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The Early Years: Imoen


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#1 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 25 October 2003 - 08:38 PM

Here is the second chapter of "The Early Years" Let me know what you think :)

The Early Years: Imoen

“Where are we going?” Imoen asked as she looked at the gardens surrounding the central keep.

“Well, first I will show you where your room is, it is not to far from my own after all. You may drop your things off first.” Alric replied, as he glanced at the small bag Imoen had slung over her shoulder. “Then, I will give you a tour of Candlekeep.”

“Okay.” Imoen replied quietly. Alric glanced sideways at her and noticed that she still looked slightly sad and intimidated.

The pair walked silently through the various corridors leading to their destination. “Here we are.” Alric announced after they had walked a short distance. He opened the door to the room, allowing Imoen to enter first.

He remained silent as Imoen studied her new room. She placed her bag on her bed and then sat down besides it. After a few moments of silence Alric asked. “What do you think?”

“Its bigger than my old room.” Imoen replied, after which she continued to sit in silence. After a few moments Alric moved closer and sat down next to her.

“Where is your momma?” Imoen asked him sadly.

“She is dead.” Alric replied.

“She is dead? That’s really sad.” Imoen said, a tearly expression on her face.

“I never knew her. Gorion told me her name, Alianna, but that is all.”

“You never knew your momma?” Imoen asked. “That is really, really sad. I am sorry Alric.” Imoen sad.

“Anyway would you like that tour of Candlekeep.” Alric said as he got up off the bed.

“Okay.” Imoen replied as she got up and followed him out the room.


*****************************

Alric was walking up the steps into the central keep and Imoen was skipping behind him. Alric had just finished giving Imoen the tour of Candlekeep and she had been impressed about how much he knew about each individual place.

“Wow Alric, you’re really smart!” Imoen shouted as she ran in front of him, blocking his path.

“Thanks Imoen. I am studying to be a mage so I need to be smart.” Alric replied as they both continued to walk. Soon they found themselves walking through the corridors of the central keep.

After a short period of walking in silence Alric turned to Imoen. “How old are you Imoen? Gorion never mentioned that.”

“I am ten!” She announced proudly. “How old are you Alric?”

“I am twelve.” He replied.

As they continued to walk through the corridors of the keep, they saw Gorion approaching from the opposite direction. He gave them both a warm smile as he drew closer.

“I was just going to look for you two.” He said. “Alric, I believe now is a good time for that lesson I promised, will you kindly return to your studies and I will join you shortly.”

“Now? But what about Imoen?” Alric asked.

“It may be best if she returns to her own room for now. I believe that she still has a few things to unpack.”

“Awww, but I wanted to stay with Alric.” She replied, slightly disappointed.

“It’s okay Imoen, I will come and see you as soon as I have finished.” He said, smiling at her.

“Promise?” She asked.

“Yes Imoen, I promise.”

“Alric, will you escort her back and then return to your own room, I will be there shortly.” Gorion said just before he set off in the direction of his own room.

After watching him go around a nearby corner, Alric and Imoen set off in the opposite direction.

#2 Arcalian

Posted 25 October 2003 - 09:51 PM

Her name is Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimoen and she's a sweet lil Imoen! :) :) :)

Post more!
The road to the abyss may be paved with good intentions, but it is those with bad intentions that race down that road as fast as they can.

#3 Guest_Yazston_*

Posted 25 October 2003 - 10:59 PM

Here is the second chapter of "The Early Years" Let me know what you think :)


Well, I liked it. (But I haven't read the first one, sorry! :) )

“Where are we going?” Imoen asked as she looked at the gardens surrounding the central keep.


She's here for the first time? So, this is their past? Interesting! :)

“Well, first I will show you where your room is, it is not to far from my own after all. You may drop your things off first.”


Here, you use the word 'first' twice in the same paragraph or whatever it is. Maybe you could replace the last one with a 'there'? :P

“Okay.” Imoen replied quietly. Alric glanced sideways at her and noticed that she still looked slightly sad and intimidated.


Poor, Immy.. :D Don't be sad! Alric is there! :P

He opened the door to the room, allowing Imoen to enter first.


Ah, a gentleman! :P

“Its bigger than my old room.” Imoen replied, after which she continued to sit in silence. After a few moments Alric moved closer and sat down next to her.


Hmm... And where was this 'old room'? :)

“She is dead.” Alric replied.


Poor, Alric! :D

“She is dead? That’s really sad.” Imoen said, a tearly expression on her face.

“You never knew your momma?” Imoen asked. “That is really, really sad. I am sorry Alric.” Imoen sad.


That's our Immy! :x

After a short period of walking in silence Alric turned to Imoen. “How old are you Imoen? Gorion never mentioned that.”


You use the verb 'walk' a lot in this second scene. Maybe you should change some of them with other synonyms? :( (And then 'the tour of Candlekeep' keeps jumping out. Maybe you should change some of them too. :( )

“I am ten!” She announced proudly. “How old are you Alric?”


Ah, you're a big girl then! :)

“It may be best if she returns to her own room for now. I believe that she still has a few things to unpack.”


She will get bored, without a friend..



It was a bit short, but I liked it nevertheless! :D (And I hope you find my input useful!)

#4 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 26 October 2003 - 12:32 PM

Her name is Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimoen and she's a sweet lil Imoen! :roll: :roll: :wink:


Yup she sure is :shock:

Post more!


Will do. As I have said this is just an introuduction to my new novel I am working on :wink:

Thanks for reading and commenting :roll:

#5 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 26 October 2003 - 12:38 PM

Well, I liked it. (But I haven't read the first one, sorry! :shock: )


Thanks :)


She's here for the first time? So, this is their past? Interesting! :(


Yeah she has just arrived.


Here, you use the word 'first' twice in the same paragraph or whatever it is. Maybe you could replace the last one with a 'there'? :(


Will do when I do some editing of this chapter :(


Poor, Immy.. :( Don't be sad! Alric is there! :D


Yeah, Alric is there but they only just met :roll:



Ah, a gentleman! :D


Gorion raised him well:)


Hmm... And where was this 'old room'? :P


Where she used to live :)


Poor, Alric! :(


:) :) :)



That's our Immy! :)


:roll:


You use the verb 'walk' a lot in this second scene. Maybe you should change some of them with other synonyms? :) (And then 'the tour of Candlekeep' keeps jumping out. Maybe you should change some of them too. :D )


:wink: :wink: Thanks for pointing that out


Ah, you're a big girl then! :roll:


She sure is :D


She will get bored, without a friend..


I'm sure they won't be apart from each other for long :)

It was a bit short, but I liked it nevertheless! :) (And I hope you find my input useful!)


Every chapter other then the last one is short in this *short* story. Yes, I did find your input useful:)

#6 Guest_celestine_*

Posted 26 October 2003 - 02:29 PM

Awwwww.. Immy is so adorable.. :wink: :shock: More please.

#7 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 26 October 2003 - 02:32 PM

Awwwww.. Immy is so adorable.. :wink: :wink: More please.


Thanks, I was going for the adorable approch :shock: should post chapter three pretty soon

#8 Guest_Silver_*

Posted 28 October 2003 - 09:48 AM

Here is the second chapter of "The Early Years" Let me know what you think :)


I thought it was wonderful. :) Sweet, adorable little Immy. Hope to read more soon.

Silver

#9 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 28 October 2003 - 10:23 AM

Here is the second chapter of "The Early Years" Let me know what you think :lol:


I thought it was wonderful. :cry: Sweet, adorable little Immy. Hope to read more soon.

Silver


Thanks for your review. I should have more posted soon hopefully.

#10 Weyoun

Posted 28 October 2003 - 11:43 PM

Awww, really sweet!

Loved the story,
---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#11 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 29 October 2003 - 07:49 AM

Awww, really sweet!

Loved the story,
---Weyoun


Thanks :lol:




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