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Chapter 2


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#1 Guest_Chantrys_*

Posted 29 October 2003 - 02:57 AM

Jaheira: Well, what shall we do now?
Kirwond: Let’s walk around the city and do good deeds. Surely someone will step forward and offer to help us find Imoen.
Gaelan: Coo! I’ll help you find your sister for the low low price of 20,000 gold.
Kirwond: She’s not my sister.
Gaelan: Of course not. *coughs* Go to the Copper Coronet. Tell them that Gaelan sent you, and you’ll get a copper off the cover charge.

Narrator: And so the party ventures forth to the Copper Coronet, where they free slaves…
Hendak: Woohoo!
Narrator: …change the management…
Lehtinan: What? But I just got here… *dies*
Hendak: Drinks are on the house from now on!
Minsc: Hamsters and rangers everywhere, rejoice!
Narrator: …and pick up some more party members.
Anomen: I am a squire in the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart, and…by Helm, you are one hot chick!
Kirwond: Thank you. You’re in.

Nalia: Will you help me rescue my father? He’s in a castle in the middle of nowhere, beset and besieged by a horrendous foe that I won’t tell you about until we get there…
Kirwond: Seeing as how my player won’t let me turn down a quest, no matter how silly or out of my way...okay!
Yoshimo: We can loot your home, right?
Nalia: Of course!
Yoshimo: *Mr. Burns voice* Excellent…

Narrator: On their way to Nalia’s keep, the party comes across a poisoned man who demands to be taken to the Harper Headquarters back in Athkatla.
Renfield: Take me to Rylock! Only he has the antidote!
Anomen: Helm's Slow Poison spells are surely much more powerful than some Harper swill...
Yoshimo: Quiet! Can't you see this is a plot device?
Narrator: The keep could be overrun at any moment, but they take the man where he wishes to go.
Kirwond: What a good thing my pack is big enough to fit a grown man’s body.
Anomen: My Lady, is this a good time to tell you about how cool and studly I am, despite the cruelty of my father?
Kirwond: No, but that’s not going to stop you, is it.

Narrator: The party returns to the Keep, which is overrun by foul creatures, the likes of which have never been seen before…
Kirwond: Oh, it’s just Lady Delcia and her friends.
Narrator: They storm through the Keep, kicking butt and taking names, but are unable to save Nalia’s father.
TorGal: You gradunk too slow!
Nalia: Take that! *casts spells at TorGal’s twitching body* And that! *sob*
Kirwond: Don’t cry, Nalia. At least you have your family home back.
Nalia: Actually, my fiance’s family is planning to take it over. I’d let you have it, but paladins are not considered fighters.
Kirwond: Stupid game design.

Narrator: And so they all head back to Athkatla, where they do some more good deeds and pick up another party member.
Kelsey: Hi! You look like you’re doing some very impressive things, and…heeeeyyyy…you’re hot. Can I come with you?
Kirwond: I like your taste, but what can you do for me?
Kelsey: I can cast some powerful spells over and over again without ever having to look at a spellbook.
Kirwond: *examines nails* Uh huh. And?
Kelsey: I give one hell of a backrub.
Kirwond: Welcome to the team!
Anomen: What? Wait a minute, I can give backrubs too!
Nalia: No, you can’t. Your Flirtpack hasn’t been released yet.
Anomen: Damn. *looks upward* Write faster, by Helm!

Narrator: They continue wandering around the city, running errands for all and sundry.
Yoshimo: Want to come and work for the Shadow Thieves?
Kirwond: I really shouldn’t…is there gold and experience involved?
Yoshimo: By the barrelful.
Kirwond: Good thing this won’t affect my alignment or my paladinhood.

Delon: Wait! You need to save Imnesvale from the Shade Lord!
Man at the City Gates: No, save Trademeet from the animals and the genies!
High Watcher Oisig: No, defeat the evil beholder cult!
Lord Jierdan Firkraag: Forget them! Come and kill some ogres!
Tolgerias: Find Valygar! Find him!!!
Delon: Hey, I was here first!
Kirwond: Settle down, all of you. I’ll do your quests when I’m good and ready.

Narrator: And Kirwond was as good as her word. They travelled to the Umar Hills to save the village of Imnesvale…
Villager 1: It’s the wolves!
Villager 2: No, it’s the ogres!
Vincenzo: Are ye all blind and deaf? It’s the Blair…I mean the Umar Witch!

Kelsey: You know, Kirwond, I am troubled by my powers. Perhaps we could talk about it sometime? Say, over dinner?
Anomen: Quit your mewling, boy. I was here first, and she’s going to help me with MY problems.
Kelsey: Yeah? Well, I’m going to give her a present.
Anomen: Oh, yeah? Well, I’M going to impress her with my stories about killing giants.
Yoshimo: May I say something?
Anomen/Kelsey: NO!
Yoshimo: Very well. I shall keep my conflicted feelings about my upcoming betrayal to myself.

Narrator: In a ruined, shade-infested temple, they find a halfling.
Mazzy: Thank you for rescuing me. We just need to solve a series of puzzles, and then we can defeat the evil Shade Lord.
Shade Lord: Fools! Come and meet your death at the hands of the Shadow Dragon! *pause* Oh, Shadow Dragon…
Kirwond: We killed it already.
Shade Lord: I have got to get better sentries. Oh well. I’ll just summon Mazzy’s old comrades instead.
Mazzy: No, not Patrick! Die you twisted fiend!
Shadow Patrick: But Mazzy, we could be together again… *dies*
Kirwond: Die, Shadow Lord!
Shadow Lord: Nooooooo!!! *dies*
Minsc: Um…um…DIE, FOUL ALTAR!!!
Jaheira: Do not be foolish, Minsc. You cannot kill an altar.
Altar: … *dies*
Jaheira: Well, I’ll be.




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