Rush Of Blood To The Head, part 2.28.

Rush Of Blood To The Head, part 2.28.

“How is she? Will she live?” I ask impatiently, looking over Jaheira’s shoulder as she attends to the dying ranger, Merella. Having waited for many hours in the abandoned temple until the Shadow Dragon falls asleep and then having snuck by him, we attacked the Shade Lord and a whole group of undead shadows at the defiled altar.

“I am afraid she is dying and is not responding to the healing,” Jaheira replies quietly, “the essence of the Shade Lord is probably the cause of this… I think that he did not manage to break and corrupt her spirit and she will find peace in death…” Jaheira puts her palm on the now dead woman’s face and closes her eyelids.

I look over to where Mazzy is standing, looking as proud as her diminutive stature allows her, hands crossed over her chest. She has just fought the corrupted, abominable forms of her former companions and her sword destroyed the shade of her beloved Patrick… I know that I should say something to make her feel better, but I cannot force myself to do so, neither do I know what to say…

With the destruction of the defiled altar, the terrible, dark cover is lifted from the forests surrounding us and the whole area around us returns to life… immediately the forest fills with its customary noises and seeing a small woodpecker, pecking wildly in the nearby tree makes my heart a bit lighter.

There is nothing here for us to do, only to collect our spoils of war and return to Imnesvale and report that the task is completed and the killings will not continue. There is only the small matter of the dragon that still remains in the temple, but I will advise Minister Lloyd to ask the Order of The Radiant Heart to help with this matter. Those paladins are only too eager when it comes to smiting dragons… for one thing Mazzy’s grief has made her forget her promise to kill the foul beast at any cost.

 

The trip back to Imnesvale was a silent one, mostly because we were all too exhausted to bother talking. After returning to the town, we immediately went to see Minister Lloyd to bring the news to him. His joy materialized in the rewards he presented us with. Aside a healthy monetary donation, he rewarded us with a most lovely suit of leather armor I have ever laid my eyes upon. The soft, thin leather seemed so light, yet in the same time it is almost impenetrable by arrows and bladed weapons… it will aid me immensely while fighting in the frontline.

The second part of his reward came more as a surprise. Since theirs ranger-protector had been killed and there was nobody that could take over her post, he offered this position to me… Obviously, I had to turn his offer down, at least for now - with Imoen’s rescue I cannot make such long-term promises. Though, the idea of settling down here is a tempting one, the lovely landscape and the untouched nature are things that I truly appreciate.

As I looked at Jaheira, whilst pondering upon Minister’s proposition, I noticed her eyes becoming slightly moist… she loves this place, I know it and since we have been here, I have noticed the change in her. I see that she feels more relaxed; she hardly ever frowns and smiles more than I have ever seen… a sight I would give everything for. After this madness is behind us, perhaps we can return here together, perhaps the three of us - her, Imoen and me… I told Minister Lloyd that right now adventure and the road beckons us, but after that we will return and if the position is still vacant, I would gladly assume it as mine.

 

We stand in front of the Umar Inn and are about to enter it to book the rooms for the night as Mazzy suddenly asks me, “Would you like me to accompany your group in your further adventures to come? You have seen my worthiness in battle and know that my advice is one that you can depend on.”

“Go inside and book the rooms,” I turn to Jaheira and my comrades, “I’ll speak with Mazzy in private…” To be honest, another companion would be welcome, especially one skilled in the arts of swordsmanship, but I feel that our personal differences will be too hard to overcome. Especially, when she learns the truth about me and about my and Jaheira’s relationship…

“Mazzy… I appreciate your willingness to help and to be honest your skills would be a good compliment to the party (but I can sure live without your advice),” I speak, “but I am afraid that you and I are too different to work well together… I must reject your offer… it would be better if our ways part here.”

“But I know that there is a potential in you to become a force of righteousness and defender of all that is virtuous,” Mazzy speaks vehemently, “and with my competent guiding advice, you and your group will be destined to great things, I can feel that!”

Hearing this makes me boil in anger…especially hearing her speaking about goodness, righteousness and the like, when I still feel ashamed for my actions deep in my heart… I cannot contain my boiling anger and the words that follow should never have been said…

“Potential for good, Mazzy? Is that what you see in me?” I ask her derisively, “Let me tell you some things about… about someone whose name should not concern you. This man betrayed his friend, his guardian and mentor by sleeping with his wife… and when his friend discovered it, he killed him to remain with his wife… would you see a potential for good and righteous in such a man? Would you, now?”

My last words leave such an impact on little paladin that she almost jumps back a few paces and puts her trembling hand on the hilt of her sword. “You w-were joking, weren’t you?” she asks in an unconvinced voice, “surely you must be…”

“Of course I was, Mazzy, of course I was… just joking,” I squeeze a weary smile…

“Still… the insensibility you have shown with these rather improper comments, sows doubts about what I said earlier,” she says pensively, “I feel that it may be better if we indeed part our ways here… if you have any need of my help, you can find me through my family in Trademeet, just ask around for the Fentan house.”

And with these words she bows politely and leaves, as I stand in front of the inn and watch her tiny figure disappear in the distance… the words I cried out in the outburst of anger still burning my ears.

 

Later in the evening, when I have had the chance to rethink about my outburst in the conversation with Mazzy, I slowly manage to calm myself down. There is nothing unnatural about it, I think. I was supposed to be fighting for everything that is good in this world - that was what Gorion taught me to do… Yet, now that my heart is not pure anymore, what does that make me… have Jaheira and I failed Gorion? Or is it all about the prophecy and not giving into this taint of Bhaal, as long as I don’t succumb to it, I am still “good”? But how can I know whether I have succumbed to it or not? Would I feel different then? Perhaps it already controls my actions, my feelings… No, no, that cannot be… My love for her comes from my heart, it is my love - not my sire’s… it must be… But why am I having such thoughts then? Why do I doubt myself then?

I feel myself being hugged from behind as Jaheira purrs in my ear, “Come to bed… it is getting lonely there…” For a moment we stand at the window and look outside in the dark night… her hands wrapped around my waist, her soft breasts pressing against my back…

“We have all the money we need now,” I speak quietly, “what do you think… if we go back to Athkatla, head directly over to pay Gaelan and then leave immediately to get Immy back, would that be too risky?”

“I think it is worth the risk… consider what is at stake – Imoen may be in danger and as soon as we finish this, the sooner we can get on with our new life…” she whispers in my ear, “I don’t want you to stay here and be eaten by your conscience… and I would suffer from the same as well, as technically it is my fault that we are in this situation, after all I am a Harper.”

“You must not blame yourself, Jaheira,” I speak softly, “it was anything but your fault… let us leave tomorrow and finally put it all behind us. Would you… like to return here? To live here, I meant…”

“To be honest with you, I feel at peace here… I feel like I have not felt since…” she stops to think for a moment, “actually, I do not remember when I have ever felt like this… I guess you make me experience something new…”

Silently I hush her, when my lips brush against hers and I lead her to the bed soon afterwards.

Tomorrow we will leave for Athkatla, but before that… this night belongs to us…