Anaria - Part 5 - A Second Chance

A Second Chance

Anaria stumbled through the remains of Yaga Sura's encampment still feeling as if she walked in a nightmare. She and Anomen had dressed in silence, no word passing between them since Imoen had fled. She had fled too as soon as she was able. She couldn't face his hurt and confusion a moment longer. Her own confusion was enough.

But she had to find Kelsey. He had seen them. She could barely bring herself to think of what he would say to her. Would he hate her for what she had done? Would he ever be able to forgive her?

She tried to push the thoughts from her head. She just had to find him. She would face it when she found him. Just keep going.

She hurried onward, dimly aware of her surroundings. She was brought up short suddenly when someone stepped out from behind the broken catapult she was passing. A tall figure blocked her path. Instinctively she reached for her swords, even when she recognized him.

"Ah, there you are. Imoen had some interesting tales to tell this morning. I heard her blubbering on that druid's shoulder."

"Leave me alone Sarevok." He was the last person she wanted to see in all the Realms.

Sarevok grinned cruelly. "No need to be so hostile, dear sister. It sounds as if you've had a busy night. I hope you didn't tire yourself too much. Although it must not have been a challenge getting that overstuffed fool out of his armour. He's been sniffing around you for days."

How dare he? She had to speak to Kelsey, she had no time for her brother's insults. "Get out of my way."

"Come now, sister, I only wanted to see how you're enjoying yourself."

"I'm not enjoying anything! Leave me alone!" she shouted.

"Not enjoying yourself? I beg to differ." A malicious light flickered in Sarevok's eyes. He continued.
"You use these fools for your own pleasure, don't deny it. The pitiful sorcerer and that over-pious knight. Bah! There is much more of our father in you than you lead others to believe. They are your pawns, to be disposed of at your whim...." The menace in his voice made her recoil.

"Does it not make you feel powerful? To hold the lives and wills of others in the palm of your hand? You feel the power that our father's blood has to offer; why resist the thing that calls to the very core of your being?" He had become very serious, almost angry. "You do not care for these fools! You have revealed your true self to me, sister. I see the darkness you feebly try to deny."

He had stepped up close to her as he spoke, still blocking her path. He dared to suggest she wanted to hurt Kelsey, to hurt Anomen. That she wanted only to use them. It wasn't true. It wasn't....

She felt her anger take hold of her. "You don't know anything about me! I didn't want any of this to happen, it just did! I do not want anything to do with the power of our father, or the curse of his blood, or these damned prophecies! And I don't want anything to do with you! Get away from me!"

Side stepping around him she ran blindly on towards the camp. His voice followed her.

"Run from me if you must, but you cannot hide from what you are! You are a child of destruction!"

No! I won't let this happen! Kelsey, where are you?

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Finally, she reached the place outside the line of trees where the party had set up camp the night before. She could not see Kelsey. Sitting by the ashes of the campfire were Imoen and Jahiera. Imoen still looked teary eyed and Jahiera's stare was cold and acusing. They said nothing.

"Where is Kelsey?" Anaria finally managed to ask.

Jahiera answered her. "He went in that direction," she said, pointing. "He is very angry, child. I suggest you choose your words carefully."

Anaria nodded dully as she turned to follow the direction to which Jahiera pointed. Her paced slowed as she saw him come into view. He sat alone on a felled tree. She thought she could see scorch marks along the trunk. Scars from magic missles. His back was towards her.

At the sound of her footsteps he seemed to notice her approach, but he did not turn to look at her. She had been desperate to find him, to explain, but now when she had found him, she could not find the words. His shoulders were hunched over and his neck held stiff. She could see the tension that tightened through his whole body. She had to speak.

"Kelsey?"

The sound of her voice seemed to stir him. He turned a face flushed with anger and fatigue towards her. He just looked at her, his eyes burning into her. He found his voice.

"Did you think.... I was COMPLETELY blind and deaf? That somehow I wouldn't notice you SCREWING ANOMEN?" Suddenly he had come to life, flooding with rage and emotion.

"Am I that worthless to you, that a few words from another are all it takes? After I stand by you, believe in you, fight for you!...What is it that I did not do for you? What would drive you to... to him? Does he hold you when the Slayer taunts you inside, or when you are too tired from battle to stand? Has he spent hours lying awake watching over you, kissing your forehead to try to stop the nightmares? NO, HE DAMN WELL HASN'T! He hasn't earned your love at all!"

His words and his fury pained her deeply, yet she could not help but feel that he spoke the truth. So many times Kelsey had been there for her. Only recently he had become distant because of his own troubles. When he had needed her she abandoned him for the mere hint that the comfort and love she craved could be fullfilled by another. What hasn't he done for you? And what have you done to deserve him?
Kelsey almost shook as tears began to glimmer in his eyes. "I... laid awake for hours just... trying to figure out what in Hell you could possibly say to me... possibly say to make this something OTHER than the worst thing that has ever happened in my life.... Is there anything? Anything you even want to say to me? Or did you pretty well sum up your "feelings" for me last night, when you said, "Yes, Anomen, yes!" ?"

"I'm sorry...." was all she could manage. There was a slience.

He stared at her incredulously. "That's all you can say? You're sorry? After all that you've done, after all that we've been through together, you throw it all away and all you can say is you're sorry?"

"Kelsey.... please.... forgive me...."

"Forgive you? Why? Why sould I? Do you really expect me to stay with you, to fight and die for you, after this? You are sorry?"

It wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. She hadn't meant for it to happen, she hadn't meant to hurt him. She was sorry! She loved him!

Suddenly everything came pouring out of her. "Kelsey, please, I am sorry, I really am! But everything has been my fault, the death and destruction and your brother's death and all those innocent people killed, all because of me and what I am! And I couldn't stand it! You were so preoccupied since we met your brother and that thing pretending to be your father saying that you killed him, and it wasn't true but you just let it get to you and you pushed me away! I know I should have been there for you but I was hurt too and I felt so alone and it felt like you just didn't care anymore. And then Anomen said he loved me and tried to comfort me but he wouldn't have done anything but I was so desperate and I lied to him and to myself but I never meant to hurt you, please, please forgive me!"

Anaria was sobbing uncontrolably onto Kelsey's shoulder, refusing to let go. He had struggled against her at first, but as she broke down further he had let her hold him close.

"It was a horrible, horrible moment of weakness, and a mistake, and I'm begging you, forgive me." She clutched him tightly never wanting to let him go. "Kelsey... please... d-don't leave me. I love you, and I need you... and I am so, so sorry," she whispered.

She felt his arms come about her too. He gave a deep sigh.

"I love you too... but...This hurts, Anaria. It hurts me so much... I trust you with so much, Anaria, and for you to stomp on me like this... like I never mattered to you, like I never loved you the way I should, that someone else could tempt you so easily... it... It makes me feel cheap. It makes what we had feel cheap."

"Please, Kelsey, I love you. You're all I have..."

They were silent for a long time, just holding each other, each feeling every shiver or sob that came from the other. Both their faces were damp with tears. In her mind she continued to beg him. Please, please forgive me.

Eventually Kelsey was the one to break the silence.

"I'm sorry too. And I love you. But... I am not perfect..." He drew away from their embrace a little so he could look into her eyes. "I can try to forget about this, because I really do want to believe that you didn't want to hurt me. But you did, and I can't forget that, and I can't let you forget that.
I... wish things were different, Anaria. I wish that this had never happened to us."

"I wish it had never happened either. I promise I'll never do anything to hurt you again. I love you."

He kissed her softly."I love you too."

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*Much of Kelsey's dialogue taken from the Mod.

But she had to find Kelsey. He had seen them. She could barely bring herself to think of what he would say to her. Would he hate her for what she had done? Would he ever be able to forgive her?

Complex situation.

Sarevok grinned cruelly. "No need to be so hostile, dear sister. It sounds as if you've had a busy night. I hope you didn't tire yourself too much. Although it must not have been a challenge getting that overstuffed fool out of his armour. He's been sniffing around you for days."

He knows just how to hit were it hurts the most.

"Does it not make you feel powerful? To hold the lives and wills of others in the palm of your hand? You feel the power that our father's blood has to offer; why resist the thing that calls to the very core of your being?" He had become very serious, almost angry. "You do not care for these fools! You have revealed your true self to me, sister. I see the darkness you feebly try to deny."

He's treading dangerous ground now.

Finally, she reached the place outside the line of trees where the party had set up camp the night before. She could not see Kelsey. Sitting by the ashes of the campfire were Imoen and Jahiera. Imoen still looked teary eyed and Jahiera's stare was cold and acusing. They said nothing.

But the meaning is clear.

"Did you think.... I was COMPLETELY blind and deaf? That somehow I wouldn't notice you SCREWING ANOMEN?" Suddenly he had come to life, flooding with rage and emotion.

"Am I that worthless to you, that a few words from another are all it takes? After I stand by you, believe in you, fight for you!...What is it that I did not do for you? What would drive you to... to him? Does he hold you when the Slayer taunts you inside, or when you are too tired from battle to stand? Has he spent hours lying awake watching over you, kissing your forehead to try to stop the nightmares? NO, HE DAMN WELL HASN'T! He hasn't earned your love at all!"

Righteous anger.

"I'm sorry...." was all she could manage. There was a slience.

I don't think that's good enough.

It wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. She hadn't meant for it to happen, she hadn't meant to hurt him. She was sorry! She loved him!

This is not going well.

"I love you too... but...This hurts, Anaria. It hurts me so much... I trust you with so much, Anaria, and for you to stomp on me like this... like I never mattered to you, like I never loved you the way I should, that someone else could tempt you so easily... it... It makes me feel cheap. It makes what we had feel cheap."

They call it betrayal.

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*Much of Kelsey's dialogue taken from the Mod.[/b]

Didn't know that.