12. Writer's Plight!

Writer's comment : Sorry about this, but I was in a rather silly mood and simply had to write this little thing. I was playing a lot of Morrowind a bit too much for my own good at the time, and my chars started to complain about that...

 
*scene opens* Laska and Vierna are sitting on the couch in Weyoun's home.

Vierna: So, I he finally writing then?

Laska: No, *sighs* he's stuff up there playing Morrowind...

Vierna: Again?! Geez, you'd think a guy wouldn't spent so much time behind the computer... I'm still wondering how he can stand playing that game almost 24-7.

Laska: Well, he says he's taking breaks... He plays old megaman games in between Morrowind-breaks... *sighs*

Vierna: So instead of going outside, smelling the flowers, looking at the sun, he just sits there...

Laska: Well, he sits there playing games...

Vierna: So, he's a small-time loser who needs those games in which he can be a hero. Classic male overcompensation...

Laska: *sits down at the table* I hear you. He SHOULD be writing more about us!

Vierna: *chuckle* If he wrote more about us, I wouldn't mind him spending so much time behind the screen.

Laska: All that screen-radiation is dangerous, you know. I read in a magazine that a computer nerd's head exploded down in France. Now that's a sorry way to go...

Vierna: Ouch! Did you tell him that?

Laska: He barely looked up... Says he's 'willing to take that risk'...

Vierna: Well, he does deserve some time off, mind you...

Laska: Easy for you to say! He's already finished two stories starring you and he has yet to finishing ONE of mine!

Vierna: Whoa there, calm down. I was just saying...

Laska: WELL, DON'T...

The two elves fall silent for a moment, only glaring at each other.

Laska: So, I was watching 'The Bold and the Beautiful' the other day...

Vierna: Eeeeew, you actually watch those steaming piles of horse manure?!

Laska: *defensive* Only its faults! Do you know what would make those shows better? Way better?

Vierna: What?

Laska: *eyes glaze over* MORE VIOLENCE!

Vierna: Oh, brother...

Laska: I mean it! If a girl's boyfriends cheats on them in that show, she just cries a lot, but what she really should be doing is skewering him with a meat-cleaver... Or deliver a few chop-kicks to the groin... Or shoving a 20-pound handgrenade up his ass and tossing him out the window...

Vierna: Less crying, more dying?

Laska: Exactly!

Vierna: Typical... I don't know, though. Perhaps a nice nature walk, or sitting a beautiful lake will make the girl realize she's better off without that pillock. Not that I ever watch that show, of course... *falls silent for a moment* Is Ridge still going with Brooke?

Laska: Nah, they should have killed each other months ago...

They fall silent again.

Vierna: I can't believe he's still playing Morrowind...

Laska: Are you on about that again?

Vierna: You were too a few moments ago!

Laska: *quizically* Was I?

Vierna: Perhaps someone needs to connect some electrical wires to your skull and send 10000 volts through your brain. It will only improve your short-term memory *chuckles*

Laska: *joking* Who are you, anyway? Where am I?! *faux-panic* WHAT IS MY NAME?!

Vierna: Your name is Susan Ivanova...

Susan Ivanova(Laska): *joking* Are you sure? Doesn't sound much like me.

Vierna: It's a name from one shows he watches...

Susan Ivanova(Laska): I'm not quite sure that is my name... *chuckles*

Vierna: Better than Fey'Lasquillariq'uaiea Leafwalker... *chuckles*

Laska: Don't make fun!

Both fall silent. Above then, the sounds of combat can be heard.

Vierna: Still hard at it, I hear.

Laska: Oh, that reminds me of a really dirty joke. So, this rhinoceros enters the Red Light District and...

Vierna: NOOOOO!

Laska: *hurt* What? Hey...

Vierna: Sorry, but all your dirty jokes end with the same punchline.

Laska: 'I'll buy that for a dollar'... What's wrong with that?

Vierna: *snorts* What's RIGHT with that?

Laska: *angry* Okay, then you tell a joke!

Vierna: Alrighty. So, this man goes to the doctor and...

Laska: What man? Big man, little man, fat man, skinny man, man dressed like a woman?

Vierna: *sigh* I doesn't matter! So, this man goes to the doctor...

Laska: Hey, it's all in the details. And what about the doctor? A man? a woman? Young? Old?

Vierna: Oh, forget it! *sighs and slams down her milk*

Laska: Goody! So, what did the elephant say to the naked man?

Vierna: *annoyed* I don't know, what DID the elephant say to the naked man?

Laska: 'How do you pick up anything with that?'

Vierna: *stares blankly*

Laska: What? Didn't you get it? The elephant was referring to the man's...

Vierna: *quickly interrupts* I KNOW what he was referring to, I just didn't find it very funny.

Laska: *mutters* Sourpuss...

Vierna: You should see yourself in the mirror after waking up after a whole night drinking.

Laska: Oh, yeah?! Well, well... Errr, YOU've got a milk-habit! So there!

Vierna: What's wrong with milk?

Laska: Tons of innocent cows get butchered every year to make that bloody milk, you know?!

Vierna: It's not meat-milk, Laska. It's counter-productive to slaughter milk-cows. Besides, what about the worms in your tequila-bottles? Don't you think they suffered when they stuffed then into those bottles?

Laska: Well, at least they died happy. Completely PISSED! That's how I wanna go too...

Vierna: You can't be serious!

Laska: Drowning in a beer-brewery? Hmmmm...

Vierna: *sigh*

More silence falls.

Vierna: He's still playing, isn't he?

Laska: Yep... Instead of working on our stories.

Vierna: So, why is he still working for us then? All those people at the Attic give him the credit for the stories, but we have to live them, you know?

Laska: Yeah! Taking credit for our hard work. *picks up broomstick and rams it against the ceiling* FASCIST!

Vierna: And all those grammatical errors and spelling mistakes he makes, errrggg. It makes your hair stand up, honestly. I swear, we need to find ourselves a better ghost-writer.

Laska: You know what? We should cut him off! Yeah, we go on strike! We won't tell him anything anymore!

Vierna: *thinks* So... he can go on playing Morrowind unfettered and forget about us completely?

Laska: Errr, yeah... No... Yeah... Errr, no?

Vierna: I bet Jarran, Andaire, Vantrel, Thea and Rini don't have this problem. I just bet they have their personal bards on a tight leash.

Laska: I've heard Dekaras regulary threatens his writer with grim death...

Vierna: And Adrian, well, he said he's looking into buying this electric cattle-prod.

Laska: I don't think Rune is someone to mess with either. Not to mention Evil Keldorn.

Vierna: I never asked how Peri handles lazy writers.

Laska: THAT'S IT! I'm going upstairs to punch him in the face!

Vierna: Oh, stop it. No doubt this Morrowind-game is just a passing fancy. Let's just sit this one out and let it run it's course.

Laska: Oh, alright then... Dragonball Z is about to start in a couple of minutes anyway. Hey, do you know what that show needs?

Vierna: What's that?

Laska: MORE VIOLENCE!