In The Cards

There are many precautions that should be taken before attempting to slay a vampire. First, it should always be done in the daytime if at all possible. Holy symbols offer some protection, as does garlic. Running water can harm the creature if you manage to immerse it in it, though pushing a vampire into a river isn’t exactly an easy task. Holy water is also useful, and of course the wooden stake is the most traditional weapon of all. Under the unfortunate circumstance that you should find yourself facing a vampire in the middle of the night without any of these weapons, you will simply have to improvise and hope that you haven’t managed to offend too many gods.

Excerpt from ‘Interview With An Assassin’

Vampire. Imoen kept staring at the creature before her, feeling much like a rabbit facing a snake. The ‘Children of the Night’ had always been one of Zaerini’s favorite reading topics, and Candlekeep held several books describing them. Imoen had never been that fond of horror stories, much preferring romance, but her friend had sucked them all up. Don’t think about sucking! All right. Rini had devoured those books… No, don’t think about devouring either! Right. Rini had read those books, and she’d told Imoen a lot, but none of it had in any way prepared her for the frightening reality.

The vampire looked like an immensely fat human, with pale flesh bulging out of his rich brown and gold merchant’s robe. He had about three chins, and his glowing red eyes were practically buried in the folds of fat on his face. There were spots of blood on his face, Imoen noticed, feeling rather sick. Funny…for some strange reason I always thought vampires were supposed to be skinny. But I suppose it makes sense that a fat person would make a fat vampire and…

“Intruders…” the vampire purred in an oily voice. “Who are you that you dare enter the House of Gantolandon? Come, look me in the eyes and give me an honest answer…”

“Don’t look him in the eyes,” Adahn said as he firmly pushed Imoen behind him. “That’s how they attract their prey.” He was keeping his attention firmly fixed on the vampire’s hands to illustrate his point. “Gantolandon, if that is who you are, step aside. There is no need for violence.”

The vampire chuckled, a darkly bubbling sound. “Oh, but there is. You have seen me, and you know my secret. I will have no priests coming here for an early morning visit. And besides…I’m still hungry.” He licked his lips greedily.

Imoen gave a small gasp of surprise as her companion gave her a sudden shove that sent her quickly stumbling towards the stairs. “Run, girl,” he said, his voice tense. “Find a window or something.” He had drawn a short sword by now and was circling Gantolandon warily, not taking his eyes off the vampire.

“But what about you…”

“I said get out! You can’t kill this one.”

Much as she hated to admit it, Imoen had to admit that he was right. The vampire was too much for her, and she knew it. Turning on her heel she ran, as fast as her legs could carry her. The stairs seemed endless, like stairs in a nightmare, one of those where you keep trying in vain to wake up. Her breath whistled painfully through her burning throat, and at any moment she expected to feel the cold hands of the undead gem merchant close around her neck. There was no backdoor to the house, she knew that much as she had checked before entering. But surely she would be able to get out through one of the windows…

At the top of the stairs Imoen turned, and the sight that met her almost made her heart stop with dread. Adahn was behind her, halfway up the stairs, his back towards her, and he was fighting to keep the vampire off. It wasn’t going too well though. Though the dark shape of the rogue moved with almost supernatural speed and grace, the vampire was a supernatural being, and so was able to pose a very real threat, despite his large bulk. Even worse, Imoen could see that what wounds the vampire had sustained were already slowly closing up, leaving unblemished skin behind. On the other hand, her friend had no such advantage. Though he had so far managed to avoid any fatal injuries, she could see dark blood on his face where the vampire had clawed him, and from his movements she also thought that there was something wrong with his side. He was definitely not moving as fast as he had only a few moments ago, and Imoen was struck with the icy realization that there was a very real risk of him not making it.

He…he said that I couldn’t kill the vampire. But…he never said that he could either. No! NO! Wildly Imoen looked about for something, anything, that she might use as a weapon. There was a large and expensive-looking porcelain urn standing next to her. It would have to do. I won’t leave him alone to die. I won’t.

Imoen had hoped for the urn to hit the vampire straight in the face, perhaps even knock it unconscious. She wasn’t quite so lucky, since the urn was much heavier than it looked and she could barely lift it. As she hurled it down the stairs its trajectory was distinctly wobbly. Still, it did hit the vampire across the knees, temporarily unbalancing him. Adahn wasn’t late to take advantage of his opponent’s weakness. He spun around, planting a solid kick in Gantolandon’s protruding stomach. The vampire may not have had a breath to lose, but it still looked extremely painful, and more importantly, it made him lose his balance. His mouth a surprised ‘O’ he slowly toppled, and then there was a loud crash as he tumbled down the stairs like an overripe fruit.

There wasn’t any time to stand around admiring the spectacle of Gantolandon sprawling at the bottom of the stairs, his plump legs in the air. Already he was starting to get to his feet, and the two rogues didn’t waste any time in waiting for him to do so. Rather, they slipped into the shadows of the upstairs corridor, hoping to confuse the vampire as to their whereabouts. There was also the tiny matter of trying to locate another exit than the front door, as that was still blocked by the vampire. Eventually they passed through an open door, shutting it behind them while they hoped that they wouldn’t wind up in more trouble than they were already in.

The room turned out to be a bedroom of a sort. In most respects it was an ordinary bedroom. Heavy red curtains covered the windows completely. There was an armoire in one corner, a couple of bookshelves and a luxurious Kara-Turan carpet on the floor, one with a disturbing pattern of dancing demons, but otherwise normal. Yet another of the magical torches spread some faint light.

“There’s no mirror,” Imoen said as she scanned the room.

“Of course not,” her companion replied as he barred the door. “Vampires have no reflection, it’s not as if he’d need one.” It seemed that the vampire also didn’t need an ordinary bed, something that you would certainly normally expect to find in a bedroom. Instead there was a polished black coffin standing in the middle of the floor, one that was a lot wider than the standard model. “I suppose he must have had it custom-made,” Adahn murmured as he crossed the room and pulled the curtains aside. “I’ve never quite understood this fascination with coffins, it seems very uncomfortable.” Despite his light tone, Imoen got the impression that he was worried. Even worse, now that she had better light she could see that the gash across his cheek had barely missed an eye, and it was still bleeding heavily. She couldn’t tell for certain about the other wound, since he seemed to be turning that side away from her on purpose, but he was pressing one hand to it and she thought his breathing sounded heavier than it should.

“You’ve been hurt,” Imoen said, inwardly wanting to hit herself for stating the obvious. “How bad is it? Are you gonna be OK? Please don’t die, promise you won’t. Wait, I’ve got a couple of healing potions, just a second…you should take them at once, if you’re feeling too weak I’ll help you drink them…” She was feeling frantic by now, and was very much aware that she was babbling, but she couldn’t seem to stop.

“Thank you,” Adahn said, a fleeting look of surprise crossing his face, “but I assure you I can manage.” He pulled a small bottle out of his pocket and drank the contents, and Imoen saw the bleeding from the facial wound subside. “That will be enough. Save the others for later, you may need them yet.”

“But…”

“No. I’ll manage, it’s hardly the first time I’ve been injured and it’s not too bad.” The older rogue was leaning against the window, working on getting the shutters open, and Imoen couldn’t help but notice that he still looked extremely pale and that there were dark circles beneath his eyes. “Besides, they won’t do much good for what ails me. A vampire can drain its victims of strength, I’ll need to pay a short visit to a temple once we get out of here.”

“D-do you think we will get out of here?”

“Oh, indubitably.”

“That’s good.”

“Of course, if you want to get out of here alive rather than as the world’s first pink-haired vampire, you’d better move your feet over here and help me get through these shutters before the vampire manages to break down the door.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.” Feeling herself blushing once again, Imoen started working on the other half of the window, next to her companion. Figures that I’d make myself look silly once again…From the door she could hear loud noises like something heavy throwing itself against it. Ooops…hurry, hurry, hurry…

“By the way,” Adahn quietly said after a couple of minutes. “That was some very quick thinking you displayed earlier with that urn. Just the distraction I needed. Well done. And your thief skills have also picked up, in case I don’t get the chance to say so later. You’re doing very well.”

“Wow!” Imoen gushed, once again feeling herself turn pink, but for a much more pleasant reason. “Thanks! Do you really mean that?”

“Certainly,” the older rogue said, raising an eyebrow with surprise. “I almost always mean exactly what I say.”

“Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. Ah, here is our escape route now. Have you got any Cat Claws? Or a grappling hook?”

“Um…”

“Never mind, we’ll use mine.” To the accompaniment of crashing noises coming from the door, Adahn took out a thin and tightly coiled rope, affixed to a grappling hook, and then stuck the hook firmly in place behind the windowsill. “Go on. You go first, I’ll come once you’ve climbed down to the ground.” His lips suddenly quirked into a sarcastic smile. “Unless you were expecting me to sweep you off your feet and carry you down the rope, in which case I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.”

Imoen smiled back. “Nah, wouldn’t want us to break our necks. ‘Sides, I like climbing.” Carefully she eased herself out the window and started climbing down the rope, as quickly as she dared, and carefully avoiding looking down. It’s never a good idea to look down when you’re hanging from a very thin rope over some very hard cobblestones.

The feeling of hard and solid ground beneath her feet was an extremely welcome one. Imoen could feel her knees trembling with relief as she craned her neck backwards, anxiously looking for her friend. Adahn was already halfway down the rope, climbing with a natural fluent skill that was very impressive to watch. Must remember that he’s already taken. Must remember not to stare at his legs or at…oh gods he’s handsome! No Imoen. Bad girl. Don’t touch. Don’t even think about staring.

Once Adahn reached the ground Imoen could hear another crash coming from inside the open window, the loudest one so far, and it was accompanied by a gloating giggle and the trilling cry of ‘Heeeeere’s Gandolaaaaandon!’” The black-clad rogue was hurriedly twisting the tip off one of his crossbow-bolts, and then proceeded to drag his dagger a few times along it, sharpening the tip.

“What are you…” Imoen tried.

“Hush. Not now. He’ll be out in a second.”

Imoen’s heart was pounding loudly in her chest, and she stared at the dark window. Her every instinct screamed for her to run, but her brain told her that it would do no good, that the vampire would be able to catch up with her whatever she did. She simply had to trust that her friend knew what he was doing. He was standing completely motionless, totally focused upon the window. And then there was movement at the window, a tiny dark shape fluttering here and there, almost invisible. It looked a bit like a big black butterfly – or a bat.

And now the bat had spotted them, and it dove, heedless of everything but the prey on the ground. Then, it jerked and shuddered in midair as the small wooden stake pierced its little chest, and it fell to the ground with a tiny shriek of rage. Adahn was upon it in seconds, seizing the dead bat firmly behind the wing. “One important thing about vampires,” he calmly told Imoen, “is that a stake through the heart only kills them as long as the stake is still there. To permanently slay them you need to assure that they cannot rise again. Like this.” The cut was both swift and certain, and as the small head was tossed aside Imoen thought she still could see a look of surprise on its wrinkled face.

“That is so neat…I really wish I could pull off a shot like that.”

“Thank you.” Adahn dropped the bat’s body to the ground, and then kicked it aside. “You can always practice on the next vampire we come across I suppose. But as for this one, I’m afraid he won’t provide you with much of a challenge. It seems that Gandolandon the gem merchant has gone permanently out of business.”