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William James Nigel III (off)


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#1 Red Viking

Posted 28 July 2003 - 12:20 AM

Hey there everyone, I’m you’re friendly neighborhood lurker. How’s it going? Well, I’ve been thinking about posting here for awhile now so I thought I’d post this little part from a muti-author story about a fantasy style murder mystery set in the Forgotten Realms. The characters were invited to participate in a tournament that a noble called Lord Pembroke was hosting, but something more sinister was occurring in the background. Sadly, it was discontinued due to lack of interest, but this story marked the birth of one of my favorite DnD characters of all time: The self-proclaimed William James Nigel III. I’m planning to use him in a future story that I have planned out (but actually getting around to writing it is another matter entirely. :lol: ) I'd thought you'd all enjoy this, so, without further adu, here’s William:

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“…remember Jeeves,” Lord Pembroke continued with sincerity as the two men walked into the main hallway. “Our guests must be informed of this before dinner.”

“Yes sir,” Jeeves monotonously responded.

“Furthermore,” Lord Pembroke said, staring into the butler’s eyes while using his finger to emphasize every word, “they MUST not, under any circumstances…”

The heavy banging at the front doors drowned out whatever Lord Pembroke said next.

“What is this?” Lord Pembroke asked with a furrowed brow. “I thought I specifically said that I was to be informed of the arrival of each guest well in advance.”

“I do not know, my lord. Perhaps the messengers felt they deserved more pay.” Jeeves suggested with an even face. “Ungrateful bunch of hooligans if I do say so myself.”

“Perhaps,” Lord Pembroke mused as he walked towards the lavish doors. “But I’ll have to deal with that at a later date. Right now I have a guest to attend to.” That said, he took a deep breath, drew himself up, and with one, swift movement he opened the door. “I apologize for the wait. Welcome to Erstwhile Manor, my honored guest! I am-”

The Lord’s speech came to an abrupt halt as he realized that he was addressing a rather large chest. Slowly, the Lord’s eyes traveled upward until they rested upon a beaming face.

Lord Pembroke paled.

“Greetings your Lordship,” The tall man bellowed with a flourish. “Oi must say, oi be honored ta be invited, oi do.”

“Uh…your…welcome...” Lord Pembroke nervously stuttered.

“Oi apologize if oi be late,” the man continued, his face a mask of regret. “The horses not be takin a likin ta me. And tha carriage driver takes one look at me, and takes off runnin he does.”

“Uhh…may we see your invitation,” A shaken Jeeves *politely* asked. “…please?”

“Oy, right. My invitation! Where are my manners” The man exclaimed as he searched through his numerous coat pockets with his massive hands. “Now let’s see here, Oi know oi’ve got it somewhere…no, that’s my banjo…and…hey, what’s this? Oy, oi’ve been wonderin where this went to!” The man happily exclaimed as he removed a small bone ornament from his inner pocket and displayed it in front of the two men who where now staring at him with blank expressions. The tall man’s smile quickly faded. “Right, my invitation,” he nodded as he re-pocketed the ornament and continued his search.

“Oy! Here it is.” He finally acknowledged a full minute later. He drew out a carefully folded piece of parchment and handed it to Lord Pembroke.

Both Jeeves and Lord Pembroke read the invitation, glanced up at the man, read the invitation again, glanced at each other, and then gave a sigh of relief as they shared mutual smiles.

“Well, my large friend, there appears to be a mistake,” Lord Pembroke stated good-naturedly. “You see, this invitation is addressed to a…”

“William James Nigel the Third,” the man beamed with pride. “Oi know, that’s me.”

“…Really…?” Lord Pembroke stated, his smile transforming into a nervous grin. “That’s…wonderful! Well, you see, there’s still a problem. I was expecting-”

“Expecting what, exactly?” William asked, his smile contorting into a frown.

“-that you would fight in the tournament of course!” Lord Pembroke quickly finished, flinching at the lame save.

“Oh, no your Lordship,” William shook his head as he ran his hand through his well trimmed black hair. “My brothers maybe, but not me. Oi’m a lover, not a fighter. You be sendin out da word fer bards ta record this monumental event, and you’ve got ‘em.” William continued as he gestured with his arms, unaware that Lord Pembroke and Jeeves were taking a cautious step away from him “Oi be tha besht of tha besht. Oi know all tha stories by heart oi do. Would you like a demonstration?”

“Oh nonononononono,” Lord Pembroke quickly said. “I…I’ll take you word for it. Uh, come inside…before some one sees you, please.”

“That be mighty kind of you, Lord,” William said as he bowed again. “Is this where oi be getting tha grand tour?”

“NO!” Jeeves and Lord Pembroke shouted at once.

“Er…what we mean is…” Lord Pembroke thought quickly, “…You, must be...be..”

“Exhausted!” Jeeves hastily added.

“Yes! Exhausted! From your…long journey! Yes, that’s it! You must be exhausted from your long journey!”

“Well,” William mused while he stroked his chin. “Now that you mention it, oi DO feel a bit weary. Oi reckon there'll be no harm if oi lay down for a spell or two.”

“Excellent!” Lord Pembroke exclamed as he clapped his hands. “Jeeves, kindly escort this...dashing young man to his room-quickly. I must see to my other guests.” The Lord then turned on his heels and walked out of the room at an extremely unnatural pace.

“Umm…this way, master William,” Jeeves indicated towards the stairs and walked towards them at an equally fast pace.

Just then, a serving maid entered the room. She took one look at William, screamed, and then fainted dead away.

William gave the unconscious maid a puzzled look. “Oi wonder what bunched up her britches?” He asked to no one in particular. Shrugging, the half-orc followed Jeeves to his room.




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