Jump to content


Ember's Tale 83: The Road to Imnesvale


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 29 September 2007 - 10:23 AM

Chapter 83: The Road to Imnesvale


Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man. From the moment Ember and her companions set out from Athkatla with him, he insisted they call him Valygar rather than Lord Corthala, and as they travelled through the light woodlands that lay between them and Imnesvale, he behaved more like their peer than their employer; he hunted small game with Minsc, discussed the terrain around them with Ember, and sparred with Yoshimo. And in the evening of their second day on the road, as the group relaxed around the campfire after a supper of rabbit stew, he told them about the planar sphere.

"My ancestor, the necromancer Lavok, committed many foul deeds, and my mother's family swore to put an end to him. They pursued him for many years. Eventually, he built a sphere that would let him reach other planes. He disappeared in it, over five centuries ago," Valygar said. "In the years that followed, my mother's line continued to produce wizards, but not one of them learned from Lavok's folly. They all came to bitter ends; they killed each other in their pursuits, or had to be... dealt with. I am the last of Lavok's line."

"And then the sphere returned," Yoshimo said.

"Aye." Valygar sighed. "The sphere appeared in the slums of Athkatla around Midwinter. I was wintering in my cabin in the Umar Hills, and only learned of its return when a group of Cowled Wizards came for me. Naturally, they knew of Lavok, and they believed my blood would allow them to gain access to the sphere. They tried to force my co-operation. I... defended myself."

"Cowled Wizards again?" Minsc exclaimed. "They are everywhere, winding sticky ropes of evil around the feet of all good heroes! Just thinking of them has Boo outraged!" He glanced at his shoulder, where the hamster in question was calmly nibbling a seed, and added, "It is a good thing that Boo does not think about the Cowled Wizards while he is busy eating."

Valygar stared at Minsc with a bemused look on his face. "What happened next?" Ember asked him.

"What happened? Ah, yes. I could not knowingly allow a fiend such as Lavok to return to Amn."

"But surely Lavok would be dead, after so many years?" Anomen asked.

"He had extended his life before through foul magic, and time may flow differently on the planes," Valygar said. "I could not ignore the possibility that he might still exist. I gathered a group of trusted companions, and went to the sphere. As the Cowled Wizards had guessed, my relationship to Lavok allowed us to enter. However, the sphere soon sealed itself again, and took us away to another plane."

"We were trapped," he continued. "There was nothing to do but investigate the sphere. We worked our way through its many traps, and found a group of knights from another plane. Much like us, they had become trapped inside the sphere when it came to their world. They aided us as we fought our way onwards... there were many foul creatures from many worlds, including our own. Two Cowled Wizards had followed me within. They ambushed us, but we were stronger than them."

"Or merely less foolish than them," Edwin said. "(Knowing the Cowled Wizards, that would be no large task.)"

"We found Lavok in the very heart of his sphere. The alien knights fought with us against him. One of my comrades fell to his accursed spells, and two of the alien knights were destroyed, but in the end, we vanquished Lavok. My family's oath was fulfilled."

"But you were still trapped," Yoshimo said. "How did you manage to return?"

"The controls of the sphere were not hard to understand. Returning to Faerun was a simple matter. My companions and I left the sphere to the alien knights, so that they might find their way home again."

"So you just gave away the sphere," Edwin grumbled.

"There was nothing within that I wanted."

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.

The wizard leaned forward, as if readying a sharp retort, then sat back down again with an exaggerated, disgusted sigh. "(My time is too valuable for this,)" he grumbled, and pointedly reached for his bundle of research documents. An uncomfortable silence fell over the group.

"Young Anomen!" Yoshimo said. "Samurai of the west, roaming in service of god and lord. Tell us something of your adventures."

The cleric's eyes lit up. "And what shall I tell you of?"

"A tale of a foul beast slain, perhaps?" Yoshimo suggested.

"Very well. I shall tell you about the Order's campaign against the Hillgnasher giants... now, that brought the blood up!"

The unease left by Edwin's and Valygar's exchange soon dissipated as the young Helmite embarked upon his tale from the previous summer, when he and his Order had ventured into the southern hills of Amn to slay giants in glorious combat.

--

The village of Imnesvale lay at the foot of the Umar Hills, some three days' travel east of Athkatla. The area was named after Umar, a cruel witch who once terrorized the region; as Valygar told the others, it was rumoured that she returned once every hundred years to snatch new victims from the villages. It was just the kind of landscape one would imagine to be haunted by an evil witch, with windswept hills and moors that were dotted with large boulders, clusters of trees, and the occasional sheer cliff face. It reminded Ember a little of the Windspear hills, some distance to the north; she wouldn't be surprised if the two hilly regions were both part of the same large expanse of rough terrain.

Imnesvale lay where the hills to the east met a dense, dark forest to the north, and was surrounded by several small farms. The village itself straddled a winding stream that came down from the moors. There were no distinct streets, and even though there was a single bridge, made from thick planks, it was not needed; as the group entered the village, Ember could make out at least two good wading sites. Most of the buildings were thatched with thick layers of straw, and their white-caulked walls seemed to glow in the strong afternoon sunlight. It would have fit anyone's imagination of a perfectly idyllic village if not for the flocks of sheep that milled around in makeshift pens beside several of the small houses, bleating plaintively as they trampled the grass beneath them into a muddy mess.

"(Yet another barbaric village, inhabited by sheep,)" Edwin muttered, looking simultaneously bewildered, disgusted, and amused.

"Strange," Valygar said. "Ho there, Dale! Margaret!" he called out to a man and a woman, both tall and with weathered faces, who were guiding four dappled cows through the village.

"Lord Valygar!" the woman exclaimed.

"Oh, it is good to see ye again," the man said. There was an air of nervous relief about him.

"What goes on here, Dale?" Valygar asked.

"Well, ye can see for yerself," Dale said, gesturing with one hand towards the sheep pens. "Me an' Margie had to come into the village... just ain't safe anymore out there! I knows two other herders who vanished, an' the farmers ain't safe, neither. Farmer Jacob an' his wife were both slaughtered... and then their bodies disappeared! Merella's gone missin', too. She set off with some adventurers, and they ain't ever come back! Turrible things, all."

"Aye. I heard about Merella." Valygar turned towards Ember, and said quietly, "Merella is the missing ranger I told you about."

"It's the wolves, you see," Margie said. "Merella told us they were acting strangely this spring, and now they've started in on us people... mauling and stealing corpses. It has... it has been just ghastly."

"That's just foolish talk!" her husband protested. "Wolves would go after th' cows, right? An' we've had no more killin' of the cows than we've had before. It's 'em ogres, sure enough. Never should have trusted 'em, I say!"

"Nonsense! How could an ogre sneak into the village and steal a body? No, no. I am certain they still protect us."

"Ogres that protect?" Minsc asked. "But ogres are evil! How can this be?"

"They are deserters from the Sythilisian armies," Valygar explained. "They came here a year ago, asking for peace. Now they guard the village border to the east. In return, they are allowed to stay near the village, and may come here to trade a few goods every now and then. Their leader Madulf is wise, for an ogre. I have spoken with him."

"Everyone is so upset and frightened," Margie said. "People start thinking things are happening that aren't! Some blame poor Madulf and his band," she looked pointedly at her husband, "some think that Umar has returned... and our very own daughter spun a tale about shadows in the woods!" The woman said the last part with a light air, as if to show how dismissive she was of the very notion, but the spark of fear in her eyes told otherwise. Ember felt a pang of sympathy for the woman; she knew all too well what it was like to be hounded by an unknown enemy. It's no wonder at all that they're clinging to whatever rational explanations they can come up with.

They thanked Dale and Margie and offered some words of reassurance before taking their leave of the couple. Valygar then led the group onwards, towards a large, cozy-looking house on the very outskirts of the village. Brambling vines covered most of the walls, and a mass of flowers had been planted around it, especially along a gravel walkway that led to the front door. As they started up the walkway, a rotund, middle aged man with a balding pate, came out the front door and all but ran to meet them.

"Lord Valygar, thank goodness that you have come! You have no idea of the dire straits my little village is in!" the man exclaimed, wringing his hands.

"Greetings, Minister Lloyd," Valygar said, and shook his hand. "Tell me what has happened."

The minister immediately began to tell a story that did not differ much from the one the group had just heard from Dale and Margie. He knew more of the leads Merella and the pack of adventurers that vanished with her had been following, and he was adamant that Madulf's ogres were innocent - humans were not the only beings that had been lost - but other than that, he had little to tell them that wasn't merely rumours or speculation.

While Minister Lloyd spoke, a woman emerged from the house and came down the path towards them. She was slightly less heavy-set than him, and her only adornment was her silvery hair, which she wore in an elaborate bun. He introduced her as his wife, Eina.

"It's a gruesome business, isn't it?" Eina said. "People being murdered in their very own beds... their bodies disappearing... not to mention what happened to poor old Hudson! It's horrible, just horrible!"

"What exactly did happen to him?" Yoshimo asked.

"We found the poor soul only yesterday morning," the minister said. "Someone... someone'd cut his skin off, neat as you please, then then put it back on him, inside out!"

"Inside out?" Ember repeated, aghast. She didn't know of any murderers that would tear people apart and steal their bodies later, but she did know of one that might do such things to his victims. "Has anyone else been found like that?"

"No, my lady," Minister Lloyd said. "The others... none of them were cut by a blade. Them that were found were all torn to pieces."

"Just the kind of thing you'd expect from wolf attacks," Eina remarked.

Could Rejiek Hidesman have fled here? The tanner would have been in Athkatla when the troubles started, but he would have had ample opportunity to reach Imnesvale by the time old Hudson was killed. "Out of curiosity," Ember asked, "have any tanners arrived in town lately?"

"Actually, a tanner did pass through only a few days ago," Eina said. "You can't miss that smell!"

"Oh yes, I remember the fellow," the minister said. "Had a mage friend, didn't he? They left two days ago."

Just before old Hudson was found. So far, it all fit. "What did the tanner and his friend look like?"

"Let me see... the tanner was rather short, brown hair... nothing to look at, really," Eina said. "And his friend was quite tall and lanky. They were both so unfriendly, I wasn't at all sorry to see them leave!" She eyed Ember warily. "Do you know them? Do you think they might be... involved?"

"I believe my lady suspects the tanner might be a murderer who recently fled from Athkatla, accompanied by a mage," Anomen said grimly. "He would skin his victims."

"Oh dear!" The minister's wife covered her mouth with a hand.

"Minsc remembers the evil skinner! His time will come, for Minsc will bring him it to him on a silver platter of righteousness!" Behind the giant ranger, Edwin groaned exasperatedly.

"Do... do you think he might have killed old Hudson?" Minister Lloyd asked.

"It's possible, if that was them," Ember said. "The descriptions fit them both. Where did they go?"

"South, I think," Eina said. "Towards Trademeet, perhaps? But I don't know for certain. I'm sorry."

"Do not worry! Minsc and Boo and friends will find them, and give them a swift kick in the evil! We will-"

"No, we will not," Edwin said. "We were not hired to follow some random murderer across the country. (Especially with no tangible proof.)"

"Edwin's right," Ember told the fuming Minsc. "We should investigate the cause of all the other killings before we do anything else."

Minsc slowly nodded. "Minsc does not like agreeing with the wizard, but it is as little Ember says. We must go where evil is in most need of a beating."

"I thank you both for sharing this information with us," Anomen told the mayor and his wife. "Minister, if you would be so gracious as to send a missive to Trademeet about this matter, I would be most grateful."

"Yes, yes, of course! I'll do so immediately!"

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."

#2 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 29 September 2007 - 04:21 PM

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.


(Chuckle)

Reminds me of this one episode of the TV show Jackass where the gang is driving with the Gumball Rally (This kinda informal car race involving driving from London to St. Petersburg in Russia and back in as little time as possible.)

Anyway, they've crossed over the Russian border, and are being "escorted" by Russian police along the highways, and one of the cast members comments kinda wryly. "The Russian police are stern. Stern but fair." (And he says this like five separate times as he's watching other racers getting pulled over and such.)

Valygar is a gruff, quiet man. Gruff, but not unfriendly. :D

They tried to force my co-operation. I... defended myself.


Harlequin: "And by defended yourself, you shot them in the face, right? Because that's what I would have done."

Raven: "For the record, 'beheaded the bastards with a sword' would also have been an acceptable answer."

Just thinking of them has Boo outraged!" He glanced at his shoulder, where the hamster in question was calmly nibbling a seed


;)

Oh, he's seething inwardly... see his hamster fury?! It's small, so look close!

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.


Falynn: "I can't say as I blame you for looking at it that way. I've certainly heard that argument tons of times, myself. But... but my father was a mage, and so am I, and so is my sister. It's not the knowledge itself that corrupts, it's how you use it. Magic... it's a tool, it's a skill, and being good with a spell is kinda the same as being good with a sword, or a bow. If it's in you to do bad things with that knowledge, it won't matter whether you've got a sword in your hand, a staff, or a spellbook."

"Young Anomen!" Yoshimo said. "Samurai of the west, roaming in service of god and lord. Tell us something of your adventures."

The cleric's eyes lit up. "And what shall I tell you of?"


And Yoshimo makes his "Distract: Change the subject" roll. :lol:

"Minsc remembers the evil skinner! His time will come, for Minsc will bring him it to him on a silver platter of righteousness!"


And the insert said silver platter firmly into evil's buttocks! :twisted:

#3 Guest_Ananke_*

Posted 29 September 2007 - 05:52 PM

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.

The straight approach to introducing him, I see. It works so well I'm jealous. :)

I am the last of Lavok's line."

He... seems happier than in the game. Just like you wrote.

I'm curious if the celibate part still applies. :(

Valygar stared at Minsc with a bemused look on his face. "What happened next?" Ember asked him.

Yes, Valygar. He really did say, 'good heroes.'

"Or merely less foolish than them," Edwin said. "(Knowing the Cowled Wizards, that would be no large task.)"

Oh, he's listening to the bedtime story! How sweet... (I like the way you are telling that story.)

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.

Hmm. Given the number of liches in Amn, I'd say longevity is easy to attain by the enterprising wizard... Is it even a secret anymore?

The unease left by Edwin's and Valygar's exchange soon dissipated as the young Helmite embarked upon his tale from the previous summer, when he and his Order had ventured into the southern hills of Amn to slay giants in glorious combat.

Heh. 'he and his Order,' aye?

But the scene is so darn... natural, it feels like you're well on your way to attaining your goal of writing a book, not a fanfic. :lol:

It would have fit anyone's imagination of a perfectly idyllic village if not for the flocks of sheep that milled around in makeshift pens beside several of the small houses, bleating plaintively as they trampled the grass beneath them into a muddy mess.

I think you outdid yourself with this description. :contented sigh:

They thanked Dale and Margie and offered some words of reassurance before taking their leave of the couple. Valygar then led the group onwards, towards a large, cozy-looking house on the very outskirts of the village. Brambling vines covered most of the walls, and a mass of flowers had been planted around it, especially along a gravel walkway that led to the front door. As they started up the walkway, a rotund, middle aged man with a balding pate, came out the front door and all but ran to meet them.

And again. I stand firmly by my earlier opinion. Book, not fanfic. :D

"It's a gruesome business, isn't it?" Eina said. "People being murdered in their very own beds... their bodies disappearing... not to mention what happened to poor old Hudson! It's horrible, just horrible!"

"What exactly did happen to him?" Yoshimo asked.

Er. 'What exactly happened' Before that, there was, 'a tale my daughter spun', 'The wizard leaned forward, as if readying a sharp retort,' and the first sentence needs a semicolon before the last part, I think. If this comment is found obnoxious, I'm sorry. But, as I wrote above, twice, I love the descriptions and the style of this chapter, and so can't criticise anything except the occasional spelling error. :D

"Minsc remembers the evil skinner! His time will come, for Minsc will bring him it to him on a silver platter of righteousness!" Behind the giant ranger, Edwin groaned exasperatedly.

On the Trail of the Evil Skinner! :twisted:

"Do not worry! Minsc and Boo and friends will find them, and give them a swift kick in the evil! We will-"

"No, we will not," Edwin said. "We were not hired to follow some random murderer across the country. (Especially with no tangible proof.)"

I'm really surprised he muttered that part. ;) (This is not a tongue-in-cheek remark, by the way.)

"I thank you both for sharing this information with us," Anomen told the mayor and his wife. "Minister, if you would be so gracious as to send a missive to Trademeet about this matter, I would be most grateful."

"Yes, yes, of course! I'll do so immediately!"

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."

Mmm. A bit of a nitpick here, re Merella... I'll try to explain. In the previous chapter, you write about her as "the ranger I hired to watch over the village and the surrounding woodlands." You do not name her. Then, you don't mention her until "Merella told us they were acting strangely this spring, and now they've started in on us people... mauling and stealing corpses." The next mention is "He knew more of the leads Merella and the pack of adventurers that vanished with her had been following," which is in the middle of a longer passage, and then this, about Merella's trail.

It is possible to make the connection that Merella is the ranger, right now, but I think that this connection should be made before the bit about her and the pack of adventurers... Otherwise, it sort of fails to register that it's important, and the bit about the trail is a 'huh?' moment, after the Rejiek part. So, it feels like somewhere in the Dale and Margaret conversation, you should write something like, 'And now Merella's gone, too!' or 'And since Merella's gone, it's grown even worse!' just to allow the reader to make the connection in time. :)

That said, great chapter! :)

#4 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 29 September 2007 - 07:13 PM

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.


(Chuckle)

Reminds me of this one episode of the TV show Jackass where the gang is driving with the Gumball Rally (This kinda informal car race involving driving from London to St. Petersburg in Russia and back in as little time as possible.)

Anyway, they've crossed over the Russian border, and are being "escorted" by Russian police along the highways, and one of the cast members comments kinda wryly. "The Russian police are stern. Stern but fair." (And he says this like five separate times as he's watching other racers getting pulled over and such.)

Valygar is a gruff, quiet man. Gruff, but not unfriendly. :D


Exactly :lol:

Russians are fun people. There are quite a few of them in town.

They tried to force my co-operation. I... defended myself.


Harlequin: "And by defended yourself, you shot them in the face, right? Because that's what I would have done."

Raven: "For the record, 'beheaded the bastards with a sword' would also have been an acceptable answer."


Valygar: How about 'disemboweled'?

Just thinking of them has Boo outraged!" He glanced at his shoulder, where the hamster in question was calmly nibbling a seed


;)

Oh, he's seething inwardly... see his hamster fury?! It's small, so look close!


:)

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.


Falynn: "I can't say as I blame you for looking at it that way. I've certainly heard that argument tons of times, myself. But... but my father was a mage, and so am I, and so is my sister. It's not the knowledge itself that corrupts, it's how you use it. Magic... it's a tool, it's a skill, and being good with a spell is kinda the same as being good with a sword, or a bow. If it's in you to do bad things with that knowledge, it won't matter whether you've got a sword in your hand, a staff, or a spellbook."


Valygar: The point would then be: 'how you use it'. How do you think this Thayvian Red Wizard is prone to use it?

"Young Anomen!" Yoshimo said. "Samurai of the west, roaming in service of god and lord. Tell us something of your adventures."

The cleric's eyes lit up. "And what shall I tell you of?"


And Yoshimo makes his "Distract: Change the subject" roll. :)


Yoshimo: I can dance on the head of a pin as well! :)

"Minsc remembers the evil skinner! His time will come, for Minsc will bring him it to him on a silver platter of righteousness!"


And the insert said silver platter firmly into evil's buttocks! :twisted:


Excellent suggestion!

#5 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 29 September 2007 - 07:48 PM

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.

The straight approach to introducing him, I see. It works so well I'm jealous. :(


How else could I have introduced him, after having Ember automatically think of him as 'Lord Corthala' when they met? :D (Thanks!)

I am the last of Lavok's line."

He... seems happier than in the game. Just like you wrote.

I'm curious if the celibate part still applies. :D


I think it does. He might be a bit happier, but he's still not over the whole mages are bad thing. Lavok's one good act is not enough to erase the memories of all the reasons why he doesn't want to risk bringing another magegifted child into the world.

Valygar stared at Minsc with a bemused look on his face. "What happened next?" Ember asked him.

Yes, Valygar. He really did say, 'good heroes.'


Yes he did :)

"Or merely less foolish than them," Edwin said. "(Knowing the Cowled Wizards, that would be no large task.)"

Oh, he's listening to the bedtime story! How sweet... (I like the way you are telling that story.)


(Thanks!)

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.

Hmm. Given the number of liches in Amn, I'd say longevity is easy to attain by the enterprising wizard... Is it even a secret anymore?


Well, this particular Edwin isn't interested in the lich aspect of that deal.

The unease left by Edwin's and Valygar's exchange soon dissipated as the young Helmite embarked upon his tale from the previous summer, when he and his Order had ventured into the southern hills of Amn to slay giants in glorious combat.

Heh. 'he and his Order,' aye?


Needless to say, Anomen didn't phrase it quite that way :lol:

But the scene is so darn... natural, it feels like you're well on your way to attaining your goal of writing a book, not a fanfic. :)


I'm very glad it worked; it took a while for me to remove its initial stiltedness.

It would have fit anyone's imagination of a perfectly idyllic village if not for the flocks of sheep that milled around in makeshift pens beside several of the small houses, bleating plaintively as they trampled the grass beneath them into a muddy mess.

I think you outdid yourself with this description. :contented sigh:


Yay!

They thanked Dale and Margie and offered some words of reassurance before taking their leave of the couple. Valygar then led the group onwards, towards a large, cozy-looking house on the very outskirts of the village. Brambling vines covered most of the walls, and a mass of flowers had been planted around it, especially along a gravel walkway that led to the front door. As they started up the walkway, a rotund, middle aged man with a balding pate, came out the front door and all but ran to meet them.

And again. I stand firmly by my earlier opinion. Book, not fanfic. :D


So, it's better than my first draft, then? :)


"What exactly did happen to him?" Yoshimo asked.

Er. 'What exactly happened' Before that, there was, 'a tale my daughter spun', 'The wizard leaned forward, as if readying a sharp retort,' and the first sentence needs a semicolon before the last part, I think. If this comment is found obnoxious, I'm sorry. But, as I wrote above, twice, I love the descriptions and the style of this chapter, and so can't criticise anything except the occasional spelling error. :D


Oh, I like having spelling errors pointing out, as long as you don't mind me saying that 'did happen' instead of 'happened' is for a slightly altered nuance (the emphasis is on 'did') and that there is no semicolon because the 'as if' sentence is not independent. You're dead right about shart and span, of course :)

"Minsc remembers the evil skinner! His time will come, for Minsc will bring him it to him on a silver platter of righteousness!" Behind the giant ranger, Edwin groaned exasperatedly.

On the Trail of the Evil Skinner! :twisted:


Oh yes. There was a sliver of it there, so I just went with it (and this trail seems to be working better than another one that I initially planned to include and now might just omit. Go figure! :) )

"Do not worry! Minsc and Boo and friends will find them, and give them a swift kick in the evil! We will-"

"No, we will not," Edwin said. "We were not hired to follow some random murderer across the country. (Especially with no tangible proof.)"

I'm really surprised he muttered that part. ;) (This is not a tongue-in-cheek remark, by the way.)


Well... he kind of seemed to want to mutter it, if you understand.

Edwin: Explaining anything to these simians is like throwing pearls before swine. (Commands, however, they should be able to follow.)

(In other words, he wasn't about to feed them his entire impeccably logical reasoning out loud. Also, it is more important to him that they won't get paid for a diversion than the fact that it's a wild goose chase)


"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."

Mmm. A bit of a nitpick here, re Merella... I'll try to explain. In the previous chapter, you write about her as "the ranger I hired to watch over the village and the surrounding woodlands." You do not name her. Then, you don't mention her until "Merella told us they were acting strangely this spring, and now they've started in on us people... mauling and stealing corpses." The next mention is "He knew more of the leads Merella and the pack of adventurers that vanished with her had been following," which is in the middle of a longer passage, and then this, about Merella's trail.

It is possible to make the connection that Merella is the ranger, right now, but I think that this connection should be made before the bit about her and the pack of adventurers... Otherwise, it sort of fails to register that it's important, and the bit about the trail is a 'huh?' moment, after the Rejiek part. So, it feels like somewhere in the Dale and Margaret conversation, you should write something like, 'And now Merella's gone, too!' or 'And since Merella's gone, it's grown even worse!' just to allow the reader to make the connection in time. :)


Hmm, you're right. To be honest, I'd forgotten that Valygar hadn't named her. I'll see if I can't fix it.

That said, great chapter! :?


Thanks :D

#6 Guest_Ananke_*

Posted 29 September 2007 - 08:47 PM

So, it's better than my first draft, then? ;)

Oh, definitely. Any tip on how to achieve this? :D

Oh, I like having spelling errors pointing out, as long as you don't mind me saying that 'did happen' instead of 'happened' is for a slightly altered nuance (the emphasis is on 'did') and that there is no semicolon because the 'as if' sentence is not independent. You're dead right about shart and span, of course :lol:

I meant the first sentence in the chapter. :twisted:

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.

The last part feels like an independent clause, because of the repetition of 'man'? (I'll give you the question, of course.)

"No, we will not," Edwin said. "We were not hired to follow some random murderer across the country. (Especially with no tangible proof.)"


I'm really surprised he muttered that part. (This is not a tongue-in-cheek remark, by the way.)


Well... he kind of seemed to want to mutter it, if you understand.

Edwin: Explaining anything to these simians is like throwing pearls before swine. (Commands, however, they should be able to follow.)

(In other words, he wasn't about to feed them his entire impeccably logical reasoning out loud. Also, it is more important to him that they won't get paid for a diversion than the fact that it's a wild goose chase)

Yes... I was just surprised that he would be concerned about a proof at all. Proof, as in: proof (to show to the authorities in case of capture) that the random murderer is a murderer, not proof that Hudson's murder in particular is Rejiek's job, which, as I understand now, is what you intended. I was surprised because I was rather convinced that if hired and paid to follow a suspect, even without proof (to the authorities), Edwin would... er, prove to be enough of a mercenary to do so.

In other words, I think I'm failing my reading comprehension test today. :)

#7 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 30 September 2007 - 08:28 AM

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man. From the moment Ember and her companions set out from Athkatla with him, he insisted they call him Valygar rather than Lord Corthala, and as they travelled through the light woodlands that lay between them and Imnesvale, he behaved more like their peer than their employer; he hunted small game with Minsc, discussed the terrain around them with Ember, and sparred with Yoshimo. And in the evening of their second day on the road, as the group relaxed around the campfire after a supper of rabbit stew, he told them about the planar sphere.


Ah... Sounds like Vally.

"We found Lavok in the very heart of his sphere. The alien knights fought with us against him. One of my comrades fell to his accursed spells, and two of the alien knights were destroyed, but in the end, we vanquished Lavok. My family's oath was fulfilled."


Sounds like an adventure!

"So you just gave away the sphere," Edwin grumbled.

"There was nothing within that I wanted."

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.


You tell him Vally!


The unease left by Edwin's and Valygar's exchange soon dissipated as the young Helmite embarked upon his tale from the previous summer, when he and his Order had ventured into the southern hills of Amn to slay giants in glorious combat.


I still think that Anomens stories is a 100% bull...

"Everyone is so upset and frightened," Margie said. "People start thinking things are happening that aren't! Some blame poor Madulf and his band," she looked pointedly at her husband, "some think that Umar has returned... and our very own daughter spun a tale about shadows in the woods!" The woman said the last part with a light air, as if to show how dismissive she was of the very notion, but the spark of fear in her eyes told otherwise. Ember felt a pang of sympathy for the woman; she knew all too well what it was like to be hounded by an unknown enemy. It's no wonder at all that they're clinging to whatever rational explanations they can come up with.


Hmm.. True that.

Could Rejiek Hidesman have fled here? The tanner would have been in Athkatla when the troubles started, but he would have had ample opportunity to reach Imnesvale by the time old Hudson was killed. "Out of curiosity," Ember asked, "have any tanners arrived in town lately?"

"Actually, a tanner did pass through only a few days ago," Eina said. "You can't miss that smell!"

"Oh yes, I remember the fellow," the minister said. "Had a mage friend, didn't he? They left two days ago."


Good to see that things are followed up! :twisted:


"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Hey Hey ho to the shade lord we go!

#8 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 30 September 2007 - 09:36 AM

So, it's better than my first draft, then? :twisted:

Oh, definitely. Any tip on how to achieve this? :D


Well, your pointers definitely helped :lol: Other than that, this is the result of five days spent five days whittling at it, one paragraph at a time :)

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.

The last part feels like an independent clause, because of the repetition of 'man'? (I'll give you the question, of course.)


The 'but' makes it dependent.


(In other words, he wasn't about to feed them his entire impeccably logical reasoning out loud. Also, it is more important to him that they won't get paid for a diversion than the fact that it's a wild goose chase)

Yes... I was just surprised that he would be concerned about a proof at all. Proof, as in: proof (to show to the authorities in case of capture) that the random murderer is a murderer, not proof that Hudson's murder in particular is Rejiek's job, which, as I understand now, is what you intended. I was surprised because I was rather convinced that if hired and paid to follow a suspect, even without proof (to the authorities), Edwin would... er, prove to be enough of a mercenary to do so.


He is, after all, lawful. He was hired to find the main trouble, not to follow a person that may or may not have committed a drive by murder in the village (especially when there's no proof, only speculation). I suppose I could try to edit it to make it a bit clearer, but once again, he doesn't want to explain himself too thoroughly ;)

In other words, I think I'm failing my reading comprehension test today. :)


Blame it on Edwin. After all, that's what I'm doing :)

#9 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 30 September 2007 - 09:40 AM


Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man. From the moment Ember and her companions set out from Athkatla with him, he insisted they call him Valygar rather than Lord Corthala, and as they travelled through the light woodlands that lay between them and Imnesvale, he behaved more like their peer than their employer; he hunted small game with Minsc, discussed the terrain around them with Ember, and sparred with Yoshimo. And in the evening of their second day on the road, as the group relaxed around the campfire after a supper of rabbit stew, he told them about the planar sphere.


Ah... Sounds like Vally.


Yep, that's him.


"We found Lavok in the very heart of his sphere. The alien knights fought with us against him. One of my comrades fell to his accursed spells, and two of the alien knights were destroyed, but in the end, we vanquished Lavok. My family's oath was fulfilled."


Sounds like an adventure!


In as few words as possible :lol:


The unease left by Edwin's and Valygar's exchange soon dissipated as the young Helmite embarked upon his tale from the previous summer, when he and his Order had ventured into the southern hills of Amn to slay giants in glorious combat.


I still think that Anomens stories is a 100% bull...


There's a reason I leave out the ones about swords and spears and such non-clerical implements ;)


"Everyone is so upset and frightened," Margie said. "People start thinking things are happening that aren't! Some blame poor Madulf and his band," she looked pointedly at her husband, "some think that Umar has returned... and our very own daughter spun a tale about shadows in the woods!" The woman said the last part with a light air, as if to show how dismissive she was of the very notion, but the spark of fear in her eyes told otherwise. Ember felt a pang of sympathy for the woman; she knew all too well what it was like to be hounded by an unknown enemy. It's no wonder at all that they're clinging to whatever rational explanations they can come up with.


Hmm.. True that.


Ye olde coping mechanism.


Could Rejiek Hidesman have fled here? The tanner would have been in Athkatla when the troubles started, but he would have had ample opportunity to reach Imnesvale by the time old Hudson was killed. "Out of curiosity," Ember asked, "have any tanners arrived in town lately?"

"Actually, a tanner did pass through only a few days ago," Eina said. "You can't miss that smell!"

"Oh yes, I remember the fellow," the minister said. "Had a mage friend, didn't he? They left two days ago."


Good to see that things are followed up! :)


I'm kind of proud of this particular bit of inspiration :D


"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Hey Hey ho to the shade lord we go!


Argh, now I have that song in my head! :twisted:

#10 Laufey

Posted 30 September 2007 - 05:03 PM

"He had extended his life before through foul magic, and time may flow differently on the planes," Valygar said. "I could not ignore the possibility that he might still exist. I gathered a group of trusted companions, and went to the sphere. As the Cowled Wizards had guessed, my relationship to Lavok allowed us to enter. However, the sphere soon sealed itself again, and took us away to another plane."


Aha, so planar travels for Ember then?


"Or merely less foolish than them," Edwin said. "(Knowing the Cowled Wizards, that would be no large task.)"


;)

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."


"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.


Have to agree with Eddie there - Valygar's anti magic thing always did annoy me.


"Very well. I shall tell you about the Order's campaign against the Hillgnasher giants... now, that brought the blood up!"


Oh gods, there he goes. :D


"What exactly did happen to him?" Yoshimo asked.


"We found the poor soul only yesterday morning," the minister said. "Someone... someone'd cut his skin off, neat as you please, then then put it back on him, inside out!"


Eeeeeewwwww! :twisted:

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Shadow dragon time? :lol:
Rogues do it from behind.

#11 Guest_CrazeeFfan_*

Posted 30 September 2007 - 09:12 PM

"The controls of the sphere were not hard to understand. Returning to Faerun was a simple matter. My companions and I left the sphere to the alien knights, so that they might find their way home again."


I really enjoyed the way you told his story - it was really natural dialogue as opposed to the really fake quality my writing gains in the same situation.


Imnesvale lay where the hills to the east met a dense, dark forest to the north, and was surrounded by several small farms. The village itself straddled a winding stream that came down from the moors. There were no distinct streets, and even though there was a single bridge, made from thick planks, it was not needed; as the group entered the village, Ember could make out at least two good wading sites. Most of the buildings were thatched with thick layers of straw, and their white-caulked walls seemed to glow in the strong afternoon sunlight. It would have fit anyone's imagination of a perfectly idyllic village if not for the flocks of sheep that milled around in makeshift pens beside several of the small houses, bleating plaintively as they trampled the grass beneath them into a muddy mess.


Oh my God. That was an absolutely, positively, completely utterly brilliant description. I'm extremely jealous.


"We found the poor soul only yesterday morning," the minister said. "Someone... someone'd cut his skin off, neat as you please, then then put it back on him, inside out!"


Um, yuck? The whole quest is such a horrible, disgusting art of the game, when you think about it. Can you imagine seeing somebody's skin peeled off in real life? *shudders*


"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


It's shadow hunting time. Anomen's time to shine, I think.

This chapter really stood out as a well-written chapter. It was a good read, and you're setting up the Shade Lord quest well. I like it when things are thought out well. And this quite clearly is! :twisted: Yeah, so, brilliant writing.

#12 Weyoun

Posted 30 September 2007 - 10:02 PM

"But surely Lavok would be dead, after so many years?" Anomen asked.


*cough*lich!*cough*

"So you just gave away the sphere," Edwin grumbled.


"There was nothing within that I wanted."


"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."


Touched a nerve, I think! ;)

"Very well. I shall tell you about the Order's campaign against the Hillgnasher giants... now, that brought the blood up!"


...

And the stomach acids, probably. :twisted:

"Everyone is so upset and frightened," Margie said. "People start thinking things are happening that aren't! Some blame poor Madulf and his band," she looked pointedly at her husband, "some think that Umar has returned... and our very own daughter spun a tale about shadows in the woods!" The woman said the last part with a light air, as if to show how dismissive she was of the very notion, but the spark of fear in her eyes told otherwise. Ember felt a pang of sympathy for the woman; she knew all too well what it was like to be hounded by an unknown enemy. It's no wonder at all that they're clinging to whatever rational explanations they can come up with.


And, of course, nobody listened to the kid... who happens to be right.

"Actually, a tanner did pass through only a few days ago," Eina said. "You can't miss that smell!"


And do believe it. Tanners were forced to live on the edge or outside of villages in the olden days.

"I thank you both for sharing this information with us," Anomen told the mayor and his wife. "Minister, if you would be so gracious as to send a missive to Trademeet about this matter, I would be most grateful."


"Yes, yes, of course! I'll do so immediately!"


"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Be very afraid, guys. :D
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#13 Guest_Tenfoot_*

Posted 30 September 2007 - 10:23 PM

he insisted they call him Valygar rather than Lord Corthala, and as they travelled through the light woodlands that lay between them and Imnesvale, he behaved more like their peer than their employer; he hunted small game with Minsc, discussed the terrain around them with Ember, and sparred with Yoshimo


I love the utility(?) of this opening. Not only do we get a sense of who Valygar is, there's sort of a sense of the progression of time and trust when you describe his activities with the party. It's a great introduction.

They are everywhere, winding sticky ropes of evil around the feet of all good heroes! Just thinking of them has Boo outraged!" He glanced at his shoulder, where the hamster in question was calmly nibbling a seed


This made me :twisted: . There's a great sense of comic timing!

"The controls of the sphere were not hard to understand. Returning to Faerun was a simple matter. My companions and I left the sphere to the alien knights, so that they might find their way home again."

"So you just gave away the sphere," Edwin grumbled.

"There was nothing within that I wanted."


Even though it's done in story form, I absolutely love the idea of the NPC's sorting out their own problems, without the PC's hogging all the glory. My only problem with the story is I don't get to 'see' it happening!

The village itself straddled a winding stream that came down from the moors. There were no distinct streets, and even though there was a single bridge, made from thick planks, it was not needed; as the group entered the village, Ember could make out at least two good wading sites. Most of the buildings were thatched with thick layers of straw, and their white-caulked walls seemed to glow in the strong afternoon sunlight.


I love this. It's what they'd put on the front of the tourist board brochures. You really do get a sense of place with it. It's awesome.

"Lord Valygar!" the woman exclaimed.

"Oh, it is good to see ye again," the man said. There was an air of nervous relief about him.

"What goes on here, Dale?" Valygar asked.


Again with the character of Valygar. You're really making me rethink my no-Valygar stance here. The way in which he knows their names, and their reaction to his presence gives a very subtle insight into his character. It's rather good. ;)

"It's possible, if that was them," Ember said. "The descriptions fit them both. Where did they go?"

"South, I think," Eina said. "Towards Trademeet, perhaps? But I don't know for certain. I'm sorry."


I like the reference to Rejiek here, and the neat little reference you make to Trademeet. It builds on the descriptions, I think, to give a sense of place through travel. Works for me, anyway.

"I thank you both for sharing this information with us," Anomen told the mayor and his wife. "Minister, if you would be so gracious as to send a missive to Trademeet about this matter, I would be most grateful."

"Yes, yes, of course! I'll do so immediately!"

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Ooh, and the hunt is on! I'm looking forward to the outcome...

#14 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 01 October 2007 - 11:34 AM

Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.


Keep in mind, this is not coming from a mage. :D

"Cowled Wizards again?" Minsc exclaimed. "They are everywhere, winding sticky ropes of evil around the feet of all good heroes! Just thinking of them has Boo outraged!" He glanced at his shoulder, where the hamster in question was calmly nibbling a seed, and added, "It is a good thing that Boo does not think about the Cowled Wizards while he is busy eating."


Cowlies are in great need of some righteous buttkicking, indeed.

"We were trapped," he continued. "There was nothing to do but investigate the sphere. We worked our way through its many traps, and found a group of knights from another plane. Much like us, they had become trapped inside the sphere when it came to their world. They aided us as we fought our way onwards... there were many foul creatures from many worlds, including our own. Two Cowled Wizards had followed me within. They ambushed us, but we were stronger than them."


Wonder who were his companions… anyone we know maybe?

"The controls of the sphere were not hard to understand. Returning to Faerun was a simple matter. My companions and I left the sphere to the alien knights, so that they might find their way home again."


If he didn’t grant Lavok his last wish to see Faerun for the final time, then I guess his views on magic users have not softened at all.

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."


Careless and disappointing, when you think about it.

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.


No… there are just some things that people with your intelligence level are not –able- to learn, Valygar.

"Young Anomen!" Yoshimo said. "Samurai of the west, roaming in service of god and lord. Tell us something of your adventures."


Yikes! :)

The unease left by Edwin's and Valygar's exchange soon dissipated as the young Helmite embarked upon his tale from the previous summer, when he and his Order had ventured into the southern hills of Amn to slay giants in glorious combat.


Uh-huh.

Imnesvale lay where the hills to the east met a dense, dark forest to the north, and was surrounded by several small farms. The village itself straddled a winding stream that came down from the moors. There were no distinct streets, and even though there was a single bridge, made from thick planks, it was not needed; as the group entered the village, Ember could make out at least two good wading sites. Most of the buildings were thatched with thick layers of straw, and their white-caulked walls seemed to glow in the strong afternoon sunlight. It would have fit anyone's imagination of a perfectly idyllic village if not for the flocks of sheep that milled around in makeshift pens beside several of the small houses, bleating plaintively as they trampled the grass beneath them into a muddy mess.


You mean that the sheep detract from idyllic image? :D Surely not!

"That's just foolish talk!" her husband protested. "Wolves would go after th' cows, right? An' we've had no more killin' of the cows than we've had before. It's 'em ogres, sure enough. Never should have trusted 'em, I say!"


Sure, sure, always blame the poor ogres! :D

"They are deserters from the Sythilisian armies," Valygar explained. "They came here a year ago, asking for peace. Now they guard the village border to the east. In return, they are allowed to stay near the village, and may come here to trade a few goods every now and then. Their leader Madulf is wise, for an ogre. I have spoken with him."


Madulf be lots smart!

The minister immediately began to tell a story that did not differ much from the one the group had just heard from Dale and Margie. He knew more of the leads Merella and the pack of adventurers that vanished with her had been following, and he was adamant that Madulf's ogres were innocent - humans were not the only beings that had been lost - but other than that, he had little to tell them that wasn't merely rumours or speculation.


He didn’t seem too fond of the ogres in the game, did he?

"Inside out?" Ember repeated, aghast. She didn't know of any murderers that would tear people apart and steal their bodies later, but she did know of one that might do such things to his victims. "Has anyone else been found like that?"


Hmm, what’s –he- doing here… brief stop on the way to Trademeet?

"Oh yes, I remember the fellow," the minister said. "Had a mage friend, didn't he? They left two days ago."


Aww, drat. I do so wish they would run into that bastard soon.

"No, we will not," Edwin said. "We were not hired to follow some random murderer across the country. (Especially with no tangible proof.)"


"Edwin's right," Ember told the fuming Minsc. "We should investigate the cause of all the other killings before we do anything else."


Well, fortunately you do get to go Trademeet later. The Gods of Convenience look down kindly upon you. :D

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


I don’t suppose she would have fared any better even with a group of adventurers accompanying her… :P

#15 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 01 October 2007 - 03:17 PM


"He had extended his life before through foul magic, and time may flow differently on the planes," Valygar said. "I could not ignore the possibility that he might still exist. I gathered a group of trusted companions, and went to the sphere. As the Cowled Wizards had guessed, my relationship to Lavok allowed us to enter. However, the sphere soon sealed itself again, and took us away to another plane."


Aha, so planar travels for Ember then?


No, no planar travels.


"Or merely less foolish than them," Edwin said. "(Knowing the Cowled Wizards, that would be no large task.)"


:D


Well, he does have a point :D


"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.


Have to agree with Eddie there - Valygar's anti magic thing always did annoy me.


I never got around to being annoyed with it. I can't handle his Shatneresque dialogue, so he tends to only be around for the sphere quest. My current game party is the only one he's ever been allowed to hang around longer for :)


"Very well. I shall tell you about the Order's campaign against the Hillgnasher giants... now, that brought the blood up!"


Oh gods, there he goes. :P


:)


"What exactly did happen to him?" Yoshimo asked.

"We found the poor soul only yesterday morning," the minister said. "Someone... someone'd cut his skin off, neat as you please, then then put it back on him, inside out!"


Eeeeeewwwww! :D


A mite bit of elaboration on the in-game dialogue :D


"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Shadow dragon time? :cry:


Something like that, yes...

#16 Guest_Arkeus_*

Posted 01 October 2007 - 06:55 PM

hop, finally caught up with this :D

You really have interesting characters without "redeeming" them or making them "cool" like so many do, so that's great.

i love Druids, too :D As a matter of curiosity, Ember is not taking anymore warrior levels, does she?

The way she caught up with the taint wth the druidic aspect is something i was thinking of doing myself, so i will have to do somehting else if i ever manage to get a fic on :)

The onle thing i am not completely agreeing with you on is your "5 NPC" limit you are keeping, except for some small times :/ I can't understand, for exemple, why they didn't try to keep yelsick with them, given their lack of cleric at the time :D

Great work!

#17 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 01 October 2007 - 09:16 PM

"The controls of the sphere were not hard to understand. Returning to Faerun was a simple matter. My companions and I left the sphere to the alien knights, so that they might find their way home again."


I really enjoyed the way you told his story - it was really natural dialogue as opposed to the really fake quality my writing gains in the same situation.


Thanks :D (All I did was imagine how Valygar. Would say it. With many short sentences. With long breaks between. :cry: )

Imnesvale lay where the hills to the east met a dense, dark forest to the north, and was surrounded by several small farms. The village itself straddled a winding stream that came down from the moors. There were no distinct streets, and even though there was a single bridge, made from thick planks, it was not needed; as the group entered the village, Ember could make out at least two good wading sites. Most of the buildings were thatched with thick layers of straw, and their white-caulked walls seemed to glow in the strong afternoon sunlight. It would have fit anyone's imagination of a perfectly idyllic village if not for the flocks of sheep that milled around in makeshift pens beside several of the small houses, bleating plaintively as they trampled the grass beneath them into a muddy mess.


Oh my God. That was an absolutely, positively, completely utterly brilliant description. I'm extremely jealous.


:) Thanks! (And you'd have been far less impressed by the first draft of it, which, quite frankly, was meh and didn't show the village at all :D :D

"We found the poor soul only yesterday morning," the minister said. "Someone... someone'd cut his skin off, neat as you please, then then put it back on him, inside out!"


Um, yuck? The whole quest is such a horrible, disgusting art of the game, when you think about it. Can you imagine


LAlalalaalaalalala nothingtosee! *covers ears and eyes and runs out of hands to do so with*

(In other words, my tolerance for such scenes is extremely low. I can recall getting nauseated by a book at least once!)

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


It's shadow hunting time. Anomen's time to shine, I think.


What, are you implying that someone who can turn undead might be useful in such a situation? :D

This chapter really stood out as a well-written chapter. It was a good read, and you're setting up the Shade Lord quest well. I like it when things are thought out well. And this quite clearly is! :) Yeah, so, brilliant writing.


Thanks :P I can only say I'm very happy with how it turned out, as I had a couple false turns and bad starts in writing it.

#18 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 01 October 2007 - 09:18 PM


"But surely Lavok would be dead, after so many years?" Anomen asked.


*cough*lich!*cough*


Doesn't that count as dead, though?


"So you just gave away the sphere," Edwin grumbled.

"There was nothing within that I wanted."

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."


Touched a nerve, I think! :D


Oh, absolutely :D


"Very well. I shall tell you about the Order's campaign against the Hillgnasher giants... now, that brought the blood up!"


...

And the stomach acids, probably. :)


Anomen: Hmpf!


"Everyone is so upset and frightened," Margie said. "People start thinking things are happening that aren't! Some blame poor Madulf and his band," she looked pointedly at her husband, "some think that Umar has returned... and our very own daughter spun a tale about shadows in the woods!" The woman said the last part with a light air, as if to show how dismissive she was of the very notion, but the spark of fear in her eyes told otherwise. Ember felt a pang of sympathy for the woman; she knew all too well what it was like to be hounded by an unknown enemy. It's no wonder at all that they're clinging to whatever rational explanations they can come up with.


And, of course, nobody listened to the kid... who happens to be right.


Well, sonner or later the group will hopefully discover that.


"Actually, a tanner did pass through only a few days ago," Eina said. "You can't miss that smell!"


And do believe it. Tanners were forced to live on the edge or outside of villages in the olden days.


And for good reason!


"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Be very afraid, guys. :D


Ember: :D

#19 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 01 October 2007 - 09:31 PM

he insisted they call him Valygar rather than Lord Corthala, and as they travelled through the light woodlands that lay between them and Imnesvale, he behaved more like their peer than their employer; he hunted small game with Minsc, discussed the terrain around them with Ember, and sparred with Yoshimo


I love the utility(?) of this opening. Not only do we get a sense of who Valygar is, there's sort of a sense of the progression of time and trust when you describe his activities with the party. It's a great introduction.


Thanks :D

I never intended to do his quest, and I originally didn't intend to have him around at all, but then I realized that a noble with ties to Umar Hills is a far more plausible person to hire adventurers than a poor little kid, so he got to come along for a while after all and so far, he's earning his keep for the duration of his stay :D

They are everywhere, winding sticky ropes of evil around the feet of all good heroes! Just thinking of them has Boo outraged!" He glanced at his shoulder, where the hamster in question was calmly nibbling a seed


This made me :) . There's a great sense of comic timing!


Boo: *nibbles a nut, oblivious*

"The controls of the sphere were not hard to understand. Returning to Faerun was a simple matter. My companions and I left the sphere to the alien knights, so that they might find their way home again."

"So you just gave away the sphere," Edwin grumbled.

"There was nothing within that I wanted."


Even though it's done in story form, I absolutely love the idea of the NPC's sorting out their own problems, without the PC's hogging all the glory. My only problem with the story is I don't get to 'see' it happening!


Like I said, I never intended to do his quest. The thought of writing a walkthrough of the sphere left me completely cold. In other words, it's for the best that you don't have to 'see' me force my group to trudge through that place :D

The village itself straddled a winding stream that came down from the moors. There were no distinct streets, and even though there was a single bridge, made from thick planks, it was not needed; as the group entered the village, Ember could make out at least two good wading sites. Most of the buildings were thatched with thick layers of straw, and their white-caulked walls seemed to glow in the strong afternoon sunlight.


I love this. It's what they'd put on the front of the tourist board brochures. You really do get a sense of place with it. It's awesome.


Thanks!

Sign outside Vincenzo's Inn: Come for the Scenery, Stay for the Witch's Dinner!

"Lord Valygar!" the woman exclaimed.

"Oh, it is good to see ye again," the man said. There was an air of nervous relief about him.

"What goes on here, Dale?" Valygar asked.


Again with the character of Valygar. You're really making me rethink my no-Valygar stance here. The way in which he knows their names, and their reaction to his presence gives a very subtle insight into his character. It's rather good. :D


I have a no-Valygar stance myself, but somehow I seem to tolerate my own versions of him :P

"It's possible, if that was them," Ember said. "The descriptions fit them both. Where did they go?"

"South, I think," Eina said. "Towards Trademeet, perhaps? But I don't know for certain. I'm sorry."


I like the reference to Rejiek here, and the neat little reference you make to Trademeet. It builds on the descriptions, I think, to give a sense of place through travel. Works for me, anyway.


There are several things that aren't linked in game, but that seem like they could be, if you switch things around just a leetle. I've come to enjoy making the occasional nonexistant subplot out of them; they're good for making quests happen a bit less by accident, or for character motivation/development.

"I thank you both for sharing this information with us," Anomen told the mayor and his wife. "Minister, if you would be so gracious as to send a missive to Trademeet about this matter, I would be most grateful."

"Yes, yes, of course! I'll do so immediately!"

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


Ooh, and the hunt is on! I'm looking forward to the outcome...


Obviously the dragon is going to eat them... :cry:

#20 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 01 October 2007 - 09:42 PM


Lord Valygar Corthala was a gruff, quiet man, with a strong distrust of magic and mages that he made no attempt to hide, but he was not an unfriendly man.


Keep in mind, this is not coming from a mage. :D


Yes, Edwin's description would be quite different, I think :D

"Cowled Wizards again?" Minsc exclaimed. "They are everywhere, winding sticky ropes of evil around the feet of all good heroes! Just thinking of them has Boo outraged!" He glanced at his shoulder, where the hamster in question was calmly nibbling a seed, and added, "It is a good thing that Boo does not think about the Cowled Wizards while he is busy eating."


Cowlies are in great need of some righteous buttkicking, indeed.


And some righteous sword-poking, too!

"We were trapped," he continued. "There was nothing to do but investigate the sphere. We worked our way through its many traps, and found a group of knights from another plane. Much like us, they had become trapped inside the sphere when it came to their world. They aided us as we fought our way onwards... there were many foul creatures from many worlds, including our own. Two Cowled Wizards had followed me within. They ambushed us, but we were stronger than them."


Wonder who were his companions… anyone we know maybe?


Good question :D

"The controls of the sphere were not hard to understand. Returning to Faerun was a simple matter. My companions and I left the sphere to the alien knights, so that they might find their way home again."


If he didn’t grant Lavok his last wish to see Faerun for the final time, then I guess his views on magic users have not softened at all.


He may have softened a little, but I'm not sure how much yet. Anyway, this story was the abridged version :P

"Five hundred years of accumulated knowledge. The secrets of planar travel, of longevity, just tossed aside."


Careless and disappointing, when you think about it.


Like 4th edition DnD (what I've heard of it, anyway), in other words?

"Some things are not worth learning. I would not expect you to understand, wizard," Valygar said, glaring at Edwin.


No… there are just some things that people with your intelligence level are not –able- to learn, Valygar.


You know, if Edwin HAD responded to that line, that'd be the perfect thing for him to say :(

"Young Anomen!" Yoshimo said. "Samurai of the west, roaming in service of god and lord. Tell us something of your adventures."


Yikes! :D


:)


Imnesvale lay where the hills to the east met a dense, dark forest to the north, and was surrounded by several small farms. The village itself straddled a winding stream that came down from the moors. There were no distinct streets, and even though there was a single bridge, made from thick planks, it was not needed; as the group entered the village, Ember could make out at least two good wading sites. Most of the buildings were thatched with thick layers of straw, and their white-caulked walls seemed to glow in the strong afternoon sunlight. It would have fit anyone's imagination of a perfectly idyllic village if not for the flocks of sheep that milled around in makeshift pens beside several of the small houses, bleating plaintively as they trampled the grass beneath them into a muddy mess.


You mean that the sheep detract from idyllic image? :D Surely not!


They're not all fluffy bouncy things in green meadows in the sunshine, you know.


"They are deserters from the Sythilisian armies," Valygar explained. "They came here a year ago, asking for peace. Now they guard the village border to the east. In return, they are allowed to stay near the village, and may come here to trade a few goods every now and then. Their leader Madulf is wise, for an ogre. I have spoken with him."


Madulf be lots smart!


So, who do you think would be the most eloquent speaker, Madulf or Valygar? :cry:

The minister immediately began to tell a story that did not differ much from the one the group had just heard from Dale and Margie. He knew more of the leads Merella and the pack of adventurers that vanished with her had been following, and he was adamant that Madulf's ogres were innocent - humans were not the only beings that had been lost - but other than that, he had little to tell them that wasn't merely rumours or speculation.


He didn’t seem too fond of the ogres in the game, did he?


Before he learns that they want peace, why would he be fond of them?

"Inside out?" Ember repeated, aghast. She didn't know of any murderers that would tear people apart and steal their bodies later, but she did know of one that might do such things to his victims. "Has anyone else been found like that?"


Hmm, what’s –he- doing here… brief stop on the way to Trademeet?


Pretty much.

"Oh yes, I remember the fellow," the minister said. "Had a mage friend, didn't he? They left two days ago."


Aww, drat. I do so wish they would run into that bastard soon.


They're busy; they have to go find an ogrewolf witch before they do anything else :)

"No, we will not," Edwin said. "We were not hired to follow some random murderer across the country. (Especially with no tangible proof.)"

"Edwin's right," Ember told the fuming Minsc. "We should investigate the cause of all the other killings before we do anything else."


Well, fortunately you do get to go Trademeet later. The Gods of Convenience look down kindly upon you. :)


Yeah, isn't it amazing? :)

"My companions and I will do our best to expose the fiend behind the other murders," Valygar said. "We will follow Merella's trail tomorrow."


I don’t suppose she would have fared any better even with a group of adventurers accompanying her… :)


Ask Mazzy.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Skin Designed By Evanescence at IBSkin.com