Cards Reshuffled

The thing about presents is that it’s not really what you get that is important. It’s what it is meant to be, and the fact that somebody tried very hard to give you something special.

Excerpt from ‘Interview With An Assassin’

“Aw, come on!” Poppy wheedled. “You can tell me, you know you can!”

“NO!” Kagain roared, and then put his head on the sticky table in the Jovial Juggler, trying to cover it with his arms. The fact that his beard was getting soaked in a puddle of beer was a very minor annoyance compared to the halfling. “I told ye already, I don’t tell tales about me clients. That be bad for business. Find the wizard on yer own.”

“But I’m not just anybody!” Poppy said, smiling sweetly at the dwarf over the top of the table. “I’m his own Auntie…well, practically. I mean, he belongs to my Best Friend, who is practically my little brother, so I have to take good care of him. I promised to.” She increased the power of the smile. “Go on, don’t be grumpy! Your face could get stuck like that. You wouldn’t want that. I always find a happy smile makes you feel lots better.”

Kagain groaned quietly. “Little brother?” he said in a sour voice, as he gave the small halfling with the bouncing brown braids and the red cheeks a dark look. “How big would he be? Pixie-size?”

“Nope!” Poppy said, giggling. “Not really…though I’d love to see him in sparkly wings. So, are you gonna tell me where I can find little Eddie or not?”

“NOT! Not, not, not! Now leave me be, before me axe cleaves ye in two and…” Kagain suddenly broke off in mid-sentence. He had barely seen the halfing’s hand move, but all of a sudden something very sharp was poking into his side, between two ribs, and he was becoming uncomfortably aware of the fact that a chain mail is in fact composed of holes, holes a slim weapon can enter quite easily.

The sweet smile on the halfling’s face never wavered. For some reason, the cute dimples made her even more terrifying, especially when she giggled again, eyes sparkling merrily. “You sure?” she said.

“Athkatla,” Kagain said very rapidly, trying not to exhale too much. “The City of Coins, down in Amn. That’s where I took ‘im. Don’t know where he went from there.”

“Thanks!” Poppy said, dimples deepening even more. “See, I knew you were nice after all! I like dwarfs, they’re funny. And it was sweet that you tried to keep Eddie-kins’ secret, I like that. See ya!” She reached her hand out, tugging teasingly at the irate dwarf’s beard, and then she jumped away, quickly melting into the shadows as the furious Kagain reached for his axe. She was still smiling to herself as she crawled beneath a few tables and slipped out the door to the inn.

Oh, goodie goodie! Poppy thought to herself as she skipped down the dark streets of Beregost. Silently of course, as an assassin should, not that skipping was something assassins usually did. Certainly her Best Friend would rather die than be caught skipping, but then she’d always thought he was too gloomy for his own good. Athkatla, that’s just perfect! Wait until Dekkie hears that, he’ll be so pleased! Now he can pick Eddie up and still find that girl Imoen. I’ll go write to him at once.

It was tempting to go deliver the message herself, but with this piece of news she was certain that her Best Friend would be able to take care of himself for a little while, and she had somebody else to visit before she could head south. It had been ages since she’d seen her niece after all. Cute little Alora! I bet sis is still pissed off because Alora likes me too. Hee hee. I’ll enjoy seeing her face when I show up on her doorstep. And then I’ll head south again and go find Dekkie and little Eddie. Should be in time for our birthday too, if I don’t take too long. The halfling’s smile widened, as she thought about that, and about previous joint birthday parties. Especially that very first one…

Many years ago…

“Oh!” Poppy exclaimed angrily, after her eleventh failed attempt. “Stupid old poopy-head dummy!”

“Well…” her Best Friend said, sounding altogether too amused for the halfling’s taste, “it is a dummy after all. But I’m personally rather happy it’s straw inside the head and not poop. The smell, you know.”

The subject of this conversation was ‘Bob’, one of the practice dummies in the Surthay Assassin’s Guild. There were several of them, which could be used for basic training, whether with missile or melee weapons. This particular one was a humanoid scarecrow-like figure, stuffed with straw, and it was hanging from the ceiling. It had buttons for eyes, a permanent disdainful frown on its painted face, and it was wearing an old and tattered coat and an ancient dark green broad-brimmed hat. Poppy had decided that she was going to pull off a Turmish Twisted Throat-Slit, a very impressive move, and she had energetically leapt at the task. Literally leapt. Unfortunately, she had forgotten about one small detail. “I can’t reach high enough to get to Bob’s neck!” Poppy complained. “I can’t even reach his waist. It’s not fair.”

“Well, I can’t reach high enough either.” The young Dekaras sounded rather puzzled about his friend’s sudden bad temper, something that was very unusual for the normally cheerful halfling. “I’ve tried, you know that.” The black-haired boy had climbed onto one of the wall-ladders lining the walls of the practice hall, and was currently hanging by his knees from one of the upper rungs, while simultaneously trying to read his homework on Assassins of the Ancients, which described various techniques for killing undead. Studying upside-down went slower then otherwise, but he persisted. As he noticed the unhappy edge in the halfing’s voice he dropped the book to the floor, grabbed a lower rung and then let go with his legs, performing a sort of back flip that eventually landed him on the floor. “Poppy?” he said as he made his way over to the girl. “What’s wrong?”

The halfling sighed. “It’s just that you will grow tall enough eventually that you can reach him. But I won’t. And some of the other kids think I’m no good as an assassin ‘cause of that.”

“That’s just stupid!” her Best Friend said, his eyes flaring angrily. “Shows how much they know. There have been plenty of great halfling assassins, and you’ll be one of them. I know you will. Anyway, I don’t care what size you are.”

“Awwww!” Poppy exclaimed with a smile, her good humor reasserting itself as she pounced on her friend to give him an exuberant hug. “Thanks Dekkie!”

“You’re welcome. Just one thing…”

“Yes?”

“Next time you plan to bowl me over, could you maybe give some advance warning? I think my back may be broken, since I can’t move my legs. Of course, that might also be because you’re sitting on them.”

Once various limbs had been sorted out and the two children were seated more comfortably on the floor, Poppy spoke again. “You never know though. It’s my birthday next week. I’m sure I’ll grow at least a little taller by then.”

“Birthday? Why didn’t you tell me before?” The boy looked outright chagrined. “If I’d known, I wouldn’t have spent all that money on that Snake in a Box last week.”

“I’m telling you now!” Poppy gave her Best Friend a reassuring nudge. “Don’t worry, I know you’re broke. It’s all right. And the snake was great fun, the way you set it up in class so it pounced up and bit Master Skarmain on the nose! Everybody laughed. Well, everybody except for Master Skarmain. The poor Snake…there wasn’t much left of it once he calmed down.”

“Just the spring, I’m afraid.” A mischievous grin crossed the boy’s face. “It was worth it though, seeing him leap on top of the desk and scream like a banshee. But all the same, I’ll try to think of something for your birthday, I promise, money or not.”

“Hey, I told you not to worry!” Poppy said, reaching out to ruffle her friend’s hair, totally ignoring the annoyed look on his face. “After all, I didn’t get you anything for your birthday. When is your birthday by the way? You’ve never said.” She immediately realized that she’d said something she shouldn’t have, when she noticed the tired, closed-in look that crossed her friend’s face.

“I don’t know,” he simply said, his black eyes flat and empty. “I can’t remember it anymore. I guess it doesn’t really matter.”

“Oh!” Poppy said in a small voice. She hadn’t known about that. Well, she knew that some of the stuff her Best Friend had been through had affected him in bad ways. He’d let slip that there were things about his early childhood that he simply couldn’t recall, as if they’d been erased. But she hadn’t known that he couldn’t even remember when his birthday was. That’s…that’s simply too unfair! Everybody should have a birthday! Say…maybe I can do something about that! He can share my birthday. The more she thought about it, the more perfect the idea seemed. Yes, she’d fix things all right. No Best Friend of hers should have to go without a proper birthday. Not if Poppy had anything to say about it.

Poppy spent the next few days thinking about what sort of birthday present she might give her Best Friend. Eventually, she chose the traditional halfling approach. After all, everybody appreciated a nice cake. Of course, a really good cake should have every possible treat on top. Whipped cream, chocolate and strawberries were all good, but she wanted it to be the best cake in the world, and that meant having all favorite foods inside. Such as meatballs, marzipan, kipper, licorice strings, scrambled eggs, ice cream, bacon and fried potatoes. Pleased with her masterpiece, she placed two large lollipops on top, in the middle of a decorative ring of strawberries and meatballs. Then she carefully placed the cake in a large box, and set out to locate her Best Friend. She’d hardly seen him during the past few days; he’d mostly shut himself in his room, apparently hard at work with some project, for she could hear strange noises coming from inside, and occasionally muffled cursing. Poppy had eagerly picked up a few Rashemite curses, and she knew that the ones her friend had recently been using were some of the more naughty ones.

“Dekkie?” the halfling said, banging on the door. “It’s me. You in there?”

This time the door immediately opened, and her friend poked his head out. He had a wild and feverish glint in his eyes, his disheveled hair looked as if it hadn’t been combed for days, and his pale and somewhat hollow face led the halfling to suspect that he’d skipped more than one meal. “Poppy!” he exclaimed, sounding very pleased. “I was just about to go looking for you. Meet me in the practice hall in five minutes, would you? I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Poppy nodded and set out. Once she reached the practice hall she carefully set the box containing the cake down on the floor, and then waited for her friend to arrive. As he did, her heart made a happy little lurch as she noticed that he was carrying a box of his own, neatly wrapped up with a red ribbon. “Happy Birthday!” he said as he held the box out. “It took me ages to get these working properly, but now I think I’ve got everything right.”

Too eager to speak, Poppy hastily tore the wrapping paper off and opened the box. Inside she found something very curious. A pair of large springs, connected to straps. “You can tie them to your feet,” her Best Friend quickly explained. “I made them myself, with the spring from that Snake in a Box. It’s not much, and I wish I could have bought you something better…but at least you should be able to get back at Bob now. And then just let people try to say you’re not good enough to be an assassin.”

“I think,” Poppy said, “that it’s the best present I’ve ever had in my life. Thanks Dekkie! You’re the best. Hey, I’ve got something for you too!”

“For me? But it’s not my birthday.”

“Yes it is!” the halfling stubbornly insisted, placing her hands on her hips as she gave her friend a determined look. “If you can’t remember when your birthday is, it could be any day. So I’ve decided that it’s today, same as mine. Happy Birthday to you, whether you like it or not!”

He smiled then, an unusually open and unguarded look in his eyes. “Poppy,” he said, “I’d be a total idiot if I didn’t love it.”

“Go on then!” Poppy eagerly insisted. “Open the present!”

“In a second. I thought you’d like to get your revenge on Bob the Dummy first. Just think, you’ll practically fly like an eagle, slitting his unguarded straw throat from above…”

Poppy thought about this for about three seconds. Then she gave in to temptation. “YAY! Let’s KILL! Go on, you take one spring, I’ll take the other one, and then we can do it together.”

“Together? What, on one leg each?”

“Sure! Best Friends should do stuff like this together. We’ll just tie our legs together with the ribbon like this, see? Then we won’t wobble too much.” In a few moments the children had backed up against the wall, their spring-equipped legs tied firmly together. “Right!” Poppy said. “Let’s go get him!”

“Yes,” her friend solemnly stated. “Bob is surely doomed.”

As they jumped towards the hanging dummy, they went higher and higher with every leap. “It’s working!” Poppy yelled triumphantly. “It’s really working!”

“Of course! Bob is as good as dead!” They were rapidly approaching Bob the Dummy now, and Poppy thought the frown on that painted face looked more and more worried. Then the children took a final flying leap, laughing loudly, and she caught the straw dummy by the neck, happily tearing the hat off his head.

“Got him!” she screamed happily, swinging the tattered hat about. She was still clinging to the by now wildly swinging dummy, as was her Best Friend. Actually, she realized that the game had just turned even better. She’d never guessed that an assassin’s victims might also be used for a good swing, but Bob was special in that way. He was swinging rapidly, making the two apprentice assassins practically choke with laughter as he tried to throw them off with wild spins and twists. Eventually, he succeeded, and the children found themselves flying through the air once more, this time heading for the floor. “Oh no!” Poppy exclaimed as she saw in which direction they were heading. “Not my…”

There was a loud splat. Then there was silence for a few seconds. “Ooops,” Poppy eventually said, sounding a bit sheepish. “Guess I should have put our birthday cake in a safer spot, shouldn’t I, Dekkie?” She snagged a strawberry and swiftly gulped it down.

“Mmmmfff…” her Best Friend said from within the creamy depths of the cake. Then he managed to pull his head out, his face covered with a white mask of whipped cream. “Poppy? Was that a fish I saw down there? And a blood sausage?”

“Yup!” the halfling happily said. “I like kippers, and I know you like those sausages, and I wanted lots of good stuff in our birthday cake. Do you like it?”

“Oh yes,” her Best Friend said, his voice completely serious. “Never tasted anything like it…”

Present Time…

Poppy smiled happily to herself as she recalled that first joint birthday. I must make certain to get something really nice for Dekkie before I go down to Athkatla. Something fun…he could use a good laugh. Maybe…oh yes! That’s perfect! As her skipping increased in pace, the halfling contemplated the thing she’d spotted for sale in a nearby temple. It would be a perfect funny birthday present, which was just what her Best Friend needed in her opinion. All right, he might grouch about it at first, but it’s really something that can be useful too. He’ll come round. Anyway, I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I tell him what it does…that will be so cute to watch!