I reread Memento Mori: 16, and I realized that it was dull. Dull dull dull. Nothing happens, the Hunter just walks around chatting with people. It was basically a filler for chapters 15 and 17. So I rewrote it. It picks up at the end of chapter 15, where the Hunter is laying in the dirt, exhausted, after battling the illusionary werewolves. Hope ya like this one better. I did.
Rose of Jericho
----------------------------
Duty pulled the Hunter from her exhausted reverie, forcing her to move even though she wanted nothing more than to lay in the circus sawdust and rest. All the nights and days of travel and battle, worry and pain had finally caught up to her, sapping her of her strength and making her limbs shake as if she were stricken with ague. But there was no rest when work remained undone. Wearily, she rolled to her feet and propelled herself forward.
Linvail stood over the fallen gnome, nonchalantly cleaning the blood from his blade with Kalah's tattered cloak and ignoring the fallen gnome's feeble cries. "This isn't wha-what supposed to ha-happpen!" Kalah moaned. "Th-this isn't what ... what was promised to me!"
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
As the Hunter began to kneel beside Kalah, Linvail grabbed her arm, stopping her. "What are you doing?" he asked sharply as he hauled her to her feet.
The Hunter felt her cheeks redden. Knowing that her pale skin would make the blush even more noticeable made her face flame like an ember. "K-kek a kol," she stammered guiltily. "Soske? S-so tut pa-pachivai man nashiti? (Nothing. Why? What did you think I was doing?)"
"Exactly what you are doing." Linvail released her arm and kicked the dying gnome. "That piece of filth doesn't deserve any succor. Leave him."
Irritation that he dare issue orders to her drowned her humiliation at nearly acting by her nature rather than with her will. She started to kneel again, slapping away Linvail's hand as he tried to grab her again. "It is not your say what I do, what I do not."
"Is it usual for Kelemvor's faithful to give aid and comfort to murderers?"
His mocking tone set the Hunter's teeth on edge. "Why would this be your care? If such is the way of Kelemvor's servants, then take heart, it is only of benefit to you."
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has." Linvail gestured around the circus tent, at the dozens of bodies scattered about the sawdust. Most of the bodies were dressed in flamboyant costumes decorated in feathers and cheap paste gems that sparkled gaudily under the tent's dim light. Scattered among them were folk in commoners' garb. Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
So much more death greets me today, she thought bleakly. There is much to be done before I might lay my head down. Du'dera,(I'm sorry) good people, but I must do what I can before I attend to you. She winced when Linvail murmured, "And how many more do you think he killed?"
Kalah laughed, an ugly sound broken by his retching coughs, and singsonged, "They all ... they deserved ... deserved to die. They laughed at me. At me! But I showed them. I was no longer ... no longer a clown, not a spectacle. I ... bided my time, I waited and then," he chuckled gleefully, breathlessly, "I did it! I killed them!"
Linvail jabbed a finger at the gnome, a "see what I mean" expression on his hard face. "Still want to help him pass peacefully into the next world, dhampir?"
"... I will rule," Kalah sighed, a thin line of clear blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. "A world I will rule, that's what was promised to me."
"Kon enedraliva? Who promised?" she asked sharply.
"Death ... and the dying and the d-dead ... Oh yes," he wheezed. "Oh yes."
She did not want to touch this gnome, who had killed and abused so many. Later, the Hunter knew she would rail to her compatriots at the Church of Kelemvor at the injustice of the situation. Together they would gnash their teeth and perhaps weep that an evil beast such as Kalah would receive a prayer upon his death while those slain at his hand departed for the Fugue Plane unattended. But in Linvail's presence, the Hunter could only swallow hard and choke out, "He is ... no different from any of the dying. In death, all are equal. I would be of help to him. Such things ... they are my duty. Not more. And ... not less." However much I may wish it to be far less, she thought.
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
Minsc said hesitantly, "Er, Amistry? Boo wants to know-"
"A moment, chingare" she replied without looking at him. To Linvail, she said, "You know this, that this is a lie. And what is this, that you care so what I and my kompania do?"
Linvail leaned forward, so close to the Hunter's face that he didn't have to raise his voice above a mutter. "I just love it when the people who say they're so righteous turn out to be no better than anyone else."
Again, Minsc tapped her on the shoulder, but she shook her head to still him, her attention still on Linvail. "It is my duty-"
"To help monsters when all the poor fools he killed lay rotting at your feet? What does that say about you?" Linvail's grinned, smug as a baatezu luring a lost soul to the Nine Hells.
A dozen arguments sprang to the Hunter's mind, but she bit her lip to keep them back. Though only a human, Linvail was indeed a devil who took pleasure in stealing whatever he could from everyone around him. Even their faith. She took a deep breath and said, "It says that though I am a servant of death, it does not serve me. What I do, I do for those I can."
"Amistry?" Minsc spoke the name he had given her again, poking her in the back over and over with one finger. "Amistry? Amistry?"
"Arvalie, chinigare, kon so?? (Yes, warrior, what is it?)" the Hunter answered, finally turning an irritated glare upon him.
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
Horrified, the Hunter grabbed Minsc by the shoulders and gently pushed at him. "Chi atha! Lie down!" she ordered. Startled by her vehement bark, the big warrior immediately dropped to his knees and stretched out prone on the ground at the Hunter's feet. She snatched Kalah's cloak from Linvail's hand and knelt beside Minsc to press it against his wound to staunch the bleeding. He groaned. "Man djan,(I know) I know it pains you, me mora," she soothed through gritted teeth. "It will not hurt so for long, this I promise." Over her shoulder, she ordered Linvail, "Fetch to me the elven maid." Linvail did not move and instead watched the Hunter and Misnc, a queer look in his eyes. She shifted her weight to kick him in the shin, jolting him from whatever selfish reverie he was in. " Dza! Praster!(Go! Hurry!)"
Linvail grimaced but did not speak as he limped toward Aerie, who stood several paces away fussing over both Rakeh and her injured Uncle Quayle. Both wore expressions of patient annoyance at her flustered ministrations. The Hunter watched Linvail pull the girl away and speak to her, then wince as she screamed, "Oh no! No!" Aerie picked up her skirts and ran to the Hunter, falling to the ground beside them. "W-what ha-happened?"
Her folk were massacred by a mad elf, she herself imprisoned, we were beset upon by illusionary wolfmen and shadows and then battled the mage himself, and she asks what has occurred? If the Hunter could have removed a hand from the cloth holding back Minsc's lifeblood, she would have smacked the girl. "Heal him," she said.
Aerie's huge blue eyes grew impossibly larger. "I-I ... I can't, I'm sorry, I ... I used all my healing spells already. Oh, Minsc, I'm s-so s-sorry!"
"That all right," Minsc wheezed. "I don't mind. Little Aerie can't do everything." Aerie took the big man's head between her hands and caressed his temples. Tears coursed down her face and splashed upon Minsc's brow.
"A potion then?" the Hunter asked, then cursed silently when Aerie shook her head. "Another healer, a church nearby? Come, bitti chai, something must be known to you!"
"Oh, there's lots of healers round here," the elf's Uncle Quayle called out as he and Rakeh tottered toward them. The gnome, about the same size as the boy, leaned heavily on Rakeh's shoulder, favoring his right leg. Several bruises and cuts marred his skin, and Rakeh's as well. "There's a temple to Illmater in the Promenade."
"Go and fetch one to here. Quickly. Now!" the Hunter told Aerie. The girl stumbled away, kicking dust into their faces as she ran. To Rakeh, the Hunter said, "To the temple for healing, go. Take the gnome."
Rakeh's wide eyes were fixed on her hands, which were crimson with Minsc's blood. "I don't have any money."
"Such things matter not to the followers of the Broken God. Tell them it is a favor, to me, to my church. Just go." The giogoto boy finally looked up at the Hunter, suspicion in his eyes. "I will be here, bitti bar."
Rakeh turned and led Quayle away, and the Hunter heard the gnome muttering about profits lost and paperwork with the council as they left. The cloak covering Minsc's wound was soaked through now. "All is well," she told the big warrior rather fervently, to convince herself as well as him.
"Misnc is very tired for some reason," Minsc sighed. Beside them, Kalah sighed once, then took another quick breath. He did not release it. He lay still, staring up at the tent's roof with dark, dilated eyes.
She considered muttering a prayer for him, but did not. She thought about feeling guilty for ignoring him, but did not.
"It is the shadowbeasts' touch. It is a rare man who may bear as many as you and survive." He was even paler now than she from the loss of so much blood. So much blood. Heady from the scent of it surrounding her, the warmth of it that radiated through her soaked gloves, the taste of it in the air, the Hunter dared not to look away from Minsc's face, and she forced herself to smile. "A brave man you were to battle them for our sake, chingare."
"Minsc isn't so brave. Minsc proved what a coward he is when he failed his dajemma by letting the evil wizard kill his witch. A real brave warrior wouldn't let his witch die."
The Hunter tried to recall the name Greeneley had taunted Minsc with, but could not. Her mind was reeling with too many worries. Where was Aerie? Surely she should have returned with a healer by now. She should have sent Linvail, but she did not trust him to return. At least if he were gone she would not have to bear the scrutiny of his judging gaze. Where was the stupid little elf? "Perhaps a new witch will be found for you," she said vaguely.
Minsc's forehead wrinkled as he thought about her suggestion, then he smiled faintly. "Maybe Imoen would be Minsc's witch. She knows magic. Amistry will help Minsc find little Imoen and take her back from the evil cowed wizards, yes?"
"Arvalie, I would. Your friend, she shall be free from the wizards, in time." She spoke without thinking, without really hearing her own words. She was so hungry she could not think, but she knew she must keep Minsc awake and talking, or else the shock of his wounds would claim him to add another corpse to the butcher's bill of the day. "We have much to be done, and you must rest before you may travel. Perhaps a day. Perhaps more. The hunt for your magess may wait this long." His eyelids were drooping above the dark shadows ringing them. He was dying under her hands. If only she could heal him, but she could not. But if only she could. Where was that silly, stupid girl?
Finally, the flap covering the tent's egress flew open, throwing a bar of sunlight over them and making the Hunter turn away and wince. "Illmater's wounds!" a man cried. "What happened here?" Thankfully, he did not wait for an answer. He rushed to Minsc and dropped beside him, praying so quickly the syllables ran together to create one long word. Minsc gasped as the magic coursed through him, then relaxed, his eyes rolling up under his closed eyes. "It's all right. He's just passed out from the shock of the healing. He'll live," the priest said, a middle-aged human in gray robes and skullcap. "I've healed the worst of his injuries, but we can do more for him at the temple. Really," he grasped the Hunter's wrist gently, "you can let go of him now."
Shakily, the Hunter took her hands from Minsc's torso and saw a dark, angry weal weeping blood where a great, gushing wound had been. The priest handed her a handkerchief. "You look like you need some healing, too."
"I am well," the Hunter said curtly, scrubbing the sweat from her face with it and handing it back to him. "Give your attention to him alone. Shall I carry him to your temple?" she asked, dreading the trip through the Amnian afternoon sunlight. By the tent flap, Aerie watched silently, again wringing her hands in distress.
"No need." The priest took something from his robe, a small vial of silver liquid. He chanted a spell and poured a drop of the liquid onto the ground. The drop shimmered, then smoothly expanded into a wide disk that floated a few feet from the ground. The Hunter helped him load Minsc onto the disc. "I will follow in time," she told the priest. "There is much left for me to do here. I am a servant of Kelemvor's and would do his work here."
"One of Kelemvor's, huh?" The solicitous concern on the man's face faded, and he shrugged. "I'm sure there's plenty for you here. Quite a haul for you guys." He gestured to the disc and directed it through the flap, Aerie on his heels like a puppy.
The Hunter watched him leave, puzzling over his comment. The churches of Kelemvor and Illmater were close allies, and such coldness between their servants was unheard of in Waterdeep. But Amn had been a stronghold for both Myrkul and Cyric, and perhaps Kelemvor's policies were not understood yet.
"Well," Linvail said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together like a man prepared for a meal. "I'll be going now. I trust you'll keep me updated?" The Hunter looked at him blankly. "You still owe me Irenicus, vampire hunter. Whatever you do while you're in Amn, don't forget that.""
The Hunter shook her head. stripping her bloody gloves from her hands and dropping them into the dust. "Such a bargain was not struck between us. For you, I do not hunt."
"Not for me, not directly," Linvail grinned. "But you promised the great big fool you would find his little friend. I can see you breaking a promise to me, but you'd never break one to a simpleton like him. Find the girl and you'll find Irenicus. So you see, I still get what I want from you."
The Hunter dropped her head and tried very hard to think of what she had said. She had promised to help Minsc, hadn't she? Too tired to continue the circular argument, the Hunter sighed and drew a hand across her eyes. "I give. If we are meant to do this thing, then it shall be done, in my time, not yours. But it shall be done."
"Good. I would have hated to kill you over it. Kushti bext(good luck), dhampir. You know where to find me if you need me."
When the Hunter took her hand away from her eyes, she saw that Linvail was gone. She was alone, surrounded by death and blood. She sighed wearily again, and her gaze fell to Kalah. The pool of blood beside him shone wetly. It was still fresh enough to take. And if she did not feed soon, the craving for blood would become lust, and she did not know if she was strong enough today to fight it. Just a little, just a sip. Her thoughts sang in a voice that was not quite her own. Just enough. Just because. She sighed softly as she fell to her hands and knees lowered her lips to the bloody wound on his chest. Her mouth watered in anticipation of the taste, the feeling, the pleasure of the feed which she hated as much as she loved.
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
So slowly the Hunter heard the tendons in her neck creak, she raised her head. At the tent's egress stood Sheridan Jysstev, a grin of pure pleasure on his face and seemingly unfazed at her awkward position. Relief at the sight of the dark-haired, half-elven cleric coursed through her. "Do not," she said weakly, "call me by that insipid name."
"You have to tell me your real name if you want me to stop," he laughed. "You were supposed to be here three days ago, you know. I've been worried sick. The mortician was starting to think I lied about knowing you and that you weren't really coming. Even my stepmother was asking if you were here yet. I was almost-" Suddenly he realized what she was doing and reddened slightly, which was hardly noticeable against his tanned face. "Is it that time?" The Hunter looked down at the corpse, then nodded without looking at him. "Can you wait a bit? I have it all set up at the church. You can have a bite there," he said delicately.
"It is not my thought that I may wait, me morosa(my dear friend). There is much work for the likes of us to do here."
"I know. That's why I'm here. The mortician sent me here with a gang of workers to bring them back to the church. They're outside." He studied the Hunter, but she did not feel the same discomfort under his eyes as she did under Linvail's. He knew her, and he did not judge. "Listen," he said after a moment, "just hold off, all right? We can go right to the church. They can work without me directing them."
The Hunter closed her eyes and tried to will the craving to go away. "I must visit the Temple of Illmater before I may go to the church."
"Then hold off a little while longer. You don't need to do this, Buff, not as long as I'm around. C'mon."
Without opening her eyes, the Hunter sat back on her heels. "Tut nan kushti mora, me chiavala. Ji nanti so nan tutesko. (You are a good friend, my boy. I don't know what I'd do without you.)"
"I have no idea what you said, but I bet it was something nice." Sheridan gave her a hand up, then took off his gauntlets and stuck them on the Hunter's hands without her asking. He smiled into her eyes, and she could not keep from smiling back at the sincere affection she saw in his eyes.
"It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
Glossary, Romany:
chingare -- warrior
kompania -- companions, company
dhampir -- half-vampire
Man djan, [/i] -- I know
me mora -- my friend
bitti chai -- little girl
giogoto -- half-Rom
bitti bar -- little brother
Arvalie -- yes
Memento Mori: 16.1
Started by
Guest_Rose of Jericho_*
, Jul 16 2003 11:55 PM
9 replies to this topic
#2
Laufey
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Transcendant
Posted 17 July 2003 - 05:09 AM
[quote]
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
[/quote]
Oh, nice touch! Was this new? Anyway, I liked seeing her tempted by the blood.
[quote]
Irritation that he dare issue orders to her drowned her humiliation at nearly acting by her nature rather than with her will. She started to kneel again, slapping away Linvail's hand as he tried to grab her again. "It is not your say what I do, what I do not."
[/quote]
[quote]
"Is it usual for Kelemvor's faithful to give aid and comfort to murderers?"
[/quote]
He's a fine one to talk...
[quote]
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has." Linvail gestured around the circus tent, at the dozens of bodies scattered about the sawdust. Most of the bodies were dressed in flamboyant costumes decorated in feathers and cheap paste gems that sparkled gaudily under the tent's dim light. Scattered among them were folk in commoners' garb. Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
[/quote]
Oh, nasty sight! I liked it, it makes the scene more lifelike. Well...you know what I mean.
[quote]
She did not want to touch this gnome, who had killed and abused so many. Later, the Hunter knew she would rail to her compatriots at the Church of Kelemvor at the injustice of the situation. Together they would gnash their teeth and perhaps weep that an evil beast such as Kalah would receive a prayer upon his death while those slain at his hand departed for the Fugue Plane unattended. But in Linvail's presence, the Hunter could only swallow hard and choke out, "He is ... no different from any of the dying. In death, all are equal. I would be of help to him. Such things ... they are my duty. Not more. And ... not less." However much I may wish it to be far less, she thought.
[/quote]
*nods* Yes, that is the way of things. I know exactly how she feels, since I have been in much the same situation. But when you have a duty like this to perform you can't make moral judgments about who deserves your help.
[quote]
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
[/quote]
I wondered a little about this paragraph, I didn't understand what he was referring to.
[quote]
"Arvalie, chinigare, kon so?? (Yes, warrior, what is it?)" the Hunter answered, finally turning an irritated glare upon him.
[/quote]
[quote]
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
[/quote]
Oh good gods!
That was a very effective scene, made the more so by Minsc trying to get attention a few times first before the Hunter notices him.
[quote]
Her folk were massacred by a mad elf, she herself imprisoned, we were beset upon by illusionary wolfmen and shadows and then battled the mage himself, and she asks what has occurred? If the Hunter could have removed a hand from the cloth holding back Minsc's lifeblood, she would have smacked the girl. "Heal him," she said.
[/quote]
Go Hunter!
[quote]
"It is the shadowbeasts' touch. It is a rare man who may bear as many as you and survive." He was even paler now than she from the loss of so much blood. So much blood. Heady from the scent of it surrounding her, the warmth of it that radiated through her soaked gloves, the taste of it in the air, the Hunter dared not to look away from Minsc's face, and she forced herself to smile. "A brave man you were to battle them for our sake, chingare."
[/quote]
[quote]
"Minsc isn't so brave. Minsc proved what a coward he is when he failed his dajemma by letting the evil wizard kill his witch. A real brave warrior wouldn't let his witch die."
[/quote]
Awww...Poor Minsc.
Just don't set him up with Aerie, OK? Please?
[quote]
Minsc's forehead wrinkled as he thought about her suggestion, then he smiled faintly. "Maybe Imoen would be Minsc's witch. She knows magic. Amistry will help Minsc find little Imoen and take her back from the evil cowed wizards, yes?"
[/quote]
Much better choice.
[quote]
"One of Kelemvor's, huh?" The solicitous concern on the man's face faded, and he shrugged. "I'm sure there's plenty for you here. Quite a haul for you guys." He gestured to the disc and directed it through the flap, Aerie on his heels like a puppy.
[/quote]
[quote]
The Hunter watched him leave, puzzling over his comment. The churches of Kelemvor and Illmater were close allies, and such coldness between their servants was unheard of in Waterdeep. But Amn had been a stronghold for both Myrkul and Cyric, and perhaps Kelemvor's policies were not understood yet.
[/quote]
Hm...now this was a strange comment from the priest. *scratches head* I'm as puzzled as the Hunter is. Has somebody been corrupting the Church of Kelemvor in Amn? Bodhi perhaps?
[quote]
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
[/quote]
LOL!
[quote]
"It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
And I wonder if she'll find everything to her liking there...good chapter! I can't remember exactly how the old one went, but this version certainly wasn't dull.
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
[/quote]
Oh, nice touch! Was this new? Anyway, I liked seeing her tempted by the blood.
[quote]
Irritation that he dare issue orders to her drowned her humiliation at nearly acting by her nature rather than with her will. She started to kneel again, slapping away Linvail's hand as he tried to grab her again. "It is not your say what I do, what I do not."
[/quote]
[quote]
"Is it usual for Kelemvor's faithful to give aid and comfort to murderers?"
[/quote]
He's a fine one to talk...
[quote]
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has." Linvail gestured around the circus tent, at the dozens of bodies scattered about the sawdust. Most of the bodies were dressed in flamboyant costumes decorated in feathers and cheap paste gems that sparkled gaudily under the tent's dim light. Scattered among them were folk in commoners' garb. Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
[/quote]
Oh, nasty sight! I liked it, it makes the scene more lifelike. Well...you know what I mean.
[quote]
She did not want to touch this gnome, who had killed and abused so many. Later, the Hunter knew she would rail to her compatriots at the Church of Kelemvor at the injustice of the situation. Together they would gnash their teeth and perhaps weep that an evil beast such as Kalah would receive a prayer upon his death while those slain at his hand departed for the Fugue Plane unattended. But in Linvail's presence, the Hunter could only swallow hard and choke out, "He is ... no different from any of the dying. In death, all are equal. I would be of help to him. Such things ... they are my duty. Not more. And ... not less." However much I may wish it to be far less, she thought.
[/quote]
*nods* Yes, that is the way of things. I know exactly how she feels, since I have been in much the same situation. But when you have a duty like this to perform you can't make moral judgments about who deserves your help.
[quote]
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
[/quote]
I wondered a little about this paragraph, I didn't understand what he was referring to.
[quote]
"Arvalie, chinigare, kon so?? (Yes, warrior, what is it?)" the Hunter answered, finally turning an irritated glare upon him.
[/quote]
[quote]
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
[/quote]
Oh good gods!
That was a very effective scene, made the more so by Minsc trying to get attention a few times first before the Hunter notices him. [quote]
Her folk were massacred by a mad elf, she herself imprisoned, we were beset upon by illusionary wolfmen and shadows and then battled the mage himself, and she asks what has occurred? If the Hunter could have removed a hand from the cloth holding back Minsc's lifeblood, she would have smacked the girl. "Heal him," she said.
[/quote]
Go Hunter!
[quote]
"It is the shadowbeasts' touch. It is a rare man who may bear as many as you and survive." He was even paler now than she from the loss of so much blood. So much blood. Heady from the scent of it surrounding her, the warmth of it that radiated through her soaked gloves, the taste of it in the air, the Hunter dared not to look away from Minsc's face, and she forced herself to smile. "A brave man you were to battle them for our sake, chingare."
[/quote]
[quote]
"Minsc isn't so brave. Minsc proved what a coward he is when he failed his dajemma by letting the evil wizard kill his witch. A real brave warrior wouldn't let his witch die."
[/quote]
Awww...Poor Minsc.
Just don't set him up with Aerie, OK? Please? [quote]
Minsc's forehead wrinkled as he thought about her suggestion, then he smiled faintly. "Maybe Imoen would be Minsc's witch. She knows magic. Amistry will help Minsc find little Imoen and take her back from the evil cowed wizards, yes?"
[/quote]
Much better choice.
[quote]
"One of Kelemvor's, huh?" The solicitous concern on the man's face faded, and he shrugged. "I'm sure there's plenty for you here. Quite a haul for you guys." He gestured to the disc and directed it through the flap, Aerie on his heels like a puppy.
[/quote]
[quote]
The Hunter watched him leave, puzzling over his comment. The churches of Kelemvor and Illmater were close allies, and such coldness between their servants was unheard of in Waterdeep. But Amn had been a stronghold for both Myrkul and Cyric, and perhaps Kelemvor's policies were not understood yet.
[/quote]
Hm...now this was a strange comment from the priest. *scratches head* I'm as puzzled as the Hunter is. Has somebody been corrupting the Church of Kelemvor in Amn? Bodhi perhaps?
[quote]
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
[/quote]
LOL!
[quote]
"It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
And I wonder if she'll find everything to her liking there...good chapter! I can't remember exactly how the old one went, but this version certainly wasn't dull.
Rogues do it from behind.
#3
Guest_Theodur_*
Guest_Theodur_*
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Posted 17 July 2003 - 03:48 PM
I reread Memento Mori: 16, and I realized that it was dull. Dull dull dull. Nothing happens, the Hunter just walks around chatting with people. It was basically a filler for chapters 15 and 17. So I rewrote it. It picks up at the end of chapter 15, where the Hunter is laying in the dirt, exhausted, after battling the illusionary werewolves. Hope ya like this one better. I did.
Well, I saw nothing worng with the previous version, but since I like reading and commenting I'm only glad to see another version...
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
Main meal on today's menu: Your Resident Mad Gnome, gutted nicely.
"Exactly what you are doing." Linvail released her arm and kicked the dying gnome. "That piece of filth doesn't deserve any succor. Leave him."
Well, Linvail's body-kicking manners have not disappeared, hehe.
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has." Linvail gestured around the circus tent, at the dozens of bodies scattered about the sawdust. Most of the bodies were dressed in flamboyant costumes decorated in feathers and cheap paste gems that sparkled gaudily under the tent's dim light. Scattered among them were folk in commoners' garb. Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
Very vivid and impressive. "... I will rule," Kalah sighed, a thin line of clear blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. "A world I will rule, that's what was promised to me."
He reminds me of Tiax, here. Maybe it is Cyric behind this?
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
"To help monsters when all the poor fools he killed lay rotting at your feet? What does that say about you?" Linvail's grinned, smug as a baatezu luring a lost soul to the Nine Hells.
Oh, great similitude!
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
Yes, that is Minsc... such a wound would likely make a normal person screem from the top of his lungs - I guess Minsc has a really high pain threshold. Linvail grimaced but did not speak as he limped toward Aerie, who stood several paces away fussing over both Rakeh and her injured Uncle Quayle. Both wore expressions of patient annoyance at her flustered ministrations. The Hunter watched Linvail pull the girl away and speak to her, then wince as she screamed, "Oh no! No!" Aerie picked up her skirts and ran to the Hunter, falling to the ground beside them. "W-what ha-happened?"
Her folk were massacred by a mad elf, she herself imprisoned, we were beset upon by illusionary wolfmen and shadows and then battled the mage himself, and she asks what has occurred? If the Hunter could have removed a hand from the cloth holding back Minsc's lifeblood, she would have smacked the girl. "Heal him," she said.
Hehe... you can always smack her later, Hunter... I won't mind.
"Oh, there's lots of healers round here," the elf's Uncle Quayle called out as he and Rakeh tottered toward them. The gnome, about the same size as the boy, leaned heavily on Rakeh's shoulder, favoring his right leg. Several bruises and cuts marred his skin, and Rakeh's as well. "There's a temple to Illmater in the Promenade."
Well, Quayle is supposed to be a cleric too... I think he was a cleric/mage in Bg1... with WIS 10...
The Hunter tried to recall the name Greeneley had taunted Minsc with, but could not. Her mind was reeling with too many worries. Where was Aerie? Surely she should have returned with a healer by now. She should have sent Linvail, but she did not trust him to return. At least if he were gone she would not have to bear the scrutiny of his judging gaze. Where was the stupid little elf? "Perhaps a new witch will be found for you," she said vaguely.
Blergh... Minsc is much too good for Aerie...
"Arvalie, I would. Your friend, she shall be free from the wizards, in time." She spoke without thinking, without really hearing her own words. She was so hungry she could not think, but she knew she must keep Minsc awake and talking, or else the shock of his wounds would claim him to add another corpse to the butcher's bill of the day. "We have much to be done, and you must rest before you may travel. Perhaps a day. Perhaps more. The hunt for your magess may wait this long." His eyelids were drooping above the dark shadows ringing them. He was dying under her hands. If only she could heal him, but she could not. But if only she could. Where was that silly, stupid girl?
Tough to see the poor guy suffering like that, helpless...
"No need." The priest took something from his robe, a small vial of silver liquid. He chanted a spell and poured a drop of the liquid onto the ground. The drop shimmered, then smoothly expanded into a wide disk that floated a few feet from the ground. The Hunter helped him load Minsc onto the disc. "I will follow in time," she told the priest. "There is much left for me to do here. I am a servant of Kelemvor's and would do his work here."
Nifty spell, that!
The Hunter watched him leave, puzzling over his comment. The churches of Kelemvor and Illmater were close allies, and such coldness between their servants was unheard of in Waterdeep. But Amn had been a stronghold for both Myrkul and Cyric, and perhaps Kelemvor's policies were not understood yet.
Interesting, now I wonder too where is that animosity coming from. Oh, and I thought that most or all of the Myrkul worshippers were 'convinced' to switch over to the worship of Cyric... wasn't Myrkul one of those dead gods? This heat is melting my brain...
When the Hunter took her hand away from her eyes, she saw that Linvail was gone. She was alone, surrounded by death and blood. She sighed wearily again, and her gaze fell to Kalah. The pool of blood beside him shone wetly. It was still fresh enough to take. And if she did not feed soon, the craving for blood would become lust, and she did not know if she was strong enough today to fight it. Just a little, just a sip. Her thoughts sang in a voice that was not quite her own. Just enough. Just because. She sighed softly as she fell to her hands and knees lowered her lips to the bloody wound on his chest. Her mouth watered in anticipation of the taste, the feeling, the pleasure of the feed which she hated as much as she loved.
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
Who dares to disturb her dinner?
"Then hold off a little while longer. You don't need to do this, Buff, not as long as I'm around. C'mon."
You won't let him call her in *that* name, are you?
"It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
It must be frustrating to go for so long on empty stomach.
Well, this was certainly very much different than the previous version... you were right about it being more action-packed, though personally I don't mind nonsensical chatter...
#4
Guest_Dorotea_*
Guest_Dorotea_*
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Posted 18 July 2003 - 06:43 AM
I reread Memento Mori: 16, and I realized that it was dull. Dull dull dull. Nothing happens, the Hunter just walks around chatting with people. It was basically a filler for chapters 15 and 17. So I rewrote it. It picks up at the end of chapter 15, where the Hunter is laying in the dirt, exhausted, after battling the illusionary werewolves. Hope ya like this one better. I did.
As you say dear - but I think the other one was not that bad, and the filler chapters are needed from time to time.
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
Wow. She is driven hard, and I cannot see how she can resist ...
The Hunter felt her cheeks redden. Knowing that her pale skin would make the blush even more noticeable made her face flame like an ember. " K-kek a kol, " she stammered guiltily. " Soske? S-so tut pa-pachivai man nashiti ? (Nothing. Why? What did you think I was doing?)"
"Exactly what you are doing." Linvail released her arm and kicked the dying gnome. "That piece of filth doesn't deserve any succor. Leave him."
Now that was one mean son of a bitch ...
Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
Although he has a point ...
"... I will rule," Kalah sighed, a thin line of clear blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. "A world I will rule, that's what was promised to me."
" Kon enedraliva? Who promised?" she asked sharply.
"Death ... and the dying and the d-dead ... Oh yes," he wheezed. "Oh yes."
Hmm. rule the dead? It is a bit of a mystery for sure ...
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
Now, her predecessors? Whom did he mean?
He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
Ouch. ouch ouch ouch. And she does not have any healing spells herself - is it normal for Kelemvor priest or is it because she is what she is?
Finally, the flap covering the tent's egress flew open, throwing a bar of sunlight over them and making the Hunter turn away and wince. "Illmater's wounds!" a man cried. "What happened here?" Thankfully, he did not wait for an answer. He rushed to Minsc and dropped beside him, praying so quickly the syllables ran together to create one long word.
That was timely indeed! I was worried - that scene was very intense btw.
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
Right. I bit of dark humor, is it not?
It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
Now as before I am stunned at her self-control. She is soaked with blood and can smell it a practically bath in it - and yet she resists ...
I wonder if you can post a quick summary of dhampiric features - so far it is more like vampire, but softer. Can she take regular drinks though? And what about running water?
This part was fascinating - honest!
#5
Guest_Rose of Jericho_*
Guest_Rose of Jericho_*
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- Guests
Posted 18 July 2003 - 02:21 PM
[quote][quote]
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
[/quote]
Oh, nice touch! Was this new? Anyway, I liked seeing her tempted by the blood.
[/quote]
I had been alluding to it for awhile, so I figured it was time it appeared. She is, after all, part vampire, and it should show up from time to time.
[quote]
[quote]
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has." Linvail gestured around the circus tent, at the dozens of bodies scattered about the sawdust. Most of the bodies were dressed in flamboyant costumes decorated in feathers and cheap paste gems that sparkled gaudily under the tent's dim light. Scattered among them were folk in commoners' garb. Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
[/quote]
Oh, nasty sight! I liked it, it makes the scene more lifelike. Well...you know what I mean.
[/quote]
Thanks. I was rather irritated that, after you kill Kalah, the circus shows up as a regular circus, and everything looks back to normal. But Aerie intimated that Kalah was a killing machine, so it makes sense there'd be corpses all around.
[quote]
[quote]
She did not want to touch this gnome, who had killed and abused so many. Later, the Hunter knew she would rail to her compatriots at the Church of Kelemvor at the injustice of the situation. Together they would gnash their teeth and perhaps weep that an evil beast such as Kalah would receive a prayer upon his death while those slain at his hand departed for the Fugue Plane unattended. But in Linvail's presence, the Hunter could only swallow hard and choke out, "He is ... no different from any of the dying. In death, all are equal. I would be of help to him. Such things ... they are my duty. Not more. And ... not less." However much I may wish it to be far less, she thought.
[/quote]
*nods* Yes, that is the way of things. I know exactly how she feels, since I have been in much the same situation. But when you have a duty like this to perform you can't make moral judgments about who deserves your help.
[/quote]
It's like how doctors and police can't judge who they help. They may not like it, but they do it because that's their duty. The Hunter's alignment is LN, which I take to mean she's a consummate professional who does her duty no matter what.
[quote]
[quote]
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
[/quote]
I wondered a little about this paragraph, I didn't understand what he was referring to.
[/quote]
Hmmm. Looks like I'll have to rewrite this a bit. I was trying to have Linvail imply that Kelemvor's priests are no better than the priests of Cyric or Myrkul, who were evil gods of death who did evil things with that power. Probably a small tweak of the line would make it make sense.
[quote]
[quote]
"Arvalie, chinigare, kon so?? (Yes, warrior, what is it?)" the Hunter answered, finally turning an irritated glare upon him.
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
[/quote]
Oh good gods! That was a very effective scene, made the more so by Minsc trying to get attention a few times first before the Hunter notices him.
[/quote]
No warriors of Rasheman or hamsters were hurt in the making of this scene ... just so you know.
[quote]
[quote]
Her folk were massacred by a mad elf, she herself imprisoned, we were beset upon by illusionary wolfmen and shadows and then battled the mage himself, and she asks what has occurred? If the Hunter could have removed a hand from the cloth holding back Minsc's lifeblood, she would have smacked the girl. "Heal him," she said.
[/quote]
Go Hunter!
[/quote]
, that's one for you, Lauf.
[quote]
[quote]
"It is the shadowbeasts' touch. It is a rare man who may bear as many as you and survive." He was even paler now than she from the loss of so much blood. So much blood. Heady from the scent of it surrounding her, the warmth of it that radiated through her soaked gloves, the taste of it in the air, the Hunter dared not to look away from Minsc's face, and she forced herself to smile. "A brave man you were to battle them for our sake, chingare."
"Minsc isn't so brave. Minsc proved what a coward he is when he failed his dajemma by letting the evil wizard kill his witch. A real brave warrior wouldn't let his witch die."
[/quote]
Awww...Poor Minsc. Just don't set him up with Aerie, OK? Please?
[/quote]
Heh. I'll see what I can do.
[quote]
[quote]
"One of Kelemvor's, huh?" The solicitous concern on the man's face faded, and he shrugged. "I'm sure there's plenty for you here. Quite a haul for you guys." He gestured to the disc and directed it through the flap, Aerie on his heels like a puppy.
The Hunter watched him leave, puzzling over his comment. The churches of Kelemvor and Illmater were close allies, and such coldness between their servants was unheard of in Waterdeep. But Amn had been a stronghold for both Myrkul and Cyric, and perhaps Kelemvor's policies were not understood yet.
[/quote]
Hm...now this was a strange comment from the priest. *scratches head* I'm as puzzled as the Hunter is. Has somebody been corrupting the Church of Kelemvor in Amn? Bodhi perhaps?
[/quote]
** Rose of Jericho starts rewritting entire plot of novel **
[quote]
[quote]
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
[/quote]
LOL!
[/quote]
I couldn't resist.
[quote]
[quote]
"It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
And I wonder if she'll find everything to her liking there...good chapter! I can't remember exactly how the old one went, but this version certainly wasn't dull.[/quote]
Thanks! And thanks so much for the comments! I'll be putting them to good use.
Rose of Jericho
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
[/quote]
Oh, nice touch! Was this new? Anyway, I liked seeing her tempted by the blood.
[/quote]
I had been alluding to it for awhile, so I figured it was time it appeared. She is, after all, part vampire, and it should show up from time to time.
[quote]
[quote]
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has." Linvail gestured around the circus tent, at the dozens of bodies scattered about the sawdust. Most of the bodies were dressed in flamboyant costumes decorated in feathers and cheap paste gems that sparkled gaudily under the tent's dim light. Scattered among them were folk in commoners' garb. Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
[/quote]
Oh, nasty sight! I liked it, it makes the scene more lifelike. Well...you know what I mean.
[/quote]
Thanks. I was rather irritated that, after you kill Kalah, the circus shows up as a regular circus, and everything looks back to normal. But Aerie intimated that Kalah was a killing machine, so it makes sense there'd be corpses all around. [quote]
[quote]
She did not want to touch this gnome, who had killed and abused so many. Later, the Hunter knew she would rail to her compatriots at the Church of Kelemvor at the injustice of the situation. Together they would gnash their teeth and perhaps weep that an evil beast such as Kalah would receive a prayer upon his death while those slain at his hand departed for the Fugue Plane unattended. But in Linvail's presence, the Hunter could only swallow hard and choke out, "He is ... no different from any of the dying. In death, all are equal. I would be of help to him. Such things ... they are my duty. Not more. And ... not less." However much I may wish it to be far less, she thought.
[/quote]
*nods* Yes, that is the way of things. I know exactly how she feels, since I have been in much the same situation. But when you have a duty like this to perform you can't make moral judgments about who deserves your help.
[/quote]
It's like how doctors and police can't judge who they help. They may not like it, but they do it because that's their duty. The Hunter's alignment is LN, which I take to mean she's a consummate professional who does her duty no matter what.
[quote]
[quote]
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
[/quote]
I wondered a little about this paragraph, I didn't understand what he was referring to.
[/quote]
Hmmm. Looks like I'll have to rewrite this a bit. I was trying to have Linvail imply that Kelemvor's priests are no better than the priests of Cyric or Myrkul, who were evil gods of death who did evil things with that power. Probably a small tweak of the line would make it make sense.
[quote]
[quote]
"Arvalie, chinigare, kon so?? (Yes, warrior, what is it?)" the Hunter answered, finally turning an irritated glare upon him.
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
[/quote]
Oh good gods!
That was a very effective scene, made the more so by Minsc trying to get attention a few times first before the Hunter notices him. [/quote]
No warriors of Rasheman or hamsters were hurt in the making of this scene ... just so you know.
[quote]
[quote]
Her folk were massacred by a mad elf, she herself imprisoned, we were beset upon by illusionary wolfmen and shadows and then battled the mage himself, and she asks what has occurred? If the Hunter could have removed a hand from the cloth holding back Minsc's lifeblood, she would have smacked the girl. "Heal him," she said.
[/quote]
Go Hunter!
[/quote]
, that's one for you, Lauf.[quote]
[quote]
"It is the shadowbeasts' touch. It is a rare man who may bear as many as you and survive." He was even paler now than she from the loss of so much blood. So much blood. Heady from the scent of it surrounding her, the warmth of it that radiated through her soaked gloves, the taste of it in the air, the Hunter dared not to look away from Minsc's face, and she forced herself to smile. "A brave man you were to battle them for our sake, chingare."
"Minsc isn't so brave. Minsc proved what a coward he is when he failed his dajemma by letting the evil wizard kill his witch. A real brave warrior wouldn't let his witch die."
[/quote]
Awww...Poor Minsc.
Just don't set him up with Aerie, OK? Please? [/quote]
Heh. I'll see what I can do.
[quote]
[quote]
"One of Kelemvor's, huh?" The solicitous concern on the man's face faded, and he shrugged. "I'm sure there's plenty for you here. Quite a haul for you guys." He gestured to the disc and directed it through the flap, Aerie on his heels like a puppy.
The Hunter watched him leave, puzzling over his comment. The churches of Kelemvor and Illmater were close allies, and such coldness between their servants was unheard of in Waterdeep. But Amn had been a stronghold for both Myrkul and Cyric, and perhaps Kelemvor's policies were not understood yet.
[/quote]
Hm...now this was a strange comment from the priest. *scratches head* I'm as puzzled as the Hunter is. Has somebody been corrupting the Church of Kelemvor in Amn? Bodhi perhaps?
[/quote]
** Rose of Jericho starts rewritting entire plot of novel **
[quote]
[quote]
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
[/quote]
LOL!
[/quote]
I couldn't resist. [quote]
[quote]
"It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
And I wonder if she'll find everything to her liking there...good chapter! I can't remember exactly how the old one went, but this version certainly wasn't dull.
[/quote]Thanks! And thanks so much for the comments! I'll be putting them to good use.
Rose of Jericho
#6
Guest_Rose of Jericho_*
Guest_Rose of Jericho_*
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Posted 18 July 2003 - 02:36 PM
I reread Memento Mori: 16, and I realized that it was dull. Dull dull dull. Nothing happens, the Hunter just walks around chatting with people. It was basically a filler for chapters 15 and 17. So I rewrote it. It picks up at the end of chapter 15, where the Hunter is laying in the dirt, exhausted, after battling the illusionary werewolves. Hope ya like this one better. I did.
Well, I saw nothing worng with the previous version, but since I like reading and commenting I'm only glad to see another version...
I'll keep trying to supply you with stories then.
"Exactly what you are doing." Linvail released her arm and kicked the dying gnome. "That piece of filth doesn't deserve any succor. Leave him."
Well, Linvail's body-kicking manners have not disappeared, hehe.
I should have had a puppy wander through so he could kick that, too.
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has." Linvail gestured around the circus tent, at the dozens of bodies scattered about the sawdust. Most of the bodies were dressed in flamboyant costumes decorated in feathers and cheap paste gems that sparkled gaudily under the tent's dim light. Scattered among them were folk in commoners' garb. Again, the Hunter blushed at her failure to notice the corpses even though she had walked right past them -- or likely atop them -- but likely that was a testament to the gnome's great power. Even the stench of their decay under the summer heat had been hidden by his illusion.
Thanks. The horrors of battle and all ...
"... I will rule," Kalah sighed, a thin line of clear blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. "A world I will rule, that's what was promised to me."
He reminds me of Tiax, here. Maybe it is Cyric behind this?
Ya'll are peeking at my notes, aren't you ...
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
Yeah, I'm definately rewritting that line before I post it on The Cellar and on my Web page.
"To help monsters when all the poor fools he killed lay rotting at your feet? What does that say about you?" Linvail's grinned, smug as a baatezu luring a lost soul to the Nine Hells.
Oh, great similitude!
Linvail is a devil, after all.
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
I figure since Minsc's sense of danger is off-kilter, it would apply in a case like this, too. And I tried to imply that he was in shock, so he's not quite feeling things properly at the moment. Of course, Minsc probably whimpers like a baby when you pull a thorn out of his toe.
Linvail grimaced but did not speak as he limped toward Aerie, who stood several paces away fussing over both Rakeh and her injured Uncle Quayle. Both wore expressions of patient annoyance at her flustered ministrations. The Hunter watched Linvail pull the girl away and speak to her, then wince as she screamed, "Oh no! No!" Aerie picked up her skirts and ran to the Hunter, falling to the ground beside them. "W-what ha-happened?"
Her folk were massacred by a mad elf, she herself imprisoned, we were beset upon by illusionary wolfmen and shadows and then battled the mage himself, and she asks what has occurred? If the Hunter could have removed a hand from the cloth holding back Minsc's lifeblood, she would have smacked the girl. "Heal him," she said.
Hehe... you can always smack her later, Hunter... I won't mind.
That was for all you Aerie-haters out there. ...
"Oh, there's lots of healers round here," the elf's Uncle Quayle called out as he and Rakeh tottered toward them. The gnome, about the same size as the boy, leaned heavily on Rakeh's shoulder, favoring his right leg. Several bruises and cuts marred his skin, and Rakeh's as well. "There's a temple to Illmater in the Promenade."
Well, Quayle is supposed to be a cleric too... I think he was a cleric/mage in Bg1... with WIS 10...
Is he? I never played his character. So with that WIS score, he's got, what, one divine spell?
"Arvalie, I would. Your friend, she shall be free from the wizards, in time." She spoke without thinking, without really hearing her own words. She was so hungry she could not think, but she knew she must keep Minsc awake and talking, or else the shock of his wounds would claim him to add another corpse to the butcher's bill of the day. "We have much to be done, and you must rest before you may travel. Perhaps a day. Perhaps more. The hunt for your magess may wait this long." His eyelids were drooping above the dark shadows ringing them. He was dying under her hands. If only she could heal him, but she could not. But if only she could. Where was that silly, stupid girl?
Tough to see the poor guy suffering like that, helpless...
I need to buy Minsc an ice cream to make up for putting him through this.
"No need." The priest took something from his robe, a small vial of silver liquid. He chanted a spell and poured a drop of the liquid onto the ground. The drop shimmered, then smoothly expanded into a wide disk that floated a few feet from the ground. The Hunter helped him load Minsc onto the disc. "I will follow in time," she told the priest. "There is much left for me to do here. I am a servant of Kelemvor's and would do his work here."
Nifty spell, that!
Tenser's Floating Disc. 1st level Sor/Wiz spell. The Player's Handbook is a wonderful thing -- and did you know there's a version 3.5 out now? There's more of everything there ...
The Hunter watched him leave, puzzling over his comment. The churches of Kelemvor and Illmater were close allies, and such coldness between their servants was unheard of in Waterdeep. But Amn had been a stronghold for both Myrkul and Cyric, and perhaps Kelemvor's policies were not understood yet.
Interesting, now I wonder too where is that animosity coming from. Oh, and I thought that most or all of the Myrkul worshippers were 'convinced' to switch over to the worship of Cyric... wasn't Myrkul one of those dead gods? This heat is melting my brain...
It's hot here, too. I worship the gawd of air conditioning and iced drinks every day. I think Myrkul's worshippers did switch to Cyric, but the Faiths and Pantheons book indicates that some of Myrkul's worshippers then switched to Kelemvor when he took over the death portfolio, and they're having a hard time adjusting to his anti-undead policies.
"Then hold off a little while longer. You don't need to do this, Buff, not as long as I'm around. C'mon."
You won't let him call her in *that* name, are you?
Only occassionally. Hey, it's funny!
Well, this was certainly very much different than the previous version... you were right about it being more action-packed, though personally I don't mind nonsensical chatter...
Well, I was also afraid the Hunter was coming across kinda Mary Sue-ish. When I read it, it looked like she was the only one who had any intelligence or ability whatsoever, and I wanted to round out her character some more with some less-than pristine quirks.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Rose of Jericho
#7
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Posted 18 July 2003 - 03:16 PM
I reread Memento Mori: 16, and I realized that it was dull. Dull dull dull. Nothing happens, the Hunter just walks around chatting with people. It was basically a filler for chapters 15 and 17. So I rewrote it. It picks up at the end of chapter 15, where the Hunter is laying in the dirt, exhausted, after battling the illusionary werewolves. Hope ya like this one better. I did.
As you say dear - but I think the other one was not that bad, and the filler chapters are needed from time to time.
Yes, but I've always felt that if there's no action in the chapter, you should at least been seeing things important to the plot or the character. And I didn't feel I had done that in that chapter.
The iron-rich aroma of his blood, pooling on the ground beneath him, caught the Hunter's attention as she stumbled forward. It called to her, triggering her unnatural hunger for it so suddenly that she nearly lost her breath. Only her ingrained obligations as a servant of death prevented her from giving in to the curse of her existence, that dark, primal need. But she could not take her eyes from the blood.
Wow. She is driven hard, and I cannot see how she can resist ...
Part of it is her sense of duty, which is about as strong as the need. The other part of it is that she's isn't alone -- drug addicts don't use when there's an audience, no matter how bad they want it.
The Hunter felt her cheeks redden. Knowing that her pale skin would make the blush even more noticeable made her face flame like an ember. " K-kek a kol, " she stammered guiltily. " Soske? S-so tut pa-pachivai man nashiti ? (Nothing. Why? What did you think I was doing?)"
"Exactly what you are doing." Linvail released her arm and kicked the dying gnome. "That piece of filth doesn't deserve any succor. Leave him."
Now that was one mean son of a bitch ...
I was afriad Linvail was coming across as a nice guy. Which he isn't. So here we have Linvail the mean sunuvabitch.
"... I will rule," Kalah sighed, a thin line of clear blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. "A world I will rule, that's what was promised to me."
" Kon enedraliva? Who promised?" she asked sharply.
"Death ... and the dying and the d-dead ... Oh yes," he wheezed. "Oh yes."
Hmm. rule the dead? It is a bit of a mystery for sure ...
I hope it's still one by the time the payoff comes! Ya'll are too smart already ...
Minsc tapped the Hunter on the shoulder, but she ignored him as a slow, sardonic smile spread across Linvail's face. "Good to know," the Shadow Thief sneered. "You're no better than your predecessors, are you?"
Now, her predecessors? Whom did he mean?
Yeah, I'll definately be rewriting that line. He is meant to be making a slam against Kelemvor's followers being no better than the followers of Myrkul and Cyric.
He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
Ouch. ouch ouch ouch. And she does not have any healing spells herself - is it normal for Kelemvor priest or is it because she is what she is?
I think in chapter 15 I mentioned that she was incapable of casting divine spells because of her diabolical heritage. I don't think that's a D&D rule, but it makes sense to me that the gods the Hunter has been worshipping -- Lathander before Kelemvor took the portfolio, and now Kelemvor -- would be to keen on granting a vampire -- or half vampire -- with power.
Finally, the flap covering the tent's egress flew open, throwing a bar of sunlight over them and making the Hunter turn away and wince. "Illmater's wounds!" a man cried. "What happened here?" Thankfully, he did not wait for an answer. He rushed to Minsc and dropped beside him, praying so quickly the syllables ran together to create one long word.
That was timely indeed! I was worried - that scene was very intense btw.
Thanks! It was meant to be, so I guess I did it OK.
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
Right. I bit of dark humor, is it not?
Oh yes.
It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
Now as before I am stunned at her self-control. She is soaked with blood and can smell it a practically bath in it - and yet she resists ...
She's had a long time to learn to deal with it. I promise you, though, that there will be a scene later where she'll indulge herself because she'll be alone and hungry.
I wonder if you can post a quick summary of dhampiric features - so far it is more like vampire, but softer. Can she take regular drinks though? And what about running water?
Some of the features of the dhampir race I got from this site, which is for the Ravenloft campaign setting:
http://www.geocities...0/pcdampir.html
But most of it, I'm making up on my own. I took the vampire template from the MM and halved it, so she only has some vampiric abilities. I tried to balance, giving her a vampiric detriment for every ability she gains: She can't go out into direct sunlight, but she's immune to undead attacks; she has to drink blood every ten days or so or else she falls into a blood lust, but she's got greater strength, dexterity, charisma, etc; she's not evil so she can't be turned or rebuked, but she cannot control wolves or bats; her body heals at a regenerative rate, but at half the rate of a true vampire, and she cannot be healed with a potion or healing spell; she has the vampire's damage reduction and immunity to some spells, but she can't shapeshift or turn to a gaseous form.
I didn't really think about the running water. I would guess that she can cross it OK, but maybe she gets a little ill from doing it. If you have a suggestion, please share! And yes, she can eat and drink like normal people.
This part was fascinating - honest!
Thanks!
#8
Weyoun
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Posted 19 July 2003 - 01:44 PM
Linvail stood over the fallen gnome, nonchalantly cleaning the blood from his blade with Kalah's tattered cloak and ignoring the fallen gnome's feeble cries. "This isn't wha-what supposed to ha-happpen!" Kalah moaned. "Th-this isn't what ... what was promised to me!"
Yep, he's boned.
Irritation that he dare issue orders to her drowned her humiliation at nearly acting by her nature rather than with her will. She started to kneel again, slapping away Linvail's hand as he tried to grab her again. "It is not your say what I do, what I do not."
"Is it usual for Kelemvor's faithful to give aid and comfort to murderers?"
It bet he'd be gratefor for it if it was him moaning the in the dirt.
Linvail leaned forward, so close to the Hunter's face that he didn't have to raise his voice above a mutter. "I just love it when the people who say they're so righteous turn out to be no better than anyone else."
Again, Minsc tapped her on the shoulder, but she shook her head to still him, her attention still on Linvail. "It is my duty-"
"To help monsters when all the poor fools he killed lay rotting at your feet? What does that say about you?" Linvail's grinned, smug as a baatezu luring a lost soul to the Nine Hells.
And this from the king of thieves? Lovely moral guardian, there.
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
Eep...
Rakeh turned and led Quayle away, and the Hunter heard the gnome muttering about profits lost and paperwork with the council as they left. The cloak covering Minsc's wound was soaked through now. "All is well," she told the big warrior rather fervently, to convince herself as well as him.
"Misnc is very tired for some reason," Minsc sighed. Beside them, Kalah sighed once, then took another quick breath. He did not release it. He lay still, staring up at the tent's roof with dark, dilated eyes.
She considered muttering a prayer for him, but did not. She thought about feeling guilty for ignoring him, but did not.
Arrgh...
"No need." The priest took something from his robe, a small vial of silver liquid. He chanted a spell and poured a drop of the liquid onto the ground. The drop shimmered, then smoothly expanded into a wide disk that floated a few feet from the ground. The Hunter helped him load Minsc onto the disc. "I will follow in time," she told the priest. "There is much left for me to do here. I am a servant of Kelemvor's and would do his work here."
"One of Kelemvor's, huh?" The solicitous concern on the man's face faded, and he shrugged. "I'm sure there's plenty for you here. Quite a haul for you guys." He gestured to the disc and directed it through the flap, Aerie on his heels like a puppy.
Ah, I guess they don't like Kelemvor much.
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
*snicker* Buffy? Her name is Buffy? Oddly fitting, that.
"I have no idea what you said, but I bet it was something nice." Sheridan gave her a hand up, then took off his gauntlets and stuck them on the Hunter's hands without her asking. He smiled into her eyes, and she could not keep from smiling back at the sincere affection she saw in his eyes.
"It was." The Hunter took a deep breath, inhaled the smell of the blood, and regretted it. As they left the tent, leaving the bodies to be taken up by the gang of workers standing outside, she hoped fervently that the Church of Kelemvor was not far away.
Great stuff,
---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers
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Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.
Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!
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"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi
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Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.
Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!
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"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi
#9
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Posted 20 July 2003 - 04:10 PM
[quote]I reread Memento Mori: 16, and I realized that it was dull. Dull dull dull. Nothing happens, the Hunter just walks around chatting with people. It was basically a filler for chapters 15 and 17. So I rewrote it. It picks up at the end of chapter 15, where the Hunter is laying in the dirt, exhausted, after battling the illusionary werewolves. Hope ya like this one better. I did.
[/quote]
The next chapter in the story about me. How could i not like it?
[quote]
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has."
But perhaps over two or three nights...
[quote]
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
[/quote]
ouch.
[quote]
"Not for me, not directly," Linvail grinned. "But you promised the great big fool you would find his little friend. I can see you breaking a promise to me, but you'd never break one to a simpleton like him. Find the girl and you'll find Irenicus. So you see, I still get what I want from you."
[/quote]
she could let irenicus live, at least in theory.
[quote]
So slowly the Hunter heard the tendons in her neck creak, she raised her head. At the tent's egress stood Sheridan Jysstev, a grin of pure pleasure on his face and seemingly unfazed at her awkward position. Relief at the sight of the dark-haired, half-elven cleric coursed through her. "Do not," she said weakly, "call me by that insipid name."
[/quote]
BUFFY! It suits her perfectly
Though, frankly, i hate buffy.
Good story
Hunter
[/quote]
The next chapter in the story about me. How could i not like it?
[quote]
"I never killed as many in a night as this little fool has."
But perhaps over two or three nights...
[quote]
"Boo wants to know, is this something we should worry about? Boo thinks maybe we should fetch a healer, but Minsc is not certain. It doesn't hurt like a wound should." Minsc's hands, pressed against his torso, were covered in blood. He opened them to reveal a long, bloodstained, jagged break in his armor where the splint mail had been rent apart. More blood spilled forth from the wound, and the Hunter saw a mass of what likely were Minsc's entrails poking out from the tear.
[/quote]
ouch.
[quote]
"Not for me, not directly," Linvail grinned. "But you promised the great big fool you would find his little friend. I can see you breaking a promise to me, but you'd never break one to a simpleton like him. Find the girl and you'll find Irenicus. So you see, I still get what I want from you."
[/quote]
she could let irenicus live, at least in theory.
[quote]
So slowly the Hunter heard the tendons in her neck creak, she raised her head. At the tent's egress stood Sheridan Jysstev, a grin of pure pleasure on his face and seemingly unfazed at her awkward position. Relief at the sight of the dark-haired, half-elven cleric coursed through her. "Do not," she said weakly, "call me by that insipid name."
[/quote]
BUFFY! It suits her perfectly
Though, frankly, i hate buffy.
Good story
Hunter
#10
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Posted 22 July 2003 - 10:32 PM
"Is it usual for Kelemvor's faithful to give aid and comfort to murderers?"
It bet he'd be gratefor for it if it was him moaning the in the dirt.
Nah, knowing how scummy Linvail is he'd spit at her ....
"To help monsters when all the poor fools he killed lay rotting at your feet? What does that say about you?" Linvail's grinned, smug as a baatezu luring a lost soul to the Nine Hells.
And this from the king of thieves? Lovely moral guardian, there.
Ooh, I was hoping to make this more of a mocking statement, because he's making fun of the goody-goody types who help people. Maybe that's not coming across ...
"Buffy?" The familiar voice, scaled up in surprise and delight, froze her, startling her so badly that she could not look up. "Buffy, where in the Nine Hells have you been?"
*snicker* Buffy? Her name is Buffy? Oddly fitting, that.
Now that Sarah Michelle Geller retired from the role, someone has to fill it ...
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