Cards Reshuffled

The prophecies said that I would bring murder to all whose lives touched me closely, to all of my friends. I originally thought that meant that people they all cared about would be murdered, but that wasn’t quite it. If only it had been that uncomplicated…

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Edwina felt much better now that she had decided to kill Anomen. It was as if a great calm had descended on her, helping her to think more easily. No more second thoughts, and no regrets. All she had to do now was to concentrate, and to focus on working out a proper plan. Attacking the cleric openly would clearly be a bad idea. True, her magic was powerful, but that wouldn’t be of much help if that magical flail happened to smash her skull in. No, it would have to be some kind of an ambush. Skull traps perhaps. Those can be set in advance, and I wouldn’t even have to be present as long as I knew he was going to walk into them. And I have a couple memorized now. Will that be enough? Or should I wait? But if I wait too long then he may manage to make an impression on my Hellkitten, and that we cannot have. No, it must be soon, before it is too late.

The wizard shot a look across her shoulder to where Anomen was sitting on a boulder, speaking with that blasted druid, whatever his name was. The party was taking a short break in order to catch their breath, since traveling through the hot and mucky swamp was hard going. Right now it seemed as if the fool was displaying the Flail of Ages, preening as if he had created it himself. “Verily,” he said, speaking in that stupid romance-novel accent that always set Edwina’s teeth on edge. “The Flail of Ages is a wondrous weapon indeed. The Lady Nalia told me of its history, and it is a fascinating one. It was made by the Rakshasa, that dangerous race of dark spirits cloaked in magical flesh. Terrible beings they are, fond of causing misery and strife amongst mortals and of feasting upon their flesh. It has been their wont to use this flail as a trap of sorts, letting it be found by powerful mortal warriors such as myself, only to hunt down and slay each one in turn.”

“How horrific!” said the annoying druid, smiling that bland little smile of his. “Tell me, my friend, are you not afraid? After all, the weapon is held by you now, and even the most magnificent of stags may be overwhelmed as a hungry wolf pack comes after him. The strongest of oaks may yet be split by lightning.”

“Bah!” Anomen scoffed, flecking an imaginary spot of dust from his mustache as he gave Zaerini a surreptitious look. The bard was sitting on the ground with her back against a large rock. Her eyes were closed, but Edwina thought she had to be awake, for she was petting Softpaws who was lying on her lap. “I have no fear of such foul beasts as the Rakshasa!” Anomen said in a voice that was louder than was strictly necessary, and clearly meant for the half-elf’s benefit. “Helm will guide his most loyal servant right, and my good right arm shall split the skull of any beast man who attempts to savage me.”

“Funny thing that,” Jan said, grinning. The gnome had climbed onto the rock that Zaerini was leaning against, and was tinkering with his crossbow. “That’s almost exactly what my auntie Gertie always used to say before going out dancing. Very sturdy lady she was, had steel-plated underwear for protective purposes. You would have liked her, Ano.”

“I highly doubt it,” Anomen haughtily said. “I prefer the company of people who aren’t fools.”

“Poor Ano, that can’t be good for your self-image at all. But don’t worry, for three turnips per hour I will provide you with Jan Jansen Therapy. Just lie down on the ground and tell me all about your parents, while I take a nap.”

“Speak not of my family, you offensive little…”

“Anyway,” Jan went on, his eyes twinkling. “Auntie Gertie then moved on to wear full platemail in order to protect herself against ‘pawing by ruffians’ at the dances she liked to go to. Not that that was very likely to happen, she was sadly un-amused by storytelling. Bit of a black sheep, really. She wasn’t very good at dancing either, she mostly just stood still in one place and glared at anybody who came close. But then one night she did meet her perfect match, a strapping young man who came sniffing about as soon as he saw her, panting with desire.”

“For your aunt?” Anomen asked, sounding incredulous.

“Oh yes. He was a werewolf you see, and he mistook her for a lamppost in that armor of hers. Very embarrassing about the carpet…but it turned out that Auntie Gertie rather liked being pawed after all. So you see, Ano, there’s somebody for everybody, perhaps even for you!”

Oh no there isn’t, Edwina thought, her fists clenching. Or at least not the ‘somebody’ that he wants. I’ll make certain of that. She pushed her hair out of her eyes, annoyed at how sticky it felt. This place was far too humid, she hated being sweaty. And then there were those frogs who kept making noises. Not to mention the mosquitoes. Of course, none of them were even close to being the pest that Anomen was. It will feel so good to kill him.

Speaking of which, the cleric was getting to his feet, stretching in an elaborately nonchalant manner. “Excuse me but a moment,” he said. “I shall return shortly.”

“Where are you going?” Jaheira sharply asked. “It is dangerous to wander about here on your own, the druids of the Grove may well be patrolling the area.”

“Oh, I will not go far, lady Jaheira. I…er…merely mean to inspect some interesting plants that…er…your colleague told me grow nearby.”

“Cernd,” the gray-haired druid filled in.

“Yes. Of course. Cernd.” Anomen was fidgeting in a very suspicious way now.

“I didn’t know you were that interested in botany?” Zaerini asked, opening her eyes to give Anomen a curious look, while she still kept petting her familiar.

“Oh yes, my lady. The fairest of blooms hold a dear place in my heart, and I would be pleased to show you my appreciation of them at some convenient time.” The squire bowed, and the satisfied note in his voice had Edwina digging her nails deeply into the moist ground in order not to pounce on him immediately and rip his eyes out. “Fear not for my safety, as I said I will return shortly.” He wandered off down the path, humming to himself. Edwina stared after him, feeling even more murderous than before.

“The young man seemed to take a particular interest in the flower known as the Crimson Rhodelia,” a soft voice said right next to Edwina’s ear. “I believe he intends it as a gift for somebody, even as the spider brings his chosen lady a fly wrapped in silk. Or perhaps he intends to wear it himself, as the peacock spreads his colorful tail to attract the female he desires.”

Edwina startled a little, turning around to look into that bland, unremarkable face, surrounded by its long mane of gray hair. She hadn’t heard the druid approach, and she didn’t like being surprised. She liked his words even less. “Do not provoke me, druid,” she snarled. “Or I may just wrap you in a silken cocoon, courtesy of a Web spell, and then leave you by the water. (I hope there are crocodiles here. Big, hungry ones.)”

“On the other hand,” the infuriating fellow said, still with that little odd smile of his, “somebody else might get there before him. If she knew the way, that is.”

Yes! This is perfect! I can kill Anomen, out of sight of anybody, and be rid of him forever. And I can get those flowers too…crimson ones, that sounds like just the right thing for my Hellkitten.

I don’t like this, Boss! Insufferable shuffled about nervously on the wizard’s shoulder, sounding very concerned. I don’t like him. He smells odd…and why is he telling you all this anyway? He wasn’t nice to you before.

Clearly you know nothing about druids, monkey. They are obsessed with ‘keeping the balance’, everybody knows that. He helped the priest before…and now he obviously wishes to help me. Not that I need it as such, but it might make things a little simpler.

But…

No! I have had enough of the Helmite. This is my great opportunity, and I will not be stopped. Edwina smiled at the druid, momentarily envying him whatever it was that made all the mosquitoes stay away from him. “I would be fascinated to learn more about these red flowers of yours,” she murmured. “I suggest that you tell me exactly where to look for them. And then I suggest that you forget all about telling me.”

The druid was still smiling, his gray eyes like mirrors, giving nothing away. “I shall be as the goldfish, which forgets the interior of its bowl after swimming one lap.”

Edwina nodded, looking about. Minsc was combing Boo’s fur, and arguing with Jan who was trying to feed the hamster bread crumbs. Jaheira was checking her pack. And Zaerini was still resting. Nobody was watching her at the moment. Nonchalantly she sauntered off, all the time expecting somebody to ask her where she thought she was going. It never happened, and as she followed the druid…whatever his name was…deeper into the swamp Edwina felt her heart soar. Finally something was going her way.

After a short walk, the druid stopped, tugging at Edwina’s sleeve as he pointed towards an area where the ground seemed firmer, and where some dense trees trailed branches like long gray beards into the surrounding water. “Over there,” he said. “There is where you will find the Crimson Rhodelia, and the young squire too. I shall observe from a safe distance. Natural selection is interesting to study, but I wouldn’t want to be part of it, so I will follow the example of the gentle turtle and withdraw.” With that, he wandered off, and was soon lost amidst the dense vegetation of the swamp.

Edwina advanced carefully, trying to stay as silent as possible. An invisibility spell hid her from sight, and now she only had to avoid treading on any large branches. Her heart was beating wildly with anticipation and excitement, but she forced herself to walk as slowly as possible. Teacher Dekaras always says that it is a mistake to rush into this sort of thing. I’ll take a good long look first, before I decide what to do. Eventually, she could see Anomen, bending down over a few bright red flecks on the ground. Picking my flowers in order to give to my Hellkitten, is he? He’ll soon regret that. The rage was rising again, making her see red spots in front of her eyes, heating her cheeks, making her bare her teeth in an unconscious snarl. I won’t let him have her.

Boss, please stop! Insufferable sounded really pleading now, and the little monkey had climbed onto Edwina’s head and was pulling at her hair in order to get her attention. This isn’t a good idea, can’t you see that!

Of course it is! I kill him, and then he can cause no more trouble. It is very simple.

But the Pretty Cat Lady won’t like it, you know that.

This actually made Edwina pause for a moment, but then she shrugged. She won’t find out. I’ll tell her that he was attacked by wild animals and that I was too late to save him.

Wild animals? What, fire breathing wild animals who leave magical residues behind? Boss, you’re not thinking straight! Your head feels all messed up inside, you need some rest. The little monkey climbed down to Edwina’s shoulder and gently patted her cheek with a leathery little hand.

I’m perfectly fine. Never better. It all makes sense now. Soon he will be gone, and then he can’t spoil things anymore. And she will be with me, I know she will, as long as he isn’t there to bother us.

Boss…

No! The time for planning is past. Now it is time for me to act, the way an Odesseiron should act towards a filthy rival. When I’m done with him there won’t be enough left to fill a thimble.

Anomen was still crouching over the flowers, looking them over. It seemed that he was about to try to find a perfect specimen, and he was humming quietly to himself as he searched. The back of his head was turned towards Edwina, an excellent target. Riding high on a tidal wave of fury and jealousy, the wizard slowly, almost dreamily reached into her bags of spell components and drew the necessary material out. Then she shifted her legs, making sure she was standing firmly, and raised her hands. This is it, Helmite. Now you will have all the red flowers that you want. Spouting out of your chest, that is.