In The Cards

Even if you happen to have eyesight as sharp as that of an eagle, you can't see the back of your own head without the help of a pair of mirrors. Funny, but true. And equally amusing is the fact that one of the cleverest people I know can be so utterly incapable of noticing other people having positive emotions about him. Or maybe sad is a better word for it. And I'd better hope he doesn't read this, or I'll be in really deep trouble!

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

The bandit camp had deteriorated into utter chaos. Gnolls snapped and snarled, laying into human and hobgoblin bandits alike with cheerful abandon and large halberds, resorting to claws and teeth when ordinary weapons didn't satisfy their bloodlust. The howls and growls were deafening, as were the screams and moans of the dying and wounded.

In the middle of the camp an especially violent battle was raging, as Ardenor Crush and Taugosz Tenhammer did their best to kill each other, both of them bleeding from many wounds. Currently the Black Talon leader seemed to have the upper hand. He was sitting on top of the hobgoblin, beating his head against the ground. Imoen wasn't sure that would be the end of it though. Hobgoblin skulls tended to be resilient, and she could see Crush trying to twist loose.

Last, but not least, there was the fact that most of the bandits weren't really in a condition to fight in the first place. The laxative that had been slipped into the soup had seen to that. Bandits squatted everywhere, groaning with terrible pain, and the stench was horrible. Some of them had managed to make it to the latrine pits, but only some. Their delicate condition also left them vulnerable to the gnolls, who were only too happy to put the suffering men out of their misery.

"Ah," Adahn said and nodded briefly, smiling to himself. "A beautiful sight."

Imoen stared at the gnolls and their gruesome fighting tactics which entailed the ripping off of various body-parts, the bloody fight to the death between the Talon and Chill leaders and most of all at the naked posteriors of the still surviving bandits. "Er…."

"Figuratively, of course," the bandit hastily amended himself. "Not literally. But there is a certain beauty in seeing a plan fall neatly into place."

"Oh, right! I agree with that, I guess." And speaking of beautiful, he sure looks good when he's smiling. All dashing and roguish. Of course he looks cute anytime, but that smile just makes me all squishy inside. And we're all alone, and I was really clever and helpful before. Time to make a serious move. Imoen gave the pitched battle and the ill bandits a dismissive look, trying her best to ignore the stench. She and Adahn were standing a little way into the forest, where they could observe and still remain unseen, and they had decided to wait a little while before crossing the camp to the command tent, in order to let the worst fighting die down. This was the perfect opportunity. There's even a full moon! Perfect! The corpses I could do without, but on the other hand he'll know I'm brave and tough and generally perfect for him since they don't scare me! Here we go.

Imoen straightened her pink hair and cocked her head to one side, smiling sweetly at the man next to her. "Adahn?" she said. "I think this was a really clever plan. Really, really, really clever. I don't know how you could possibly come up with something like this. I don't think I ever could." She gave him an admiring look.

"Thank you," the bandit said, shrugging slightly. "But you have to remember, I have had a lot of practice at this sort of thing, whereas you are only just starting your career. It is only natural that I should be more adept. You will learn, assuming you survive long enough to do so."

He cares about me! WowwowwowwowWOW! All right, no panicking here, Immy. Calm, mature, collected. That's it. "D'you think I can be a great thief then? Do you? Do you? You do, don't you? Oh, you're the best!"

Adahn looked a little stunned at this cheerful eruption and there was a hint of genuine concern in his black eyes as he watched Imoen who by now was bouncing up and down in front of him, making little happy noises. "Are you unwell?" he asked.

'Yes, my beloved, I am stricken with True Love, my heart fatally wounded. Your every word, your every glance only serve to open up the wound once more.' As Chellinelle the Sorceress said in 'Thief Of My Heart'. Or was it 'your every touch, your every kiss'? Yes, that was definitely it. And if it wasn't, it ought to be. Yes. That's it. "Touch!" Imoen blurted out, speaking the first word that came to mind.

"What?"

Darn. "Uh…I'm fine. Really. Just thinking that you have a…uh…very…very…uh…nice touch with intrigue." And I'd like to do more than a little touching myself. Have to be subtle though. "Think I can ever become that good?"

Adahn gave her an appraising look, his sharp face becoming intensely focused. "It is not impossible," he slowly said. "You have talent, I can see that much, even if you're inexperienced and dangerously impulsive. And I don't mean just nimble fingers or an agile body, you have a good head." He snorted quietly. "Admittedly one of a very shocking color, but still, a good head." He walked in a circle around the girl, and for a moment Imoen was reminded of some large and dangerous predator taking the measure of a smaller one. "Yes," Adahn finally said. "Clever as I said, though you certainly seem to try your best to hide it sometimes. And you are stronger than you think as well."

"I am?"

"Yes. You are. I can tell. You do what you have to, when you have to. You fight for what you believe in. What is that, if not strength?" His eyes narrowed and when next he spoke he did it slowly, as if he were weighing every word with great care. "You…were always kept safe before, correct? Happy, secure. You never really had to use your strength. Now you do, and it frightens you, doesn't it?"

"No, I…"

"Oh, it does. And it should. But you don't really have much of a choice. Once you grow up you can't go back to being a child, much as you'd like to. That is the way of life. Still, I think you will manage. You are, as I said, stronger than you think. You want to remember that."

Imoen felt her heart singing, her blood rushing in her head. Nobody…nobody ever thought I was strong before…I can't believe that he does…that is so…so…so… "Sweet!" Imoen squealed. "That is so sweet of you. You are so sweet."

The older rogue looked rather alarmed as Imoen beamed brightly at him, happy tears in her eyes. "Sweet?!" he said, sounding incredulous. "Hardly the word I'd use to describe myself. Hardly the word any sane person would use."

"Well, I would." Imoen's blue eyes glittered with determination and her perky face was set with resolve. "And you are. You're much nicer than you think you are, or pretend you are. I can tell."

"I don't…"

"But I do. I think you try very hard to hide it, but a really nasty person would never care about helping me out…or…or making me feel better about myself. You can't fool me. You're nice. And sweet. Get used to it." Imoen suddenly realized that she'd been determinedly stepping forward as she spoke, until she had basically backed Adahn up against a tree. At this point she was close enough that she had to crane her head backwards to be able to see anything other than his…well…chest. While it was a very interesting and captivating view she really felt she ought to estimate his reaction and decide whether she was utterly doomed or not. This is not how it was supposed to go! I was supposed to be alluring and mysterious! Now he'll just think I'm a pushy brat!

For a few seconds the bandit simply stared at her, looking very thoughtful. "Well," he finally said, arching an eyebrow. "This was certainly a…novel…experience. Please do me the courtesy of not repeating it in public. Ever. That 'sweet' thing could ruin my reputation. I'd have to take steps."

"What sort of steps?"

"Why, to kill you, of course." This was said with the utmost seriousness that made Imoen's eyes go as wide as teacups until she saw Adahn wink at her and give her a small grin. Forget about 'sweet'. That man is hot! All right, here goes. Stare hypnotically. Make him want to kiss me. No, make him need to kiss me. Starestarestarestarestare…

"Now what?" Adahn asked a little impatiently, waving his hand in front of Imoen's glassy eyes. "I didn't actually mean that, you know. No need to freeze up like that."

Right, that didn't work. Plan B. Flutter eyelashes seductively. Flutterflutterflutterflutter…

"Did you get something in your eye?" the bandit asked. "Or are you simply having a seizure?"

Darn. How is it possible that a man so astute in all other matters can be so incredibly dense when it comes to recognizing his own True Love? What am I supposed to do, hit him over the head with a club and drag him off into the sunset? All right, Immy. Calm. Cool. Collected. You can do this, you know you can. Time to take out the heavy weaponry.

"I'm fine," Imoen said. "In fact, I'm better than fine. And d'you know what would make me feel even better than better than fine?"

"No?"

"Well, what I was thinking of…that is…if I…if you…" Kissmekissmekissmekissme! Come on! Kiss me already! I'm practically pouting here! Gods, it'd be a crime not to put those lips of his to use. Or those divine hands. Or that delectable…

At precisely that moment a screaming wizard with a tattooed face rushed past the two rogues, followed by a violently swearing halfling and a lumbering zombie. "Abduh, stop it!" the wizard shouted in a shrill voice. "Bad boy! Bad boy! Stop it right now or Master will spank you!"

"Why don't you do that then?" the halfling snarled. "I'll tell you what. Because he'd RIP YOUR STUPID HEAD OFF! And worse, he'd do the same to me. What did you have to go and enhance his strength for?"

"I thought it would be useful for carrying our luggage…"

"URRRGH!"

"Carrying our luggage? WHAT luggage? We're mercenaries, not little old ladies touring the Realms!"

"Well, we could get some luggage one of these days. You never know. I could use it to carry interesting people in. Interesting dead people."

"URRRGH!"

"Oh, just shut up and run."

There were a few seconds stunned silence after the odd trio had passed. "Well," Adahn said. "That was certainly very…unusual."

"Yuck," Imoen said with a shudder. "Abduh looked even more repulsive than before."

The bandit gave a small sigh. "Tempting as it is to finish the job, he currently seems to be working on our behalf. Almost a shame. I hate leaving things unfinished."

"You can have him later, Shadow-walker. Right now he is mine." Viconia approached the two rogues, grinning widely. "And a very good and obedient boy he is too. Tell me, is there a good place around here where I can have him put those two cretins?"

Imoen looked at Adahn. From the wicked look that had come into his eyes she guessed he was thinking the same as she was. "Actually, there is such a place," he said. "Not far from here."

"That way," Imoen added, pointing into the trees. "Just…er…follow your nose."

Viconia's red eyes lit up with amusement. "Very well," she said. "I shall see if your idea has merit. You may expect me back shortly." She disappeared into the trees, her white hair glowing in the moonlight. It was only a few minutes until she came back, and when she did she was laughing quietly to herself.

"It went well, I take it?" Adahn asked politely.

"Oh yes. Very well. That…hole…"

"The latrine pit," Imoen added helpfully.

"Yes. A good idea, that one. Abduh chased them both into it, and now he's patrolling around it, making sure they don't get out. My control over him will wane eventually, but for now those two are stuck in a very uncomfortable place." Her smile widened. "And the halfling has to stand on the wizard's shoulders. Apparently he can't swim. I do hope he isn't too heavy - the wizard doesn't look particularly strong."

Imoen giggled wildly at the image this presented and noticed Adahn smiling as well. "How's it going for Rini and the others?" she asked.

"I left just as they were about to enter the command tent," Viconia explained. "Those three imbeciles had placed themselves outside it. We should get back there."

"Yes," Adahn agreed. "We should. There is nothing else we can do here, and by now the fighting should have diminished enough that we can move about with relative ease without getting caught up in it."

Darn. Imoen thought. Foiled again. Oh well. I'm sure I'll get another chance at him soon. It's True Love, after all. Nothing can stand in the way of True Love. Someday, somehow, he will be mine.