In The Cards

There is a certain power in the way people perceive you. If they think you are kind and good, they treat you as such, and it becomes easier to behave that way. If they think of you as evil and corrupt they will treat you like that, and it will be easy to become the monster they think you are. But still, in the end, the choice must always be your own.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Zaerini dreamt. The dream started out nicely enough. She was wandering through the streets of a large city. There were wide and beautiful streets, lined with tall trees, streets leading up to marble palaces and glittering temples, streets lit with magical lanterns that shone like miniature moons.

Then there were the merchant streets, where anything and everything could be bought and sold. There were smells of spices and incense, of meat and sweet cakes, of flowers and herbs. Sunlight flashed in all the colors of the rainbow as it reflected off exquisite gemstones and bolts of expensive cloth. Goats bleated, chickens clucked, merchants cried out the merits of their wares everywhere in one big cacophony. There was even a tiny monkey that grinned at her from one of the stands and tried to steal her purse with its quick little black hands.

This is really living. Color and movement, and everything happening all at once.

Large crowds of people passed by, smiling kindly at her. Warriors in heavy armor, with swords at their sides. Wizards in rich robes and carrying mysterious-looking wands and staves. Nobles and commoners, princes and beggars, all of them seemed happy to see her, and the air was filled with distant singing.

Even the back-streets and dark alleyways had their place in the city. Badly lit and narrow they were, and their shadows were populated with mysterious and probably dangerous figures. But that was all part of life, and even the shadow people seemed to tolerate her.

Then something changed. She felt her body twisting, shrinking, gaining fur and claws. This wasn’t her normal shapechange however, and it wasn’t a cat she was turning into. She tried to speak and only strange yipping sounds emerged, and when her tiny hands reached for her head she could feel a pair of large ears and a pointed nose. I’m a…a kobold?

By now none of the people looked friendly anymore. They were pointing, crying out, their faces twisted with fear and anger.

Have to run…have to get away!

She ran, stumbling in the unfamiliar kobold form, dodging between people and stalls, even running between legs as the opportunities presented themselves. Hands were reaching for her, grasping, hurting.

NO!

She was caught, her short legs flailing helplessly in the air as she tried to twist free.

SEE DAUGHTER? Her sire’s voice was loud and triumphant. THEY ALL KNOW YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE. A MONSTER.

No! I am not a monster!

NO? I AM SURE THE MAN YOU KILLED RECENTLY WOULD DISAGREE.

It wasn’t like that!

BUT IT WAS. AND SEE, THE PEOPLE CAN SENSE IT. THEY KNOW YOU. MURDERER. BEAST. THE MONSTER OF THE DARK. ACCEPT IT, YOU CANNOT RUN FROM IT.

I can! I will!

YOU CANNOT. OBSERVE HOW THEY MAKE YOUR LESSER EVIL GROW INTO A GREATER ONE.

Now she was changing form again, growing, far past her normal size. The fur receded, leaving green and warty skin behind, as large tusks protruded from her suddenly jutting jaw. The man who had been holding her screamed and backed off. Now what…an ogre?

Bewildered, Zaerini tried to push the crowd away from her. People fell to the ground, some of them bleeding, some still and quiet as her too great strength was let loose.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND, DAUGHTER? THERE IS NO ESCAPE. THEY CREATE THE MONSTER THEY IMAGINE YOU TO BE, AND THEY WILL MAKE YOU KILL THEM AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. ACCEPT YOUR HERITAGE, ONLY THEN CAN YOU DRAW STRENGTH FROM IT.

NO! Leave me alone! You don’t want to help me; you just want to use me. Just like Reiltar did.

USE YOU? DEAR DAUGHTER, I MERELY WISH TO AID YOU IN YOUR COMMENDABLE SEARCH FOR KNOWLEDGE. WHY LET THESE LITTLE PEOPLE HARASS YOU LIKE THIS? YOU CAN DEAL WITH MUCH EASIER IN ANOTHER FORM. SUCH AS THIS ONE.

Now she was growing again, growing and growing at an alarmingly fast pace. She was already towering over the rooftops, and she wasn’t showing signs of stopping any time soon. Her neck was elongating as well, shooting out like a telescope, and a veritable forest of sword-like teeth were emerging in her mouth. Turning around she noticed her scaly red hide and long spiky tail. Bet Sarevok would love this outfit…this is insane! I can’t be a dragon! Even as she exhaled to say this, a long gust of flame shot forth, setting fire to one of the rooftops.

Oh no! What have I done?

Frantically she tried to put the fire out, but this only resulted in her gigantic paw smashing the roof to pieces. Far below her tiny people were running about like ants, screaming as they fled for their lives. The sight of it made her want to cry.

DAUGHTER, THIS IS YOUR DESTINY. YOU ARE FAR ABOVE THESE OTHERS, AND THEY WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU. THE ONES WHO DO NOT HATE YOU WILL CERTAINLY FEAR YOU, AND YOU CANNOT HELP BUT BRING MURDER WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO. IT IS BRED IN YOUR VERY BONES AND BLOOD. ACCEPT IT, ACCEPT ME, AND I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO CONTROL THE POWER YOU HOLD. PERHAPS THEN YOU WILL AT LEAST BE CAPABLE TO KEEP FROM HARMING YOUR FRIENDS.

I won’t harm them! I would NEVER do that!

YOU WILL. PROPER USE OF YOUR HERITAGE IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL SHIELD YOU FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF IMPROPER USE.

Is that what you told my brother to make him serve you? Or was it some other false promise? You lie, and I won’t serve you.

YOU WILL. WILLINGLY OR NOT, YOUR VERY EXISTENCE WILL SERVE ME. IT IS YOUR CHOICE TO BENEFIT FROM IT OR NOT.

Then Rini felt a light tugging at the edge of her mind. Blinking, she turned her head to spot the black cat sitting on top of a tall chimney. He lies, kitten, Softpaws said. There are other ways. I can show you, if you want me to.

Yes. Show me.

Now the familiar’s mind came closer to her own, much closer. There was the feeling of mental paws gently nudging her, forming a path within her mind.

Yes, Rini thought. I see it now. I don’t have to be the kobold, or the ogre, or the dragon, no matter what people try to make me into. There is always another choice. I will not be a monster.

The dragon shape melted away, freeing her mind from its confines. And then she…flickered.

Flicker.

She was an old woman, wrinkled and white-haired, her back bent but still strong.

Flicker.

A tiny girl with dark pigtails, and a gap toothed smile.

Flicker.

A young man, tall and skinny, as awkward on his long legs as a newborn colt.

Flicker.

A noblewoman, with a haughty face, carrying her nose in the air.

Flicker.

A muscular thug, with fists that could crack skulls like nuts.

Flicker.

A rotund baker, carrying a large tray of sweet-smelling pastries.

Flicker.

An elven woman, wielding her sword like an extension of her own body.

Flicker.

A gnomish wizard, grinning with delight as magic shot from his fingertips.

Flicker.

Finally, she was herself. Zaerini took a deep breath and pushed her bright red hair out of her eyes. So many people…she had seen them all, had been them all, and the crowd hadn’t reacted negatively in any way. Actually it still didn’t. Once again, she was a person in their eyes. Not a monster.

“Do you see that, ‘Father’?” Rini cried out. “You are wrong! I will be free, and I will make my own choices. And I choose to be me, now and forever, and not your puppet.”

LITTLE FOOL! The voice within her mind was thunderous, and filled with rage. DO YOU REALLY THINK SAREVOK WILL LET YOU BE? YOU STILL HAVE TO FACE HIM, AND HE LISTENS WHERE YOU DO NOT.

“Oh, I know that. But you see, that’s his weakness, not mine. And maybe ‘Father’…maybe I can still pick him out of your pocket. Wouldn’t that be a nice trick?”

The voice of Bhaal receded into the faint buzzing of an infuriated wasp, and Zaerini sat up with a brief gasp, wide-awake. The dream was gone, but something within her…had changed. She could sense it, buried deep within her soul.

Don’t worry, kitten, Softpaws said. The cat jumped onto her lap, rubbing up against her. He will keep trying, but you are strong enough to stand against him.

I hope so. Yes, I think you’re probably right, but I can’t relax too much. As you say, he will keep trying. And then there is Sarevok. Bhaal was right about that. Soon, really soon, I will have to face my brother.

Do you fear that you will be unable to defeat him?

Well, he’s a really huge guy with muscles like rocks and a great big sword, so yeah, I do. But…you know…I also fear that I will be able to defeat him. If I could have things my way…then neither of us would be pushed around by Bhaal. That only brings disaster. Maybe I won’t be able to make Big Brother see that. But somehow…I still have to try.