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Songs Left Unsung Part 9 (first half)


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#1 Guest_Bjorn_*

Posted 05 October 2003 - 10:25 PM

Well, here's the first half of chapter 9. Am posting it in two halves because a) it is looking like it will be longer than any of the previous chapters, and :P having had a rather busy weekend, I haven't quite finished writing the second half yet. But it will follow before long.

Songs left Unsung Part 9: Looking to the Future

In Waukeen's Promenade the city guard are doing their morning rounds, chasing away the beggars and drunkards who have congregated here during the night, and checking that no more unexpected disasters have befallen the circus overnight. The traders are beginning to open up their shops and stalls, hawkers and street vendors are vying with each other for the best spots. The circus animal trainer is going round his charges, feeding them and using a long stick to prod awake those that are still sleeping.

And looking out at all this activity from a window in the Mithrest inn, a young bard experiences an unpleasant sinking feeling in his stomach as he realises that morning is finally here.

Garrick knows that a good night's sleep would have been the best way to prepare for today's assault on the vampires' lair, but instead he has spent the night awake - sometimes pacing up and down his room, sometimes standing at the window as he is now, sometimes sitting slumped on the floor with his blankets wrapped around him, and all the time dreading the coming of the dawn.

He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck...

He gives a convulsive shudder and tries to force himself to think of something else, but there is no distracting himself today. However much he tries to concentrate on the scene outside the window, on watching the people of Athkatla go about their daily business, he cannot make himself forget that in only a few hours time he will be walking into a nest of vampires, and that there he is going to die...

He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap.

He feels exhausted now, and more than a little sick. He feels as though he is caught in some kind of horrible nightmare, where he can see the horrors that lie ahead of him but is powerless to avoid them. All night he has been telling himself that he will run away, just pack his things and leave without a word to anyone, but at the same time he knows that he will never actually do this. To run now would make him even more of a coward than he already knows himself to be, and the thought of abandoning Yavana again is too much. He is determined at least to hold on to some vestige of self-respect by not giving into his fear before the battle has even started.

He knows he will let his friends down eventually though, just as he has done twice already. Bodhi scares him almost as much as Sarevok used to...and he had never succeeded in overcoming his fear of Yavana's golden eyed brother. Throughout the early days of his travels with Yavana, Sarevok had been a distant shadow on the horizon - Garrick had been head over heels in love and proud of being able to call himself an adventurer at last, but the quiver in Yavana's voice when she spoke of the burning eyes and hideous spiky armour of the man who had killed her father had been an unpleasant reminder that not all adventures had a happy ending.

It had never mattered to Garrick that Yavana was a Bhaalspawn - she was his friend and his one true love, and nothing was going to change that. But Sarevok...the more they found out about him the more Garrick had been unable to forget that his enemy had tainted blood running through his veins. Sarevok was born to murder, and the stories and rumours had spoken of him as one of the best warriors the Sword Coast had ever seen. Increasingly Garrick had begun to wonder what hope they had of ever defeating him.

Things had only got worse when they had reached Baldur's Gate. They had defeated the iron Throne, they had saved the city from the hordes of dopplegangers that threatened it - but all the while Sarevok had only grown more and more powerful. Everything they did had seemed to play into their enemy's hands, and there had been times when Garrick had felt as though he were just an insignificant pawn in Sarevok's plans for godhood. Imagining Sarevok as the God of Murder was only too easy, and what chance did he and his friends have against a god? His dreams of a happy future with Yavana at his side had become haunted by the knowledge that Sarevok stood between them and that future, and he could see little chance of getting past him.

As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was.

The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die.

Not until Sarevok had fallen had he regained control of himself, and his relief at realising that all of his companions had survived the battle had been immense. But his joy at their having defeated Sarevok had been tempered by the knowledge of how costly his cowardice could have proven. He had begun to doubt himself, begun to dread being afraid...and that only made fighting the fear all the harder. He had sworn to himself that he would not let it happen again, that death would be preferable to being responsible for the deaths of his friends - but it had not taken long for him to break that oath. The deaths of Khalid and Dynaheir already lie on his conscience, and he can only pray that no other names will be added to that list today.

He can hear movement and voices from the corridor now, as the others begin to rise. He doubts he will be able to stomach any breakfast, but staying in his room much longer will only result in someone being sent to fetch him - and he has no desire to draw attention to himself that way. Hiding under the bed with a blanket over his head might seem a more and more attractive option with each passing minute, but for Haer'Dalis to discover him like that would only make things worse. He takes a deep breath, and prepares to face the world. Stopping himself from being afraid might not be possible, but not letting his fear show would at least be a start.

The atmosphere at the breakfast table is tense, and Garrick is not the only one who does little more than pick at the food. Battle strategies have already been discussed the previous evening, and although Jaheira insists on running through them again Garrick pays her little attention. Yoshimo professes himself to be not hungry and excuses himself to his room, and whilst Minsc has certainly not lost his appetite the big man seems to sense the general mood and spends most of the meal talking quietly to Boo. Even Haer'Dalis seems subdued, and for once Garrick is spared having to endure listening to the tiefling flirting with Yavana, for which he is extremely grateful.

Yavana herself looks a little apprehensive to Garrick's eyes - but she also appears to be doing her best to hide this, and he knows that there is no chance of dissuading her from going through with the attack on Bodhi's lair. He still cannot quite bring himself to accept the inevitability of what they are going to do, though. Every time the door opens he looks up, desperately hoping that the newcomer is bearing some urgent message for them that will require their immediate attention - but every time the hope proves false, and time is fast running out.

The night seemed to last forever, but now that the time of waiting is nearing an end the minutes seem to fly past - he returns to his room to strap on his sword belt and collect the rest of his equipment feeling almost as if he is in a dream, powerless to stop what is going to happen. His instincts are screaming at him to escape, and he wants to obey, but somehow his feet carry him back downstairs and almost before he realises it he is standing by the door, and as soon as the others are ready it will be time to go...

"Do not look so worried, my young friend. I am certain this Bodhi will prove no match for the great Yoshimo!"

Garrick jumps as Yoshimo materialises apparently from nowhere at his side, clapping him on the shoulder and giving him a confident grin as he speaks. The thief's words are certainly not enough to banish his fears, but he is grateful to his friend for trying at least. He manages a weak smile in return, and is about to reply when Haer'Dalis, who has been sitting at the foot of the stairs pointedly ignoring Garrick, interrupts.

" 'Tis a strange thing, my hound. In all the time we have spent in this city, not a soul have we encountered who has heard of the 'great Yoshimo'. Are you not offended by this lack of recognition?"

Yoshimo shrugs, but somehow Garrick gets the impression that he is more annoyed by Haer's comment than he is letting on.

"Hardly. After all, I had been barely a month in Athkatla before I became the captive of that accursed mage." And Yoshimo turns pointedly away from the tiefling, but Haer'Dalis does not appear to be put off by this.

"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs."

Garrick frowns, not understanding, but now he is sure he sees a flash of anger on Yoshimo's face before the thief composes himself and replies cheerfully:

"Ah, Haer'Dalis, Haer'Dalis. Have you so little faith in your friends that you would listen to the warnings of a vampire? We are comrades, you and I! We have fought together through thick and thin! What must I do to earn your trust?"

Garrick remembers now the remarks of one of the vampires they encountered concerning how they would be unwise to trust one another, but he is surprised that Haer'Dalis has read anything into it - he saw it as only a rather crude attempt to create discord within the group, and forgot about it entirely in the chaos of the fight that followed.

Haer'Dalis shakes his head. "We shall see. I tire of this pretence. Leave me be, Yoshimo."

Yoshimo seems prepared to let the matter drop, but Garrick feels infuriated on his friend's behalf - what right has Haer'Dalis got to insinuate that Yoshimo cannot be trusted? It is not as if he has any evidence to support his claim, only the words of a vampire who had tried to kill them less than a minute after giving the warning! He opens his mouth to speak up in support of Yoshimo, but then closes it again as a horrible thought occurs to him - if any of the group can be considered untrustworthy, it is himself.

None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself

His vague feeling of guilt is replaced by a fresh surge of panic as Yavana comes down the stairs, with Minsc and Jaheira close behind - the conversation with the tiefling had briefly distracted him from worrying about Bodhi, but now all his fears return in force. What does anything else matter, when he is more than likely not going to survive the next few hours? He trails miserably after the others as they leave the inn, his thoughts growing darker with every step. He is about to walk into a nest of vampires, and there he is going to die...

 

Well, hope you liked it. We'll find out if Garrick's prediction is true in the second half of the chapter which will (probably :wink: ) be posted on Thursday.

#2 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 06 October 2003 - 03:51 AM

Well it’s late and I have an early appointment tomorrow. But there is this tantalizing chapter just sitting here waiting to be read.

When confronted with a choice between work and this site naturally I chose what is truly important. Now on to Bjorn’s next chapter.


[quote] In Waukeen's Promenade the city guard are doing their morning rounds, chasing away the beggars and drunkards who have congregated here during the night, and checking that no more unexpected disasters have befallen the circus overnight. The traders are beginning to open up their shops and stalls, hawkers and street vendors are vying with each other for the best spots. The circus animal trainer is going round his charges, feeding them and using a long stick to prod awake those that are still sleeping. [/quote] it does seem as if bad luck follows this circus around doesn’t it?
[quote] He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck... [/quote] rather disturbing premonition. I wonder if it a premonition of today or some future time.

[quote] He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap. [/quote] paranoia fueled by sleep deprivation. Nicely described

[quote] He knows he will let his friends down eventually though, just as he has done twice already. Bodhi scares him almost as much as Sarevok used to...and he had never succeeded in overcoming his fear of Yavana's golden eyed brother. Throughout the early days of his travels with Yavana, Sarevok had been a distant shadow on the horizon - Garrick had been head over heels in love and proud of being able to call himself an adventurer at last, but the quiver in Yavana's voice when she spoke of the burning eyes and hideous spiky armour of the man who had killed her father had been an unpleasant reminder that not all adventures had a happy ending. [/quote] very true. I am not sure that the either ending of the Baldur’s Gate saga is a happy one.

[quote] It had never mattered to Garrick that Yavana was a Bhaalspawn - she was his friend and his one true love, and nothing was going to change that. But Sarevok...the more they found out about him the more Garrick had been unable to forget that his enemy had tainted blood running through his veins. Sarevok was born to murder, and the stories and rumours had spoken of him as one of the best warriors the Sword Coast had ever seen. Increasingly Garrick had begun to wonder what hope they had of ever defeating him.

[quote] As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was. [/quote] yes Sarevok has that effect on people.

[quote] The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die. [/quote] This was a painful paragraph to read. It is all to easy to write about heroes and their bravery and go on about the many horrors they face, brushing aside fear with a laugh and a shrug. It is more difficult to imagine and write convincingly about the true effects of fear and its crippling nature. Thank you for making us look at the fact that real heroes are afraid but often to terrified to simply run away.

[quote]" 'Tis a strange thing, my hound. In all the time we have spent in this city, not a soul have we encountered who has heard of the 'great Yoshimo'. Are you not offended by this lack of recognition?" [/quote] not one to waste words is he?

[quote] "Hardly. After all, I had been barely a month in Athkatla before I became the captive of that accursed mage." And Yoshimo turns pointedly away from the tiefling, but Haer'Dalis does not appear to be put off by this.

"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs." [/quote] as much as I dislike Haer he does make very good points about Yoshimo and his story. Pity so few listen.

[quote] None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself [/quote] so you are saying Garrick is DIRECTLY responsible not just absent. Hmmmmmm

[quote] Well, hope you liked it. We'll find out if Garrick's prediction is true in the second half of the chapter which will (probably ) be posted on Thursday. [/quote] of course I liked it. Your deep characterization of Garrick continues to amaze and enthrall me.

I will go out on a limb and suggest that Garrick survives. After all you haven’t punished him nearly enough regarding his betrayal of the woman he is supposed to love.

#3 Guest_Bjorn_*

Posted 06 October 2003 - 08:52 AM

[quote]Well it’s late and I have an early appointment tomorrow. But there is this tantalizing chapter just sitting here waiting to be read.
[/quote]

[quote]
When confronted with a choice between work and this site naturally I chose what is truly important. Now on to Bjorn’s next chapter.
[/quote]

The trick is to get a job that's so dull and intellectually undemanding that you can just sleep at work if necessary :P

[quote]
[quote] He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap. [/quote] paranoia fueled by sleep deprivation. Nicely described
[/quote]

Thanks. The middle of the night is always the easiest time to feel scared/worried about anything, I find.

[quote]
[quote] He knows he will let his friends down eventually though, just as he has done twice already. Bodhi scares him almost as much as Sarevok used to...and he had never succeeded in overcoming his fear of Yavana's golden eyed brother. Throughout the early days of his travels with Yavana, Sarevok had been a distant shadow on the horizon - Garrick had been head over heels in love and proud of being able to call himself an adventurer at last, but the quiver in Yavana's voice when she spoke of the burning eyes and hideous spiky armour of the man who had killed her father had been an unpleasant reminder that not all adventures had a happy ending. [/quote] very true. I am not sure that the either ending of the Baldur’s Gate saga is a happy one.
[/quote]

Certainly no amount of power/riches/etc. will bring back all the friends they've lost along the way :( .

[quote]
[quote] As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was. [/quote] yes Sarevok has that effect on people.
[/quote]

I was pretty scared of Sarevok, by the time my first party got to the end of BG1 :( .

[quote]
[quote] The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die. [/quote] This was a painful paragraph to read. It is all to easy to write about heroes and their bravery and go on about the many horrors they face, brushing aside fear with a laugh and a shrug. It is more difficult to imagine and write convincingly about the true effects of fear and its crippling nature. Thank you for making us look at the fact that real heroes are afraid but often to terrified to simply run away.
[/quote]

Yes - being afraid would probably be most people's response in that situation. Unfortunately Garrick is still measuring himself against the heroes of song and legend, who probably never admitted to being afraid of anything in their lives.

[quote]
[quote]" 'Tis a strange thing, my hound. In all the time we have spent in this city, not a soul have we encountered who has heard of the 'great Yoshimo'. Are you not offended by this lack of recognition?" [/quote] not one to waste words is he?
[/quote]

Well, normally he is - but he's dropped some hints about his suspicions of Yoshi before, and he's fed up of dancing around the issue.

[quote]
"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs." [/quote] as much as I dislike Haer he does make very good points about Yoshimo and his story. Pity so few listen.
[/quote]

Yes - Haer is one of the few NPCs not to fall for Yoshi's charm.

[quote]
[quote] None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself [/quote] so you are saying Garrick is DIRECTLY responsible not just absent. Hmmmmmm
[/quote]

That's got you thinking, I see :(

[quote]
[quote] Well, hope you liked it. We'll find out if Garrick's prediction is true in the second half of the chapter which will (probably ) be posted on Thursday. [/quote] of course I liked it. Your deep characterization of Garrick continues to amaze and enthrall me.
[/quote]

Thanks! :(

[quote]
I will go out on a limb and suggest that Garrick survives. After all you haven’t punished him nearly enough regarding his betrayal of the woman he is supposed to love.[/quote]

Well, I could always bring him back as a vampire to punish him some more :wink:

Thanks for commenting :( .

#4 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 06 October 2003 - 10:14 AM

He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck...


Yeouch... but it's quite realistic to be very afraid... vampires should be very powerful creatures, not those washed-up in-game vampires.

He gives a convulsive shudder and tries to force himself to think of something else, but there is no distracting himself today. However much he tries to concentrate on the scene outside the window, on watching the people of Athkatla go about their daily business, he cannot make himself forget that in only a few hours time he will be walking into a nest of vampires, and that there he is going to die...


Quite unhealthy attitude... though being an optimist in such circumstances, feels just like asking for it...

Mind you, with such party as you have here, I'd be having second thoughts about going to the graveyard, too...

He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap.


Hmm, he sounds really desperate... at this moment he probably wishes his old roomie Haer would be there... egh, on second thought - maybe not THAT desperate.

He knows he will let his friends down eventually though, just as he has done twice already. Bodhi scares him almost as much as Sarevok used to...and he had never succeeded in overcoming his fear of Yavana's golden eyed brother. Throughout the early days of his travels with Yavana, Sarevok had been a distant shadow on the horizon - Garrick had been head over heels in love and proud of being able to call himself an adventurer at last, but the quiver in Yavana's voice when she spoke of the burning eyes and hideous spiky armour of the man who had killed her father had been an unpleasant reminder that not all adventures had a happy ending.


Yes, I can see how Bodhi would seem just as scary as Sarevok... probably even scarier - Sarry was a bit more predicatble, I think.

Things had only got worse when they had reached Baldur's Gate. They had defeated the iron Throne, they had saved the city from the hordes of dopplegangers that threatened it - but all the while Sarevok had only grown more and more powerful. Everything they did had seemed to play into their enemy's hands, and there had been times when Garrick had felt as though he were just an insignificant pawn in Sarevok's plans for godhood. Imagining Sarevok as the God of Murder was only too easy, and what chance did he and his friends have against a god? His dreams of a happy future with Yavana at his side had become haunted by the knowledge that Sarevok stood between them and that future, and he could see little chance of getting past him.


Hmm, I wonder if knowing that Yavana has the same cursed blood as Sarry would not put a bit of a damper on the whole thing. I'd think the possibility of Yavana becoming like Sarevok would occur to him... then again, maybe those feelings do make him blind.

The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die.


Good thing that none of them died protecting him, or it would have been much harder to live with.

Not until Sarevok had fallen had he regained control of himself, and his relief at realising that all of his companions had survived the battle had been immense. But his joy at their having defeated Sarevok had been tempered by the knowledge of how costly his cowardice could have proven. He had begun to doubt himself, begun to dread being afraid...and that only made fighting the fear all the harder. He had sworn to himself that he would not let it happen again, that death would be preferable to being responsible for the deaths of his friends - but it had not taken long for him to break that oath. The deaths of Khalid and Dynaheir already lie on his conscience, and he can only pray that no other names will be added to that list today.


Err, yes... as I said, poor guy. I doubt that he could have prevented them being abducted... but that's not much of a consolation.

The night seemed to last forever, but now that the time of waiting is nearing an end the minutes seem to fly past - he returns to his room to strap on his sword belt and collect the rest of his equipment feeling almost as if he is in a dream, powerless to stop what is going to happen. His instincts are screaming at him to escape, and he wants to obey, but somehow his feet carry him back downstairs and almost before he realises it he is standing by the door, and as soon as the others are ready it will be time to go...


Poor guy, but you have to wonder - is he a help or a burden to the group?

" 'Tis a strange thing, my hound. In all the time we have spent in this city, not a soul have we encountered who has heard of the 'great Yoshimo'. Are you not offended by this lack of recognition?"


I think that goes both ways, Haer... you don't seem to me like a winner of popularity contest either.

"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs."


*draws a big red bullseye on Haer's back*

Haer'Dalis shakes his head. "We shall see. I tire of this pretence. Leave me be, Yoshimo."


Hmm, I thought it was Haer who butted in their conversation... but interesting that he would be so perceptive regards to Yoshi.

His vague feeling of guilt is replaced by a fresh surge of panic as Yavana comes down the stairs, with Minsc and Jaheira close behind - the conversation with the tiefling had briefly distracted him from worrying about Bodhi, but now all his fears return in force. What does anything else matter, when he is more than likely not going to survive the next few hours? He trails miserably after the others as they leave the inn, his thoughts growing darker with every step. He is about to walk into a nest of vampires, and there he is going to die...


Well, he sure is cheerful, our little Garrick. :wink:

#5 Laufey

Posted 06 October 2003 - 10:35 AM

He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap.


You did a fine job here of describing his tension and horror, and the nightmarish quality of the previous hours.


As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was.


Aw, he's being very hard on himself. :wink: Most people would be scared of Sarevok.

The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die.


Oh, ouch! :P So that's how it happened. Poor Garrick, he must be very ashamed.


The night seemed to last forever, but now that the time of waiting is nearing an end the minutes seem to fly past - he returns to his room to strap on his sword belt and collect the rest of his equipment feeling almost as if he is in a dream, powerless to stop what is going to happen. His instincts are screaming at him to escape, and he wants to obey, but somehow his feet carry him back downstairs and almost before he realises it he is standing by the door, and as soon as the others are ready it will be time to go...


Again that nightmarish feeling, when your legs carry you somewhere you *really* don't want to go.


"Hardly. After all, I had been barely a month in Athkatla before I became the captive of that accursed mage." And Yoshimo turns pointedly away from the tiefling, but Haer'Dalis does not appear to be put off by this.


"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs."


Ah, so HD guesses the truth. I seem to remember a comment he made during the game that hinted at that too.



None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself


Awww...poor boy. :(

His vague feeling of guilt is replaced by a fresh surge of panic as Yavana comes down the stairs, with Minsc and Jaheira close behind - the conversation with the tiefling had briefly distracted him from worrying about Bodhi, but now all his fears return in force. What does anything else matter, when he is more than likely not going to survive the next few hours? He trails miserably after the others as they leave the inn, his thoughts growing darker with every step. He is about to walk into a nest of vampires, and there he is going to die...


Aw, I hope not!
Rogues do it from behind.

#6 Guest_Bjorn_*

Posted 06 October 2003 - 01:09 PM


He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck...


Yeouch... but it's quite realistic to be very afraid... vampires should be very powerful creatures, not those washed-up in-game vampires.


They can be quite scary in the game when you're still low level. But once it reaches the point where you can just send in Ano to make them explode, they do lose their edge rather :P .


He gives a convulsive shudder and tries to force himself to think of something else, but there is no distracting himself today. However much he tries to concentrate on the scene outside the window, on watching the people of Athkatla go about their daily business, he cannot make himself forget that in only a few hours time he will be walking into a nest of vampires, and that there he is going to die...


Quite unhealthy attitude... though being an optimist in such circumstances, feels just like asking for it...


Mind you, with such party as you have here, I'd be having second thoughts about going to the graveyard, too...


Heh, yes - this party would suck in the game, with 2 bards. And the lack of a priest is be a serious disadvantage against vampires, too.


He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap.


Hmm, he sounds really desperate... at this moment he probably wishes his old roomie Haer would be there... egh, on second thought - maybe not THAT desperate.


Haer would only make it worse, by mocking him for being scared or going on how death is inevitable anyway.


He knows he will let his friends down eventually though, just as he has done twice already. Bodhi scares him almost as much as Sarevok used to...and he had never succeeded in overcoming his fear of Yavana's golden eyed brother. Throughout the early days of his travels with Yavana, Sarevok had been a distant shadow on the horizon - Garrick had been head over heels in love and proud of being able to call himself an adventurer at last, but the quiver in Yavana's voice when she spoke of the burning eyes and hideous spiky armour of the man who had killed her father had been an unpleasant reminder that not all adventures had a happy ending.


Yes, I can see how Bodhi would seem just as scary as Sarevok... probably even scarier - Sarry was a bit more predicatble, I think.


Yes - it was usually pretty obvious what Sarry was up to, whereas Bodhi is much more mysterious.


Things had only got worse when they had reached Baldur's Gate. They had defeated the iron Throne, they had saved the city from the hordes of dopplegangers that threatened it - but all the while Sarevok had only grown more and more powerful. Everything they did had seemed to play into their enemy's hands, and there had been times when Garrick had felt as though he were just an insignificant pawn in Sarevok's plans for godhood. Imagining Sarevok as the God of Murder was only too easy, and what chance did he and his friends have against a god? His dreams of a happy future with Yavana at his side had become haunted by the knowledge that Sarevok stood between them and that future, and he could see little chance of getting past him.


Hmm, I wonder if knowing that Yavana has the same cursed blood as Sarry would not put a bit of a damper on the whole thing. I'd think the possibility of Yavana becoming like Sarevok would occur to him... then again, maybe those feelings do make him blind.


He does worry about what Yavana's heritage will mean for her, but when he sees her he sees his friend and One True Love, not an evil Bhaalspawn. So it doesn't really occur to him to be scared of her.


Not until Sarevok had fallen had he regained control of himself, and his relief at realising that all of his companions had survived the battle had been immense. But his joy at their having defeated Sarevok had been tempered by the knowledge of how costly his cowardice could have proven. He had begun to doubt himself, begun to dread being afraid...and that only made fighting the fear all the harder. He had sworn to himself that he would not let it happen again, that death would be preferable to being responsible for the deaths of his friends - but it had not taken long for him to break that oath. The deaths of Khalid and Dynaheir already lie on his conscience, and he can only pray that no other names will be added to that list today.


Err, yes... as I said, poor guy. I doubt that he could have prevented them being abducted... but that's not much of a consolation.


:( Nope.


The night seemed to last forever, but now that the time of waiting is nearing an end the minutes seem to fly past - he returns to his room to strap on his sword belt and collect the rest of his equipment feeling almost as if he is in a dream, powerless to stop what is going to happen. His instincts are screaming at him to escape, and he wants to obey, but somehow his feet carry him back downstairs and almost before he realises it he is standing by the door, and as soon as the others are ready it will be time to go...


Poor guy, but you have to wonder - is he a help or a burden to the group?


Good question - but fortunately none of the others have realised just how scared he is, so they won't question his coming with them.


"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs."


*draws a big red bullseye on Haer's back*


LOL!


Haer'Dalis shakes his head. "We shall see. I tire of this pretence. Leave me be, Yoshimo."


Hmm, I thought it was Haer who butted in their conversation... but interesting that he would be so perceptive regards to Yoshi.


I think being a bard and an actor would make you good at spotting when people are lying and stuff - in the game Haer is pretty much the only NPC not to be fooled by Yoshi's charm.


His vague feeling of guilt is replaced by a fresh surge of panic as Yavana comes down the stairs, with Minsc and Jaheira close behind - the conversation with the tiefling had briefly distracted him from worrying about Bodhi, but now all his fears return in force. What does anything else matter, when he is more than likely not going to survive the next few hours? He trails miserably after the others as they leave the inn, his thoughts growing darker with every step. He is about to walk into a nest of vampires, and there he is going to die...


Well, he sure is cheerful, our little Garrick. :wink:


He doesn't have much to be cheerful about, really.

Thanks for commenting :(

#7 Guest_Bjorn_*

Posted 06 October 2003 - 01:23 PM


He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap.


You did a fine job here of describing his tension and horror, and the nightmarish quality of the previous hours.


Thanks. The middle of the night is always the easiest time to be scared :P .


As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was.


Aw, he's being very hard on himself. :( Most people would be scared of Sarevok.


Indeed they would - probably the rest of the party were almost as scared as him, they just didn't show it as much.


The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die.


Oh, ouch! :( So that's how it happened. Poor Garrick, he must be very ashamed.


:( He is.


The night seemed to last forever, but now that the time of waiting is nearing an end the minutes seem to fly past - he returns to his room to strap on his sword belt and collect the rest of his equipment feeling almost as if he is in a dream, powerless to stop what is going to happen. His instincts are screaming at him to escape, and he wants to obey, but somehow his feet carry him back downstairs and almost before he realises it he is standing by the door, and as soon as the others are ready it will be time to go...


Again that nightmarish feeling, when your legs carry you somewhere you *really* don't want to go.


Yes - this feels very much like a bad dream to poor Garrick.


"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs."


Ah, so HD guesses the truth. I seem to remember a comment he made during the game that hinted at that too.


Yes, he has two game dialogues with Yoshimo where he hints that he doesn't believe Yoshi's story.


None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself


Awww...poor boy. :(


Bit of a no win situation, really :( .


His vague feeling of guilt is replaced by a fresh surge of panic as Yavana comes down the stairs, with Minsc and Jaheira close behind - the conversation with the tiefling had briefly distracted him from worrying about Bodhi, but now all his fears return in force. What does anything else matter, when he is more than likely not going to survive the next few hours? He trails miserably after the others as they leave the inn, his thoughts growing darker with every step. He is about to walk into a nest of vampires, and there he is going to die...


Aw, I hope not!


It will be a bit of a boring end to the story if he does :wink:

#8 Guest_Maidros_*

Posted 07 October 2003 - 04:01 PM

Shalom,
Nice ot see a new chapter of 'Songs left Unsung'.

Songs left Unsung Part 9: Looking to the Future

In Waukeen's Promenade the city guard are doing their morning rounds, chasing away the beggars and drunkards who have congregated here during the night, and checking that no more unexpected disasters have befallen the circus overnight. The traders are beginning to open up their shops and stalls, hawkers and street vendors are vying with each other for the best spots. The circus animal trainer is going round his charges, feeding them and using a long stick to prod awake those that are still sleeping.


There should be a comma after 'Promenade', I think.

Nice image of a waking city.

And looking out at all this activity from a window in the Mithrest inn, a young bard experiences an unpleasant sinking feeling in his stomach as he realises that morning is finally here.


Poor Garrick.

Garrick knows that a good night's sleep would have been the best way to prepare for today's assault on the vampires' lair, but instead he has spent the night awake - sometimes pacing up and down his room, sometimes standing at the window as he is now, sometimes sitting slumped on the floor with his blankets wrapped around him, and all the time dreading the coming of the dawn.


I thought he would have dreaded the night as well, in his state of nerves.

He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck...


Should it not be 'vampires surrounding him, their claws reaching for him' or 'vampires surround him, their claws reach for him' instead of 'vampires surround him'?

He certainly has a fertile imagination.

He gives a convulsive shudder and tries to force himself to think of something else, but there is no distracting himself today. However much he tries to concentrate on the scene outside the window, on watching the people of Athkatla go about their daily business, he cannot make himself forget that in only a few hours time he will be walking into a nest of vampires, and that there he is going to die...


He seems to have had a nervous breakdown. In army terminology, it would be called 'weakening of the moral fibre' and he would be summarily removed from service.

He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap.


Nice imagery.

He feels exhausted now, and more than a little sick. He feels as though he is caught in some kind of horrible nightmare, where he can see the horrors that lie ahead of him but is powerless to avoid them. All night he has been telling himself that he will run away, just pack his things and leave without a word to anyone, but at the same time he knows that he will never actually do this. To run now would make him even more of a coward than he already knows himself to be, and the thought of abandoning Yavana again is too much. He is determined at least to hold on to some vestige of self-respect by not giving into his fear before the battle has even started.


He seems to be like 'Andrew Stevens' of the Alistair Maclean novel - 'Guns of Navarone'.

He knows he will let his friends down eventually though, just as he has done twice already. Bodhi scares him almost as much as Sarevok used to...and he had never succeeded in overcoming his fear of Yavana's golden eyed brother. Throughout the early days of his travels with Yavana, Sarevok had been a distant shadow on the horizon - Garrick had been head over heels in love and proud of being able to call himself an adventurer at last, but the quiver in Yavana's voice when she spoke of the burning eyes and hideous spiky armour of the man who had killed her father had been an unpleasant reminder that not all adventures had a happy ending.

It had never mattered to Garrick that Yavana was a Bhaalspawn - she was his friend and his one true love, and nothing was going to change that. But Sarevok...the more they found out about him the more Garrick had been unable to forget that his enemy had tainted blood running through his veins. Sarevok was born to murder, and the stories and rumours had spoken of him as one of the best warriors the Sword Coast had ever seen. Increasingly Garrick had begun to wonder what hope they had of ever defeating him.


Now I thought he would have confidence in Yavana (she is also one with tainted blood). While it is entirely understandable that he would fear Sarevok, I thought he would have a sort of fear laced love for Yavana.

Things had only got worse when they had reached Baldur's Gate. They had defeated the iron Throne, they had saved the city from the hordes of dopplegangers that threatened it - but all the while Sarevok had only grown more and more powerful. Everything they did had seemed to play into their enemy's hands, and there had been times when Garrick had felt as though he were just an insignificant pawn in Sarevok's plans for godhood. Imagining Sarevok as the God of Murder was only too easy, and what chance did he and his friends have against a god? His dreams of a happy future with Yavana at his side had become haunted by the knowledge that Sarevok stood between them and that future, and he could see little chance of getting past him.


He seems to be increasingly worried about only the immediate dangers. Does he never think of the dangers that are just a bit farther off?

As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was.


It may be better if it were 'except how scared he was', I think. You may like to check

The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die.


Cynical remark on the behaviour of Garrick but it is perfectly in character.

Not until Sarevok had fallen had he regained control of himself, and his relief at realising that all of his companions had survived the battle had been immense. But his joy at their having defeated Sarevok had been tempered by the knowledge of how costly his cowardice could have proven. He had begun to doubt himself, begun to dread being afraid...and that only made fighting the fear all the harder. He had sworn to himself that he would not let it happen again, that death would be preferable to being responsible for the deaths of his friends - but it had not taken long for him to break that oath. The deaths of Khalid and Dynaheir already lie on his conscience, and he can only pray that no other names will be added to that list today.


It is strange that you change from past tense in which you are narrating to the present tense in the last sentence in the paragraph. Is it intentional? It should be 'already lay on his conscience' if you want to preserve the past tense in which you are narrating Garrick's experiences with his fear.

He can hear movement and voices from the corridor now, as the others begin to rise. He doubts he will be able to stomach any breakfast, but staying in his room much longer will only result in someone being sent to fetch him - and he has no desire to draw attention to himself that way. Hiding under the bed with a blanket over his head might seem a more and more attractive option with each passing minute, but for Haer'Dalis to discover him like that would only make things worse. He takes a deep breath, and prepares to face the world. Stopping himself from being afraid might not be possible, but not letting his fear show would at least be a start.


Interesting to see him cling on to some vestiges of self respect.

Yavana herself looks a little apprehensive to Garrick's eyes - but she also appears to be doing her best to hide this, and he knows that there is no chance of dissuading her from going through with the attack on Bodhi's lair. He still cannot quite bring himself to accept the inevitability of what they are going to do, though. Every time the door opens he looks up, desperately hoping that the newcomer is bearing some urgent message for them that will require their immediate attention - but every time the hope proves false, and time is fast running out.


Ah he is attempting denial, is he? Pretending that he does not have to go through with the horror?

" 'Tis a strange thing, my hound. In all the time we have spent in this city, not a soul have we encountered who has heard of the 'great Yoshimo'. Are you not offended by this lack of recognition?"


Hmm. The Shadow Thieves do recognise Yoshimo. And Yoshimo himself recognises several things in Athkathla. You may wish to consider this point.

"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs."


This is again a strange sentence. Yoshimo is certainly shackled and he shows it in Spellhold. True he has not been physically constrained, but the magical bond is on him always and you may need to explain this part.

"Ah, Haer'Dalis, Haer'Dalis. Have you so little faith in your friends that you would listen to the warnings of a vampire? We are comrades, you and I! We have fought together through thick and thin! What must I do to earn your trust?"


He might question Haer Dalis intentions. After all, a tiefling is not a common creature on the plane and he may ask Haer Dalis what he is doing there - he can question the purpose of the desire to travel with Yavana leaving his own companions of the planes behind.

None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself


Interesting and original reasons for his silence.

His vague feeling of guilt is replaced by a fresh surge of panic as Yavana comes down the stairs, with Minsc and Jaheira close behind - the conversation with the tiefling had briefly distracted him from worrying about Bodhi, but now all his fears return in force. What does anything else matter, when he is more than likely not going to survive the next few hours? He trails miserably after the others as they leave the inn, his thoughts growing darker with every step. He is about to walk into a nest of vampires, and there he is going to die...


Nice ending for this part -end is in total despair for Garrick.
Very good chapter. By the way, I commented on the previous chapter as well, so I thought I might let you know.
Regards,
Maidros

#9 Guest_Bjorn_*

Posted 07 October 2003 - 09:15 PM

[quote]
In Waukeen's Promenade the city guard are doing their morning rounds, chasing away the beggars and drunkards who have congregated here during the night, and checking that no more unexpected disasters have befallen the circus overnight. The traders are beginning to open up their shops and stalls, hawkers and street vendors are vying with each other for the best spots. The circus animal trainer is going round his charges, feeding them and using a long stick to prod awake those that are still sleeping.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
There should be a comma after 'Promenade', I think.
[/quote]

Hmm - I would say not, since if I was speaking the sentence aloud I wouldn't pause after Promenade.

[quote]
Nice image of a waking city.
[/quote]

[quote]
[quote]And looking out at all this activity from a window in the Mithrest inn, a young bard experiences an unpleasant sinking feeling in his stomach as he realises that morning is finally here.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Poor Garrick.
[/quote]

:D Poor Garrick indeed - he's not been having a whole lot of fun recently.

[quote]
[quote]Garrick knows that a good night's sleep would have been the best way to prepare for today's assault on the vampires' lair, but instead he has spent the night awake - sometimes pacing up and down his room, sometimes standing at the window as he is now, sometimes sitting slumped on the floor with his blankets wrapped around him, and all the time dreading the coming of the dawn.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
I thought he would have dreaded the night as well, in his state of nerves.
[/quote]

He hasn't exactly enjoyed it - but at least he gets to spend it safe in the inn, not out hunting vampires.

[quote]
[quote]He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck...[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Should it not be 'vampires surrounding him, their claws reaching for him' or 'vampires surround him, their claws reach for him' instead of 'vampires surround him'?
[/quote]

It should indeed. I'll change it to 'vampires surround him, their claws reach for him'. Thanks.

[quote]
He certainly has a fertile imagination.
[/quote]

He is a bard, after all :shock: .

[quote]
[quote]He gives a convulsive shudder and tries to force himself to think of something else, but there is no distracting himself today. However much he tries to concentrate on the scene outside the window, on watching the people of Athkatla go about their daily business, he cannot make himself forget that in only a few hours time he will be walking into a nest of vampires, and that there he is going to die... [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
He seems to have had a nervous breakdown. In army terminology, it would be called 'weakening of the moral fibre' and he would be summarily removed from service.
[/quote]

Unfortunately for Garrick, there's no one here to tell him he's unfit for service and make him stay behind.

[quote]
[quote]He remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, and having to keep a candle burning in his room throughout the night to keep away all the monsters that were doubtless lurking under his bed. Tonight he has kept two candles burning, and yet he has been seeing vampires in every shadow, has frozen in terror at each creak of the floorboards. He has been checking constantly that the door is locked, and has closed and barred the shutters a dozen times only to throw then open again five minutes later as the room begins to feel less like a safe haven and more like a trap.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Nice imagery.
[/quote]

Thanks :lol:

[quote]
[quote]He feels exhausted now, and more than a little sick. He feels as though he is caught in some kind of horrible nightmare, where he can see the horrors that lie ahead of him but is powerless to avoid them. All night he has been telling himself that he will run away, just pack his things and leave without a word to anyone, but at the same time he knows that he will never actually do this. To run now would make him even more of a coward than he already knows himself to be, and the thought of abandoning Yavana again is too much. He is determined at least to hold on to some vestige of self-respect by not giving into his fear before the battle has even started.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
He seems to be like 'Andrew Stevens' of the Alistair Maclean novel - 'Guns of Navarone'.
[/quote]

Yes - I hadn't thought of it before, but I suppose he is. Hopefully he will manage to avoid falling down a mountain and breaking his leg, though :lol:

[quote]
It had never mattered to Garrick that Yavana was a Bhaalspawn - she was his friend and his one true love, and nothing was going to change that. But Sarevok...the more they found out about him the more Garrick had been unable to forget that his enemy had tainted blood running through his veins. Sarevok was born to murder, and the stories and rumours had spoken of him as one of the best warriors the Sword Coast had ever seen. Increasingly Garrick had begun to wonder what hope they had of ever defeating him.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Now I thought he would have confidence in Yavana (she is also one with tainted blood). While it is entirely understandable that he would fear Sarevok, I thought he would have a sort of fear laced love for Yavana.
[/quote]

I guess the thing is that Yavana's Bhaal taint is much less obvious than Sarevok's - since she's a mage, she's probably never been affected by bloodlust in the middle of a battle or anything. Of course, this will change once slayer changes start...

[quote]
[quote]Things had only got worse when they had reached Baldur's Gate. They had defeated the iron Throne, they had saved the city from the hordes of dopplegangers that threatened it - but all the while Sarevok had only grown more and more powerful. Everything they did had seemed to play into their enemy's hands, and there had been times when Garrick had felt as though he were just an insignificant pawn in Sarevok's plans for godhood. Imagining Sarevok as the God of Murder was only too easy, and what chance did he and his friends have against a god? His dreams of a happy future with Yavana at his side had become haunted by the knowledge that Sarevok stood between them and that future, and he could see little chance of getting past him.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
He seems to be increasingly worried about only the immediate dangers. Does he never think of the dangers that are just a bit farther off?
[/quote]

I guess in the case of the Sarevok fight, there aren't any far off dangers to think of - as far as the characters know, once they've killed Sarry they're free to do whatever they want.

And right now before the Bodhi fight - Garrick doesn't know what the future holds. Obviously he doesn't think rescuing Immy/killing Irenicus will be easy, but as far as he knows Irenicus is still a prisoner so he isn't too worried about him right now.

So the answer to your question is that yes, he is a bit concerned about the distant future, but when he has specific things to worry about in the immediate future that tends to be the focus for his worrying.

[quote]
[quote]As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was. [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
It may be better if it were 'except how scared he was', I think. You may like to check
[/quote]

I think you're right - I'll change it.

[quote]
[quote]The only thing that had stopped him from running was that he hadn't been able to make his legs work. He had just stood there, shaking in horror whilst the battle went on around him. He had watched his friends fighting for their lives and he had not been able to make himself move a muscle to help them. Assuming that he was the victim of some spell, they had protected him - and as he had watched them taking the hits that were meant for him all he had been able to think of was how desperately he didn't want to die.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Cynical remark on the behaviour of Garrick but it is perfectly in character.
[/quote]

:D He despises himself for it, but he couldn't do anything about it.

[quote]
[quote]Not until Sarevok had fallen had he regained control of himself, and his relief at realising that all of his companions had survived the battle had been immense. But his joy at their having defeated Sarevok had been tempered by the knowledge of how costly his cowardice could have proven. He had begun to doubt himself, begun to dread being afraid...and that only made fighting the fear all the harder. He had sworn to himself that he would not let it happen again, that death would be preferable to being responsible for the deaths of his friends - but it had not taken long for him to break that oath. The deaths of Khalid and Dynaheir already lie on his conscience, and he can only pray that no other names will be added to that list today.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
It is strange that you change from past tense in which you are narrating to the present tense in the last sentence in the paragraph. Is it intentional? It should be 'already lay on his conscience' if you want to preserve the past tense in which you are narrating Garrick's experiences with his fear.
[/quote]

Well, narrating his past experiences ended with 'break that oath' - at the time of the Sarevok battle, Khalid and Dynaheir were obviously still alive. The last sentence is what he is thinking now as he stands in his room. But maybe you're right, and it is a bit confusing to just change tenses mid paragraph - I will try to think of a way to rephrase it.


[quote]
[quote]He can hear movement and voices from the corridor now, as the others begin to rise. He doubts he will be able to stomach any breakfast, but staying in his room much longer will only result in someone being sent to fetch him - and he has no desire to draw attention to himself that way. Hiding under the bed with a blanket over his head might seem a more and more attractive option with each passing minute, but for Haer'Dalis to discover him like that would only make things worse. He takes a deep breath, and prepares to face the world. Stopping himself from being afraid might not be possible, but not letting his fear show would at least be a start.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Interesting to see him cling on to some vestiges of self respect.
[/quote]

He needs that to keep himself going - if he lost all respect for himself it would probably mean he'd go straight back on the booze and never come off it.

[quote]
[quote]Yavana herself looks a little apprehensive to Garrick's eyes - but she also appears to be doing her best to hide this, and he knows that there is no chance of dissuading her from going through with the attack on Bodhi's lair. He still cannot quite bring himself to accept the inevitability of what they are going to do, though. Every time the door opens he looks up, desperately hoping that the newcomer is bearing some urgent message for them that will require their immediate attention - but every time the hope proves false, and time is fast running out. [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Ah he is attempting denial, is he? Pretending that he does not have to go through with the horror?
[/quote]

Yep. It may be irrational, but he can't help it.

[quote]
[quote]" 'Tis a strange thing, my hound. In all the time we have spent in this city, not a soul have we encountered who has heard of the 'great Yoshimo'. Are you not offended by this lack of recognition?"[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Hmm. The Shadow Thieves do recognise Yoshimo. And Yoshimo himself recognises several things in Athkathla. You may wish to consider this point.
[/quote]

The Shadow Thieves recognise him, but only because they've caught him doing freelance thieving - Haer'Dalis is referring to what Yoshimo says in Irenicus' dungeon, when he gives the impression that he's a legend and acts disappointed because you haven't heard of him.

[quote]
[quote]"Nay, my faithless hound. 'Twill take more than bad acting to deceive this bard, and you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king. I know how the shackles of slavery feel, and you have not worn them. Consider yourself forewarned, thief, and be sure that your knives find the right backs."[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
This is again a strange sentence. Yoshimo is certainly shackled and he shows it in Spellhold. True he has not been physically constrained, but the magical bond is on him always and you may need to explain this part.
[/quote]

*Sigh*. Everyone's nitpicked this passage, and it's basically just rearranged game dialogue! But I will try to add a sentence to explain that Haer is talking more about being physically a prisoner.

[quote]
[quote]"Ah, Haer'Dalis, Haer'Dalis. Have you so little faith in your friends that you would listen to the warnings of a vampire? We are comrades, you and I! We have fought together through thick and thin! What must I do to earn your trust?"[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
He might question Haer Dalis intentions. After all, a tiefling is not a common creature on the plane and he may ask Haer Dalis what he is doing there - he can question the purpose of the desire to travel with Yavana leaving his own companions of the planes behind.
[/quote]

Well - Haer does have quite good reasons, given the history of the Sigil troupe and the fact that he is in a relationship with Yavana at the moment. But I think Yoshimo's main concern is to end the conversation before anyone else takes Haer's side.


[quote]
[quote]None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Interesting and original reasons for his silence.
[/quote]

:( He's not being a very good friend to Yoshimo - but then he will find out before long that Yoshimo isn't being a very good friend to him, either.

[quote]
[quote]His vague feeling of guilt is replaced by a fresh surge of panic as Yavana comes down the stairs, with Minsc and Jaheira close behind - the conversation with the tiefling had briefly distracted him from worrying about Bodhi, but now all his fears return in force. What does anything else matter, when he is more than likely not going to survive the next few hours? He trails miserably after the others as they leave the inn, his thoughts growing darker with every step. He is about to walk into a nest of vampires, and there he is going to die...[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Nice ending for this part -end is in total despair for Garrick.
Very good chapter. By the way, I commented on the previous chapter as well, so I thought I might let you know.
Regards,
Maidros[/quote]

Thanks for commenting, and for your suggestions :) . I hadn't noticed your comment on the previous chapter - I'll go look at it now.

#10 Weyoun

Posted 09 October 2003 - 12:03 PM

Garrick knows that a good night's sleep would have been the best way to prepare for today's assault on the vampires' lair, but instead he has spent the night awake - sometimes pacing up and down his room, sometimes standing at the window as he is now, sometimes sitting slumped on the floor with his blankets wrapped around him, and all the time dreading the coming of the dawn.


He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck...


He's not the most cheerful of fellows, is he? :P

He feels exhausted now, and more than a little sick. He feels as though he is caught in some kind of horrible nightmare, where he can see the horrors that lie ahead of him but is powerless to avoid them. All night he has been telling himself that he will run away, just pack his things and leave without a word to anyone, but at the same time he knows that he will never actually do this. To run now would make him even more of a coward than he already knows himself to be, and the thought of abandoning Yavana again is too much. He is determined at least to hold on to some vestige of self-respect by not giving into his fear before the battle has even started.


Wow... you've really turned him into a character with this story. Great job.

As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was.


Aw, it's alright to be afraid... especially when a towering hulk of a man with glowing eyes and delusions of godhood is waving a 2 meter long sword in your face. :P

None of the others, not even Yavana, know of how he betrayed them on the night that Irenicus came for them. He hates himself for having done it, he has regretted it ever since - but nevertheless it happened, and if the others ever find out about it he doubts that they will be able to forgive him. Yoshimo is his friend...but in the circumstances, Garrick is not sure that he has any right to speak up. And certainly he doesn't want to deflect Haer'Dalis' suspicion onto himself


Poor Bloke. :)

Well, hope you liked it. We'll find out if Garrick's prediction is true in the second half of the chapter which will (probably :twisted: ) be posted on Thursday.


Can't wait! :) Great stuff,
---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#11 Guest_Bjorn_*

Posted 09 October 2003 - 05:27 PM


He is going to die today, he knows it. He has pictured his death in his mind many times during this sleepless night - vampires surround him, their claws reaching for him...he is weakened by their numbing touch, unable to move or defend himself, and the last thing he feels before everything fades into black nothingness are sharp fangs piercing his neck...


He's not the most cheerful of fellows, is he? :D


Afraid not - I haven't really given him many reasons to be cheerful lately,.


He feels exhausted now, and more than a little sick. He feels as though he is caught in some kind of horrible nightmare, where he can see the horrors that lie ahead of him but is powerless to avoid them. All night he has been telling himself that he will run away, just pack his things and leave without a word to anyone, but at the same time he knows that he will never actually do this. To run now would make him even more of a coward than he already knows himself to be, and the thought of abandoning Yavana again is too much. He is determined at least to hold on to some vestige of self-respect by not giving into his fear before the battle has even started.


Wow... you've really turned him into a character with this story. Great job.


Thanks :shock: . I know most people see him as little more than comic relief in the game, but I always thought there could be more to him than that.


As the inevitable confrontation with Sarevok had drawn near he had done his best to psyche himself up for the fight, to remind himself that despite being the son of a god Sarevok was still very much mortal. He had tried to see it as his chance to prove himself, to become the hero he had always dreamt of being. But when it had actually mattered, when he had stood with his friends and faced Sarevok in the Baldur's Gate catacombs, all that false bravery had meant nothing. One look at the golden light burning in Sarevok's eyes had been enough to make him forget everything except for how scared he was.


Aw, it's alright to be afraid... especially when a towering hulk of a man with glowing eyes and delusions of godhood is waving a 2 meter long sword in your face. :roll:


Definitely. Hell, I was pretty scared of Sarevok by the end of BG1, and I was sitting safely in an entirely different universe from him!


Well, hope you liked it. We'll find out if Garrick's prediction is true in the second half of the chapter which will (probably :) ) be posted on Thursday.


Can't wait! :) Great stuff,
---Weyoun


Thanks. Although you'll have to wait longer than I had hoped - the second 'half' is turning out to be about twice as long as this part, so it isn't finished yet. But I'll post before the end of the weekend, I promise. :)




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