Cards Reshuffled

The truly skilled artist will depict more than just the facial features of his model. He'll bring out the inner self, the heart and soul of the person portrayed. Sometimes Art makes a perfect mimicry of Life - and that may be enough to make Life imitate Art.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Edwina startled guiltily as she saw who had just come through the door. Didn't I lock it? I could have sworn I locked it. "Ah, my Hellkitten! I was only…er…"

Zaerini bolted across the floor, got down on her knees next to the seated wizard and roughly grabbed her hand. "Edwina, thank the gods you're all right!" She bent forward. "What…how did you manage to impale your dagger through the sleeve of your robe? You're stuck to the table! And what's this?" Slender fingers took hold of Edwina's other hand, making the wizard tremble a little. "You're bleeding…and what's this? Bitemarks?"

Edwina felt herself flushing brightly. As keen as she had been on ending her existence a few moments ago, admitting it in front of the woman she loved was something she was very reluctant to do. "Er…I think Insufferable must have got overly excited about something."

OVERLY EXCITED? Boss, you were trying to kill yourself! If I hadn't bitten you, you'd currently be bleeding to death on the floor. The little monkey was currently sitting on the very arm he had bitten, and now he crossed his own arms across his tiny and fluffy chest and glared disapprovingly at the wizard. Either you tell her the truth, or I will.

No! I don't want her to find out! She'll just get worried.

Oh, well, you should have thought of that before, shouldn't you? And how do you think she'd have felt if she'd found your corpse in here, huh? She'd have been more than just 'worried'. Now tell her.

Zaerini's golden eyes were staring directly into Edwina's own now, and they were filled with not only concern, but also deep compassion and sadness. "Oh Edwina…you can tell me the truth, don't you know that? You meant to…kill yourself, didn't you?"

Silently and quite miserably, she nodded, staring into the table top. To her horror, she felt her eyes brimming over with hot tears, and a small sob escaped her. "Yes," she said in a small voice, almost unrecognisable. "It was that elf downstairs…and the genies…I don't think I will ever turn back to normal, I'll be stuck like this for the rest of my life, with people laughing at me, or groping, or…or making disgusting comments!" Another sob or two, and she swallowed heavily. "And those stupid statues! Now anybody who passes through Trademeet will see my humiliation, as if it wasn't bad enough before! I'm so tired of it all, I just want it to end. And the worst of it…" She paused, afraid to go on. But she'd already embarrassed herself. She might as well continue. "The worst of it," she whispered, "is that as long as I'm in this body you will never…I mean, we will never…you won't want…and anyway, you deserve the real me."

The wizard jumped a little as the half-elf jerked the dagger free of her robe, and then slammed it down hard so that it buried itself in the tabletop. "Don't you ever dare kill yourself because of what you think that I think!" she growled, and her eyes were blazing dangerously. "Or kill yourself at all, for that matter! Or…or I'll be really mad at you, you silly wizard." Then her face softened, shifting expression with quicksilver speed, and she smiled, her eyes filled with tenderness. Edwina barely had time to gasp before she felt the other woman's arms around her neck, the silky sweep of her red hair tickling her nose and the softness of her cheek against her own. "Oh Edwina," Zaerini sighed. "I'm so relieved you're all right. I was so worried…and I'm so sorry I didn't realize exactly how upset and unhappy you were. I should have pressured you more, but I was afraid to."

"It wasn't your fault!" Edwina immediately replied. Her eyes were still wet, but her heart was beating faster, and there was a fluttery and trembling sensation in the pit of her stomach. Her arms were entirely filled with the woman of her dreams, and she didn't want the moment to ever end. "I was so ashamed, I didn't want to talk to anybody about it. Even to you, my Hellkitten. I would never blame you for this. I know you have tried to help as much as you can."

The bard laughed a little. "Oh…well, that's why I came up here in the first place, actually. I'm afraid I still don't know how to turn you back, but there's something I really think you ought to see. Unless I'm entirely wrong, it'll help you feel better. It'll mean going outside, but it's not far."

"Outside? But…"

"Not far, I promise. And it’s getting late, nobody will see us. And it won't take long." Zaerini smiled mischievously, her eyes sparkling as if she was laughing about some private joke. "You'd see it tomorrow anyway, but I really want us to go take a look at it first, just the two of us. You'll see why. Please?"

Edwina nodded, hesitantly. "Very well," she said. "I will come." For you, I would travel to the Abyss itself on a regular basis.

A few minutes later, the two women were walking in silence through the neat streets of Trademeet, passing by prosperous villas and shops at every turn. There were flowerbeds too, and trees planted here and there along the road. Even the cobblestones were brightly coloured and set in decorative patterns, and the lampposts were ornate. As Edwina noticed in which direction they were heading, she felt reluctance creep in. "The main square?" she asked. "No, I really don't want to look at that fountain. Not to mention the no doubt hideously deformed statue. No, I'm going back."

A firm hand gripping her sleeve made the wizard almost trip and fall as she tried to turn around. "Edwina…" Zaerini said, her eyes serious. "Trust me on this, all right? You know I would never try to hurt you, don't you?"

No. She would never do that. Never. No more than I would want to hurt her.

Finally we're getting somewhere, Boss, Insufferable piped up from his place in Edwina's pocket. Now go on, talk to her. You're well on your way to mating here, you know.

That's not what I was thinking about!

Liar.

"Yes," Edwina said, nodding, and the smile that made the other woman's eyes lit up was enough to make her feel as giddy as any child getting a special birthday present. "I trust you. I will come."

"Good…now close your eyes, and take my hand. And don't open them until I say you can."

Edwina had never been particularly good at patience. Well, in some respects she was infinitely patient, such as when it came to digging through a library for interesting scrolls, or sewing up the perfect robe, or coming up with the perfect insult to make Anomen's nosehairs curl. But patiently awaiting a surprise, that wasn't her strong suit, and it was only with great difficulty that she managed to keep her eyes closed. What could she possibly have done? Well, whatever it is, she did it…for me. Perhaps…

"Go on!" Zaerini suddenly said, her voice tense with excitement. "Open them!"

Edwina opened her eyes, and saw the large fountain that decorated the main square of Trademeet. Moonlight glittered like silver in the water, and made the marble statues that had been erected around the base of the fountain seem almost frighteningly alive as it played across their stone features. Amazing, that those genies could work so fast. She studied the statues, dreading the moment when she would have to lay eyes upon a giant marble version of her own female form, complete with swelling bosom and curvy hips. There was Minsc, grinning triumphantly and holding his sword aloft. He even had a miniature stone version of Boo sitting on his shoulder. There was Anomen, gazing proudly down at the onlooker like a king on his throne. Stupid, arrogant, puffed up, pompous Helmite. I bet he won't be able to tear himself apart from his stupid statue when he sees it. And there was Jan, holding a turnip aloft, and the genies had somehow managed to capture that annoying twinkle in his eyes that meant he was about to launch into another insipid story. And Jaheira, with a small smile on her lips as she rested her foot upon the fallen form of what had to be Faldorn. She didn't look too bad, Edwina had to admit, now that she was silent. Then…oh yes, there was her Hellkitten. Perfect. Just perfect. There seemed to be a wind stirring her marble hair, and she was somehow sparkling, vibrating with life and energy and pure mischief. So beautiful. Then Edwina noticed something, something she hadn't seen at first. Zaerini's statue wasn't looking straight ahead like the others. Rather it was looking towards its right side, and as she followed the gaze of the statue, her mouth slowly dropped open, and her eyes widened with surprise.

There it was. The statue of herself, the statue she had been dreading to see. But it wasn't a statue of her current form, the female body she was trapped in. No, it was a statue of her old body, its every feature so familiar it made her heart ache with longing. Perfect body. Perfect face. Perfect and utterly magnificently groomed beard. I knew I looked wonderful, but I didn't know I was that stunning. And this statue also had its head and its eyes turned to one side, watching the statue of Zaerini. They were smiling at each other, looking into each others' eyes, and she just had time to see that there was a hint of two stone hands reaching out for each other before she felt a soft and very live hand wrap itself against her own, its fingers entwining with hers.

"What…" Edwina said, her legs trembling as she grasped the offered hand almost convulsively. "I don't understand…"

Her Hellkitten was smiling at her now, a radiant smile that outshone even that of the statue, and she was blushing a little. "Come on," she said, pulling the unresisting Edwina along with her. "I think we should sit down for a bit." Once they were both seated on the fountain, right by the stone feet of their own statues, the half-elf cleared her throat. "I asked the genies to do that," she said swiftly and rather nervously. "I think it turned out really well, don't you?"

"Yes…but why?"

Zaerini looked if possible even more nervous by now, and she was fidgeting as if she found it difficult to sit still. "Well, I thought about telling you, but I figured that since you were so down you probably wouldn't listen to me anyway, and that it would be better to show you this way." Her face turned very serious, and her lips were trembling a little. "The statue up there…that is how I see you. I just wanted you to know…no matter what you might look like on the outside, that is who you are to me. Who you will always be to me." She took a deep breath. "The person that I love, and whom I think I have loved ever since the moment when he first ran into me back in Nashkel, almost knocking me out."

"Hold on there!" Edwina protested. "It was you who ran into me and weren't watching where you were going and…" Then her brain finally caught up with what her ears had heard. "And…" She stared into the glittering golden eyes of the half-elf, feeling as if her body was suddenly on fire and her mind had ground to a complete halt. "Mgplp? Fffnx? Prlp…"

Go on Boss! Insufferable urged. Do something now, or she'll think you don't feel the same way about her!

But my tongue has gone numb! I can't get a word out!

Who cares about words! You know what to do, so do it!

And Edwina did. She felt a wide smile spreading across her face, and then, before she knew it, she was already wrapping her arms about the smaller woman, whose body fitted perfectly against hers. And now she was bending her face down, still looking into the beautiful eyes of her Hellkitten, half-closed with pleasure. Soft lips against hers, and she put everything she felt into the kiss, her mind a wild blaze of joy and desire. Soft…so soft, and yet so hungry, so eager. She heard a soft moan. Was it her? Or her loved one? Or perhaps both? She didn't know, and at this point she didn't really care. She could feel those clever hands running through her hair, toying with the dark strands. Her own were exploring the soft curve of a gently pointed ear, the angle of the cheekbone, and then they trailed downwards, along the slim neck and on towards new territory. Is this really real? It is! IT IS! She loves me, and I love her, and it's for real! "Oh, my Hellkitten," she breathed, her voice husky. "You have no idea…how long I have longed for this." She intensified her caresses a little. "And I want you to know…I really do l…" She leaned in closer.

"Aaagh!" Edwina screamed as the combined excitement of the two women took its toll and they both lost their balance, toppling backwards. Still clinging to each other they fell, and landed in the fountain with a loud splash.

Edwina sat up, shivering and coughing, and feeling rather disoriented. The water was cold, and it made her robe smear itself very tightly against her body. As she looked up, she could see the male version of herself grinning down at her. He seemed annoyingly amused, she thought. Then however, she looked at the woman sharing the water with her, and her breath caught. Zaerini was just as wet as she was of course. Water was streaming in small rivulets from her red hair, making it seem almost black in the moonlight, and down towards her pale shoulders, clearly visible through her shirt. Said garment was wet enough that other parts of her anatomy were also very visible, and the sight was enough to make Edwina feel a surge of desire so strong that it was almost painful. The half-elf was laughing brightly, and the sound was like the most beautiful of music to Edwina's ears.

"Ooops," Zaerini said. "Guess I should have chosen a bench instead, huh? But then again, I suppose this is our fountain…and that we can do whatever we want with it."

"Indeed we can," Edwina said, smiling in return as she once again took her beloved into her arms, rejoicing at the feel of the half-elf's body against hers, totally ignoring the streams of water pouring over them. She planted another lingering kiss on the bard's neck, her one hand encircling her waist while the other rubbed along her back. "But not for too long…I wouldn't want the woman I love to catch pneumonia. (Since I am perfect in every other way, it only makes sense that I should take perfect care of her. Anything else is unthinkable.)"

"Yes but…what did you say?"

"That I am perfect?"

"I know you are perfect, Eddie. Before that?"

"Oh." Edwina hesitated, but only for a moment or two. "I love you," she said. "I love you as I have loved nobody else. I never knew it was even possible to feel this way, you know. But I do. I am obsessed, smitten, bewitched and completely taken with you, my Hellkitten. I love you, and I think I have done so for a very long time, though I didn't realise it at first."

You could say that.

Be silent, Suffy. Don't interrupt me here. Oh well, I think another kiss might be in order. It's very addictive, I haven't kissed her for half a minute and I'm already abstinent.

A few minutes of very enjoyable silence followed. Then voices could once again be heard from the fountain.

"Actually, I'm sure I loved you far before you loved me."

"No way! I loved you first, while you were still doing your best to insult me with every sentence."

"My dear, that is because I by far outclass you when insults are concerned. And you enjoy our sparring, don't bother denying it. Anyway, I loved you first, and with my well-schooled mind it didn't take me long to figure it out."

"So why didn't you tell me before then?"

"Er…I felt you needed time to adjust to the thought of being adored and worshipped by such a dazzling creature as myself! I didn't want you to be too overwhelmed."

"Oh, sure. There I was pining away, with you completely oblivious. Well, all right, I didn't have much time to pine since Sarevok was trying to kill us every five minutes, but you know what I mean."

"I was pining too! Well, maybe not pining, I am a Great Wizard after all, and Great Wizards don't pine. Possibly brood, or ponder, but not pine. No, no. Not pine. That is utterly inconceivable, my love. Really, I thought you knew better."

"Dread Wizard?"

"Yes, Hellkitten?"

"Shut up and kiss me again."

And then there was silence, while two statues gazed at each other, their eyes filled with love.