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Chapter 5


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#1 Guest_Chantrys_*

Posted 29 October 2003 - 03:45 AM

Narrator: The party opens their eyes and sees…darkness. They’re in the Underdark. What did you expect?
Imoen: This place is just too darn creepy. I really want out of here.
Kirwond: Oh, you say that about all the dungeons.
Kelsey: Don’t worry, I’ll just cast Infravision, and…oh, no! I can’t cast Infravision! I’m a failure!
Imoen: That’s okay. I’ll cast it. *casts Infravision on everyone*

Jaheira: Well, here we are in the Underdark. What shall we do…ooh! Shopping!
Duergar: Step right up and buy my book, How To Survive In The Underdark Without Getting Sacrificed To Lolth!
Keldorn: Is it accurate?
Duergar: I’m still alive, aren’t I?
Keldorn: I’ll take two.

Kelsey: Now, according to this book, there’s a svirfneblin suburb, a drow dungeon, a beholder borough, a mind-flayer mecca, and a kuo-toa kavern. Oh, and a region where light cannot penetrate.
Anomen: A black hole?
Kelsey: Possibly. Where shall we go first?
Jaheira: Let’s go to the svirfneblin suburb. I can do some more shopping.
Kirwond: Where are you getting all this gold?
Jaheira: Imoen gave it to me. Said she got it from someone’s pack.
Kirwond: I wish she’d give some to me. My money pouch is feeling awfully light.

Narrator: After fighting through a series of random battles, the party reaches the svirfneblin…suburb…who wrote this?
Goldander Blackrock: Kill the fearsome demon for us, and we’ll tell you the secrets of the dark cavern and find a way for you to get into Ust Natha, the drow city.
Keldorn: Wait a minute…the book says that there’s an exit to the surface through the kuo-toa kavern.
Goldander: But then you won’t get all the extra gold and experience.
Kirwond: What would you rather do, defeat Irenicus quickly or get lots of gold and experience?
Imoen: I need some gold!
Anomen: I need some experience!
Keldorn: No kidding.

Narrator: The party defeats the demon and saves the svirfneblin, who are appropriately grateful. They then travel to the dark cavern, which proves to be the home of Adalon the Silver Dragon.
Anomen: A dragon! Kill it!
Keldorn: Haven’t you read the Dragonlance novels? All metallic dragons are good. It’s just the silver-plated ones that you have to watch out for.
Adalon: I shall disguise you as drow so that you can infiltrate the city and bring back my eggs.
Kirwond: Why did you donate them in the first place?
Adalon: I needed the money for college. Now go!

Narrator: Disguised as drow, the dauntless dungeoneers daringly dance down to the doors of the…I quit.
Kirwond: Oh, come on, you know you love it.
Narrator: *ahem* …and run a whole new group of errands.
Solaufein: Dust the temple, feed the spiders, bring me a svirfneblin helmet, kill a beholder…have I forgotten anything?
Phaere: Yes! Rescue me!
Solaufein: I don’t really care about that last one, but go ahead and do it if you have the time.

Narrator: After accomplishing the drow’s tasks and sneaking in a few good deeds here and there, it was time to meet with Matron Mother Ardulace.
Phaere: But first, Veldrin, I’d like you to kill Solaufein. He won’t sell me his piwawfi and I can’t find one like it anywhere!
Kirwond: Gladly! My blade thirsts for his blood!
Kelsey: Kir, are you sure you want to…
Kirwond: Silence, male worm! You’ll blow our cover!
Phaere: Don’t worry about me. I don’t seem to notice the out-of-character remarks anyway.

Solaufein: Veldrin? What are you doing in my room in the middle of the night with your weapons drawn? Did you wish to discuss some philosophy?
Kirwond: No, I was sent here to kill you. But I won’t if you give me your piwawfi.
Solaufein: Fascinating. Such mercy would never be shown by my kind.
Imoen: Busted!
Solaufein: It’s all right, I’m a good drow. Here’s my piwawfi, and I’ll see you again later.
Phaere: You brought it! Now my wardrobe is complete! And it doesn’t even have any blood on it… that’s not suspicious at all! Come, let us go meet the Matron Mother.

Narrator: The party is brought to the Temple of Lolth to finally meet with the awe-inspiring Matron Mother of House Despana.
Matron Mother Ardulace: You look like someone who can handle a challenge. Bring me the head of Elminster!
Kirwond: Uh…
Ardulace: Oh, fine, I guess that was too much to hope for. Just bring me some blood then. Kuo-toa, beholder, or illithid. Your choice.
Kirwond: So which one shall we get?
Keldorn: Let’s get them all. It’s not like we have anything urgent to do.

Narrator: After collecting blood from all three of the elder races, along with many other useful items, the party returns to the Matron Mother.
Ardulace: At last! Now I can make a new batch of my favorite lipstick. Then I will be all dolled-up for the ritual tonight where I give Adalon’s eggs to an evil demon.
Jaheira: Adalon, eh? Can we watch?
Ardulace: Sure! Come by around six, and we’ll have cocktails before we start.
Kirwond: But I have nothing to wear!
Phaere: Switch the real eggs with these fake eggs, and I’ll lend you one of my dresses.
Solaufein: And if you give Phaere my eggs instead of the real ones, I’ll give you a necklace to go with it.

Narrator: Somehow, Kirwond manages to sneak into the Temple and make all of the required switches without alerting the drow. The party then gives Solaufein’s eggs to Phaere before showing up at the Temple, dressed to kill.
Ardulace: Ah, it’s good to see young ones who know how to follow a dress code. Drink up! It’s time to begin the ritual!

Demon: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Ardulace: I merely wished to offer you these dragon eggs…
Demon: THESE ARE CHICKEN EGGS. DO YOU THINK ME A FOOL?
Ardulace: Damn! The size should have tipped me off! *dies*
Phaere: Heheheheh. I have the real dragon eggs for you, oh demon lord!
Demon: THOSE ARE MADE OF RUBBER. SEE? *drops egg and catches it as it bounces back*
Phaere: I have been betrayed… how unexpected. *dies*
Imoen: So there. Here, have a cocktail.
Demon: AH, I LOVE MAI-TAIS. THE LITTLE UMBRELLA JUST DOES IT FOR ME. YOU’RE NOT SO BAD. FOR HUMANS. *disappears*

Imoen: Quick, let’s get out of here before all the drow turn red. *casts Haste*
Kirwond: You don’t think they’ll notice the group of strange hasted drow fleeing the city with a suspicious parcel?
Imoen: They didn’t notice all the goody-goody things we said and did, so why not?

Narrator: After returning Adalon’s eggs, the dragon has them teleported most of the way to the surface.
Kirwond: I wonder why she didn’t just send us directly to the surface?
Imoen: Maybe she noticed me rifling through her hoard. Oh, hi, Solaufein!
Solaufein: Kirwond, I notice your player has my mod installed. Shall I come with you and hold your hand while we discuss philosophy and poetry?
Kelsey: Don’t even think about it.
Solaufein: Shucks, the conflict portion is installed. I’ll just go.




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