In The Cards

Under certain circumstances anybody will resort to primal reactions, some of us more easily than others. And those circumstances certainly include a threat to your cubs…or to your chosen mate.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Edwin had frequently wondered what it would be like to have a familiar of his own. An intelligent and loyal creature, deeply devoted to him, committed to assisting him with his magic. Not that he needed any assistance as such of course, not the brightest wizard of his generation, no of all generations. But it would be nice, all the same. Still, that extremely unfortunate incident with the monkey when he was a child had rather turned him off animals, at least when it came to having one of his own. You never knew what the ‘Find Familiar’ spell might saddle you with. Suppose he got a…a snail for a familiar? Or a toad? No wizard worth the name would have a toad. A cat might be nice, however, like Zaerini had.

Edwin turned his head slightly, to watch the animal perched on his shoulder. The black cat gave him a calm look and adjusted her balance a little. Certainly she was a beautiful creature. But it was the cat sitting on his other shoulder that really occupied his thoughts. The flame-red cat with the burning golden eyes and the mischievous expression on her face. For some reason his skin felt very hot wherever her dainty paws touched him, and when her soft fur accidentally brushed against his cheek he found it very difficult to concentrate. He suddenly recalled that time when she had just achieved her cat form for the first time and he had come across her accidentally and…well…petted her. Don’t think about it. Just don’t think about it. And especially don’t think about if her skin would be as soft as her fur and if she’d…

“You ready?” Imoen whispered out of the shadows.

“What?” Edwin said. “Oh. Yes. Let’s go then.” The plan they had formulated might not be perfect, but it was the best they had been able to come up with. There was obviously no way that Edwin could sneak out beneath the noses of the doppelgangers upstairs, even if Imoen and the cats could. Instead it had been decided that they should try a bluff. I can do this, Edwin thought as he strode up the stairs. I can. The red cat gave him an encouraging nudge with her nose, and he opened the dungeon door to emerge into the central hall of the Seven Suns.

The marble-clad grand hall seemed to be crawling with merchants, far more than had been present when the three adventurers descended into the dungeon. Edwin had the uncomfortable feeling that if they were investigated closely these ‘merchants’ would turn out to be anything but human. They were far too quiet for one thing, only the occasional whisper could be heard from the tightly packed groups of people, and he got the distinct impression that they were communicating on some other level entirely. Still, he had no choice but to go on, doppelgangers or not.

Edwin drew himself up to his full height and fixed the assembled crowd with his most arrogant stare, remembering something his mentor had told him about situations like this one. If you can’t be inconspicuous, it sometimes helps to act as if you own the place. Often people will be too intimidated to dare ask any questions. “Well?” Edwin sneered. “Why are you all standing around like brain-damaged sheep? I’m certain your Master must have set you some other task than staring at me, captivating as the sight of a Great Wizard no doubt is. Now close your mouths and try acting as if you actually are capable of independent thought.”

The merchants all turned as one, an eerily simultaneous movement as if they were all puppets guided by a single hand. “Who are you?” one of them asked, a creature whose face looked like that of a fat and balding man with a freckled scalp. Edwin had a strong feeling that face was as false as the ‘gold’ chain around his neck though.

“You dare question the Great Wizard?” he went on, sounding as haughty as he could. “Impudent louse! You are unworthy of even breathing the same air that I exhale, and most certainly of tainting it with your uncouth words. Our Master has commanded me to oversee the work you are doing here, and so far I am not pleased.” He started walking the length of the hall, passing through the ranks of the assembled doppelgangers, an ominous scowl on his face. Wish I had a spell to make my robes billow impressively behind me, but so far it seems to be working anyway. “Slackness!” he said. “Disorder! Appalling disregard of common procedure! Well, there will be a change around here, and soon. The Master will soon be coming here personally to check on you, and he’s given me full authority to whip you into shape.” Now let’s just hope they have a Master. But of course the do. Their kind always does.

“But I don’t understand…” one of the ‘merchants’ tried.

“And that is exactly your problem,” Edwin snapped. “You don’t understand much of anything, do you? I’d say that a simple recitation of the alphabet would be quite beyond you as well, and here’s a hint: The alphabet is not something you can eat. (Nor is it a rude practice performed by perverted people and involving lard, three small sticks and a dead monkey).” Keeping up a steady string of insults to numb the minds of his audience, the Red Wizard carefully edged his way towards the front door, trying not to be too obvious about it. Just a little bit further now…The black cat and the red cat were clinging to his shoulders, their eyes sweeping the crowd for hostile moves. Imoen presumably was somewhere behind and out of sight.

It was then that Edwin felt the Presence. A cold brush against his mind, clinical and detached, without open malice. Unable to help himself, he turned around. There was a woman standing at the top of the stairs. A very unremarkable woman, her age indeterminate, she had mousy hair and pale eyes set in a plain face. Nobody would have picked her out of a crowd. Nobody would even have looked at her twice. That was exactly the point. Edwin had never really received practice with divination spells, but all the same he could tell that there was obviously something very wrong about this woman. That sensation, that Presence, that had been her work.

Hold, wizard, spoke a cold voice within his mind. Hold and speak respectfully when addressing your betters. The Red Wizard froze in his tracks, helpless to resist that soft commanding voice. And then the face of the woman melted away, and he knew just what was happening. A terrible face took the place of the plain one, a pale face dominated by a mass of writhing tentacles where the nose and mouth had been, and with a pair of large and glistening black eyes. Mindflayer! His mind was screaming the word, even as he tried to free himself from the psionic command, but his muscles wouldn’t obey him. And now the creature was drifting closer, through the ranks of the doppelgangers, getting close enough to touch him.

A very interesting mind, the mindflayer said. I must dissect it later, at my leisure. But for now, what is on the surface is enough. You oppose Sarevok, my employer. You seek his destruction, and for that you will be punished, but not until after giving up every secret you treasure.

It was telling the truth too, Edwin could tell that much. The creature fully intended to plunder his mind, and he didn’t know how to prevent it. The mindflayer was coming closer, close enough that he could almost feel the cool brush of its tentacles, and now the doppelgangers were stirring as well, shedding all pretense of humanity. Open up to me now, the mindflayer said. Or do you want me to remove your brain first?

SCRRREEEAAAOOOWWWW! The bloodcurdling sound actually stopped the mindflayer in its track for a second. Then it became very occupied with a face full of red cat, trying to tear its tentacles out. The added presence of a second cat clinging to its hand with its fangs buried deeply in its flesh did nothing for its presence of mind, and Edwin could feel himself slowly returning to normal. Unfortunately, the doppelgangers were also charging by now, rushing to the aid of their leader. Edwin just about managed to free himself in time to send a Fireball into their ranks, scattering many and killing some.

Zaerini was still in cat form, and this seemed to be confusing the mindflayer since it couldn’t get a good grip on her mind. She was still making those hideous screeching and spitting noises, and there were tiny bits of tentacle flying in the air. But now the mindflayer, weakened though it was, managed to get a grip on her and tore her off, flinging her against the wall. The red cat shuddered briefly and then was still.

Edwin wasn’t quite clear on what happened after that. There was the vague impression of heat, within and without, and of somebody screaming. Imoen? And the heat was rushing through him, he could feel the magic raging like a storm in his blood, and the world seemed to narrow until there was just the one thing in front of him. The mindflayer. Blocking his way, preventing him from getting to the cat. That couldn’t be allowed. The red haze was rising again, and now magic was the furthest thing from his mind imaginable. Kill. Destroy. Now.

He was past the mindflayer, and he couldn’t say how, though he could see that his staff had been broken clear through, and the jagged end was covered with black blood. It didn’t matter. Only one thing in the world mattered. He knelt on the floor by the red cat, as the black one frantically tried to rouse her companion, and he picked the animal up, clutching her to his chest. He absentmindedly noted that the fur still felt as silky soft as he remembered it, despite being stained with blood here and there. “No…” he heard somebody saying in a hollow voice. “No…” Is that I? It can’t be.

There were still sounds of battle around, muted to a dim roar. Screams of dying doppelgangers. The crunch of a dwarven battle-hammer meeting a skull. Jaheira shouted something. So they did come. But they came too late. He was stroking the red fur by now, again and again, as if by doing so he could make her wake up. And still there was that annoying moaning in the background. Can’t they make whoever that is shut up? She needs her rest. I’ll kill them if they don’t leave her alone.

“Edwin?” Was that Imoen’s voice? “What happened?”

I killed her. That’s what happened. All my fault. “She…she was trying to help me,” he whispered, hardly recognizing his own voice. “That mindflayer…she was trying to aid me. She wouldn’t even have been in danger in the first place if not for…and now she…she is dead.”

And then Edwin started with surprise as the cat in his arms shuddered and twisted, and then grew. Within a few seconds he was holding a bruised, battered, bleeding, but very much alive half-elf in his arms, her head buried against his shoulder and his chin resting in her red hair. “Eddie…” the bard whispered. “You’re the world’s best wizard you know…but you’re a lousy physician.”

“What…but…how…?” The Red Wizard knew that he was stammering like an idiot, and quite frankly he didn’t care. He was far too busy clinging to the girl he was holding, trying to reassure himself that he wasn’t dreaming, and she seemed equally reluctant to let go.

“Was just…stunned. Not…quite dead.” Zaerini twisted around to spit out a small piece of tentacle. “Phew. That…tastes awful! Never did like…squid.”

Jaheira was rapidly approaching now, a very determined look on her face, and Yeslick looked equally frantic as he was pushing aside dead doppelgangers in order to get to his patient. Edwin estimated that they would only have a few moments more of peace before having to answer awkward questions. “Well, you looked dead,” he said. “Could you please try not to die anytime soon? I…I would hate that. Um…that is…if there was a funeral, I’d have to wear black, and I’d feel really strange doing that, not that I wouldn’t look stunning in it of course, but it’s a matter of habit you see and…”

At this point Edwin felt all his conscious thoughts immediately shut down as the half-elf briefly reached up to brush her lips against his. It wasn’t a particularly long kiss, and he couldn’t really blame her for it, since she seemed about to become unconscious again, and there was a faint aftertaste of squid, but he hardly noticed. All he could think of was the way her touch seemed to make tiny tongues of flame shoot down his spine, and that led him to the subject of tongues in general, and that…

“Shut up, Eddie,” Zaerini said with a faint smile. And he did.