little torture would soften him.”

Zaerini inhaled sharply at this, making Edwin reasonably certain that he had achieved his goal. I am sorry, my Hellkitten. But this is the way it has to be. I cannot keep you near me no matter what I might wish.

“Well,” the half-elf said in a sharp voice. “That was an interesting request. You can forget about the torture right now. As for killing people at your word…are you somehow under the impression that I’m your personal private assassin?”

Edwin sighed. “I’m not,” he said. “Believe me, I’m not. (For one thing, you would need to be a good bit taller…)”