In The Cards

Trust is extremely important. It defines us. Whom we trust. Who trusts in us. And most of all, whether we dare trust ourselves. Something I haven't always been able to do.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

"You did what?" Jaheira's voice closely resembled the low growl of a wolf and she had crossed her arms across her chest. A muscle in her right cheek was twitching dangerously.

"Oh, didn't you hear me the first time?" Zaerini asked in an innocent voice she knew was certain to infuriate the druid even further. She was having tremendous fun. Still, she was glad that this argument was taking place in the privacy of the private room she shared with Imoen and not in the common room of the inn. "I could repeat myself…"

"I heard you", Jaheira said, scowling darkly. "I was simply refusing to believe that even you could be this irresponsible."

"N-now, now Jaheira", Khalid tried to intervene, putting his hand on his wife's shoulder, "perhaps we should…"

"Perhaps we should bundle this infant up in swaddling clothes and put her in a playpen", Jaheira snarled and shook his hand off. "She acts about the right age for it."

Rini was starting to lose her temper by now. "What's so bad about it?" she asked in an irritable voice. "A wizard should be extremely useful to help us when we go into the mines, and you knew I was going to keep Edwin around."

"For the duration of our investigation, yes. Not for a whole year! The Red Wizards cannot be trusted."

"Would you rather I'd kept Dynaheir? The Boring B…Witch of The East? Don't pretend you liked her any better than I did."

"But he is a RED WIZARD!" Jaheira was practically screaming with frustration. "They always have hidden agendas. Always!"

"Really, now?" Rini's eyes took on a dangerous look, their golden color intensifying until they almost seemed to be glowing. Her voice had suddenly gone very cold. "Well, I suppose you would know about things like that, Jaheira. Being a Harper and all. Tell me, how long were you going to wait until you let me in on your little secret? A month? A year? Ever? Don't try to lie to me about it either. You know my readings of my cards tell me much. Well, I've figured this one out and it makes perfect sense. Harpers are known for being self-righteous meddlers, after all." She felt genuine satisfaction at seeing the druid take a step back, her face pale and tense. "And there's something else, isn't there? I've seen you watching me, you and Khalid both. Like I'm some sort of wild animal and you're wondering whether I might be rabid and you might have to put me down. For some reason that unnerves me just a little bit, given that you're both supposed to be friends of my father. So I suggest you tell me what your problem is right now or I may just rearrange this group in a manner you won't like, and I think I'll rearrange your face along with it!" For a second or two she wondered whether she had gone to far. The blood was pounding furiously in her head and she realized that she had unconsciously clenched her hands into fist. Jaheira's face looked like a stony mask and Khalid had put his hand on the hilt of his sword as if he thought he was going to have to defend his spouse against bodily harm. Rini was glad that Imoen wasn't around to see this, she didn't want her friend to get scared.

Then Jaheira sighed and sat down on the bed. Her green eyes were still angry, but somehow Zaerini knew that the anger was no longer directed at her. "You…are correct", Jaheira said in a slow voice, as if she was picking her words carefully. "We are Harpers, Khalid and I. So was Gorion, and that is how we knew him. Though we did not meet him as often as before after you were…born."

"And just what do the Harpers want with me?" Zaerini asked, still feeling suspicious.

"At the moment? Nothing more than to keep an eye on you, perhaps to guide your steps." At the redhead's quick and cynical smile Jaheira flushed a little. "It may be the true that the Harpers have a certain interest in your actions", she admitted. "But for Khalid and I there could be nothing more important than the wishes of Gorion."

"Y-y-yes", Khalid said with a shy smile. "H-he was a good f-f-friend and we miss him v-very much."

"True", Jaheira said, looking sad. "It was his wish that we look after you and try to keep you safe, should anything happen to him. He loved you, and he wanted us to be your friends as we had been his. But we seem to have failed, for you do no trust us, and I fear for your safety."

And then the terrible anger that had been filling Zaerini subsided back into a dull roar and she felt tears welling up in her eyes as they had when she watched Gorion die. She suddenly found herself sitting on the floor, sniffling quietly. "I…I loved him too", she whispered. "And I miss him terribly."

She felt Khalid's arm around her back and Jaheira's hand cupping her chin. "As do we, child", the druid said. "As do we. And perhaps I have been a little…overzealous in trying to keep you safe. We simply do not want you to come to harm by your actions. If I came down a little hard on you just now it was because the knowledge that you would trust the Thayvian but refuse to put your faith in us…well, it galled me."

Zaerini raised her head and looked the druid in the eyes. "I want to trust you", she said. "But I can't shake the feeling that you don't trust me. Why is that? I think I have a right to know."

"You d-do", Khalid said. He sounded unusually assertive. "You are old e-enough, and you need the knowledge in o-order to protect yourself."

"Protect myself? Against what? Do you know who's trying to have me killed? Why haven't you told me before?"

"We know some of that", Jaheira said in a reluctant voice. "What Gorion told us, though I am certain he did not tell us everything he knew. And I do not think even he knew it all. We will share what knowledge we have, but not here and now. The walls may have ears, and we will be safer once we are on the road. I give you my word that you shall have your answers then."

Rini thought about this for a moment. "Agreed", she said. "We will leave for the mines tomorrow morning. And then… then we will talk."

"Yes", Jaheira said. "We will talk. Just…trust me a little while longer."

I will, Rini thought. But you never told me whether you trust me.

Meanwhile, Edwin was having an awkward conversation of his own. It had been no surprise to find his mentor waiting for him when he dragged his feet into his room, but any pleasure he might have felt at being congratulated on his successful duel turned to ashes in his mouth at the thought of what was to come. Eventually Dekaras had asked him exactly why he was looking as if he was under a death sentence and had just found out that his execution would be in five minutes. Then, no more than a minute or so ago, Edwin had told him. He had tried to make the best of it, but the whole story still sounded rather pitiful.

"I see", Dekaras said once Edwin had finished. The assassin stood facing his student, his hands on his back as if he was pondering an interesting puzzle. His voice was ominously neutral in a way that Edwin recognized all too well. "So the girl gave you a nice present. Isn't that sweet." The temperature in the room seemed to drop to freezing point. "And that impressed you enough that you felt the urgent need to sign yourself up for a year of being her devoted servant. Quite a remarkable way of handling an assignment. I cannot imagine why I've never thought of that myself."

"I just…" Edwin tried. He shuffled his feet from side to side, feeling tremendously embarrassed. He felt almost as if he had been turned into a small child once more and was trying to feebly explain just how his homework assignment had come to explode and cover the entire schoolroom with green slime. That explanation hadn't gone down very well either.

"You 'just' willingly entered into virtual slavery", Dekaras said, his voice scathing. "Or did the girl offer you anything other than a magical trinket or two as payment for an entire year of your services? No? There you have it then."

"But it wasn't like that!"

"Oh? Then what was it like?"

Edwin paused. What had it been like, anyway? He wasn't certain of that himself anymore. In the end he just sighed with frustration. "I…don't know", he said. "I don't know why I did it, and I don't know how I'm going to get out of it. I feel so…so stupid."

Dekaras gave him a concerned look. "Now listen to me", he said, in a much kinder voice. "You aren't stupid, merely young and insanely reckless from time to time. At least you seem to be aware of that fact. From what you have told me and from my own observations I'd say that girl has the makings of a fine con artist. Then there is the matter of her…heritage. Who knows what it makes her capable of? She tricked you and we will have to deal with that somehow, but at least it put you into a prime position for carrying out your assignment." He paused. "I have no intention of abandoning you in an enforced position of servitude, be it for one year or one week", he said. "You may be assured of that." His voice was still calm and even, but for a moment his eyes burned with a black and murderous fury that made Edwin extremely happy that it wasn't directed at him. Then it disappeared from sight again, hidden but not gone, like a fire-breathing dragon lurking inside a dark cave.

"What are we going to do?" Edwin asked. It came to him that he feared the answer, though he didn't know why. All that mattered was that he was free of his obligation. Wasn't it?

"You promised to serve her for one year", Dekaras said, carefully speaking the words as if he were tasting them.

"Yes", Edwin said hurriedly. "And I can't just break my word. Well, I could, I suppose, if I really had to. I'd just prefer not to, if possible. Lying is one thing, but that's different."

"If you say so. Did you promise when and where you would serve?"

"No…"

"Then that is settled." The assassin allowed himself a brief, wolf-like smile. "You can serve her later on. After you persuade her to come back to Thay as your superiors have ordered you. You wouldn't want them to get upset with you. Of course, it could be that an unfortunate and fatal accident will befall her once her usefulness is at an end."

"Suppose she refuses though?"

The smile widened. "Then, my dear boy, I suppose that unfortunate accident I mentioned will be happening just a little bit sooner. Just as soon as you give the word in fact. You need not worry about that."

Edwin nodded. He should be happy, he thought. Everything was going to be all right now, wasn't it? It will, he thought. Of course it will. So why did he feel as if he had just committed one of the worst mistakes of his entire life? "We will be leaving for the Mines tomorrow", he said. "How will I keep in touch with you?"

"You won't. I will keep in touch with you." Dekaras paused and gave Edwin a measuring look. "Just keep me fully informed when I do so and let me know when you need help", he said. "Don't try to handle everything on your own or you could get seriously hurt. I wouldn't want that, not to mention how much I'd hate having to explain it to your mother."

Edwin nodded again.

"Good. Remember that and this will all work out for the best. Trust me."

I do, Edwin thought. But after what happened today…I wonder if I can trust myself.