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Rush Of Blood To The Head, part 2.31.


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#1 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 27 June 2003 - 09:16 PM

Rush Of Blood To The Head, part 2.31.

Quietly we slip downstairs to have a light breakfast, Jaheira is not very talkative this morning, but despite the terrible ordeal she’s been through, is brimming with determination and looks ready for action. I don’t push her to a conversation sensing that she is not in the mood, but I know that soon I will have to tell her a very unpleasant truth.

Awaiting for us downstairs is Jan Jansen, our trusty and cunning gnomish inventor, always ready for a tale or two… but he does not wear his customary lopsided grin. Quietly he joins us at the table, but aside from rather restrained greetings, he seems to be in a pensive mood. Something is definitely wrong with him, I think looking at Jaheira, but she seems to be either ignoring Jan entirely or too oblivious with her own feelings.

I know I should ask Jan what is wrong, but… he has been so cheerful and seemingly light-minded until now, that I simply do not know how to address him in serious matters… luckily he breaks the silence first…

“So… I know about the girl, but wherever did Yoshi disappear, went to rescue the damsel-in-distress on his own?” Jan asks.

I look over to Jaheira and see that she has gripped her fork with such strength, it would seem that she’s trying to strangle it…

“He is dead,” she speaks coldly and indifferently, “soldiers took Nalia away, he fought them and they killed him, end of the story.”

My mouth hangs open for a long time, before I realize that Jan might find it peculiar and start inquiring about details and further unnerve Jaheira. However, Jan, who is usually very perceptive about the slightest of details, is seemingly satisfied with Jaheira’s far-fetched explanation.

“I liked that thief, knew how to appreciate a good story,” Jan sighs slightly and continues to nibble at his sandwich.

“You said, you knew something about that girl… err, I meant Nalia?” I ask, worried, “Do you know where she is? We desperately need to get her back.”

“What have you both been doing lately, don’t you know the newest gossip?” Jan smirks weakly, “and she is not a girl or Nalia, she is Lady Roenall… I’m afraid that she is out of adventuring business, at least for a while…”

I slowly put my fork and knife to the table and bury my face in my hands… Nalia… the cheerful, innocent girl who maintained her joviality even after such horrific personal tragedy… I carefully look at Jaheira, but it looks like she hasn’t heard the conversation, as her face is emotionless and blank. Only the excessive pressure of the knife with which she cuts the meat on her plate betrays her feelings.

“Well, if we are done here, I suggest we move out of here… we’ve much to do today,” Jaheira speaks after raising her eyes from the empty plate before her.

“What would you like us to do, Jaheira?” I am playing a fool - I know well enough what she means…

“We are going to pay the Shadow Thieves the twenty thousands they requested, have you forgotten? Imoen’s life can be in danger as we speak, we must not delay a second.”

I feel my heart breaking, knowing exactly what I will have to say to her… But not here and not when Jan is listening… I don’t want a scene in front of Pugney and his staff…

“Jaheira, I need to speak with you… alone,” I speak, rising from the table maintaining the eye contact with her the whole time, “please, it is important.”

A look of surprise crosses her face, but she rises from the table and follows me upstairs without asking a question. I close the door behind her as she enters the room and stands in the middle of it, hands crossed on her chest… Telling her the truth will break her, I know it… but what else should I do, lie? Jaheira, I lost our 10,000 in cards… or perhaps… some cunning thief stole it… or I just lost it…

“What is it?” she asks impatiently, tapping her foot against the floor.

“Jaheira… we don’t have the money to pay Bayle…” I speak quietly, regretting every word.

“What are you talking about, Theodur? We had more than enough when we returned to Athkatla, is there something that I am not aware of?” she looks at me quizzically.

“Jaheira… you don’t remember?” I try to fight back the sobbing, but not with much success…

“Remember what?” Jaheira grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me roughly, “out with it, quickly!”

“I had to pay them… those guards… they were about to throw you in prison… I… couldn’t let them do that - you understand that… I was about to give them a little gold, but those morons demanded that I hand them the whole pouch… it was half of the money we had…”

When she finally grasps what I am saying, I see her shoulders sagging and eyes turn downcast… after standing silently for a moment, she slowly unbuckles her magical girdle and tries to squeeze it in my hand, but I refuse to take it and it drops to the floor with a quiet thud.

“Sell it… it is probably worth something…” she says in a dead voice, before turning around and slowly crawling into the bed. Before burying her head in the pillow, she says “and leave me alone… go and sell it back to Ribald… if you won't do it, I will do it myself.”

Seeing how she pulls the pillow over her face tells me that I should not leave her alone… she’s in a condition to do something very stupid.

“I’ll go tell Jan that he should take the day off, looks like he needs a break as well… And then I will return to be with you, I’m not going to leave you alone,” I speak, but the effect is the same as if I would be talking to the wall.

I give my instructions to Jan as quickly as possible and he seems to be relieved when I tell him to return tomorrow, there is definitely something weighing on his mind as well. But I can’t allow myself to think about it, I have enough concerns of my own. Quickly I dart up the stairs and to our room, hoping that Jaheira is still there… I know that these fears are not rational, but I cannot get them out of my skull.

Quietly I slip inside the room and on my way to the bed she lies in, pick up the belt that is lying on the floor, not for a moment I have even considered selling it back…

“I told you to leave me alone,” she tries to sound firm and convincing, but fails miserably. I sit beside her in the bed, my hand resting on her hip.

“And I told you that I won’t,” I reply quietly.

“Do you not realize what is happening?” she swiftly turns around in the bed to face me, “how we hurt those around us? Imoen, Nalia… they all suffer because of us, because I was so weak to resist… Sometimes… sometimes I think that… the gods themselves conspire to punish me… for being unfaithful to my husband…”

“No, Jaheira, do not say so… we were only being true to our feelings, can that be so wrong? I already told you that nothing would change the way I feel about you… you are not going to leave me, Jaheira? Please, don’t say so…”

She only turns away, unable to maintain the eye contact and not daring to speak her thoughts aloud.

“And where would you go then, Jaheira? Would running away bring you happiness? We need each other, I would be lost without you and if you would be honest with yourself for a moment, you would realize that there is nobody else but me for you as well…”

“I… I know. But this is so damned difficult… we are a threat to our own companions, they have done nothing to deserve suffering, except him,” her face flinches in disgust, remembering Yoshimo, “if we are to continue… we must do so alone, I am not sure if I can bear other losses…”

“But, we need Jan – none of us possess the skills he has. No, Jaheira, that is not a solution… that would be suicidal. I know, the situation is very grim, but at least it is much better than after we escaped from the dungeon,” I try to calm her down, hoping that she will see the reason, “remember, we had no companions, no money and I didn’t have you to make it all better… with you at my side I feel like there is nothing that could stop us. And I hope you could draw strength from me, just as I draw from you…”

My vehement speech brings something like a faint smile on her lips and through all the pensiveness in her eyes I can spot small, glimmering spark lighting up.

“You… you really do love me, do you not?” she whispers quietly.

“I wish I could tell you how much, Jaheira…” I whisper back to her.

Slowly she reaches out and pulls me closer to her, whispering in my ear… “Don’t tell me… just show me…”




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