Cards Reshuffled

Sometimes, it may happen that part of the party is incapacitated for some reason, be it by fatigue, wounds, disease or the aftereffects of an excellent party. If that should happen, it is important that those party members who still remain standing are capable of working together, using their strengths to their advantage. Hopefully without driving each other insane in the process.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Jaheira could sense them up ahead. The animals, caged in, shut away from fresh air and sunlight, enslaved just as the poor people in the cells behind them were. The druid forced herself to breathe calmly, as she reached her senses out, carefully feeling ahead. A couple of bears. A panther, and a wolf. No…more than one wolf. And…a lioness. There were other creatures too, but not pure animals. Monsters of some kind, she guessed. Hendak, the unofficial leader of the slaves, had explained how the ‘shows’ in this filthy place were conducted. Sometimes there would be regular gladiator shows, with warriors forced to fight each other to the death. Sometimes, the battles would be against dangerous predators, or captured monsters. Sometimes, unarmed women and children died in the bloody sand of the arena, for the amusement of the vicious crowd.

The group of adventurers were entering that very arena right now, in fact. It was a round pit, the bottom covered with sand, that was still moist here and there from recent battles. As the druid looked upwards, she could see seating places above the pit area, where the onlookers would be seated. In fact, she thought she could catch a glimpse of moving shapes up there right now, and here and there a pale face, nervously watching. They would not be expecting anything like this, of that she was certain.

The two wolves burst silently out of the shadows, released from one of the cages leading into the arena. Winter wolves, their fur was the pure white of newly fallen snow, and their breath puffed out of their open mouths, cold like the northern wind. They have been starved, just like the human slaves, Jaheira thought as she noticed the jutting ribs of the two animals. Starved so they will attack on sight. Concentrating as hard as she could, she focused on reaching the half-crazed and pain-filled minds of the two animals, sending images of calm, of the peace of running swiftly across frozen fields, of resting in the den with a belly full of meat. Suddenly hesitating, the wolves slowed down, then stopped, watching her with confusion in their amber eyes. “Come now, friends,” Jaheira murmured, “you do not wish to fight us. You know me, you trust me, I am a sister of your pack and I will aid you. Come with us…” Finally the two wolves padded over to the druid, and she lightly placed her hands on the two great heads, offering the animals further reassurance. “They will aid us now,” she said, her heart heavy. “I would not send them into battle, not when they are ill, but they wish it themselves. The Beastmaster is ahead of us, and he has given them much pain. They will fight.”

“Wow!” Jan said, his eyes round with amazement. “That was a very impressive thing you did there, Jae! Can you do it with other beasts as well?”

“Not with griffins, if that is what you were thinking of,” Jaheira sighed.

“Now, now, Jae! I’m almost starting to think that you think I have a griffin obsession! Shame on you. No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. I just thought that poor Boo seems very nervous about being in this nasty place of animal captivity, that’s all, and that I might be able to ease his mind. I’ll just give it a try, purely for altruistic reasons of course. I’ve got this new magical turnip you see, it’s a real miracle worker!” The gnome took a piece of string with a small turnip tied to it out of his pocket, and started swinging it back and forth in his hand, holding it up so it would be visible to Boo. The hamster was sitting on Minsc’s shoulder, looking curiously at the turnip with his shiny black eyes. “You are feeling ssssssleeeepy…” Jan said. “Verrrrry sssssleeeeepy…I am your new Masssssterrrr…”

“Stop that, tiny gnome!” Minsc protested, clamping his hand over Boo’s eyes. “You will not addle the clever head of my Boo with your tricks, he must be awake to nibble up the Eyeballs of Evil, not sleepy-headed with his own eyes closssseeeddd…” The rangers eyes rolled backwards into his head as he watched the spinning turnip. “Oh…Minsc isss sssssleeepyy…nighty night…”

There was a sound like thunder as the large Rashemite crashed to the ground, snoring peacefully, and Zaerini just barely managed to leap out of the way in time not to be crushed. Edwina wasn’t quite so lucky, and the wizard hopped about on one leg, clutching her aching foot in her hands. “Look what you’ve done, you moronic miniature hypnotist! Now how is he going to help us fight? You should have known better than to apply your turnip-obsessed barn-yard magics on the weak-willed! (Not even a proper Dire Charm. I call that tacky.)” Boo squeaked angrily from on top of Minc’s head, sounding as if he agreed more or less with the wizard’s estimate of the situation. “In fact,” Edwina went on, “we’re lucky that none of the rest of the assorted simians around here succumbed to you…” At that moment, her eyes accidentally locked on the still spinning turnip, a broad smile spread across her face and she collapsed in a heap on the floor, deeply asleep. A loud crashing sound behind her made Jaheira spin around, just in time to see Anomen succumb to the same fate. The cleric was making snuffling little noises, and his legs were twitching in his sleep. Possibly he dreamt that he was running. Jaheira lunged desperately for the turnip, but it was too late already. By the time she had caught hold of it, Zaerini had already landed on top of Edwina, snuggling up against the wizard in her sleep with a rather pleased smile on her face. By her side, a sleeping Insufferable had wrapped his tiny arms around the neck of Softpaws, and Jaheira didn’t think that the sounds the cat was making in her sleep were happy purrs. Especially not since the monkey now and then nibbled at her ear.

“Oooops…” Jan said with a sheepish grin on his face as he stopped the turnip’s spinning. “Guess I overdosed.”

“SQUEAK!” Boo said, sounding extremely disapproving. Jaheira felt moved to agree with the hamster, though it took her a few moments to gather her thoughts properly.

“You…you idiot!” she eventually growled, grasping the gnome wizard by the collar and shaking him. “What in the name of the Oak Father were you thinking, putting them all to sleep like that? Have you any idea what a precarious situation you have placed us all in with your antics?”

“Well,” Jan said, smiling that infuriating smile of his, “at least they’ll all get a good rest, won’t they? I’m sure they’ll thank me afterwards. People get far too little sleep these days, that’s why so many people are so grumpy. You should try it too, Jae, I’m sure you’d feel much improved afterwards!”

Snarling wordlessly, the druid let go of Jan, and turned to her other companions. Alas, all her efforts to revive them were in vain. They were all deeply asleep, and didn’t seem at all aware of her presence, nor to her shouts or her attempts to shake them awake. Zaerini barely stirred, muttering ‘Go ‘way, Immy, I’m sleepin…’, and Minsc just kept snoring. Anomen didn’t even twitch. As for Edwina, her one reaction was to pull the sleeping half-elf closer towards her and say ‘Want my Mr Bobo…’, and Jaheira didn’t even want to think about what that might mean. Goodness knew her ward’s love life was complicated enough as it was already, without further gender complications added into it.

“Aw,” Jan said, “isn’t that sweet? Makes me remember when I was a wee gnome…and Ma Jansen would tell me stories every night.”

“Sweet does not come into it,” Jaheira said. “We have a serious situation here, and you are going to help me sort it out.” Silvanus help me, the gnome is the only one available, so I suppose I will have to make do. “Since we cannot wake the others, you and I are going to have to deal with the Beastmaster on our own, before he can take us by surprise, or before Lethinan discovers those guards we killed earlier.”

“What? You and me? On our own?”

“Yes Jan. On our own. Since the others are all asleep, thanks to you. I do not like the idea of leaving them, but the wolves should be able to guard them well. I have asked them, and they are willing to do so, though they would rather fight.”

“SQUEAK!”

“Oh yes,” Jaheira added in a slightly weary voice. “And you too, Boo.” The hamster preened proudly, puffing his small and furry chest out. For some reason, Jaheira suddenly felt certain that he would be quite as dangerous as the wolves to anybody who tried to hurt Minsc or Minsc’s ‘witch’.

There was a narrow corridor leading out of the arena, barred with a heavy gate that soon yielded to Jan’s lockpicks. The smell of penned animals grew stronger, strong enough to sting Jaheira’s nostrils as she carefully advanced through the dark passage. Finally, she emerged into what had to be the kennels. Snorts, snarls and growls greeted her as the caged animals sensed her presence. But there was somebody else there too, a two-legged shape that she could make out beyond the cages. A slim, two-legged shape, pointy ears clearly visible amidst tangled brown hair. It was an elf, and his grey eyes were cold as he watched the approaching half-elf. By his side sat a large lioness, a magnificent animal, proud and strong. The elf calmly rested one slim hand atop the animal’s head, rubbing it behind the ears. “I do not recognize you,” he said. “Who are you?”

“I,” Jaheira said, matching the elf’s clipped tones word for word, “am here to free the gladiators from their cells. Hand me the key you carry, or suffer the consequences!” Her very being felt revulsion at the thought of an elf acting such, enslaving men and beasts alike, using his spiritual connection with nature to twist animals into his slaves. For she could sense Tabitha’s mind, and she knew that the lioness was not a willing pet, but had been forced into obeying the orders of the Beastmaster, with no concern for her own wishes. Both the elven part of her and her druidic faith felt disgust at what they saw.

“Foolish half-breed,” the Beastmaster sneered. “You will never escape these cells alive. In fact, I think I may have you join my pets, once you have been properly subdued! Tabitha! Obey your master, slaughter them!” The lion snarled, baring her long fangs, and the Beastmaster raised the elegant bow he carried across his shoulder, readying an arrow.

“Hold it right there, mister!” Jan said, as he stepped out from behind Jaheira. To the druid’s chagrin, she noticed that he was once again holding up that ridiculous turnip-on-a-string. “Is this the way to behave, I ask you? Why it reminds me of when my cousin, Rex Jansen, tried to be a lion tamer. Look at the turnip now…anyway, Rex thought that lion taming would be a great career. Making lions dance and leap at his command, sticking his head into their mouths, that sort of thing. He got the chair, he got the whip, he got the little hoops and stools for the lion to jump through and climb onto, he even got himself a huge mustache and a tigerskin loincloth. Watch the turnip spinning, isn’t that nice? So, Rex just lacked one thing, namely the lion itself. Naturally he sent off for one from that fine company called ACME Deadly Predators. That’s where we bought Jaheira here, by the way.”

Jaheira tried to object to this, but the gnome’s monotonous babbling made it extremely difficult to focus on what she meant to say. The Beastmaster seemed to be in a similar state, his eyes had gone glassy, and he was rubbing his head in confusion.

“So,” Jan went on, twirling his turnip, “Rex awaited the post eagerly every day, remind me to tell you about the vicious people that work in postal service some time, and finally there was a big box waiting on the porch. Eager as a young tot, Rex tore the box open, only to find out that he’d forgotten about something very important.”

“Whu…” the Beastmaster groaned.

“Why, simply that the lion wasn’t tamed yet, dear fellow! It said so in the advert from ACME, ‘taming not included’, even if the letters were very small. Not to mention that he’d missed the note on the box that said ‘This Side Up’, and that was upside down. The lion was annoyed enough about having traveled upside down all the way from Calimshan, and having traveled on an empty stomach didn’t improve its mood very much. Well, Rex did learn that part of the trick that included sticking your head into the lion’s mouth, but he never got to the second part where you get to take it out again. Pity, but at least the lion got a nice dinner out of the deal and fell deeply asleep, blocking the front door of the Jansen home for three days. We had to enter via the chimney, which taught me that all ways are good except those that end up in a lion’s stomach…”

Thump. The Beastmaster dropped to the ground, deeply comatose, and as he did so Tabitha gave him a long and considering look. Yellow fire flared in the lioness’ eyes, as the elf’s hold over her was broken by his mental disintegration, and she opened her hot red mouth to give a low growl. Before Jaheira even had the time to think about trying to soothe the animal, it was all over, and Tabitha was already enjoying her meal.

“My my!” Jan said, “he couldn’t have been listening very closely to my story, I think. How very rude. I’m sure I warned him about untamed lions…”

“Yes,” Jaheira said, not taking her eyes off the eating lion. “I am sure you did.” Eventually Tabitha had finished, and retreated into the shadows, pulling bits of the Beastmaster with her, presumably in case she woke up later and felt a bit hungry. Jaheira advanced carefully, making certain the lion wasn’t about to attack, and picked up the small metal item she saw gleaming tantalizingly on the ground amidst the gore. Wiping it off, she then retreated, motioning for Jan to follow her.

“Pretty nifty work, Jae!” the gnome happily chattered. “Of course, you couldn’t ever have pulled it off without me and my amazing turnip. I’m sure it must have special magical properties for it to work so well, I tried it before with another one in front of the mirror and all that happened was that I got a bit drowsy…Hey!”

The turnip sailed through the air, propelled by the druid’s mighty throw, and landed in a cage containing a small and extremely ugly gibberling, that immediately gobbled it up. “My lucky turnip…” Jan complained. “I’m sure I’ll never find another one like it.”

“Oh?” Jaheira said, with a smile that closely resembled Tabitha’s, except that there were no bloodstains - yet. “Good.”

A short while later, Zaerini was sitting up, rubbing her eyes sleepily, as she tried to make sense of things. Minsc, Edwina and Anomen were still blissfully asleep on the floor. “What happened?” she asked, yawning loudly. “Did I miss something?”

Jaheira thought about Tabitha’s dinner for a moment. “Nothing,” she said, “that you would have wanted to see.” Then she thought about Jan’s story. “Or hear, for that matter.”