It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
"Kelsey welsey pooh-bear, I love you...you're such a honey, such a devoted husband and soon to be father. I'm sure that I'm the luckiest girl in Faerun to have such a devoted cuddle-bunny...NOW WHERE IS MY KIPPERS WITH MAPLE SYRUP!!!" Imoen's voice rose to a scream as Kelsey answered the door. The look of fatuitous adoration on Kelsey's face was abruptly replaced by sheer terror, as the poor sorceror picked up the steaming plate of fish and sweet syrup and rushed to the bedroom. Hellocthul, Jan, Minsc and Nalia let themselves in to the sitting room of the Planar Sphere. Jan was giggling as Nalia shot him a dirty look, and rushed to comfort Imoen.
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
Soon the impromptu gathering was punctuated by Imoen's cheerful laugh, as Hellocthul revealed the huge hamper full of gifts for the expectant couple. Jan was slightly disappointed as his gift of a box of turnip skin nappies for the newborn were consumed by the mother-to-be with a pot of chocholate sauce, before he could speak out and correct the mistake. He somehow kept from blurting out the truth, (albeit with bulging eyes at the sight of Imoen devouring the veggy diapers covered in the sticky sweet concoction) and embaressing the blissfully chewing Imoen, and was rewarded with a grateful smile from Kelsey as Jan's gift staved off the hunger pangs for an hour or two.
While the party was in full swing, the crystal dome (in the map room) that served as combination Tele-Scry viewer, and Weave-net access beeped to indicate an incoming call. Kelsey answered it, and disconnected it immediately.
"Telemarketers! I don't think we need the 'Dummy's Guide to Simple Magic Spells.'" said Kelsey with a snort. They all had a good giggle about that.
As the party continued, and everyone caught up in each other's lives, the unattended Tele-Scry viewer gradually shifted into screen saver mode, and several rows of incredibly cute and adorable hamsters appeared on the screen, complete with tiny miniature outfits, like a maid, a fighter, (so cute in its tiny shining armor) and a robed cleric. The hamsters began to bob up and down, and started singing.
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)" as the incredibly cute and adorable hamsters began to sing and dance, Boo jumped out of Minsc's pocket, and pressed his tiny nose and whiskers to the glass, and began to sway in time to the music. As the cuddly hamsters danced, everyone was delighted to see Boo enjoying himself. As the song ended, Boo suddenly froze and gave a tiny, (and endearing) yet ferocious snarl of rodent outrage and fury.
"Dee-ba-deeda-dum! Squeeeeek-Eeeeek!" As the hamsters squeeked at the end of the song, and Boo literally began to shake himself in tiny and furry anger, a bewildered and anxious Minsc picked up his little companion, and held him up to his ear to hear Boo's squeeks.
"Boo says that these hamsters are ENSLAVED! He says when they squeeked at the end of the song, they were piteously crying out for help and rescue!!! These poor hamsters say they were fed mindcontrol drugs, and made to perform songs, and if their singing is bad, they are TORTURED!!! We must rescue these poor helpless hamsters!" Minsc stood up, and grabbed Lilacor.
"Whoa, there, big fella. First of all, sit down, Minsc. If we are going to rescue Boo's friends, we have to plan this out. We first have to figure out where they are, then we have to get over there and scout the place out. We can't just go off on a rampage." said Hellocthul reasonably.
"OH!!! You will help? Of course Hellocthul will help Minsc and Boo rescue cuddly and fluffy enslaved hamsters! Minsc was not thinking, Minsc should have asked Boo what to do!" the big ranger sat down with a sheepish grin, and Boo twitched his whiskers in agreement and approval.
"Urm...honey, are we really going to go on a quest to rescue enslaved hamsters?" whispered Nalia with a disbelieving expression on her face.
"Yep, I mean if we don't help Minsc, he's going to go off on a charge, break random doors down, and get arrested. I figure we just locate the hamsters, and buy them from the owner. I'm sure a little muscle flexing by Minsc here will keep the price reasonable. Then everyone is happy, and Minsc stays out of trouble." whispered Hellocthul back.
"Ok, first of all we need to run a search of the Weave to find the Weave-site where you can download the "HamsterDance" screen-saver. Unless Immy here remembers the Weave-site?" Imoen shook her head, her cheeks bulging as she tried to hold in her giggles. "Now hon, you know this Weave-net stuff the best, what's the best search-thingie?" asked Hellocthul.
Nalia walked over to the Tele-scry viewer, and opened up the rune-board tray. She typed in the url of the search-engine, and a vacous-expressioned young man appeared on the screen.
"Ok, we're in Noogle.com, lets see, 'hamsters, dancing', that should do it." said Nalia confidently.
"Heya, what's a hamster? Heya, what's dancing? Processing... ... ... ...the site you want is 'Hamsterdance.com. Heya!" said Noogle.
"Ok, it looks like the corporate office is at 666 Bridge district." said Nalia.
"Ok, lets go...honey, do you want to stay with Immy and Kelsey?" asked Hellocthul. Poor Kelsey nodded his head frantically at the thought of Nalia's help in keeping the bottomless pit fed. Imoen looked pleased at the thought of spending time with her sister-in-law.
Jan, Hellocthul, and Minsc grabbed their cloaks and weapons, and stepped out into the bright Amnish sunshine of the summer. The walked rapidly to the bridge district, and they walked rapidly tword the bridge district. Waving a greeting to Aegisfield, still in charge of the bridge district after all these years, they found that the address belonged to a very dilapidated and seedy warehouse, quite far from any other buildings.
"Ok, lets take a quick scout of the place. I'm a little surprised at how run down this place is. Ready?" asked Hellocthul as she prepared to cast the Mass Invisibility spell. Jan and Minsc nodded as she started the spell. As the three adventurers disappeared from view, they carefully snuck up to one of the doors, and after wiping away years of grime from one window, they could peer inside the warehouse. What they saw shocked them to the very core.
They saw that the warehouse was literally filled with mindflayers!!! Mindflayers of all description and sizes were running around, busy as beavers as they were filming a telescry series, while other mindflayers were busy on their workstations, their hands flying over their runeboards as they peered at the Weave-net crystal balls with their multi-lensed spectacles held together by tape. (A lot more than 2 lenses, many, many more) All in all, it was a busy hive of illthid activity. And the focuses of that activity shocked Hellocthul to her very being. Aside from the Weave-cams recording the troupe of tiny adorable and fuzzy-wuzzy hamsters performing for their illithid masters, there were two Telescry recording studios, and the shows they were filming made her heart leap in rage!!!
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!! At the other set were about 6 large quasi-anthromorphic figures, with various antenna on top of their heads, a cute and idiotic expressions painted on their faces, and large rectangular screens on their tummies. They made all sorts of cooing and gurgling sounds, while dancing in obvious worship of a smiling sun, which had the animated face of a delighted infant superimposed on the prop. The illithid were filming "Teletubbies"!!! The illithid were the creators of two of the most popular infant and very young children's shows on the Telescry network, two shows that literally millions of housewives and mothers relied on to help keep their newborns amused and entertained while they did the thousand and one chores that maintained a good home. Who knew what evil concepts and thoughts were being transmitted to uncountable households, insinuating the commands of the mindflayers inside the delicate and defenseless thoughts of young human and elven babies all across Toril? Jan and Hellocthul looked at each other in shock and horror, and they both slowly nodded. As familiar as the two of them were with the treachery and evil of the illithid, this one literally stunned them with its scope, artistry and potential for catastrophy. This operation was going to have to be destroyed, root and branch, and it was going to take more than the 3 of them to do it.
"Ok, Jan, Minsc. This is Helm-damned more serious than I ever imagined. We're going to need every swinging blade the Order of the Radient Heart can muster, the Entire city guard to cordon off the area, and possibly even the Cowled Wizards to back us up. This is not a simple job the three of us can handle by ourselves. Let's sneak away very quietly and carefully. " Minsc and Jan nodded slowly. Then disaster struck, as Minsc looked back, and he saw a mindflayer whipping the hamsters with a fly swatter. Apparently the latest performance failed to satisfy the illithid master, and the hamsters were to be punished for it.
Minsc vented a Toril shaking cry of rage and fury, and whipping Lilacor out of the sheath on his back, he literally ran thru the side of the warehouse!!! As Jan and Hellocthul pulled out their weapons, and preparded to follow the ranger thru the Minsc-shaped hole on the side of the warehouse, they saw the berserk ranger hew down a score of mindflayers with monster chops and slices of the huge two handed blade. Jan and Hellocthul reached the ranger's side, Jan with his short sword of Mask, and Hellocthul with Celestial fury and Sanchu. Then they saw a sight that literally chilled their very blood. The Teletubbies and Barney took off their costume heads, to reveal the faces of Ulitharid, Mindflayer Vampires, the elite and most powerful of the illithid hierarchy. The odds, which were bad enough, suddenly looked like suicide. All the mindflayers in the warehouse, simply stopped what they were doing, and slowly moved away from their work, raising their arms, baring their dew claws in gestures of infinite menace. They slowly glided to the hapless trio, their many eyes blazing with malice. The worst part were the children. The studios were full of literally dozens of children, each of whom imitated the mindflayers, raising their arms in a horrible echo of the mindflayers, advancing tword the three of them. Suddenly to the shock of Hellocthul, the forms of the children blurred, revealed the forms of young mindflayer spawn!
The three adventurers gripped their weapons tightly, preparing for a battle for their lives. Then disaster struck. All the mindflayers stopped in concert, their eyes glowing in unison, and both Minsc and Jan were frozen in place, their minds succumbing to the irresistable mental bolt projected by the combined intellect of literally a hundred mindflayers. Hellocthul had activated her greenstone amulet, part of the loot from their foray into the underdark, and was immune to the monstrous psychic attack. She looked at her two companions, and with a heavy heart, prepared spells and weapons to sell her life dearly, and to buy herself a fitting honor guard to follow her into the elven afterlife. As before, when they were fighting mindflayers in the underdark, the reality bending psionic powers of the illithid prevented her from accessing her most devistating powers, such as the slayer change, or turning into Hello Cthulhu.
Behind her, the chittering of the captive hamsters rose to a frenzy, and Hellocthul saw Boo leap from his faithful ranger's shoulders, and before her disbelieving eyes, he actually seemed to grow in size as he fell tword the ground. As he landed, he continued to grow until he was as tall as herself. The hamster of unusual size looked at his ranger companion, and looked at Hellocthul with steely resolve in his beady little eyes. Boo then began to weave his paws in slow, martial arts gestures, and with a final triumphant gesture, he glowed with incandescent light, blinding the mindflayers, and slowing their slow advance. When Hellocthul could see again, she saw that Boo was now wearing a martial arts uniform, dull orange, with a wide black belt around his tummy, and a peculiar insignia of a round wheel embroidered on his right chest. The chittering hamsters in the background rose into a crescendo, and the hamsters began singing a battle song.
Everybody was Hamster Fighting (heya-squeeeeek! eeek!)
Those paws were fast as lightning (huh! squeek-cheeeek!)
In fact it was a little bit frightening (huh! eeeek-eeeek!)
But Master Boo fought with expert timing (squeeek!)
The half elven sorceress kensai, and the hamster of unusual size and martial arts abilities nodded at each other and attacked. Hellocthul's twin swords were streaks of silvery light, as she proceeded to dice and slice the ranks of the mindflayers, dismembering the mindflayers as if in preparation for a truely gruesome dish of seafood. The swords sliced thru the bodies like magically enhanced ginsu knives, wielded by a master sushi chef. Boo's attacks were no less effective, his paws blurring with speed as he literally punched the faces and bodies of the mindflayers into squishy, ichor dripping messes. His arcane attacks were also as devistating as Hellocthul's dragon breaths and sunfire blasts. He raised his paws, and intoned the mystic words.
"Kamahame-squeek-eeeek!"
Sunbright balls of pure energy shot out of the battling rodent's paws, striking the ranks of the mindflayers, and searing them into ash instantly. The two arcanely armed warriors savaged the ranks of the mindflayers, Hellocthul protected from physical attack by her spell protections, and Boo with a weird glow that emanated from his body. The ranks of the mindflayers fell like wheat to the scythe as the two whirling dervishes of destruction, one elvish and one hamsterish decimated the massed enemy before them.
Finally the last of the foe were down, joining the dead and severely wounded heap groaning in the middle of the floor. Hellocthul sheathed one of her swords, and wiped her brow. She looked at her long time friend, with an expression of awe and sense of wonder. All these years, after all this time. What other secrets did the normally tiny ranger companion hold in its small, adorable body?
Boo looked at Hellocthul, and with a look of regret in his beady, wise eyes, held up a icor stained and dripping paw, and made a hushing gesture. Hellocthul felt the touch of an immensely powerful, yet utterly benign mind go thru the psionic barriors erected by her greenstone amulet as if they were mere cobwebs. The immense, godlike awareness touched her mind with incredible skill and effortless precision, and Hellocthul felt her memories disappearing like sand between her fingers. Before she lost the last of her memories about the encounter, one last lingering impression of the unknowable intellect residing behind the tiny eyes of a rodent stayed with her, before it too was forgotten. She felt the eons alone of an ancient unspeakably powerful being, exiled ages ago, and even though the lifetime of any human was for it less than the blink of an eye, she knew that the entity behind the beady eyes loved his bumbling, loud, and often touchingly sweet ranger companion. She knew that Boo had looked after his faithful human pet with all the ability of an entity that had created planets before its exile. She felt the sadness of the knowledge that someday, Minsc would die of old age, and that Boo would be alone once again. Love really was only for mortals, and the immortal spirit inhabiting Boo only felt gratitude and thanks that it was allowed to touch it, however briefly.
Hellocthul shook her head. Minsc and Jan were still stunned, her entire body was a mess of aches and pains, and they were surrounded by dead or dying mindflayers, who were either seared by her spells, or eviserated by her blades. She felt like she had just forgotten something important, something...she shook her head again, to clear it and to bring it back to the task at hand. Finally Minsc and Jan stirred as the psionic blast wore off, and their faces were a study in surprise as they saw the heaps of illithid bodies. Hellocthul sent Jan off to find Aegisfield, and sat down and rested while Minsc (and the tiny Boo!) saw to the well being of the mind-controlled hamsters, who were jumping up and down and dancing with glee.
Poor Aegisfield was shocked and stunned by the sight that awaited him at the warehouse. His eyes were wide open at the thought of the implications of the horrific mindflayer plot, and he quickly dispatched runners to summon his superiors in the security forces. Inspector Braga arrived, huffing and puffing with the exertion, his years behind the desk taking its toll. He stopped, shocked and horrified, as he saw the interior of the warehouse, while Jan and Minsc were efficiently looting the bodies, and Hellocthul was sitting down, sipping from a waterflask.
After Braga's aides had collected all the evidence necessary to fully present the case at the next closed session of the Council of Six, the shadowy and unknown governing body that ruled all of Amn, Inspector Braga asked Hellocthul to destroy the building and all its contents. Hellocthul replied wearily that she was out of her most powerful mass destruction spells she had in her arsenal, having used them unsparingly in her solo attack of the mindflayers, after Minsc and Jan were stunned by the initial psionic blast. At this point Jan spoke up.
"You know, your worship, I've got a brand new spell that will obliterate this building and all its contents with a single cast! Its called "Dragon Flatuence", and it pumps out the most powerful stinky cloud spell imaginable! A single fireball tossed in afterward..." said Jan with a huge grin.
"And the entire building will blow up. Ok, Braga, are your people finished? Good! Everyone out, except Jan and myself. Minsc, take the cage full of rescued hamsters with you. Everyone, take cover behind something substantial at least 50 yards away from this building. Let's move, people!" Hellocthul was very tired and she wanted this over with. As everyone scrambled around, picking up their gear and the last of the evidence, Minsc picked up the cage containing the mindcontrolled hamsters, and cradled it protectively in his arms. As Boo sat on his shoulder with a grin on his face, and a twinkle in his beady eyes, Hellocthul had a sudden feeling she had forgotten something about Boo, something very important...
After everyone had left, and Hellocthul and Jan could see them waving behind piles of crates, loading cranes and other bits of cover, Jan pulled out a slightly crumpled spell scroll, and began to recite the complex spell. Hellocthul took a deep breath, and held it as Jan finished the long spell.
"...DRAGON FART!!!" Jan finished the incantation with the triggering phrase, and the shape of a gigantic ghostly hindquarters of a dragon took shape above their heads. The tail lifted in the spectral image, and a humongous "PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!" sound roared through the empty warehouse. A huge stinky cloud blasted out of the spell manifestation, and instantly the entire warehouse was filled with a sickly and ghastly green cloud, with an unspeakable smell. Hellocthul grabbed Jan, who was reeling with the stench, and ran out the door. She slammed the door behind her, to keep the noxious fumes from pouring out, and ran tword a crane, where she could spot Minsc waving his arms. Hellocthul and Jan sat down, and caught their breaths. They looked behind them to see disgusting green vapor swirling out of the cracks and crevices of the windows and doors of the warehouse. Hellocthul pulled out a fireball wand out of her pouch, and with a single raised eyebrow, offered it butt first to the gnome.
Jan smiled with gratitude, and pointed the fireball wand at one of the windows. A single wan fireball, its flame bleached by the bright sunlight, flew from the wand. It struck the window, and a huge "BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!" roared and echoed through the bridge district!!!! The entire warehouse was engulfed in a huge fireball, and Hellocthul and Jan could feel the slap of superheated air, dissipated by the distance, as the entire warehouse exploded!
"Lets go home, guys..." said Hellocthul wearily, and as Jan grinned and Minsc picked up the cage full of liberated rodents, she waved farewell to Braga and Aegisfield. Both of them were looking at the total destruction with wide open mouths. As the three adventurers walked away, they, and everyone nearby, were showed with crispy fried bits of mindflayers. As they headed back tword the planar sphere, Hellocthul was too tired to even brush off the grilled mindflayer bits off her robes and even her hair. The three of them trudged along, Minsc carrying the cage, and Jan still bubbling about the success of his latest spell. They were accompanied by the happy hamsters singing a song of victory.
Well, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
Stick your tail straight out, honey
You know your fur looks so good
You got me running in a big wheel, now
Just like I know you would
Well, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
You know you Squeek, little girl
You know you Squeek so fine
Come on and Squeek a little closer now
And let me know that you're mine, woo
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Yeah, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
You know you Squeek, little girl
You know you Squeek so fine
Come on and Squeek a little closer now
And let me know that you're mine
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Never before did the steps leading up to the door of the planar sphere seem longer, and Hellocthul felt her muscles complain as she followed Jan and Minsc. She was glad to be away from all the strange looks the three of them got from the citizens they passed, Hellocthul too weary to shake off the bits of mindflayer stuck all over her robes and hair, Jan capering and smiling with glee, and Minsc carrying along a cageful of singing and dancing hamsters. As they entered the sitting room of the planar sphere, Imoen, Kelsey and Nalia looked up with curiosity at the length of time they had spent on what started out as a simple errand to keep Minsc from doing something to get himself into trouble. They were particularly surprised at how tired Hellocthul looked.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Nalia asked anxiously, as Imoen began to sniff the air.
"Things got interesting there for a while, love. It was..." began Hellocthul tiredly.
"CALIMARI!!! YOU BUFFLEHEADS HAD SEAFOOD!!! Give me some right now!!!" Imoen reached over to Hellocthul's head, and lifted out a morsel of broiled mindflayer tentacle, dunked it in a gooey, sweet smelling pink sauce, and plopped it in her mouth. Hellocthul, Jan and Minsc (the happily chittering hamsters, and of course Boo) looked at her with wide eyed horror and complete shock.
"IMMY! That's mindflayer..." exclaimed Hellocthul. Immy just looked at her, then picked up another chunk, dunked it in the pink sauce, and popped it into her mouth.
"And it goes great with pink bubblegum sauce too..." she replied with a contented grin.
Hellocthul stood up, and shook herself vigourously, and all the hunks of illithid still clinging to her fell on the floor.
Imoen started crying, and Kelsey glared at Hellocthul and rushed into the kitchen to grab something, anything for her to eat.
"OH CRAP! Jan, come here...I'm going to cast improved haste on you, you rush over to Pirate Barq's Seafood Emporium, and get a calimari special to go...right away!!!" Jan nodded, and Imoen stopped crying as Hellocthul cast her spell. A short, purple blur shot tword the door, and Kelsey popped out of the kitchen with a sigh of relief.
Hellocthul looked around her, at her sister sitting up on the sofa, pregnant as a pelican, still clutching her opened bottle of pink bubblegum sauce, relaxed and grinning at the thought of calimari and ( HURL...) pink bubblegum sauce, Minsc and Nalia playing with the cute and adorable rescued hamsters, and Kelsey sitting down against a wall, his legs stretched out before him, relieved that another crisis was averted, and mused to herself...
"Sometimes I wonder, are we still the plaything of the gods??? Or possibly even some indescribable transdimentional entity is getting its kicks out of putting us into incredibly dangerous, but insanely humourous situations, watching us and falling on the floor, rolling over and over laughing their eyes out?" no-one answered her retorical question, except to look at her a little strangely.
No one noticed a tiny guilty "Squeek!" emitted by Boo, sitting on the table next to Minsc and the frolicking hamsters, or his start of surprise, as Hellocthul mused out loud.
Boo's Excellent Adventure(Hamsterball Z!)Naughty
Started by
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
, Oct 13 2003 06:47 AM
16 replies to this topic
#2
Laufey
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Transcendant
Posted 13 October 2003 - 03:52 PM
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
"Kelsey welsey pooh-bear, I love you...you're such a honey, such a devoted husband and soon to be father. I'm sure that I'm the luckiest girl in Faerun to have such a devoted cuddle-bunny...NOW WHERE IS MY KIPPERS WITH MAPLE SYRUP!!!" Imoen's voice rose to a scream as Kelsey answered the door. The look of fatuitous adoration on Kelsey's face was abruptly replaced by sheer terror, as the poor sorceror picked up the steaming plate of fish and sweet syrup and rushed to the bedroom. Hellocthul, Jan, Minsc and Nalia let themselves in to the sitting room of the Planar Sphere. Jan was giggling as Nalia shot him a dirty look, and rushed to comfort Imoen.
Cuddle-bunny...yep, that's Imoen.
Never thought I'd see her in a screaming rage though. Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
LOL! Pregnant as a pelican...
As the party continued, and everyone caught up in each other's lives, the unattended Tele-Scry viewer gradually shifted into screen saver mode, and several rows of incredibly cute and adorable hamsters appeared on the screen, complete with tiny miniature outfits, like a maid, a fighter, (so cute in its tiny shining armor) and a robed cleric. The hamsters began to bob up and down, and started singing.
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)" as the incredibly cute and adorable hamsters began to sing and dance, Boo jumped out of Minsc's pocket, and pressed his tiny nose and whiskers to the glass, and began to sway in time to the music. As the cuddly hamsters danced, everyone was delighted to see Boo enjoying himself. As the song ended, Boo suddenly froze and gave a tiny, (and endearing) yet ferocious snarl of rodent outrage and fury.
Boo is *always* endearing!
"Ok, first of all we need to run a search of the Weave to find the Weave-site where you can download the "HamsterDance" screen-saver. Unless Immy here remembers the Weave-site?" Imoen shook her head, her cheeks bulging as she tried to hold in her giggles. "Now hon, you know this Weave-net stuff the best, what's the best search-thingie?" asked Hellocthul.
Did you ever see that fake website about 'Bonsai Kittens'?
This reminds me of that. One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!! At the other set were about 6 large quasi-anthromorphic figures, with various antenna on top of their heads, a cute and idiotic expressions painted on their faces, and large rectangular screens on their tummies. They made all sorts of cooing and gurgling sounds, while dancing in obvious worship of a smiling sun, which had the animated face of a delighted infant superimposed on the prop. The illithid were filming "Teletubbies"!!! The illithid were the creators of two of the most popular infant and very young children's shows on the Telescry network, two shows that literally millions of housewives and mothers relied on to help keep their newborns amused and entertained while they did the thousand and one chores that maintained a good home. Who knew what evil concepts and thoughts were being transmitted to uncountable households, insinuating the commands of the mindflayers inside the delicate and defenseless thoughts of young human and elven babies all across Toril? Jan and Hellocthul looked at each other in shock and horror, and they both slowly nodded. As familiar as the two of them were with the treachery and evil of the illithid, this one literally stunned them with its scope, artistry and potential for catastrophy. This operation was going to have to be destroyed, root and branch, and it was going to take more than the 3 of them to do it.
Now *this* is True Evil!
Minsc vented a Toril shaking cry of rage and fury, and whipping Lilacor out of the sheath on his back, he literally ran thru the side of the warehouse!!! As Jan and Hellocthul pulled out their weapons, and preparded to follow the ranger thru the Minsc-shaped hole on the side of the warehouse, they saw the berserk ranger hew down a score of mindflayers with monster chops and slices of the huge two handed blade. Jan and Hellocthul reached the ranger's side, Jan with his short sword of Mask, and Hellocthul with Celestial fury and Sanchu. Then they saw a sight that literally chilled their very blood. The Teletubbies and Barney took off their costume heads, to reveal the faces of Ulitharid, Mindflayer Vampires, the elite and most powerful of the illithid hierarchy. The odds, which were bad enough, suddenly looked like suicide. All the mindflayers in the warehouse, simply stopped what they were doing, and slowly moved away from their work, raising their arms, baring their dew claws in gestures of infinite menace. They slowly glided to the hapless trio, their many eyes blazing with malice. The worst part were the children. The studios were full of literally dozens of children, each of whom imitated the mindflayers, raising their arms in a horrible echo of the mindflayers, advancing tword the three of them. Suddenly to the shock of Hellocthul, the forms of the children blurred, revealed the forms of young mindflayer spawn!
Always thought those sickeningly cute shows were suspicious.
The half elven sorceress kensai, and the hamster of unusual size and martial arts abilities nodded at each other and attacked. Hellocthul's twin swords were streaks of silvery light, as she proceeded to dice and slice the ranks of the mindflayers, dismembering the mindflayers as if in preparation for a truely gruesome dish of seafood. The swords sliced thru the bodies like magically enhanced ginsu knives, wielded by a master sushi chef. Boo's attacks were no less effective, his paws blurring with speed as he literally punched the faces and bodies of the mindflayers into squishy, ichor dripping messes. His arcane attacks were also as devistating as Hellocthul's dragon breaths and sunfire blasts. He raised his paws, and intoned the mystic words.
Hamster of Unusual Size! Straight from Princess Bride!
"You know, your worship, I've got a brand new spell that will obliterate this building and all its contents with a single cast! Its called "Dragon Flatuence", and it pumps out the most powerful stinky cloud spell imaginable! A single fireball tossed in afterward..." said Jan with a huge grin.
Eeewww!
"...DRAGON FART!!!" Jan finished the incantation with the triggering phrase, and the shape of a gigantic ghostly hindquarters of a dragon took shape above their heads. The tail lifted in the spectral image, and a humongous "PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!" sound roared through the empty warehouse. A huge stinky cloud blasted out of the spell manifestation, and instantly the entire warehouse was filled with a sickly and ghastly green cloud, with an unspeakable smell. Hellocthul grabbed Jan, who was reeling with the stench, and ran out the door. She slammed the door behind her, to keep the noxious fumes from pouring out, and ran tword a crane, where she could spot Minsc waving his arms. Hellocthul and Jan sat down, and caught their breaths. They looked behind them to see disgusting green vapor swirling out of the cracks and crevices of the windows and doors of the warehouse. Hellocthul pulled out a fireball wand out of her pouch, and with a single raised eyebrow, offered it butt first to the gnome.
How lovely!
No one noticed a tiny guilty "Squeek!" emitted by Boo, sitting on the table next to Minsc and the frolicking hamsters, or his start of surprise, as Hellocthul mused out loud.
Boo knows!
Rogues do it from behind.
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Posted 13 October 2003 - 06:19 PM
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
"Kelsey welsey pooh-bear, I love you...you're such a honey, such a devoted husband and soon to be father. I'm sure that I'm the luckiest girl in Faerun to have such a devoted cuddle-bunny...NOW WHERE IS MY KIPPERS WITH MAPLE SYRUP!!!" Imoen's voice rose to a scream as Kelsey answered the door. The look of fatuitous adoration on Kelsey's face was abruptly replaced by sheer terror, as the poor sorceror picked up the steaming plate of fish and sweet syrup and rushed to the bedroom. Hellocthul, Jan, Minsc and Nalia let themselves in to the sitting room of the Planar Sphere. Jan was giggling as Nalia shot him a dirty look, and rushed to comfort Imoen.
Cuddle-bunny...yep, that's Imoen.
only when she's denied her food...
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
LOL! Pregnant as a pelican...
hehehheheh!!!!!!!! poor immy, she's the slender, spritely type...i always figure she's not going to handle being pregnant very well...
As the party continued, and everyone caught up in each other's lives, the unattended Tele-Scry viewer gradually shifted into screen saver mode, and several rows of incredibly cute and adorable hamsters appeared on the screen, complete with tiny miniature outfits, like a maid, a fighter, (so cute in its tiny shining armor) and a robed cleric. The hamsters began to bob up and down, and started singing.
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)" as the incredibly cute and adorable hamsters began to sing and dance, Boo jumped out of Minsc's pocket, and pressed his tiny nose and whiskers to the glass, and began to sway in time to the music. As the cuddly hamsters danced, everyone was delighted to see Boo enjoying himself. As the song ended, Boo suddenly froze and gave a tiny, (and endearing) yet ferocious snarl of rodent outrage and fury.
Boo is *always* endearing!
yes he is!!!
"Ok, first of all we need to run a search of the Weave to find the Weave-site where you can download the "HamsterDance" screen-saver. Unless Immy here remembers the Weave-site?" Imoen shook her head, her cheeks bulging as she tried to hold in her giggles. "Now hon, you know this Weave-net stuff the best, what's the best search-thingie?" asked Hellocthul.
Did you ever see that fake website about 'Bonsai Kittens'?
oh yeah...the bonsai kittens were so funny!!!
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!! At the other set were about 6 large quasi-anthromorphic figures, with various antenna on top of their heads, a cute and idiotic expressions painted on their faces, and large rectangular screens on their tummies. They made all sorts of cooing and gurgling sounds, while dancing in obvious worship of a smiling sun, which had the animated face of a delighted infant superimposed on the prop. The illithid were filming "Teletubbies"!!! The illithid were the creators of two of the most popular infant and very young children's shows on the Telescry network, two shows that literally millions of housewives and mothers relied on to help keep their newborns amused and entertained while they did the thousand and one chores that maintained a good home. Who knew what evil concepts and thoughts were being transmitted to uncountable households, insinuating the commands of the mindflayers inside the delicate and defenseless thoughts of young human and elven babies all across Toril? Jan and Hellocthul looked at each other in shock and horror, and they both slowly nodded. As familiar as the two of them were with the treachery and evil of the illithid, this one literally stunned them with its scope, artistry and potential for catastrophy. This operation was going to have to be destroyed, root and branch, and it was going to take more than the 3 of them to do it.
Now *this* is True Evil!
exactly!!! barney and teletubbies, the unholy dual!
Minsc vented a Toril shaking cry of rage and fury, and whipping Lilacor out of the sheath on his back, he literally ran thru the side of the warehouse!!! As Jan and Hellocthul pulled out their weapons, and preparded to follow the ranger thru the Minsc-shaped hole on the side of the warehouse, they saw the berserk ranger hew down a score of mindflayers with monster chops and slices of the huge two handed blade. Jan and Hellocthul reached the ranger's side, Jan with his short sword of Mask, and Hellocthul with Celestial fury and Sanchu. Then they saw a sight that literally chilled their very blood. The Teletubbies and Barney took off their costume heads, to reveal the faces of Ulitharid, Mindflayer Vampires, the elite and most powerful of the illithid hierarchy. The odds, which were bad enough, suddenly looked like suicide. All the mindflayers in the warehouse, simply stopped what they were doing, and slowly moved away from their work, raising their arms, baring their dew claws in gestures of infinite menace. They slowly glided to the hapless trio, their many eyes blazing with malice. The worst part were the children. The studios were full of literally dozens of children, each of whom imitated the mindflayers, raising their arms in a horrible echo of the mindflayers, advancing tword the three of them. Suddenly to the shock of Hellocthul, the forms of the children blurred, revealed the forms of young mindflayer spawn!
Always thought those sickeningly cute shows were suspicious.
exactly!!! actually, some stories about people who have posted parody sites about teletubbies are quite frightening...
The half elven sorceress kensai, and the hamster of unusual size and martial arts abilities nodded at each other and attacked. Hellocthul's twin swords were streaks of silvery light, as she proceeded to dice and slice the ranks of the mindflayers, dismembering the mindflayers as if in preparation for a truely gruesome dish of seafood. The swords sliced thru the bodies like magically enhanced ginsu knives, wielded by a master sushi chef. Boo's attacks were no less effective, his paws blurring with speed as he literally punched the faces and bodies of the mindflayers into squishy, ichor dripping messes. His arcane attacks were also as devistating as Hellocthul's dragon breaths and sunfire blasts. He raised his paws, and intoned the mystic words.
Hamster of Unusual Size! Straight from Princess Bride!
YES!...though I thought "My name is Boo Squeek-Eek, you have enslaved my people, prepare to die!" would be a bit over the edge...
"You know, your worship, I've got a brand new spell that will obliterate this building and all its contents with a single cast! Its called "Dragon Flatuence", and it pumps out the most powerful stinky cloud spell imaginable! A single fireball tossed in afterward..." said Jan with a huge grin.
Eeewww!
had to "squeeze" in a fart joke this time...
"...DRAGON FART!!!" Jan finished the incantation with the triggering phrase, and the shape of a gigantic ghostly hindquarters of a dragon took shape above their heads. The tail lifted in the spectral image, and a humongous "PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!" sound roared through the empty warehouse. A huge stinky cloud blasted out of the spell manifestation, and instantly the entire warehouse was filled with a sickly and ghastly green cloud, with an unspeakable smell. Hellocthul grabbed Jan, who was reeling with the stench, and ran out the door. She slammed the door behind her, to keep the noxious fumes from pouring out, and ran tword a crane, where she could spot Minsc waving his arms. Hellocthul and Jan sat down, and caught their breaths. They looked behind them to see disgusting green vapor swirling out of the cracks and crevices of the windows and doors of the warehouse. Hellocthul pulled out a fireball wand out of her pouch, and with a single raised eyebrow, offered it butt first to the gnome.
How lovely!
thank you! when writing comedy skits, its not so much the big visual jokes, (though they are important) but the little subtle turns of phrasing and touches that make the good ones really shine...
No one noticed a tiny guilty "Squeek!" emitted by Boo, sitting on the table next to Minsc and the frolicking hamsters, or his start of surprise, as Hellocthul mused out loud.
Boo knows!
oh yeah, boo knows!!!
Thank you very much for reading and commenting!!!
and laughing!!!
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Posted 14 October 2003 - 01:32 AM
Howdy!
Sweet!
I'm surprised the Wiggles weren't some Illithid in disguise.
I really liked this, especially the ending. Thanks for sharing this.
I like how, at the very outset, you set up the concept of contrast as a story theme, then continue playing with it throughout (kippers+syrup, sweetImmy+quasidemonicImmy)...but you leave the best contrast for your punchline.It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Sweet!That does sound like Immy, doesn't it? Good job replicating her speech patterns."Kelsey welsey pooh-bear, I love you...you're such a honey, such a devoted husband and soon to be father.
ROTFL! Well, he did do the deed...The look of fatuitous adoration on Kelsey's face was abruptly replaced by sheer terror, as the poor sorceror picked up the steaming plate of fish and sweet syrup and rushed to the bedroom.
That was quite a unique visual, really drove the point home. For some reason, though, kept envisioning a penguin.Imoen was pregnant as a pelican
For some reason I can just see him in that sort of attire, too.Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist.
Nice byplay in there.Jan was slightly disappointed as his gift of a box of turnip skin nappies ...etc.
Ah, another of those contrasts.As the song ended, Boo suddenly froze and gave a tiny, (and endearing) yet ferocious snarl of rodent outrage and fury.
Yeah, well, that's why some of us preferred Mr Rogers.What they saw shocked them to the very core.
They saw that the warehouse was literally filled with mindflayers!!!
...etc.
I'm surprised the Wiggles weren't some Illithid in disguise.::sigh:: Minsc... Found this funny, though.This operation was going to have to be destroyed, root and branch, and it was going to take more than the 3 of them to do it.
"Ok, Jan, Minsc. This is Helm-damned more serious than I ever imagined. We're going to need every swinging blade the Order of the Radient Heart can muster, the Entire city guard to cordon off the area, and possibly even the Cowled Wizards to back us up. This is not a simple job the three of us can handle by ourselves. Let's sneak away very quietly and carefully. " Minsc and Jan nodded slowly. Then disaster struck, as Minsc looked back, and he saw a mindflayer whipping the hamsters with a fly swatter. Apparently the latest performance failed to satisfy the illithid master, and the hamsters were to be punished for it.
Minsc vented a Toril shaking cry of rage and fury, and whipping Lilacor out of the sheath on his back, he literally ran thru the side of the warehouse!!!
I'll be the son of a beehive...so he really was a MGSH, eh?Behind her, the chittering of the captive hamsters rose to a frenzy, and Hellocthul saw Boo leap from his faithful ranger's shoulders, and before her disbelieving eyes, he actually seemed to grow in size as he fell tword the ground.
Oooh, I got that! *Psych!the hamster of unusual size and martial arts abilities
Oh, c'mon, now you're off asphyxiating your audience again. That was just too funny! But wait! Not only do you get the regular set, plus the blade cuisinart (Wizardry I), you also get:The swords sliced thru the bodies like magically enhanced ginsu knives, wielded by a master sushi chef.
Boo's attacks were no less effective
Sure, that explains why no one knows about the Boomeister's abilities. Poor Minsc.He raised his paws, and intoned the mystic words.
"Kamahame-squeek-eeeek!"
etc.
Boo looked at Hellocthul, and with a look of regret in his beady, wise eyes, held up a icor stained and dripping paw, and made a hushing gesture. Hellocthul felt the touch of an immensely powerful, yet utterly benign mind go thru the psionic barriors erected by her greenstone amulet as if they were mere cobwebs.
You ever play FO2? Reminded me of the incredible exploding outhouse."...DRAGON FART!!!"
"Sometimes I wonder, are we still the plaything of the gods??? Or possibly even some indescribable transdimentional entity is getting its kicks out of putting us into incredibly dangerous, but insanely humourous situations, watching us and falling on the floor, rolling over and over laughing their eyes out?" no-one answered her retorical question, except to look at her a little strangely.
No one noticed a tiny guilty "Squeek!" emitted by Boo, sitting on the table next to Minsc and the frolicking hamsters, or his start of surprise, as Hellocthul mused out loud.
I really liked this, especially the ending. Thanks for sharing this.
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Posted 14 October 2003 - 02:36 AM
Howdy!
yay!!! my best fan!!!
I like how, at the very outset, you set up the concept of contrast as a story theme, then continue playing with it throughout (kippers+syrup, sweetImmy+quasidemonicImmy)...but you leave the best contrast for your punchline.It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
thank you! This whole story started when i was bantering with some people in another forum about women craving strange foods while pregnant...
http://forums.forgot...ex.php?board=25
you'll like it, there is some extraordinarly good fanfic on this site...
and like my best stuff, the punchline just wrote itself, popped into mind while i was doing something else
That does sound like Immy, doesn't it? Good job replicating her speech patterns."Kelsey welsey pooh-bear, I love you...you're such a honey, such a devoted husband and soon to be father.
thank you!!! I was trying for sickeningly cloyingly sweet...it somehow come out perfectly sounding like immy...
ROTFL! Well, he did do the deed...The look of fatuitous adoration on Kelsey's face was abruptly replaced by sheer terror, as the poor sorceror picked up the steaming plate of fish and sweet syrup and rushed to the bedroom.
oh yeah...but you can see him trying to be a good hubby...
That was quite a unique visual, really drove the point home. For some reason, though, kept envisioning a penguin.Imoen was pregnant as a pelican
a pink penguin???!!! maybe viccy...now there's an image...
For some reason I can just see him in that sort of attire, too.Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist.
oh yeah...can't you just see kelsey and immy shopping, and immy picking out the apron....and he was forced to don it, under protest, after she got pregnant...
Nice byplay in there.Jan was slightly disappointed as his gift of a box of turnip skin nappies ...etc.
chocholate sauce and turnips...yummm...
Ah, another of those contrasts.As the song ended, Boo suddenly froze and gave a tiny, (and endearing) yet ferocious snarl of rodent outrage and fury.
boo is just so sweet!!!
What they saw shocked them to the very core.
Yeah, well, that's why some of us preferred Mr Rogers.They saw that the warehouse was literally filled with mindflayers!!!
...etc.
urm..who are wiggles?
This operation was going to have to be destroyed, root and branch, and it was going to take more than the 3 of them to do it.
"Ok, Jan, Minsc. This is Helm-damned more serious than I ever imagined. We're going to need every swinging blade the Order of the Radient Heart can muster, the Entire city guard to cordon off the area, and possibly even the Cowled Wizards to back us up. This is not a simple job the three of us can handle by ourselves. Let's sneak away very quietly and carefully. " Minsc and Jan nodded slowly. Then disaster struck, as Minsc looked back, and he saw a mindflayer whipping the hamsters with a fly swatter. Apparently the latest performance failed to satisfy the illithid master, and the hamsters were to be punished for it.
::sigh:: Minsc... Found this funny, though.Minsc vented a Toril shaking cry of rage and fury, and whipping Lilacor out of the sheath on his back, he literally ran thru the side of the warehouse!!!
yep...went for the visual joke...
I'll be the son of a beehive...so he really was a MGSH, eh?Behind her, the chittering of the captive hamsters rose to a frenzy, and Hellocthul saw Boo leap from his faithful ranger's shoulders, and before her disbelieving eyes, he actually seemed to grow in size as he fell tword the ground.
actually he's a lot more than a minature giant space hamster...
Oooh, I got that! *Psych!the hamster of unusual size and martial arts abilities
rous...rodents of unusual size...
Minsc: boo is not a rodent, he is a minature giant space hamster!!! If UU will not portray boo as he truely is, befitting his grandeour and dignity, Minsc will apply the boot of goodness to the seat of evil author!!! Right, Boo??
Boo: squeek eek!
UU: Ok, ok...sorry Minsc, and Boo of course, I will make the necessary changes...
UU works under the steely yet beady eyes of Boo...
Oh, c'mon, now you're off asphyxiating your audience again. That was just too funny! But wait! Not only do you get the regular set, plus the blade cuisinart (Wizardry I), you also get:The swords sliced thru the bodies like magically enhanced ginsu knives, wielded by a master sushi chef.
Boo's attacks were no less effective
ah yes...the blade cuisinart...did you ever play might and magic 3 or 4??? one of the nasty encounters were the cuisinarts...they killed my party many times...
He raised his paws, and intoned the mystic words.
"Kamahame-squeek-eeeek!"
Sure, that explains why no one knows about the Boomeister's abilities. Poor Minsc.etc.
Boo looked at Hellocthul, and with a look of regret in his beady, wise eyes, held up a icor stained and dripping paw, and made a hushing gesture. Hellocthul felt the touch of an immensely powerful, yet utterly benign mind go thru the psionic barriors erected by her greenstone amulet as if they were mere cobwebs.
poor party...actually minsc knows, just everyone else doesn't...
You ever play FO2? Reminded me of the incredible exploding outhouse."...DRAGON FART!!!"
oh my....
I got the idea from something that actually happened here in seattle...it was on the news...a woman who had bad bug problems left about 6 bug bombs (spray cans) in her apartment...it hit the pilot light, and her whole apartment blew up!!!
"Sometimes I wonder, are we still the plaything of the gods??? Or possibly even some indescribable transdimentional entity is getting its kicks out of putting us into incredibly dangerous, but insanely humourous situations, watching us and falling on the floor, rolling over and over laughing their eyes out?" no-one answered her retorical question, except to look at her a little strangely.
No one noticed a tiny guilty "Squeek!" emitted by Boo, sitting on the table next to Minsc and the frolicking hamsters, or his start of surprise, as Hellocthul mused out loud.
I really liked this, especially the ending. Thanks for sharing this.
thank you!!! I was so very proud of the ending, smug, funny and slightly sad at the same time..
thanks for reading and commenting!!!
#6
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Posted 14 October 2003 - 03:28 AM
You're too kind! Lol, whenever you write that, I have Stephen King flashbacks.yay!!! my best fan!!!
Thank you.you'll like it, there is some extraordinarly good fanfic on this site...
I'm really spoiled by the Attic's generally high calibre of writing.
Perhaps. Or perhaps going on an out-of-town urgent business meeting. I'm certain his factor in Waterdeep might want to exchange words with him.oh yeah...but you can see him trying to be a good hubby...
I don't know. I remember seeing two emperor penguins in some sort of mating spat--some wildlife show, I hate wildlife shows--and they have a lot of adipose tissue, which was bouncing all around.a pink penguin???!!! maybe viccy...now there's an image...
http://www.thewiggles.com.au/urm..who are wiggles?
And they *murdered* one of my favorite polkas.
Alas and alack, nay. That sounds interesting, though.ah yes...the blade cuisinart...did you ever play might and magic 3 or 4??? one of the nasty encounters were the cuisinarts...they killed my party many times...
Did you play the old Wizardries? Liked the Creeping Coins...they never did any damage (*could* they damage your party?!) but you got megapoints.Yup, but here he goes, telling everyone the truth, but they don't believe him...in fact, they believe he's barmy because of it. Hmm, reckon Minsc's middle name should be Cassandra?poor party...actually minsc knows, just everyone else doesn't...
If so, what's his last name. 
Oh wow. Didn't hear about that. Poor lady! Ten-to-one the buggies survived the explosion, though...just to add insult to injury.I got the idea from something that actually happened here in seattle...it was on the news...a woman who had bad bug problems left about 6 bug bombs (spray cans) in her apartment...it hit the pilot light, and her whole apartment blew up!!!
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Posted 14 October 2003 - 05:53 AM
You're too kind! Lol, whenever you write that, I have Stephen King flashbacks.yay!!! my best fan!!!
EEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you.you'll like it, there is some extraordinarly good fanfic on this site...
I'm really spoiled by the Attic's generally high calibre of writing.
yeah, me too, i'm also spoiled by the fact this is a site dedicated solely to writing, so the layout and setup allows easy commenting and feedback...
Perhaps. Or perhaps going on an out-of-town urgent business meeting. I'm certain his factor in Waterdeep might want to exchange words with him.oh yeah...but you can see him trying to be a good hubby...
not since immy got preggers....his sister in law would kill him...slowly, with great attention to detail...
I don't know. I remember seeing two emperor penguins in some sort of mating spat--some wildlife show, I hate wildlife shows--and they have a lot of adipose tissue, which was bouncing all around.a pink penguin???!!! maybe viccy...now there's an image...
urg....
http://www.thewiggles.com.au/urm..who are wiggles?
And they *murdered* one of my favorite polkas.
i literally don't know which scares me more...the website, which was frightening, or the thought of you having a favorite polka...
you're right, the wiggles are a prime candidate for mindflayer domination and control...
Alas and alack, nay. That sounds interesting, though.ah yes...the blade cuisinart...did you ever play might and magic 3 or 4??? one of the nasty encounters were the cuisinarts...they killed my party many times...
i played them for a long time...years ago....my favorite was wiz 2, revenge of werdna...
Yup, but here he goes, telling everyone the truth, but they don't believe him...in fact, they believe he's barmy because of it. Hmm, reckon Minsc's middle name should be Cassandra?
poor party...actually minsc knows, just everyone else doesn't...
Minsc Cassandra Nostrodomus....
Oh wow. Didn't hear about that. Poor lady! Ten-to-one the buggies survived the explosion, though...just to add insult to injury.
I got the idea from something that actually happened here in seattle...it was on the news...a woman who had bad bug problems left about 6 bug bombs (spray cans) in her apartment...it hit the pilot light, and her whole apartment blew up!!!
i know...i felt sorry for her too...but i did have to laugh...it was cruel of me..
Thanks for commenting!!!
did you catch the new song? "adventurers"...this time i'm parodying country and western...hehehhehe!!!!!!!!!
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Posted 14 October 2003 - 03:53 PM
Um, good point. No pun intended.not since immy got preggers....his sister in law would kill him...slowly, with great attention to detail...
Vestiges of my misspent youth.i literally don't know which scares me more...the website, which was frightening, or the thought of you having a favorite polka...
But a rule of thumb is that if the vocalist "mispronounces" the word polka ("polker"?!) it's probably not gonna be a good version.My niece has a few wiggles videos. And she watches them over...and over...and over...AND over. Some of the videos have song overlap, too. Otoh at least the Wiggles *aren't* Elmo! ::cringes::you're right, the wiggles are a prime candidate for mindflayer domination and control...
Oh, the Wizardry w/ something like 5 floppies, eh? Never really got out of that first dungeon.i played them for a long time...years ago....my favorite was wiz 2, revenge of werdna...
Sometimes you can't help but laugh, though. But life's too short to beat ourselves up over being human.i know...i felt sorry for her too...but i did have to laugh...it was cruel of me..
Not yet, actually. I was trying to catch up on some other stuff, actually. But, hey, if you're parodying c/w, then that'll be a hoot. One of my siblings only has c/w & Barry Manilow albums, so....did you catch the new song? "adventurers"...this time i'm parodying country and western...hehehhehe!!!!!!!!!
Thanks!
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Posted 14 October 2003 - 05:17 PM
Um, good point. No pun intended.not since immy got preggers....his sister in law would kill him...slowly, with great attention to detail...
I certainly got the point....hehehheheheh!!!!!!!!!!
Vestiges of my misspent youth.i literally don't know which scares me more...the website, which was frightening, or the thought of you having a favorite polka...
ROFL!!!!
My niece has a few wiggles videos. And she watches them over...and over...and over...AND over. Some of the videos have song overlap, too. Otoh at least the Wiggles *aren't* Elmo! ::cringes::you're right, the wiggles are a prime candidate for mindflayer domination and control...
tickle, tickle, tickle...
Oh, the Wizardry w/ something like 5 floppies, eh? Never really got out of that first dungeon.
i played them for a long time...years ago....my favorite was wiz 2, revenge of werdna...
oh yeah...i had it for the fat mac...back before hard drives...wow...that was a long long time ago...first game i ever cheesed...sigh...those were the good old days...
Sometimes you can't help but laugh, though. But life's too short to beat ourselves up over being human.i know...i felt sorry for her too...but i did have to laugh...it was cruel of me..
"its funny until someone gets hurt...then it becomes hilarious..." I always feel so guilty...but i suspect, due to the imp of the perverse, that actually adds to our enjoyment...guilty enjoyment...I am so naughty!!!
Not yet, actually. I was trying to catch up on some other stuff, actually. But, hey, if you're parodying c/w, then that'll be a hoot. One of my siblings only has c/w & Barry Manilow albums, so....did you catch the new song? "adventurers"...this time i'm parodying country and western...hehehhehe!!!!!!!!!
Thanks!
thanks for commenting!!!
#10
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Posted 15 October 2003 - 04:44 PM
[quote]
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
[/quote]
Hormones.
[quote]
As the party continued, and everyone caught up in each other's lives, the unattended Tele-Scry viewer gradually shifted into screen saver mode, and several rows of incredibly cute and adorable hamsters appeared on the screen, complete with tiny miniature outfits, like a maid, a fighter, (so cute in its tiny shining armor) and a robed cleric. The hamsters began to bob up and down, and started singing.
[/quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
LEMMINGS!
[quote]
"Yep, I mean if we don't help Minsc, he's going to go off on a charge, break random doors down, and get arrested. I figure we just locate the hamsters, and buy them from the owner. I'm sure a little muscle flexing by Minsc here will keep the price reasonable. Then everyone is happy, and Minsc stays out of trouble." whispered Hellocthul back.
[/quote]
Sounds like a good idea.
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
At the other set were about 6 large quasi-anthromorphic figures, with various antenna on top of their heads, a cute and idiotic expressions painted on their faces, and large rectangular screens on their tummies. They made all sorts of cooing and gurgling sounds, while dancing in obvious worship of a smiling sun, which had the animated face of a delighted infant superimposed on the prop. The illithid were filming "Teletubbies"!!!
Kill them, kill them!
[quote]
"CALIMARI!!! YOU BUFFLEHEADS HAD SEAFOOD!!! Give me some right now!!!" Imoen reached over to Hellocthul's head, and lifted out a morsel of broiled mindflayer tentacle, dunked it in a gooey, sweet smelling pink sauce, and plopped it in her mouth. Hellocthul, Jan and Minsc (the happily chittering hamsters, and of course Boo) looked at her with wide eyed horror and complete shock.
[/quote]
[quote]
"IMMY! That's mindflayer..." exclaimed Hellocthul. Immy just looked at her, then picked up another chunk, dunked it in the pink sauce, and popped it into her mouth.
[/quote]
Like i said, hormones.
Fun
Hunter
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
[/quote]
Hormones.
[quote]
As the party continued, and everyone caught up in each other's lives, the unattended Tele-Scry viewer gradually shifted into screen saver mode, and several rows of incredibly cute and adorable hamsters appeared on the screen, complete with tiny miniature outfits, like a maid, a fighter, (so cute in its tiny shining armor) and a robed cleric. The hamsters began to bob up and down, and started singing.
[/quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
LEMMINGS!
[quote]
"Yep, I mean if we don't help Minsc, he's going to go off on a charge, break random doors down, and get arrested. I figure we just locate the hamsters, and buy them from the owner. I'm sure a little muscle flexing by Minsc here will keep the price reasonable. Then everyone is happy, and Minsc stays out of trouble." whispered Hellocthul back.
[/quote]
Sounds like a good idea.
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
At the other set were about 6 large quasi-anthromorphic figures, with various antenna on top of their heads, a cute and idiotic expressions painted on their faces, and large rectangular screens on their tummies. They made all sorts of cooing and gurgling sounds, while dancing in obvious worship of a smiling sun, which had the animated face of a delighted infant superimposed on the prop. The illithid were filming "Teletubbies"!!!
Kill them, kill them!
[quote]
"CALIMARI!!! YOU BUFFLEHEADS HAD SEAFOOD!!! Give me some right now!!!" Imoen reached over to Hellocthul's head, and lifted out a morsel of broiled mindflayer tentacle, dunked it in a gooey, sweet smelling pink sauce, and plopped it in her mouth. Hellocthul, Jan and Minsc (the happily chittering hamsters, and of course Boo) looked at her with wide eyed horror and complete shock.
[/quote]
[quote]
"IMMY! That's mindflayer..." exclaimed Hellocthul. Immy just looked at her, then picked up another chunk, dunked it in the pink sauce, and popped it into her mouth.
[/quote]
Like i said, hormones.
Fun
Hunter
#11
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
-
- Guests
Posted 15 October 2003 - 07:06 PM
[quote][quote]
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
Hormones.
[/quote]
oh yeah!!! of all the characters in any party, imoen is absolutely the most highly strung...she always felt to me like she would not take pregnancy very well at all...poor immy...sniff...
[quote]
[quote]
As the party continued, and everyone caught up in each other's lives, the unattended Tele-Scry viewer gradually shifted into screen saver mode, and several rows of incredibly cute and adorable hamsters appeared on the screen, complete with tiny miniature outfits, like a maid, a fighter, (so cute in its tiny shining armor) and a robed cleric. The hamsters began to bob up and down, and started singing.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
[/quote]
[quote]
LEMMINGS!
[/quote]
www.hamsterdance.com...
[quote]
[quote]
"Yep, I mean if we don't help Minsc, he's going to go off on a charge, break random doors down, and get arrested. I figure we just locate the hamsters, and buy them from the owner. I'm sure a little muscle flexing by Minsc here will keep the price reasonable. Then everyone is happy, and Minsc stays out of trouble." whispered Hellocthul back.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
Sounds like a good idea.
[/quote]
keeping minsc out of trouble is a full time job...sigh...
[quote]
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
[/quote]
[quote]
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
[/quote]
I absolutely agree!!!
[quote]
At the other set were about 6 large quasi-anthromorphic figures, with various antenna on top of their heads, a cute and idiotic expressions painted on their faces, and large rectangular screens on their tummies. They made all sorts of cooing and gurgling sounds, while dancing in obvious worship of a smiling sun, which had the animated face of a delighted infant superimposed on the prop. The illithid were filming "Teletubbies"!!!
[/quote]
[quote]
Kill them, kill them!
[/quote]
oh yeah, they must die, die, die!!!
[quote]
[quote]
"CALIMARI!!! YOU BUFFLEHEADS HAD SEAFOOD!!! Give me some right now!!!" Imoen reached over to Hellocthul's head, and lifted out a morsel of broiled mindflayer tentacle, dunked it in a gooey, sweet smelling pink sauce, and plopped it in her mouth. Hellocthul, Jan and Minsc (the happily chittering hamsters, and of course Boo) looked at her with wide eyed horror and complete shock.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
"IMMY! That's mindflayer..." exclaimed Hellocthul. Immy just looked at her, then picked up another chunk, dunked it in the pink sauce, and popped it into her mouth.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
Like i said, hormones.
[/quote]
raging hormones!!
[quote]
Fun
[/quote]
[quote]
Hunter[/quote]
Thank you for reading and commenting!!!
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
Hormones.
[/quote]
oh yeah!!! of all the characters in any party, imoen is absolutely the most highly strung...she always felt to me like she would not take pregnancy very well at all...poor immy...sniff...
[quote]
[quote]
As the party continued, and everyone caught up in each other's lives, the unattended Tele-Scry viewer gradually shifted into screen saver mode, and several rows of incredibly cute and adorable hamsters appeared on the screen, complete with tiny miniature outfits, like a maid, a fighter, (so cute in its tiny shining armor) and a robed cleric. The hamsters began to bob up and down, and started singing.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
[/quote]
[quote]
LEMMINGS!
[/quote]
www.hamsterdance.com...
[quote]
[quote]
"Yep, I mean if we don't help Minsc, he's going to go off on a charge, break random doors down, and get arrested. I figure we just locate the hamsters, and buy them from the owner. I'm sure a little muscle flexing by Minsc here will keep the price reasonable. Then everyone is happy, and Minsc stays out of trouble." whispered Hellocthul back.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
Sounds like a good idea.
[/quote]
keeping minsc out of trouble is a full time job...sigh...
[quote]
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
[/quote]
[quote]
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
[/quote]
I absolutely agree!!!
[quote]
At the other set were about 6 large quasi-anthromorphic figures, with various antenna on top of their heads, a cute and idiotic expressions painted on their faces, and large rectangular screens on their tummies. They made all sorts of cooing and gurgling sounds, while dancing in obvious worship of a smiling sun, which had the animated face of a delighted infant superimposed on the prop. The illithid were filming "Teletubbies"!!!
[/quote]
[quote]
Kill them, kill them!
[/quote]
oh yeah, they must die, die, die!!!
[quote]
[quote]
"CALIMARI!!! YOU BUFFLEHEADS HAD SEAFOOD!!! Give me some right now!!!" Imoen reached over to Hellocthul's head, and lifted out a morsel of broiled mindflayer tentacle, dunked it in a gooey, sweet smelling pink sauce, and plopped it in her mouth. Hellocthul, Jan and Minsc (the happily chittering hamsters, and of course Boo) looked at her with wide eyed horror and complete shock.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
"IMMY! That's mindflayer..." exclaimed Hellocthul. Immy just looked at her, then picked up another chunk, dunked it in the pink sauce, and popped it into her mouth.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
Like i said, hormones.
[/quote]
raging hormones!!
[quote]
Fun
[/quote]
[quote]
Hunter[/quote]
Thank you for reading and commenting!!!
#12
Weyoun
-
- Members
- 11272 posts
Transcendant
Posted 16 October 2003 - 12:22 AM
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
"Kelsey welsey pooh-bear, I love you...you're such a honey, such a devoted husband and soon to be father. I'm sure that I'm the luckiest girl in Faerun to have such a devoted cuddle-bunny...NOW WHERE IS MY KIPPERS WITH MAPLE SYRUP!!!" Imoen's voice rose to a scream as Kelsey answered the door. The look of fatuitous adoration on Kelsey's face was abruptly replaced by sheer terror, as the poor sorceror picked up the steaming plate of fish and sweet syrup and rushed to the bedroom. Hellocthul, Jan, Minsc and Nalia let themselves in to the sitting room of the Planar Sphere. Jan was giggling as Nalia shot him a dirty look, and rushed to comfort Imoen.
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
Imoen pregnant by KElsey. Oh, the horror, oh, poor Imoen. How could you?! "Telemarketers! I don't think we need the 'Dummy's Guide to Simple Magic Spells.'" said Kelsey with a snort. They all had a good giggle about that.
Ergg... As you might have noticed, I am not a kelsey fan...
"Urm...honey, are we really going to go on a quest to rescue enslaved hamsters?" whispered Nalia with a disbelieving expression on her face.
Yes, hurry! Before they make them run in wheels again!
"Ok, we're in Noogle.com, lets see, 'hamsters, dancing', that should do it." said Nalia confidently.
Works better than asking around, I suppose.
"Heya, what's a hamster? Heya, what's dancing? Processing... ... ... ...the site you want is 'Hamsterdance.com. Heya!" said Noogle.
"Ok, it looks like the corporate office is at 666 Bridge district." said Nalia.
Gee, I hope they won't run into Chris Colorado.
"Ok, lets go...honey, do you want to stay with Immy and Kelsey?" asked Hellocthul. Poor Kelsey nodded his head frantically at the thought of Nalia's help in keeping the bottomless pit fed. Imoen looked pleased at the thought of spending time with her sister-in-law.
Maybe she could cook and eat Kelsey.
Hey, if she can eat pickles in peanutbutter, she can eat deep-fried sorcerer. One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur
Ah, food for Imoen!
Everybody was Hamster Fighting (heya-squeeeeek! eeek!)
Those paws were fast as lightning (huh! squeek-cheeeek!)
In fact it was a little bit frightening (huh! eeeek-eeeek!)
But Master Boo fought with expert timing (squeeek!)
...
No...
Tell me I didn't read that correctly...
Please?
The half elven sorceress kensai, and the hamster of unusual size and martial arts abilities nodded at each other and attacked. Hellocthul's twin swords were streaks of silvery light, as she proceeded to dice and slice the ranks of the mindflayers, dismembering the mindflayers as if in preparation for a truely gruesome dish of seafood. The swords sliced thru the bodies like magically enhanced ginsu knives, wielded by a master sushi chef. Boo's attacks were no less effective, his paws blurring with speed as he literally punched the faces and bodies of the mindflayers into squishy, ichor dripping messes. His arcane attacks were also as devistating as Hellocthul's dragon breaths and sunfire blasts. He raised his paws, and intoned the mystic words.
"Kamahame-squeek-eeeek!"
Hey, sounds almost as spiffy as 'Moon Tiara Power!'.
"...DRAGON FART!!!" Jan finished the incantation with the triggering phrase, and the shape of a gigantic ghostly hindquarters of a dragon took shape above their heads. The tail lifted in the spectral image, and a humongous "PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!" sound roared through the empty warehouse. A huge stinky cloud blasted out of the spell manifestation, and instantly the entire warehouse was filled with a sickly and ghastly green cloud, with an unspeakable smell. Hellocthul grabbed Jan, who was reeling with the stench, and ran out the door. She slammed the door behind her, to keep the noxious fumes from pouring out, and ran tword a crane, where she could spot Minsc waving his arms. Hellocthul and Jan sat down, and caught their breaths. They looked behind them to see disgusting green vapor swirling out of the cracks and crevices of the windows and doors of the warehouse. Hellocthul pulled out a fireball wand out of her pouch, and with a single raised eyebrow, offered it butt first to the gnome.
...
You've stunned me... Again...
Any chance Kelsey could get caught up in the blast?
Well, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
Stick your tail straight out, honey
You know your fur looks so good
You got me running in a big wheel, now
Just like I know you would
Well, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
You know you Squeek, little girl
You know you Squeek so fine
Come on and Squeek a little closer now
And let me know that you're mine, woo
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Yeah, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
You know you Squeek, little girl
You know you Squeek so fine
Come on and Squeek a little closer now
And let me know that you're mine
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Ah, ah, ah, ah
.........
You've stunned me again...
"CALIMARI!!! YOU BUFFLEHEADS HAD SEAFOOD!!! Give me some right now!!!" Imoen reached over to Hellocthul's head, and lifted out a morsel of broiled mindflayer tentacle, dunked it in a gooey, sweet smelling pink sauce, and plopped it in her mouth. Hellocthul, Jan and Minsc (the happily chittering hamsters, and of course Boo) looked at her with wide eyed horror and complete shock.
"IMMY! That's mindflayer..." exclaimed Hellocthul. Immy just looked at her, then picked up another chunk, dunked it in the pink sauce, and popped it into her mouth.
LOL! Yum.
"And it goes great with pink bubblegum sauce too..." she replied with a contented grin.
How about icecream soup?
No one noticed a tiny guilty "Squeek!" emitted by Boo, sitting on the table next to Minsc and the frolicking hamsters, or his start of surprise, as Hellocthul mused out loud.
Great story... It was, uhm, stunning, yes.
---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers
---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.
Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!
---
"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi
---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.
Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!
---
"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi
#13
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
-
- Guests
Posted 16 October 2003 - 01:34 AM
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
"Kelsey welsey pooh-bear, I love you...you're such a honey, such a devoted husband and soon to be father. I'm sure that I'm the luckiest girl in Faerun to have such a devoted cuddle-bunny...NOW WHERE IS MY KIPPERS WITH MAPLE SYRUP!!!" Imoen's voice rose to a scream as Kelsey answered the door. The look of fatuitous adoration on Kelsey's face was abruptly replaced by sheer terror, as the poor sorceror picked up the steaming plate of fish and sweet syrup and rushed to the bedroom. Hellocthul, Jan, Minsc and Nalia let themselves in to the sitting room of the Planar Sphere. Jan was giggling as Nalia shot him a dirty look, and rushed to comfort Imoen.
Imoen was pregnant as a pelican as she lay back in her bed, with Nalia busy rubbing her swollen feet. She was busy shoveling the dish of sweet and salty fish as her face lit up at seeing her sister. Poor Kelsey had collapsed in a corner, still wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron around his waist. Hellocthul reached over and lifted Kelsey to his feet. He shot her a grateful look as he went back to the kitchen, in an attempt to pre-emptively prepare for Imoen's next craving attack.
well, heck...i had to write some one in to be utterly henpecked by immy...urm...have you been playing the imoen romance by mirrabo? great mod, well written...
"Telemarketers! I don't think we need the 'Dummy's Guide to Simple Magic Spells.'" said Kelsey with a snort. They all had a good giggle about that.
Ergg... As you might have noticed, I am not a kelsey fan...
neither am i, please notice i did dress him up in an apron...
"Urm...honey, are we really going to go on a quest to rescue enslaved hamsters?" whispered Nalia with a disbelieving expression on her face.
Yes, hurry! Before they make them run in wheels again!
NOT THE WHEELS!!!! AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my original concept was the hamsters were exploited by evil naughty shadow druids...and that at the end they would be polymophed into squirrels, and caged in hamster wheels, and only after 1 billion spins of the wheels would the cages open...somehow the mindflayer plot worked itself in...
"Ok, we're in Noogle.com, lets see, 'hamsters, dancing', that should do it." said Nalia confidently.
Works better than asking around, I suppose.
the evil combination of noober and google.com...
"Heya, what's a hamster? Heya, what's dancing? Processing... ... ... ...the site you want is 'Hamsterdance.com. Heya!" said Noogle.
"Ok, it looks like the corporate office is at 666 Bridge district." said Nalia.
Gee, I hope they won't run into Chris Colorado.
urm...who is chris colorodo? I can see he's an anime show...been watching "Ai Yori Aioshi" and "Witch Hunter Robin" lately...
"Ok, lets go...honey, do you want to stay with Immy and Kelsey?" asked Hellocthul. Poor Kelsey nodded his head frantically at the thought of Nalia's help in keeping the bottomless pit fed. Imoen looked pleased at the thought of spending time with her sister-in-law.
Maybe she could cook and eat Kelsey.
too fattening, and too greasy...
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur
Ah, food for Imoen!
exactly!!! broiled mindflayer...
Everybody was Hamster Fighting (heya-squeeeeek! eeek!)
Those paws were fast as lightning (huh! squeek-cheeeek!)
In fact it was a little bit frightening (huh! eeeek-eeeek!)
But Master Boo fought with expert timing (squeeek!)
...
No...
Tell me I didn't read that correctly...
Please?
sorry, you did!!! you did see that puddy tat!!!
The half elven sorceress kensai, and the hamster of unusual size and martial arts abilities nodded at each other and attacked. Hellocthul's twin swords were streaks of silvery light, as she proceeded to dice and slice the ranks of the mindflayers, dismembering the mindflayers as if in preparation for a truely gruesome dish of seafood. The swords sliced thru the bodies like magically enhanced ginsu knives, wielded by a master sushi chef. Boo's attacks were no less effective, his paws blurring with speed as he literally punched the faces and bodies of the mindflayers into squishy, ichor dripping messes. His arcane attacks were also as devistating as Hellocthul's dragon breaths and sunfire blasts. He raised his paws, and intoned the mystic words.
"Kamahame-squeek-eeeek!"
Hey, sounds almost as spiffy as 'Moon Tiara Power!'.
had to put in a dragon ball z joke in somewhere...
"...DRAGON FART!!!" Jan finished the incantation with the triggering phrase, and the shape of a gigantic ghostly hindquarters of a dragon took shape above their heads. The tail lifted in the spectral image, and a humongous "PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!" sound roared through the empty warehouse. A huge stinky cloud blasted out of the spell manifestation, and instantly the entire warehouse was filled with a sickly and ghastly green cloud, with an unspeakable smell. Hellocthul grabbed Jan, who was reeling with the stench, and ran out the door. She slammed the door behind her, to keep the noxious fumes from pouring out, and ran tword a crane, where she could spot Minsc waving his arms. Hellocthul and Jan sat down, and caught their breaths. They looked behind them to see disgusting green vapor swirling out of the cracks and crevices of the windows and doors of the warehouse. Hellocthul pulled out a fireball wand out of her pouch, and with a single raised eyebrow, offered it butt first to the gnome.
...
You've stunned me... Again...
oh yeah...you know, its always bothered me that you can't ignite a stinky cloud in the game...ketones and esters, sounds like fuel air explosive to me...
Any chance Kelsey could get caught up in the blast?
wouldn't wanna make poor immy a widow...
Well, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
Stick your tail straight out, honey
You know your fur looks so good
You got me running in a big wheel, now
Just like I know you would
Well, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
You know you Squeek, little girl
You know you Squeek so fine
Come on and Squeek a little closer now
And let me know that you're mine, woo
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Yeah, Squeek it up baby now
Squeek and shout!
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now
Come on and lift your tail straight out!
You know you Squeek, little girl
You know you Squeek so fine
Come on and Squeek a little closer now
And let me know that you're mine
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Well squeek it, eeek it, cheek it, baby now
Ah, ah, ah, ah
.........
You've stunned me again...
heehhehehehheh!!!!!!!! twice in one story!!!
"CALIMARI!!! YOU BUFFLEHEADS HAD SEAFOOD!!! Give me some right now!!!" Imoen reached over to Hellocthul's head, and lifted out a morsel of broiled mindflayer tentacle, dunked it in a gooey, sweet smelling pink sauce, and plopped it in her mouth. Hellocthul, Jan and Minsc (the happily chittering hamsters, and of course Boo) looked at her with wide eyed horror and complete shock.
"IMMY! That's mindflayer..." exclaimed Hellocthul. Immy just looked at her, then picked up another chunk, dunked it in the pink sauce, and popped it into her mouth.
LOL! Yum.
this from the guy who had laska tuck the red dragon in to her bag of holding so they could dine on him....hehhehhehehehheh!!!!!!!!!!
"And it goes great with pink bubblegum sauce too..." she replied with a contented grin.
How about icecream soup?
that too...
No one noticed a tiny guilty "Squeek!" emitted by Boo, sitting on the table next to Minsc and the frolicking hamsters, or his start of surprise, as Hellocthul mused out loud.
Great story... It was, uhm, stunning, yes.
glad you enjoyed it...
---Weyoun
thank you so much for reading and commenting!!!!!!!!!!
urm...did you catch "gnome improvement" below???
#14
Guest_Hunter_*
Guest_Hunter_*
-
- Guests
Posted 16 October 2003 - 03:07 AM
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
LEMMINGS!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
www.hamsterdance.com...
[/quote]
the link is broken
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
I absolutely agree!!!
[/quote]
The people who produces "barney and Friends" must be evil by definition. Just like Ms rowlings.
[quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
LEMMINGS!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
www.hamsterdance.com...
[/quote]
the link is broken
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
I absolutely agree!!!
[/quote]
The people who produces "barney and Friends" must be evil by definition. Just like Ms rowlings.
#15
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
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- Guests
Posted 16 October 2003 - 03:18 AM
[quote name="Hunter"][quote]
[quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
LEMMINGS!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
www.hamsterdance.com...
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
the link is broken
[/quote]
sorry...i added "..." by mistake...
http://www.hamsterdance.com/
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
I absolutely agree!!!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
The people who produces "barney and Friends" must be evil by definition. Just like Ms rowlings.[/quote]
i actually find the books well written, its the hype that annoys me...you are led to believe rowlings is the only good author of young adult books in existance...but i do hate barney and friends...yukkk!!!!
thanks for commenting!!!
[quote]
[quote]
"Dee-de-ba-de-dull-dull-Da-dee-ba-deeda-dum! (Let's go!)"
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
LEMMINGS!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
www.hamsterdance.com...
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
the link is broken
[/quote]
sorry...i added "..." by mistake...
http://www.hamsterdance.com/
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
One of them had a cute, furry, big purple dinosaur capering and singing with about a dozen smiling and laughing children. The illithid were filming "Barney and Friends"!!!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
That's as good a reason as any to kill them.
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
[quote]
I absolutely agree!!!
[/quote]
[/quote]
[quote]
The people who produces "barney and Friends" must be evil by definition. Just like Ms rowlings.
[/quote]i actually find the books well written, its the hype that annoys me...you are led to believe rowlings is the only good author of young adult books in existance...but i do hate barney and friends...yukkk!!!!
thanks for commenting!!!
#16
Guest_Hunter_*
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- Guests
Posted 16 October 2003 - 09:00 AM
http://www.hamsterdance.com/
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH. It's torture, pure torture.
i actually find the books well written, its the hype that annoys me...you are led to believe rowlings is the only good author of young adult books in existance...but i do hate barney and friends...yukkk!!!!
my position with regard to ms rowlings is stated below
#17
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
Guest_Userunfriendly_*
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- Guests
Posted 16 October 2003 - 04:34 PM
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH. It's torture, pure torture.
frightening, isn't it???
i actually find the books well written, its the hype that annoys me...you are led to believe rowlings is the only good author of young adult books in existance...but i do hate barney and friends...yukkk!!!!
my position with regard to ms rowlings is stated below
oh yeah, he is rather annoying...
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