Cards Reshuffled

When somebody makes an offer too good to be true, it usually is. Same thing goes for when a person who has never been remarkably friendly in the past suddenly seems eager to offer you helpful advice for no obvious reason. True, sometimes people do change, but it isn’t necessarily in a pleasant way.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Edwina had originally planned for something bone-crushing, flesh-tearing and armor-splitting. Yet now that she actually had her intended victim in front of her and oblivious of the threat she posed, there was really only one option that seemed satisfying enough. Fireball. Yes, perfect. He’ll be fried inside his armor…and he’ll be as black as a drow when I’m well and done with him. Her lips started moving in order to form the first syllable of the spell.

Boss! WAIT! Insufferable’s little voice was utterly frantic, and the monkey tugged hard enough on Edwina’s hair that she lost her concentration.

Be silent, monkey! Don’t try to lecture me, I’m not in the mood!

No, you don’t understand! I can smell him, and he smells wrong!

Of course he does! That Helmite stinks like an open privy.

Not him! The other one. And what’s he even doing here, anyway?

What? Who?

Look, I’ll show you. Just a second. Don’t turn your head, we don’t want him to know you’ve spotted him.

Edwina stood motionless, closing her eyes as she adjusted to seeing through her familiar’s eyes through the link they both shared. Insufferable was watching something further off into the swamp, a dark shape almost totally obscured by the lush vegetation, but how Edwina could see it too. There was something odd about the way the hidden one moved, something not entirely human. And the smell sensations were assaulting her as well through the familiar link, and she had to agree. That druid…whatever his name is…what is he? He can’t be entirely human.

See? See? And why’s he so keen to see you kill the priest, anyway? Don’t you think you ought to find out?

Yes. You’re quite right, Suffy. Edwina reached up to stroke her familiar’s back, and the little monkey crooned with delight. I don’t like being manipulated, the wizard thought, and now her anger was rising again, though with a different target this time. If I kill the Helmite, it will because I choose to do so, not because some tree- hugger wishes to enjoy some sport.

Good for you, Boss! So, what’cha gonna do?

Much as it galls me, a divination spell is in order here. Lucky there is a perfect pawn available right here to do my bidding. Now watch me, monkey. Watch and learn.

Edwina sauntered up to the kneeling Anomen, who was contemplating the red flowers on the ground with an agonized frown on his face, clearly in some difficulty over which one to pick. “You are picking the wrong kind,” Edwina said, putting her best bite into her voice. “In flower language, I believe it is the ‘Pig’s Nose’ that means ‘I am a conceited, pompous fool, who would make a perfect court jester but for the fact that I can’t even manage to do a proper pratfall.’ (Yes, that ought to do it.)”

Anomen leapt to his feet with a startled oath, and Edwina felt a warm glow of satisfaction spreading through her still invisible body. Unbelievable how enjoyable that was…I wonder if that’s how Teacher Dekaras feels every single time he does it?

“Show yourself, you vicious harpy!” Anomen demanded, his face with red anger and his hand on the handle of the Flail of Ages, which he raised in a threatening manner. The three heads sparkled in the sunlight, red, blue and green sparks occasionally shooting off them. Fire, cold and acid, all of them deadly. “I will stand your slurs and vile intrigues no longer. Prepare to be duly smitten!”

“Oh, is that how noble knights do it?” Edwina mocked, slowly backing towards the hidden druid in the shadows, taking care to keep her voice loud enough that Anomen could easily follow her, even if he didn’t hear the squelching noises her feet made on the wet ground. “Killing those who stand in their way? Perhaps I have misjudged you. You might actually be able to survive in Thay, though you would of course need a superior intellect to guide you in order to actually achieve anything. No, I don’t think I’ll show myself just yet.”

“If you will not, then I shall force you to reveal your foul visage, evil one!” Anomen shouted. “And I would not be surprised if it turned out to have the horns and fangs befitting a true demon! Helm of the Everseeing Eye, grant me clarity of vision!” A blinding white light flared up around the cleric as he raised his hand, making his entire form blaze like the sun. Edwina had to blink in order to protect her eyes, and she could feel her protective invisibility spell dissolving, just as she had planned. Now let us hope the rest of the plan worked. It should.

Edwina heard an angry snarl immediately behind her, the snarl of a large and vicious animal, and she had about three seconds to notice the horrified look on Anomen’s face before the cleric grabbed her by her waist, yanking her forwards and towards him, and literally into his arms. “Let go of me, you oaf!” she ordered. “What do you think you’re…” Then she turned around. And then she drew in breath sharply, feeling the blood drain away from her face.

It was Cernd who was standing there, almost close enough to touch, and now that the protective illusion he had been cloaked with was dissolving she no longer had the least problem remembering his name. It was also becoming very clear exactly why the mosquitoes had been so reluctant to bite him. The druid’s face was gradually melting, disappearing as snow beneath warm spring sunlight, and the other face, the true one, was emerging. This second face belonged to a large tiger, complete with black-striped orange fur, blazing green eyes, white whiskers and wicked fangs as long as Edwina’s fingers. The tiger head was sitting on top of what seemed to be a humanoid body, dressed in loose pants and shirt, but it crouched in a contorted way that was anything but human. Edwina had never seen its like before, but she knew what it had to be, and she cursed herself for not realizing sooner. Rakshasa! I should have guessed! As she looked into those gleefully malicious eyes belonging to the dark spirit cloaked in constructed flesh, she knew what must have happened, or at least some of it. They thrive on torment…it would have enjoyed for me to kill the Helmite, and then to kill me in return.

Or for the Pretty Cat Lady to find out about it, Insufferable pointed out. The monkey had hidden in one of Edwina’s pockets, but was peering out at the Rakshasa and hissing like a tea kettle. She might not forgive ya for that, Boss. And that would hurt all of you.

“Helm’s Beard!” Anomen exclaimed, raising the Flail of Ages as well as his shield. “What manner of beast has the druid become?”

“I am Ihtafeer, Rukh of the Rakshasa of the Dark Reaches,” the monster growled. It chuckled, a terrible sound, and bared its fangs. “The corpse of the druid rots in the swamp…I came across him two weeks ago. He was so wonderfully dull, the perfect camouflage. And his flesh tasted quite nice.” It took a step closer, drawing a curved sword that was almost as long as its body.

“But…” Anomen said. “The cell…why were you in jail?”

“A minor mishap,” the Ihtafeer said, glittering eyes darting between the two humans, gauging them. Edwina slowly disentangled herself from Anomen, trying to think quickly. Rakshasa were highly resistant to magic…not immune, but she would be hard pressed to cause any serious damage in a short enough time. “The humans came upon me when I spied upon those filthy Dao, and I let them take me, so I wouldn’t be revealed to the genies. And then you came.” The thing almost seemed to be smiling now. “Willing to free me, to take me to safety…and bearing the Flail of the Kindred, no less. What a perfect hunt! Strife…bloodlust…you both have fed me well already, though I would have wished for one of you to kill the other. Such delightful torment that would bring to the one you care for! And then I would hunt the others, and the Flail would be mine. It still will be, though the hunt must be shorter than I had wished.” The large pink tongue darted out for a moment as the Rakshasa licked its black lips. “Once I’ve dealt with you two I think I’ll enjoy feasting on the heart of that little redhead…”

Edwina felt all her muscles tensing, and heard blood roaring in her head like a furious storm. She had thought she was angry before, but that had been nothing compared to what she felt now. Her nails were digging painfully into her palms, and she found herself staring hungrily at the Rakshasa’s throat, longing to tear it out with her teeth. Next to her she heard Anomen growling like a furious bear. His face was red with rage, and she thought she could see actual flecks of foam in his beard. For a second or two her eyes met those of the cleric, and for almost the first time since she had first met him, she knew that they were entirely in agreement about something. Then the moment was over, and they both reacted as one.

“For honor and glory!” Anomen cried out, his voice ringing out like a powerful horn of war calling to battle. Raising his shield to protect himself against Ihtafeer’s sharp scimitar, he charged directly at the Rakshasa, flail whirling. The creature hissed and dodged, bending backwards in a swift movement that would have been impossible even for the most agile of humans, then flowed aside, twisting around to strike.

Edwina had no intention of standing idle either. She might be handicapped in this battle, seeing that the Rakshasa was partially immune to magic, but she wasn’t helpless. Nobody will hurt my Hellkitten. Nobody. She didn’t have a spell to lower magical resistance memorized, unfortunately, but she did have something else. Edwina reached for the item hanging at her belt, smiling gleefully as she did so. Use what weapons you have available, that’s what Teacher Dekaras always says. I think he’d enjoy this one. The wizard held the reddish-purple twisted bottle in one hand, and then pulled the cork out with the other. A large shape poured out of the bottle in a billowing cloud of black smoke, roaring with laughter that carried with it the hiss and crackle of flames. It looked somewhat human, but it seemed to be composed entirely of fire, only hints of bronzed skin, streaming hair and glowing eyes visible now and again within the flames. Edwina made herself stand firm, despite the smoke that stung her eyes and the heat that made her almost unable to breathe. This was dangerous, but it was also necessary. She didn’t have the time to perform a proper conjuration, and the efreet that was bound to the bottle Jan had stolen in Trademeet was powerful, and could be instantly summoned. Controlling it would be the tricky part. But I’m not just any wizard. I am the greatest Conjurer of them all, the future Zulkir of Conjuration, and I can do this. Whatever it takes to keep her safe. At least Jan had understood who was better suited to handle this particular magical item, even if she had had to repay him with some scrolls she would rather have kept to herself. But it will be worth it.

Distantly, Edwina was aware of the clanging sounds as Ihtafeer’s magical scimitar clashed against Anomen’s shield, striking up bright sparks, and of the Rakshasa’s snarled curses mingling with Anomen’s battle cries. She hoped the priest would be able to keep it up a little while longer. The Rakshasa was a powerful foe to fight alone, and Anomen’s breathing sounded heavier than before. But she could do nothing about it. The wizard’s entire being was focused on the hissing efreet before her, and she was pitting her full willpower against that of the creature she had summoned. Bound to the bottle it was, eliminating the need for a regular conjuration circle, but in order to fully command it she still needed to establish her dominance. She stared into the burning eyes of the efreet, never blinking despite the pain in her eyes, ignoring the magical assault on her mind as the efreet tried to break the chains that bound it. “No! You will obey me, slave! I am stronger than you, I control you, and you will do as I command!” She put all the force she could into it, and felt her hair streaming out behind her on the force of the magic she summoned. Still the efreet defied her. “Do it! I command it! Do it now!” At the base of her throat, her amulet pulsated wildly, burning hot against her skin, and a surge of raw power suddenly filled her, the extra reserve of strength adding the amount of force necessary. The efreet howled, but it turned towards the Rakshasa at last, lifting a scimitar of its own, one created entirely from flickering flames.

Ihtafeer’s green eyes widened with horror, and the Rakshasa opened its mouth as it saw that flaming sword come sweeping down. Too late. Before a single sound could emerge, the snarling tiger head was rolling on the ground, the crumpling body spurting blood as it fell. The efreet laughed again, catching some of the blood in its hands, consuming it rapidly. Then it clapped its hands, rapidly dwindled to a small pinprick of light, and disappeared into the bottle again.

The swamp was eerily silent for a few seconds, before the croaking of the frogs and the whine of the mosquitoes resumed once again. Anomen and Edwina stared at each other. The cleric was leaning heavily on his shield, some blood trickling down his throat from where the Rakshasa’s scimitar had slashed his cheek. The wizard felt her legs trembling with exhaustion, and she had to cling to a small tree in order to keep her balance.

“That,” Anomen eventually said, “was a glorious battle! Unexpected, but glorious, and for a worthy cause!”

Edwina nodded, and then she started giggling loudly as she suddenly thought of something.

“What?” Anomen asked, looking perplexed.

“It’s just…” Edwina had to wipe the tears from her eyes, and she kept interrupting herself with high-pitched and almost hysterical laughter. It wasn’t that she’d forgive the priest for anything, not by a long shot, or that she liked him, she told herself. But right now, what with everything, even the rivalry between them paled compared to the humor of the moment. “It’s just…well…at least nobody can accuse Cernd of being dull.”

Anomen stared at her for a moment. Then a large grin spread across his face, and he started chortling loudly, then progressed into hearty laughter that practically made him bend over double. This made Edwina lose control completely in turn, and she eventually wound up on the soggy ground, clutching her stomach. When their companions came rushing up to them shortly thereafter, attracted by the noise, that is how they found the two rivals, laughing uncontrollably over the body of a headless Rakshasa.

“What in the name of Uncle Scratchy’s nasty ingrown toenails happened here?” Jan asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

Edwina and Anomen looked at each other again, almost unable to speak. Then the wizard gave the gnome a wicked little smile. “Well, you know,” she slowly said. “It’s a long and complicated story…”