Cards Reshuffled

Just because a creature is powerful, and immune to many things, that doesn't make it invulnerable in any way. Difficult to kill, maybe. But anything that lives, be it a Tarrasque or a Chosen of Mystra, can be got at in one way or another, under the right circumstances, and if you're lucky enough. You simply need to learn to think around the conventional patterns.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Heroes. The word made Edwina wince inwardly every time she thought of it. ‘The Heroes of Trademeet’. This was, what, the fourth city? Heroes of Nashkel, Beregost, Baldur’s Gate and now this. It was turning into an embarrassing habit, and she didn’t really want to think about what her teacher would say should he get wind of it. Still, that was a very minor worry compared to the rest of her concerns. I’m never going to turn back to normal, am I? And I’m never going to get around to telling Zaerini how I really feel about her. Eventually she’ll give up on me and waltz off with Anomen, I know it. And I can’t blame her. She deserves better than a miserable excuse for a wizard who can’t even turn back to the proper gender. I’m worthless, aren’t I? Completely worthless.

Edwina paced back and forth across the floor of the small room that had been secured for her in the Trademeet Inn. The adventurers no longer needed to sneak into the town, oh no. Not after the death of Faldorn, the restoration of the druid grove and the appeasement of the genies. That was a small consolation though. She paused before the mirror on the wall, and sighed. Yes, still female. She knew she wouldn’t miraculously be restored to normal, and yet she couldn’t help hoping, couldn’t help checking. In fact she’d found herself getting more and more obsessed with mirrors, hoping against hope that one of them would finally show her the face that should be looking back at her. Not this time though. The female face that stared out of the mirror looked pale and a little too thin, the dark eyes far more brooding than normal. Edwina blinked. How odd…for a second she’d thought the face reminded her of somebody, but she didn’t know who. Well, it wasn’t as if it mattered. She sat down on the bed, staring gloomily into the floor. I can’t take any more humiliations. Bad enough that everybody sees me like this. Bad enough with the looks, and the comments. But why, oh why did they have to come up with the idea of those blasted statues, that degrading monument to my misery? Why?

She sighed again. She didn’t really want to be around other people, but if she wanted to get drunk she’d have to go downstairs. And she wanted…no, she needed to get drunk. If that was the only way to forget the disgusting statue that would be awaiting her in the morning, then she meant to get drunk out of her skull. I just want it to stop. Please…please.

Meanwhile, Zaerini was hurrying through the streets of Trademeet, in a very good mood. Finally, finally things were going to be all right. Finally. Poor Edwina…if this doesn’t convince her about how I really feel about her, then I don’t know what will. But it will. The cards told me, after all. The Three of Coins, coupled with the Lovers. And they said it would happen after we’d dealt with Temperance. Temperance, that’s the druids and their balance, and it was balancing life and death, just like they do. Except Faldorn tried to tip the balance. Well, Jaheira dealt with her nicely. And now it’s time for the Three of Coins…and then…

The Three of Coins glowed inside her mind; she could visualize the card perfectly. A sculptor, a master craftsman, working on a group of statues. In her vision, the statues had been indistinct, faceless. But now they wouldn’t be. Now they’d bear very familiar faces indeed. And it’ll be just perfect. The genies owe me, after all.

The bard thought back to the moment this morning when the head of the rakshasa Ihtafeer had been delivered to the genies, and smiled as she remembered it. Khan Zahraa had been extremely pleased.

Ahhhh... I sense that you possess the head of our little Ihtafeer with you, as agreed! Astounding, even for a mortal! The genie’s teeth had glittered as he smiled at her. Then he took the head, bending open the mouth, and finally pried out one of the wickedly curved teeth. Aha…here we are!

A tooth? Rini had felt pretty much incredulous. All that effort, just for a tooth?

This is not a simple old tooth, little mortal. Watch. The Dao had cracked the tooth in two, and a black stone emerged, smooth and shiny. A great part of my power is hidden in this stone, little mortal. Ihtafeer managed to steal it, but that tale is a long one, we have business to attend to on our own plane. Fortunately she never learned to use it properly.

He pressed the stone against his own forehead, and it melted through the skin, disappearing entirely and leaving an unblemished surface behind. Now that I have my full powers, we will return home. But first, your reward, little mortal. What do you wish for?

Zaerini hadn’t even needed to think about it. Nor had she needed to see the heartbreakingly pleading look in Edwina’s eyes, painfully obvious despite the wizard’s best efforts to hide it. I would like you to turn Edwina back to normal, and give her back her regular body, she had said. Can you do this?

The genie had looked truly regretful as he shook his head. I can see the spell, but I cannot undo it. I am powerful, but my power lies in earth, stone and metal, and the illusion of life. Not in life itself. I cannot grant your wish, so I will give you something else instead. He briskly clapped his hands. I and my servants will create a monument in this town, a monument to you and your friends. Magical statues of such detail as no human sculptor could produce, celebrating you and your friends, little mortal. Such attention may well make you famous enough to attract somebody who does know how to grant your wish.

But…

Go to the fountain tonight, little mortal. The statues will be ready by then.

It was then that she had had her idea, her brilliant idea that had flashed through her brain like a bolt of lightning. Her heart had bled as she watched hope die in Edwina’s eyes, being replaced by a shaky attempt at indifference, but now she knew what to do at least. It was a last resort, but she was almost certain it would work. Just a moment, she had said. Before you start on the statues, I would like to have a word with you. In private.

“Ah, what a vision of seductive loveliness! Eyes as smoldering as hot coal…and skin like purest silk! Tell me, my beauty, how about you and I retiring to have a little word…in private?”

Edwina raised her head at the sound of the ingratiating and oily voice. She’d been happy to see that none of her companions were present in the common room, which meant she could proceed to get drunk with no interruptions. She had a large pitcher in front of her, filled with an odd local drink called ‘Granny’s Special’. Bending too closely over it made her eyes water though, so she hadn’t quite worked up the nerve to get started. And now this. Is there no privacy anywhere? There was an elf sitting on the barstool next to her, and she gritted her teeth as she realized that he was bending forward and scrutinizing her bosom with an open leer on his face. The man was even drooling! I was never that pathetic. No. I’m sure I wasn’t.

“If you wish to keep your tongue, you will retract it into your mouth at once, you slithering eel!” she snarled, moving aside a few inches.

The elf didn’t seem to get the message though. “The eel…” he mused. “Oh yes, Salvanas can be an eel! I will slither about your bountiful form, and my tongue…” He winked at her. “My tongue will go wherever you want it to.”

It took a few seconds for Edwina to process this, during which time Salvanas babbled something about how fortunate he’d been to encounter such a ‘passionate beauty’ here in Trademeet, having been banned from the Copper Coronet by ‘that prissy Hendak’ for bothering the female customers.

“Stay away from me,” Edwina said in a low voice. “I will not warn you again.”

If Salvanas had looked her in the eyes, he probably would have backed off. He was obnoxious after all, not suicidal. However, his gaze was still firmly fixed elsewhere. “Aha!” he exclaimed. “I see, you want a chase, my hot little Plaything of Passion! Salvanas will be happy to oblige. Let me heat you up a little further! And then you’ll get to play with my toys…” He waggled his eyebrows at the wizard, and then he put his hand on her thigh, gradually inching upwards.

Salvanas’ scream nearly brought the roof down, and he fell off his chair, batting furiously at his crotch area trying to put the flames out. “That was a ‘Burning Hands’ spell,” she said in a voice that sounded eerily calm to her own ears, despite the raging turmoil of her soul. “When it comes to ‘heating people up’, there is nobody who beats me.”

The elf kept screaming, and his thrashing grew even wilder as the smell of burning flesh permeated the bar. “Not hot enough for you?” Edwina asked, still in that distant and cold voice. The tone sounded oddly familiar somehow, but she didn’t have the time to think about it right now. I’ll teach him not to harass me. “Let me help you then.”

With a swift movement she upended the pitcher of ‘Granny’s Special’ over the flames. There was a soft ‘FOOOM’ sound, a flash of white light, and then the screams stopped. So did Salvanas. “Would you look at that,” she murmured, kicking the charred corpse aside. “Strong drink really is hazardous to your health. And so is stupidity.” She stomped up the stairs, in an even blacker mood than before, and didn’t even feel cheered by the scattered applause coming from the various female customers, and some of the male ones. It was a small consolation. Is this to be my lot in life forever more? Being bothered by repulsive idiots who were last in line when the brains were handed out? Certainly I can deal with them…but…I’m so tired of having to. So tired…

This time she locked the door after her. What was the point, really, when you thought about it? Things wouldn’t get better, she knew that now. If anything, they would get worse. Edwina sat down on the floor, leaning her head against her knees. There was nowhere left to turn, nowhere left to run. She was trapped, imprisoned inside this body that wasn’t her own, and in that moment she was certain that it would last for the rest of her life. And then she raised her head, and saw the dagger lying on the table.

It was only very lightly enchanted, but still well balanced and very sharp. An emergency weapon. A last resort, as her teacher had told her more than once. A wizard should always have at least one regular weapon handy, for those times when spells simply wouldn’t do the job. And this is one of those times. A last resort… Edwina got to her feet, and smiled dreamily as she picked the dagger up, running her finger along the sharp edge. There was a stinging pain, and a few drops of blood emerged. Red. Very red. Pretty red. Like her robe, actually. She sat down at the table, watching the blood, her face solemn.

I was wrong before. Killing Anomen wouldn’t help at all. I only thought that because I lost my temper. Besides, my Hellkitten would get upset with me. But now I see clearly. Now I see it all. If I can’t fix this, if I can’t dispel the curse, then I can at least end it. Yes. I will end it, once and for all. I’m so tired, but at least I finally am in my right mind. A last resort. Of course, Master Dekaras was right about that. I hope…I hope he’ll forgive me eventually. At least I won’t have to explain to him about how stupid I was.

Boss? Insufferable’s voice sounded shrill with panic, as the monkey jumped off the pillow where he had been taking a nap. Boss, NO!

Edwina smiled a sad smile. I’m sorry, Suffy. But I can’t do this anymore. She’ll take good care of you, I’m sure. And tell her…tell her that I love her.

BOSS!

The dagger came down.

When Zaerini came inside, the first thing she spotted was the charred and twisted corpse on the floor. A few scattered remarks, most of them highly impressed, the rest of them frightened, told her everything she needed to know. Edwina…oh no. She ran up the stairs two steps at a time, a terrible anxiety making her stomach roil and her throat constrict painfully. Please be all right…please be all right. There were tears in her eyes by the time she reached the door she wanted, and finding it closed and locked made her want to scream. There was no answer to her frantic knocking either.

Don’t have the time to find Jan to pick the lock…and don’t have the time to find Minsc to break the door open. Then inspiration struck her, and she started casting a spell, her words almost stumbling over each other. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she felt a flood of strength fill her body, a temporary boost that would enable her to wrestle an ogre, at least for a few minutes. She only needed to kick the door a single time in order for it to fly open. Then she stopped in her tracks, her face frozen with horror. “Edwina…”